They say a man who lives fully is not afraid of death.
Yet, I have not lived fully, but I am not afraid of death. In fact, I find death intriguing. Where will I go? Will I be a ghost, or will I sleep forever? Will I go to Heaven or Hell? Valhalla? Reincarnation? Do I become one with the stars?
I don't know what I will face when I meet death, and this should scare me. It doesn't, because it's a mystery, and I love mysteries. Many would ask if I suffer from depression if I said this out loud, but I'm actually quite happy. But it's hard to find people who get what I mean.
Death is a painful truth, is what some say. I think Death is a foggy road, and we must get through that fog called life to finally see the clearing. It's yet another path to walk, and who is to say it will be our last?
Life may be the beginning, but who is to say Death is our last path? What if Death is the middle of the story, and you have to read through that to get to a place beyond death? Is there a place beyond death?
But if we go onto the next path after death, will it be our last path, or are we fated to keep walking?
Many people I've known have past away and nothing seemed to fazed me anymore. Not until I met Aaron. Aaron always had this smiling face anywhere he goes, you wouldn't even know that he's ill, or when he's angry. He simply smile. I asked him before why he always smile and he laughed lightly and smiled.
"It takes 47 muscles to frown and just one to smile, Lou. I don't want to spread my sorrow. Just because I'm hurting doesn't means everyone around me have to be"
Aaron has a strong heart . No matter it's scarred but it's strong and getting stronger each day. It signifies the hope. Sometimes that's all people are left with.
"I want people to heal with my smile" he continued.
"And did they?" I asked.
He just shrugged, "Maybe"
Yet..I know Aaron is hurting too. That just because he smiles doesn't mean he's not hurting. It takes a great amount of effort to stretch your lips and create a line that results into a smile when people are deeply hurt.
Snow has been falling down since last week and now there's two weeks left before December ends. Time..really pass so quickly. I wonder..how much time he has left.
"..Lou.. Aren't you cold?" he nearly yells as he puts his hands on his pocket.
"I am" I laughed.
"Then let's hurry inside. Recital's tomorrow, you know"
The endings coming to a close. I don't know when but I can feel it. He may be healthy on the outside, but in the inside, he's slowly..drifting away from the world. And it scares me so how much he'll leave on this Earth.
"Last practice for today, let's start" as Sir Ice sat down and waves his baton. And we started playing our pieces for tomorrow's recital. It was a straight 4 hours of practice and then suddenly it was time for lunch. How the time passes so quickly.
"You need to stop eating so many food, Blythe" Jax complained as a bundle of chicken, pasta and steak were served just for her. Though she doesn't weight that much.
"Oh, shut up. I can eat whatever I want" as he shoved a whole drumstick through her mouth which wowed all of us.
I laughed, "You should do mukbangs" to which she agreed, "Right?! I can totally pull it off!" she exclaimed.
"Can I just eat in peace?" Jax groaned.
"Then eat by yourself" she answered back.
Aaron bumped my shoulders lightly, "It's always chaotic, isn't it?" he laughed lightly.
I smiled, "I thought you've gotten used to it. You're always messing around too" as I continue to eat.
"It's 'cause you're here that I try to show off" I suddenly dropped my silverware. I must be hearing things, I suppose.
"So..if I'm not around?"
"It's lonely.." he breathed out, "I've no one to teased" and I hit him to which he groaned and laughed.
He suddenly became quiet so I looked at him. He was smiling painfully and said, "I'll always..always cherish moments like these"
I coughed, ".. Haven't you been doing it for a long time?"
He relaxed his head on my shoulder, "You're right..And.. I'll cherish you too" he said so calmly.
I blushed, "..You weren't cherishing me..?" and he jumped off his feet.
"I have!" he said defensively. "..And I will alway..cherish you..until my last breathe, Lou.."
"Is that a confession?" Blythe grinned.
We both looked at her and said, "Huh?" in sync.
"You've got it wrong..I'm not—We're not..You know.." I answered nervously. They were all waiting for my answer which made me feel nervous even more.
Jax clasp his hands to make everyone turn to him, which saved me.
"Alright, alright. Blythe, stop pressuring Louella and just eat like a dog..Like you always do"
"Huh!?" and as expected, Jax was punched by Blythe in his shoulders. And I can even feel the pain, luckily, he's strong as iron. So he won't die.
It has been like this ever since Jax joined us. It became even enjoyable, lively, and fun. I don't know if he'll stay around even if the recital's over but I hope he would stay in touch and spend more time with us. That would be really cool.
"Okay, I will be seeing you guys first thing tomorrow at 9am. We will have our sound check first, lunch, and then we'll start at 2pm. Best of luck guys. See you tomorrow!" Sir Ice announced with glee as we all clap our hands together.
"Go home immediately" he added as we all nodded.
"..Lou.." Aaron began. I'm once again arranging my pieces like I always do.
"What's up?" I asked, putting the pieces in the folder.
".. We're going home together, right?"
I shifted my head towards him, "Yes..If you're not going anywhere" and he sighed in relief.
"I thought you would hang out with him again"
I laughed, "You were busy, yourself"
I finished arranging and said, "Let's go" as I went ahead of him. He catched up to me easily, with his hands behind his head like there's no recital tommorow. Laid back as always.
"It's been a while since we went home together" he chuckled.
I disagreed, "It's only been days"
"..Which felt like years.." I just laughed at him.
I suddenly got serious when he started talking again.
"Do you think..We'll always be like this..?" he hesitantly asked.
"Hmm.." I wondered, "If you won't find other friends, we would"
He laughed, "And why would I do that?"
"You never know" I shrugged as snow starts falling down.
"Oh..Snow" as I try to catch one through my hands.
"It's winter, after all"
I breathed heavily and I could see the oxygen that came from inside my body.
"The snow's beautiful" I smiled.
"Really beautiful"
"Brr it's cold" rubbing my hands together to produce heat. He suddenly grabbed my arm and put my hand inside his pocket. It suddenly felt warm.
"That's..very convenient" as I noticed he has pocket heaters.
He smiled and asked, "Do you want them?"
"No.." I shook my head, "This is good" as we both held hands all throughout the way home.