Chereads / Beyond / Chapter 15 - Feel Worst

Chapter 15 - Feel Worst

When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there. Zig Ziglar

Chapter 14.

I have a strong feeling that Alex had a intentions on what he always do. He seems to be every where since I met him.

Definitely always doubting myself about things, I haven't had the time or day to think about myself or what Alex and I share. For a girl like me, I doubt he doesn't have any affection towards me but I doubt that anytime we kiss. The two times my lips had touched Alex perfect ones I feel he likes the touch of mine.

Why would I even think that. I shrugged it off my mind as I was been led by Alex off the party.

"Hi Alex" A girl that was brunnete came towards Alex and was feeling his skin with the touches she gave to him as she turned her gaze to me her face fell flat but she immediately turned it to Alex and said. "You left me all alone, I almost thought you had left" the girl that was brunnete added.

"What's your name again?" Alex  asked, realizing his hands where still on my wrist, he then let go just to remove her hands from his body.

"Elisa." She blurt.

"Can you leave my sight?" he asked politely but it got me shocked.

The brunnete was about gesturing something out of her mouth but It got stocked up as Alex removed his gaze from her, she angrily walked out.

He took a quick glance at me but doesn't move his lips to fiction out a word, me on the other hand I waited for his soft voice to fill the air.

"You should go home, didn't think parties was your style" I heard as Alex said.

"Apparently, you don't know my style then" I blurtted out. He raised his gaze as he was shocked by my reply.

"You should leave this place" he repeated and I glared to myself.

"Why?" I replied, thinking of what he was doing here in the first place as the brunnete was all over him.

"Because its not safe" He clarifies.

"What if I don't leave" I said feeling angry all of a sudden, it was already there as the brunnete was with him but i didn't know how to react. Most of all I had the intentions of leaving ones I got Isa's bag but seeing as Alex is being an hypocrite in telling me to leave when he was having fun with the brunette earlier, made me want to stay, even.

"Gela leave!" He said, as I felt a drop of rain and the rain became heavy within a second.

"Its my life okay!, you have no rights to tell me what to do and what not to do!" I yelled.

Immediately I regretted how it blurtted out.

Ignoring my reply, he raised his hands, gesturing for me to take a hold of Isa's bag, I snapped my head invisibly and took the bag from him as soon as possible. "Thank you" I whispered in a way he didn't hear cause I felt embarrassed that he helped me with Emma a few minutes from now.

He stared at me for a second, pantering to answer me or not but I was still speechless because of how I acted. Deep down I know Alex knew that parties wasn't my style and I didn't want to stay here but still.

It always inch anytime I see drunks, or how alcohol smells or how it taste like and I also hate it when Alex was been touched by the brunette. I shrugged it off as always cause the big arrogant Alex left me standing here by myself as he walks down to his car that was parked at the side of the road.

I kept this thought if I should go tell him parties seriously wasn't my thing or I was sorry for my behavior or I should just ignore him for being hyprotical. By the looks of it, he was already angry and I just added to it. I blinked to myself and decided not to run after him and just go back home.

***

Admiring the porch of my house as I wasn't so convinced to enter, my mom would either ignore me or hit me several questions. I had so many other things right now I have to think about but mostly I had to sleep.

I walked up to the door and used my keys in opening, when I entered I saw that my mom wasn't in the sitting room to my amusement.

I didn't seem okay with her not being here, she haven't slept In her room for a while, she was always used to sleeping on the couch since I have known her but not seeing her now at this time of the night, makes me think she was...probably not at home.

I shrugged it off but still feeling insecure about the topic. I quickly checked the kitchen out of curiosity and there was no view of her, I heard something fell and I flinch In fear.

The noise was coming directly from up, I walked calmly as I leaned to grab a knife in case it was a buggler.

I dropped Isa's back on the counter and tried to shrug the fact that I was still drenched. I walked slowly up the stairs didn't want to ask 'who was there'

I checked the corridor leading to the rooms but nobody was there neither did I hear another noise, my attention was dragged to my room as I held the knife tightly at the same time opening the door, slowly.

"Ahhh!"

Isa?

She screamed.

I dropped the knife immediately with shock and asked "What are you doing here?"

I thought James took her home, she was still in shock as she said "Angie, you shouldn't sneak up on me like that" she narrowed her eyes holding her chest tightly.

"I wasn't as drunk as you thought I was" she said sitting down on my bed.

"Oh" that was what came out even if I needed to ask her, how she got the keys and when did she arrive here.

I went closer so I could sit down and I realized my cloths where wet, I went straight to the shower as I removed my wet clothes, keeping them aside.

I entered the shower turning it hot and washed my hair softly, thinking about what happened between Alex and me, I felt so stupid but still, I don't know why.

He was so annoying telling me to go home when he totally was there to have fun. I shrugged the bad thought off my mind as i finished with the shower and dried my hair.

I wore some random night wears and walked out to my room just to see Isa staring at me with a blank expression.

"Any problem, Isa?" I asked but she didn't reply at first.

She stood up from where she lay and walked up to the table that was at the side of my room, my gaze not leaving her side as she says "Why where you wet, if you where with my car?" She asked as she still don't stare at me.

I walked up to her avoiding her questions at first, knowing Isa she would Interrogate me, then I questioned her "Isa?"

"Angie, I saw you and Alex" she Bluntly said before adding "He isn't any good, you should know"

Was she seriously telling me this, I didn't want to talk about Alex, not now.

"Mia told you that?" I asked her raising my brows. Maybe her and Mia might be closed and they talk about things.

I can't just tell.

Isa was the supportive type no matter the condition, but now? "Mia did not need to" she said and turned her gaze to me then added "Alex is trouble for you" she warned

A serious glare appeared on my face but I swiped it immediately, she must have her reasons not to like Alex but atleast it must be shared.

I walked up to my bed and had my sit resting my back at the edge of it. I didn't spare her a glance, thats when she came up to me and had a sit close to me.

"Angela"

"Are you sleeping here tonight?" I snapped at her not wanting to hear what she had to say but she bit me to it and still said.

"Trust me, you shouldn't be around him" she said and I ignored her just to lay on my bed and covered my head with the duvet,

"What are you doing here?" I asked her angry and confused at the same time.

"Angie"

"Alex and I are nothing, okay" I said looking more furious about the topic and added. "Now I need a nap."

I forcefully closed my eyes in annoyance under the duvet, I didn't want to hear or see anything. My head was in a full blast thinking about everything, I didn't know what to say to myself.

Sometimes I feel really connected to Isa while another I feel really lost, I can't even tell what is going on in the brain of hers. If only I was a small molecule that could penetrate.

Anger always flow in me when I feel anxious about something but now I feel totally whipped by my own mind, I wasn't thinking straight now. I didn't know what to think.

I opened my eyes just to remove the duvet gently from my head i saw Isa already at sleep or pretending, her head and body was turned to the other direction that I could only see her blonde hair lay on the bed, I sighed loudly and rested my head. With all the thoughts In me and the worries my eyes closed slowly.

And I slept.

*

"Angela!"

I cringed just hearing the sound of my name.

"Angie!" It was my mother's voice I heard, my eyes flew up with shock and another with amusement.

It had been long she called me like that. Without thinking twice I  woke up fully and shouted

"Coming!"

I didn't know why she called me but with her tune she must be in a good mood.

I jumped out from my bed, rubbing my eyes. I checked myself in the mirror and how messy I looked, i tried ignoring the knot I had in my stomach but it was way too much...

I reluctantly went to take a quick shower remembering I had work today.

After having taken my bath and wearing my normal work outfit I walked down sluggishly, something hitting me tightly, it was the scent of food. It got me surprised at first but I walked up to my mom seeing she was in the kitchen...

My first glance was my mom smiling and the other was the ingredients on the counter, my eyes shift gently to each and every one of them as I saw Onions,garlic cloves, carrots, red pepper, tomato, risotto rice, red wine, British beef mince, Lea and Perrins Worcestershire sause, beer stock, milk and grate mozzarella.

My jaw dropped

"Mom" I said slowly and walking up to her.

"Yes" she said grinning widely as she still fries.

"Are you making Bolognes Risotto?" I asked smiling slightly.

"I knew you would guess" she said and poked me on my chin.

I jumped and gave her a huge hug, this food was my favorite especially when she cooks it. I didn't know how to stop smiling in the embrace i gave as I immediately pulled away. It was still awkward because she was mad at me for some reason before and I didn't have to bring it up now.

"Let me help with, this" I said gesturing to the Onion.

I grabbed a knife from the stand and chopped on the onion as my eyes cries from the onion.

I wiped it off, I looked from my mom and can see how she was happy about all this.

Something crossed my mind in asking, how did she get the money for all this. At some point we where somehow lacking, at the other she brings food this much.

The food was almost ready as I set the table for both of us...my mom brings the food later on as I couldn't wait any longer to feast on it.

She served for my plate and I ate with no control.

I raised my gaze to my mom cause I could feel an eye on me as i ate. "Isabella, was not feeling okay so she had to leave"

I froze at the name Isabella, it made me remember last night all of sudden and mostly Alex. Why did she had to bring her up.

I drank the milk by my side and asked "How did you get all this" I said ponting to the food and she smiled again.

"Are you kidding?" She asked

"Is it obvious" I said, I didn't want to get her upset by the question but i had to ask.

"I got the job you applied for me, and I asked for payment earlier than am meant to"

"That's amazing...wait what?" I paused by her answer and never continued.

"Yes!" She exclaimed "the job at Enova company, remember?" she added.

I swallowed the food I just took in very hard, I almost choked but this news is more shocking than anything I can remember.

She got a job that I applied for her, I was left speechless..I know i had looked for numerous jobs for her but I didn't go apply for any or i didn't mostly apply at a company named Enova.

My thoughts paused as I  tried to recall something, Enova was the company I went to with Alex!.

Was...

Was it why he carried me over there, was this the reason he told me I would find out soon. My heart started racing at the thought of this.

He just gave my mom a job?

"Thank you sweety, I doubted you before but now am proud" she started talking "the company is really huge and" and with that my mind had gone blank.

What did I do yesterday? He just helped my mom with a job and didn't tell me...

I have to talk to Alex...

"Angie?" She snapped "Are you listening?" I nodded a 'yes'

Of course I wasn't listening, If only she knew who had given her this lucky position.

I heard a buzz on my phone, and decided to check, it was a text from Kourtney.

Mrs Kourtney: If you aren't busy I need you In the office, now!

Without thinking twice I texted back am on my way.

"Am sorry mom, am running late" I said standing up from where I was sitted and grabbed my bag just to head out.

"Angie!" My mom called and I turned.

"Thank you" she said making me smile slightly and i walked out.

***

Arriving at the office within thirty-minutes, I made sure I checked in so it would be written I came to work today.

I greeted randomly and an old lady I made friends with the last time I was here, she was so sweet that she offered me her hair pin, I found It weird but I took it anyway.

I pushed through the halls just to get to the office on time. I opened the doors leading to the office and saw an erderly man sitting uncomfortable, he was staring at the office randomly and I sighed. He turned around.

"Excuse me?"I said with confused expression.

Who might he be.

"Are you Kourtney Conner?" He said and stood up immediately from where he was and added. "I waited here desperately, I need your help urgently" he said.

Who let him in?

Angela, he must be thinking your Mrs Kourtney but I don't have her looks in any way.

She is far different from me

Its possible he haven't seen Mrs Kourtney before, that's why he got things confused.

I walked closer with fright at how the man was really anxious.

"Sorry but-"

"Please" he pleads

I took a good look at the man, he was shattered by the looks of his outfit. Deep down aren't Mrs Kourtney but if he needs help urgently i have to inform my boss.

"Okay, but can you give me a few minutes."

"My wife is about being sent away!" He said and used his hands in swiping away the books and computer from the desk across mine.

I flinched immediately and i was gripped with fear, I held my self back as the man looked at me with his shaky hands...

I leaned closer as he said "Help me"

His really in need of a psychytrist with his attitude. Still In fear I directed him in the room that was at the side of the office, where miss kourtney normally take all her patient to.

I directed the man to sit as I checked his hands before sitting opposite to him.

I didn't know what I Was doing but I needed to play along, I raised my brow and took a pen in my hands and a book on the other.

He squeezed his face and started talking. "I lost my wife, and its killing me sh- she was just alive and happy with me b- b- but that freaking accident had to take her away from me" he stutters.

I glanced at the man as I wrote his case

"Name please?" I asked

"Richard Grant" he said in tears as I wrie down his name gently.

I didn't know how to respond to this, I wasn't professional..I didn't sign up to this type of job when I got employed.

Taking a quick glance at my phone, I texted Mrs Kourtney where she was that i needed her her urgently.

Trying to keep myself busy just to wait for Mrs Kourtney, I ask him some random question about his wife, the relationship they shared together but it didn't seem to work on him. Most especially I asked him when she died and his reply was.

"Two days ago" I looked at him with a dropped jaw before he added "I can't spare a glance at her Casket" he said.

This man was really In pains, with what he just said, there is no doubt her funeral is today.

What should I do?

If I don't give him convincing words, Mrs Kouryneys reputations would be completely ruined.

I thought for a while, what would  Mrs Kourtney say if she was really speaking to this man.

I haven't known her for long.

I decided that I would say something even still on a wait for Mrs Kourtney. My mouths opens as i said "Sir you should know that when a death takes place, you may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected"

"Her death wasn't expected"he clarifies and made me think of something else.

"Okay, but many people have reported to my bos- i mean to me" remembering I was acting like Mrs Kourtney. I continued  "they report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death, but there is no real order to the grieving process"

He leans closer to be more interested in what I was blurtting out as he simply said "Explain"

Then I added "The emotion you feel now is very normal I can give you some examples of emotion thats going to be on you in this process" I paused and thinked for a while before adding "Denial, Disbelief, Confusion, Shock, Sadness, Yearning, Anger, Humiliation, Despair mostly guilt" I said, looking straight into his eyes.

There is only one thing I could see and that was pain..I felt his pain mostly when my mom told me I did not have a father, I never saw him but i did wish I had one.

"I feel angry all the time" he said and I could see how sad he is.

I raised my gaze to him before saying "Like I said these feeling are normal and common reactions to loss. You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly moods may change. You may even begin to doubt the stability of your mental health"

"Seriously?" He asked and i smiled and backed it up with.

"Yeah in some occasions, but be assured that these feelings are healthy and appropriate and will help you come to terms with your loss." I clarify and he was till looking sad when I cheered him up and said.

"Sir Grant you should remember it takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss especially when its your partner. Don't think you will not miss her, of course you would miss her, you will never stop missing your loved one but now if you don't go right to the church or the cementary..who knows you might never say good bye"

He smiled slightly as his smiled made mine to form, "Mrs Kourtney, I would recommend you" he said making me to blush a little.

As he was about heading out I said "Sir!" He turned as his face where locked with mine, I said "The pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life, if that's what you want"

"What I want, is to morn my wife" he said and smiled gently before heading out.

Where was the man that destroyed things, this man had turned refreshing all of a sudden.

Snapping me, it was a buzz.

I checked my phone expecting Mrs Kourtney's message but got three messages instead, one from Isa then Mrs Kourtney and Unknown.

Checking all

Mrs Kourtney: I will be there shortly.

I laughed slightly to myself, she really knows how to keep to her word with time. I tapped the other message.

Isabella: Hey Angie, am sorry for the other night...can you forgive me.

I didnt want to react to that as I quickly checked the other.

Unknown: Hey girl, its Mia. we are having this party tonight at the university, would it be okay if you come, I told Jude to invite you but she was being a brat, anyway Alex would be there, see ya.

Jude? Okay that must be Isa.

I closed my phone with the sight of Alex's name. I had to talk to him about my mom's Job mostly.

I wouldn't be so surprised if rumors would spread from Mia that I went to the party for Alex, I wasn't that desperate but I need to go. Thinking of texting Isa I had realized few moments from now I was in another different world with Mr Grant but now.

"Miss Sud, there you are" Mrs Kourtney said. "Am not here in time, aren't i?"

Of course you are, i mean you are always on time.

Sacasrm!

Ignoring her question i snapped realizing that now am back to reality. I stood up straightly just for her to say "Its okay you can sit, I just had personal issues"

"Am so sorry, is it talk able" I blurt, and bit my tongue immediately for bringing out words messlessly.

"No, you dont have to worry Miss Sud" she said and I had to raise my butt of the chair for her to sit then she added. "The man from earlier-"

"I took care of him, still waited for you" I said as I was struggling to take my leg out but it wasn't just moving.

"That's why i called you, I knew you could do it" she said smiling to her comment. "He really destroyed Carson's desk actually."

How did she know it was him, or I forgot who she was again.

I looked at her with a raised brow, I was speechless didn't know how to put my words now but all I could think of is heading straight to the university.

"Mrs, I should head out now" I said and she nodded.

Heading to the door I Was surprised my legs could move and i felt anxious about something but i don't know what.

Maybe its how I would speak to Alex that got me still thinking.

"Angela!" Mrs Kourtney called and I snapped then turned just to meet when gaze before she added "If you don't mind can you and my son, hang around tonight"

I frozed at her statement, what did she just say

"What" I said, realizing my voice was loud I added "I mean...what"

"Sorry for the inconvenience but my son had been alone for a while, I thought maybe you could hang out with him or -- forget it" she said and turned the smile she had put on before into a frown.

I took noticed of it and thinked a little, hanging with her son tonight isn't bad but tonight I really had plans of mine.

"No, i promise I will try not to make him feel worst" I promised.

"You sure know how to make people smile" she said and it made me smile nervously "Anyway let me text you his mobile number, Mason would be happy"

"Yeah mason would be happy" I whispered and said it with no sight of enthusiasm...

A/N

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