I know that I'm a dead man walking, right as I hear the door shut. My breath hitches, waiting for Ma to walk into my room any second. Luckily, I haven't run into June this entire time, meaning one of two things; A: she's painting or B: she doesn't want to talk to me. I'll choose the latter.
I wonder if she hates me after what happened last time. Finally allow me to breathe, hoping she forgot about my grades. Maybe she understands that I don't need to care about chemicals when I have soccer.
My room has posters of sports players, not just succor. But also, other major sports like Baseball. The walls are blue, exactly how I like them. My bed is on the wall opposite the door, with a trophy case of different sports. Unlike most guys, my room isn't too much of a mess, well kind of.
I should have cleaned up so that when it came time for her to walk in, she will only be mad at one thing. I hear a knock on my door, however before I can say 'come in', she walks in anyways. Ma walks in her hair now in a ponytail. She smiles at me, not the fake barbie smile I see at school, but instead an actual smile.
I don't smile back.
Instead, I look down, noticing how interesting my nails are. "I'm sorry for acting like that. It's just, I want you to succeed. I want colleges to accept you, but when you have low grades, even if you're the best player- "She points to the trophy case, "-They won't want you, and I don't want that." She says sadly.
I knew this was going to happen. I sigh, looking up at her eyes for the first time. There's a thin layer of something, sadness, anger, disappointment, all of the above maybe. It's too dull to know for sure, but it only worries me even more.
It's hard to hold a stare. I look back down.
"Ma, I am sorry," I say, kind of meaning it. I mean am I sorry about the grade, no not really. Am I sorry about her being sad, hell yeah?
"It's- It's fine, baby. Just, I was thinking on the drive back. I know I talked to you about this before-" Oh god. "Maybe, June could…. you know- help you with chemistry. She did come a week early." She didn't. She wouldn't betray me like that. "I knew you could use the help, and she had an extra free week- "
"So, you told her to come, to help me?" I ask, looking up at her, and she slowly nods. "I know that you don't like her, but she's your sister, and you guys need to become close." She rambles as I sit there, mind racing, though it feels stiff.
I can't let June get close to me. I can't get close to June. "Ma, this might seem award, but I already have a tutor," I say smiling up at her. She stops her rambling, to look at me, her face is frozen in thought.
"Wait? Oh, baby, ok. Is she smart? What am I thinking, of course, she's smart?" She smiles at me, probably proud of me for what I have done. "Yeah, they seem to be very smart. I thought about it, and I need to understand chemistry so," I shrug.
So, do I now need to get a tutor? She smiles, before walking back over to the door. "I know you didn't do your homework done yet, so you know what to do." She says as I nod, waiting for her to close the door. She does, and I quickly grab my phone, looking through ideas.
I need someone smart, and free to tutor, I scroll through my contacts, quickly searching for someone who fit the description. Jonathan, no, Heather, no, Katie, no, Jamey, no. Why are all of my friend's idiots? Well, they aren't my friends.
I sigh, setting the phone back on the dresser, before laying down on the soft mattress. Maybe Grey-Man can help me, he knows who's smart. God, I wonder if June was actually trying to help me, or was just trying to get under my skin.
God, she's lucky, and the worst part will always be that she knows it. I sigh, before grabbing my phone again, this time going onto Instagram. I scroll through pictures of my friends at a basketball game I didn't go to, I had a movie night with JJ, when I was dating her, that is.
I keep scrolling, find a picture of an old friend, he was smart I guess, and a nerd. But damn was he good a basketball. He was with one of my old friends, though I know he moved away a couple of years ago. I read the caption:
'MY MAN IS BACK',
I look up at the screen, before humming. Cool, I guess he's moving back. I scroll to the next picture.