The two days of waiting felt excruciating, even with how busy we had all become, with helping Amber pack all her things with an exception of items the arranged in a sweeten the deal kind of thing.
The Penny's will get to keep the simple physio gym and have Amber as their physio therapist and all the equipment that helped Amber's mom including her special bed.
I was even helping the crew next door to remove the tree and make it safe for Mrs Penny to be able to pack, truth is the guy even hired me as extra help as all crews of his was busy it had been a really bad strom.
My mind shouldn't have had a chance to think about my assessment with the wedding planning, house exchange and the invitational planning but it did, always came back to that horrible gut wrenching sinking feeling that my career was over and that this afternoon after lunch I would more then likely begging to at least be a part of the race team as crew in some way.
Financially I am fine, sponsors and merchandise have longer contracts and I have been wise with my money even with all the giving to charity, my benefits covered all my recovery expenses and I would have to find a plan myself if I am no longer part of the team, I shouldn't be worried but it isn't a financial thing, it's the speed and the crowd cheering.
I feel guilty like I have created this anxiety out of anticipation when it will be an emotional void. I do my laps and eat breakfast, help over at Mrs Penny's and take a cab to the race shop around 12:30 but I know it isn't booked till 1pm to give me exam of reflexes and eyesight, driving simulator, but I miss the shop and want to find my calm.
It isn't as busy as it usually is, we normally start getting all the vehicles ready to test but turns out so many of the team have to oversee home repairs that the preparation will be delayed about a week, it's a skeleton crew, cleaning, organizing and taking inventory.
I make my way to the office, the staff do notice that even though I have no cane, I still have a limp, I hear them whispering to each other, my paranoia has me hearing there goes his racing days in a wave of whisper echos.
With being early my boss and I actually get to catch up for a bit as we wait for the officials and medical staff of our sport to clear me or deny me racing.
First up the stress/ Fit test, running on the thread mill to check my breathing, they want to know if I can breathe ok in my car, this is the most uncomfortable fir test I have ever done and I know I am not that out of shape but I should not have the pain I do right now, so my breathing isn't where it should be for this test, but I keep going so I complete it, I don't plan on not finishing it.
I didn't feel this sore doing the work on Mrs Penny's place, so to be our place, my knee has a serve shooting pain in my knee cap, my ribs even throb, I felt ok, but know I question if I pushed enough, didn't do the right exercises, I keep going.
The timer goes and this part is done, on to the simulation, because I race in the different series they run a test for each, how I can get in and out of the different cars and my reflexes for driving, I struggle getting in my cart and f1 but not the stock.
The officials want me to contact my doctor they saw the pain on my face and determination for now no pass but not completely ruled up for stock but the cart and f1 days may be over, didn't help that was the style car I crashed in, many in racing know the crash I had and how lucky I am that I am here at all.
I have my doctor on the phone with the officials and medical staff that over see all racing tests, we are all on speaker, they agreed I need new x-rays and scans looks like the knee didn't fully heal and the rib may have bone spurs, or some thing like that, all I really hear is more time out of racing talk of missing the season for sure.
My boss doesn't look happy I think he wanted me back as much as I wanted be back, they won't even clear me for working in the shop till more tests are run.
"I will figure something out for you Jonathan, I look after family, you'll keep your benefits, maybe a spotter?" says my boss.
"Maybe if the officials approve" I responded but in a heartbroken tone.
" Cheer up Moose is missing one season so bad? besides your getting married that's exciting where and when's the wedding? if it isn't to bold of me I'd love to attend" he winks.
"No location yet, still finalizing guests lists to know how many, I will let you know." I smile half heartedly.
"Let me know if want to use the shop, we can make it work if you and your bride would like" he pauses and looks at the calendar then looks at me "What date you pick?"
"Valentines day" I answer and he smiled "This family has your back we can do that just ask your bride and let me know, and Moose it will all work some how, you are determined and passionate, dedicated and I think we still have more shared journey together and I am grateful for our journey so far" I can tell he is holding back tears as am I, it has been.