I left the office and don't remember much of the cab ride home, just a echo of out for the season, what I feared came true career not over just postponed but isn't that how it starts?
Dinner I didn't talk much just was on auto polit and numb.
Morning after I did open up to Amber and dad at breakfast, explained the pain I felt in the running part of the fit test and how before my crash I didn't have pain like that or struggle so much.
Shared how frustrated and disappointed I was, and the offer of the shop for a wedding venue.
"He is finding a way to keep me on so I don't have to find other benefits on my own right now as he noticed something is still not right and currently unfit to drive, if I can come back it maybe stock only but my f1 and cart days are sadly confirmed done" I look into the void that is my empty hot chocolate.
Amber's beside me giving me a side hug a Dad puts the kettle back on for more hot chocolate, he sighs and just looks at the two of us before saying " seasons come and go but may what you two have stay for a lifetime" he then smiles and asks me questions "did you accomplish all your racing goals?" I don't answer right away but after reflection reply "yes" he pauses then asks "what is left undone in racing for you?" it really makes me think.
"I don't know, maybe just proof I can?" unsure if my thoughts are logical or if me racing is just a hard routine to break. Either way it was my passion so now what? I guess with wedding, upcoming move and
the invitational I really shouldn't worry I have stuff to keep me busy, but it just isn't the same.
"We will get to the bottom of the issue together" Amber rubs my back, I know she's right but the pain lingers of both physical and emotional of the fact this season I will not be racing.
The plan today is me packing up more of Amber's place while she is out with clients doing physio, to get putty on the whiles from removing shelves and pictures, if time sand any dried putty and maybe start priming the walls, which I will paint for Mrs Penny when she has the colors picked out and the paint.
Lots of busy work, one can only hope it helps in some small way to keep my mind from going crazy.
I get dropped off and start packing up Amber's room, as soon as a box is full I take it to the garage, by lunch time it's cleared out and I start with the putty, as that dries I head to the kitchen a small amount of food is there for nibbles as we have mainly packed together, I grab a sandwich and rest to drink some water, then I start packing the kitchen.
By the time Amber came with take out for dinner her bedroom was already packed, putty, sanded and first coat primed, kitchen half packed and in garage, and I was hungry.
We ate together and finished the kitchen, tomorrow would be outta, sanding and painting, moving the items that are left behind in the deal to the middle of the room and getting those walls prepared.
We are both tired, we grabbed a few boxes and headed back, Dad's garage is getting full.
Neither one of us had any issues falling asleep I guess it is what you call a good tired. However I had nightmares of the crash and never racing again with being called a has-been but I guess that is better than a never was.
I really did have the majority of my identity in racing, I was able to do my charity outreach because of racing and the money from winning and sponsors and the fame that racing came with, how do I keep up that kind of impact with out it.
I woke up exhausted but I need to finish the prep work, so I did my laps ate breakfast and got ready, Amber dropped me off and I choose to start in the simple physio gym, moved everything to the center, didn't need much putty, so I began priming leaving the one wall for last, went to eat the take out leftovers for lunch so the paint can dry before sanding.
Finished lunch and went back to sand, wipe down the wall, swept floor then back to painting, now to move the stuff in her mom's room and prep all over again, repeat till house completely ready, the deal should be finalized soon.
All that is left is the kitchen, not sure if I got into a zone or a trance but Amber shows up with pizza, we eat and tackle what is left of the kitchen together.
"Your handsome and handy how did I get so lucky?" she smiles and I wonder if she is still waiting to get married probably the bit of depression talking.
"You sure you still want me?" I ended up asking softly, I really didn't mean to ask it was a private thought but there it was out in our universe.
"Of course I do, we will get though this together, besides I never followed racing so that part isn't a issue, I know you are struggling with who you are outside of racing but you have a good heart and your charming, did I already mention handsome?, getting myself a hot husband." before I can reply with anything more then a smile her lips are pressed against mine and it was heaven.