Christmas was EPIC. It was the very first time we didn't spend Christmas with my dad's family. This year we decided to spend Christmas with my mother's side and boy did we make the right decision. We have been missing out. The house buzzing with excitement, you know that christmassy feeling, there's laughter in the house, us kids, being loud and laughing, the adults in the kitchen talking and cooking and on tv was all the Christmas Classics. Let me just say, it's not Christmas unless "This Christmas" ,"Home Alone"and "Santa Claus" plays on TV. Those are my go-to Christmas movies.
Nobody raised an eyebrow when my aunt who is almost 50 brought her 21 year old boy toy. Or when she beat the shit out of him and almost gouged out his eyeballs when she found condoms in his wallet because apparently they don't use condoms so clearly he was cheating. We all just watched and sniggered in private and were like:
"family,huh?what are you gonna do?"
It's moments like this that make me happy that Scott James has not declared his love for me because my family would be too much for a white boy.
My uncle(my mom's cousin) came to pick us up and we all went to the farms, that's where christmas was being celebrated. When we got there, my great aunt or something was handing out gifts in the tent. Yes, there was a tent, we had clearly been missing out. I greeted a lot of relatives, I couldn't even tell you who was who, and holy crap there were a lot of babies, I stopped trying to memorize names, everyone was either boy-boy or girl-girl. Finish.
After we finished eating, my sister and I were forced into the kitchen to help my other female cousins with washing dishes and clearing up. I don't know how or where or from who, but a cup full of red wine was thrust in my hands and let me tell you, washing dishes was never more fun. We were all laughing, and when we ran out of wine, we sent the boys to get more. They took forever, apparently my cousin Pipes(yes, that's his name) has beef with this one guy from the area so every time they see each other, they have to fight, and he happened to run into this guy, and while we were busy waiting for our wine he is out in the streets fighting. How rude.
By 5pm, my mother and my aunt wanted to leave, it was just getting turnt up. My cousins were singing that song about sex and people were yelling out the last time they got laid, my cousin, Victor and I were the only one's going
"we have never got some!" while other people were going "yesterday!"
We refused to leave, and one of my uncles promised to drop us off because it was on his way. My mother plastered this smile on her face that says"I am smiling because we are in front of people, but if it was just you and I, I would be whoopin that ass". But I was too drunk to be scared, she left and then we all went wild talking about how the party was truly beginning because the old people were gone. I don't know when we decided to leave and go to another house where my cousin promised me that they would have more alcohol and but the house we went to, the people were so stingy. They sat inside their house and ate their food and didn't even offer us food.Victor, my cousin, made fun of them for being so stingy and we guffawed. We were a menace. As we were walking back, my sister squatted down in the middle of the street and just peed. I promise you. I can't make this stuff up. Then Victor and I were laughing at Pipes, because a while back at my grandmother's burial day, he missed the whole funeral because he accidentally locked himself in the bathroom. Then everything else is a blur from there but there was a lot of dancing, I think my brother and I tore up the dance floor because people kept going on about how we are great dancers. I have never been a good dancer. I am a coconut for goodness sake. White dance moves, YES. I will tear up the dance floor with Black eyed Peas. White people consider me a great dancer well because… It's not like they have anyone to reference me to. But black people think I look like a white person when I am trying to bust the moves, which is about right. But Black people dance moves- Hell No. But the wine must have done something right. Anyway my uncle brought us back, Pipes came back with us.
I am sobering up and I am looking at Pipes who is nowhere near sober. He keeps looking at my cat, Pom-Pom, whom he normally hates, but Drunk Pipes, adores Pom-Pom. He is brushing him and asking no one in particular:
"why do I Love you so much today?hmm? Normally I don't like you but today I love you a lot"
In a few days, my dad will be picking us up to spend New Years with him. Yay. I'm sorry but New Years at my dad's is so freaking boring. We get treated like little kids and my aunts coerce us into dancing with promises of going to the beach if we do, which has never happened. And the one who dances the best, gets a R 10 from one of the aunts. Yeah, if you haven't figured it out, my parents are divorced, they divorced when we were young, and it is still something I am working through. My dad has a new family, and sometimes I think he is trying to right all his wrongs with the new family. Whatever. It is what it is. Thank goodness we will only be spending the 31st of Dec with him and coming back the next day for The big Festival. It's our first time going. My mom's lover, who lives in our neighbourhood, hooked us up with, not VIP but VVIP tickects. My mom is cool with us going because her lover will be keeping an eye on us.
Lotsa Love