Wow, we just got back from The beach festival. My brother, Mondli, has been living his best life, going to parties every other night, while I have been stuck at home. He even takes Nick with. And it's boring at home with me and my sister, Buhle. My sister is content watching SABC 2 the whole day and that is not the life I want for myself. I want to go where the parties are.
I was just chilling with Nick and my mom was gushing about how Nick was a good cousin who adored me, and in my head I am like :
"ma, he doesn't adore me. He's like in love with me"
I mean, it was all fun and games when Nick and I were flirting innocently, but lately he is trying to take things to another level and talking about an Us and how I am the perfect girl for him, and I am just like:
"Noooooo…it's been fun but this is getting too real".
I digress.
So my brother comes in while I am hanging out with Nick and my mom, Mondli tells Nick to get dressed and that they were going to another beach festival . My Gosh, I threw the mother of all fits until my mother agreed my sister and I go as long as my brother and cousin watched over my sister and I. We all knew that out there- it was every man for himself, but we nodded solemnly when my mother made us promise.
I wore shorts and a T-shirt, my sister wore jeans and a top. We climbed on the back of the bakkie(my brother borrowed the car from my father because he said he needed it for work but all I have seen him do with it is go to parties)
The beach was PACKED. Absolutely packed. We just parked in the middle of the road because the car couldn't get any further and chilled there. In a few minutes, my brother's friends were there, there was alcohol and random girls. My sister and I decided to have a look around at the beach and see if there was anybody we knew there (believe you me, there's always people you know in these type of things),And not even 30 minutes later of walking and looking at drunk people do stupid things, we bumped into my ex from primary school.
Lindani. Lindani was my first love. We went to the same school and in Grade 4, I hated his guts. We use to bicker, and he always ate the blue dyed vinegar popcorn that would make his mouth blue. He always had a blue mouth, like he was from freaking avatar. Then in grade 5 when we came back from summer break, there Lindani was but everything was different. Everything he did was so cool. I was sick with young puppy love. I watched him all day in class, watched how he smiled and laughed.
He was mesmerizing.
But he was into the new girl, Joy, who was pretty. Kids at school use to compare us; who was prettier, Joy or Thandi. I was light skinned with a round face, I had a slim nose and small puckery lips that looked like I was constantly pouting and I had bedroom eyes (that's how they described my eyes back then, now that I think about it-it was so Inappropriate). Joy was dark skinned,slim , slender with white teeth, if I had bedroom eyes, Joy's bedroom eyes were on steroids.
Then in grade 6, he finally saw me, he wanted me and got me. You know how it is, one day after school, we had extra curriculars, I don't even know what it was, but it must have been forced because I didn't stay at school after hometime if I could help it, but my cousin came to me as I was sitting at the stands sweating like a motherfucker after doing sprints, and told me that Lindani likes me. I started blushing and fanning my face. I told her to go tell him that I liked him too. And viola, we were dating. But we never held hands or kissed or hung out together. The most action I got from him, was when I was walking past him at lunch and he greeted me with a smile and everyone around us went ballistic talking about makothi no mkhwenyana(bride and groom). But the feelings I had for him were so intense, they were what I knew love to be. Then a few months later, my cousin told me that Lindani wanted to break up with me, so I sent someone to dump him before he could dump me first. I was depressed and moped around for a bit. Not even a few months later, there was a new girl, Kayla, who pursued Lindani with relentlessness and she got him. And they ACTUALLY kissed. They waved their stupid relationship in my face. In grade 7, Lindani started having regrets. I was at the height of my popularity, I had the best clothes, guys were after me. Lindani pined after me and one time after school when we were designing a stage set for one of the school plays in one of the teacher's classroom, music was blaring on the rasio as we worked and then that song by Tyrese and Chingy started playing:
"every time I try to leave, something keeps pulling me back, me back , telling me I need you in my life… It was meant to be, you were meant for me, so that means we gotta make it work"
And Lindani would look at me with puppy dog eyes. Then when I went to the backroom, he cornered me and looked at me with sad eyes and said :
" It is supposed to be you and I"
Then he would turn abruptly and go. He mindfucked me all the time. We used to keep journals where we were required to write to our form teacher and she would write back to us. I used to angst about Lindani and the teacher would write for me to forget Lindani and focus on school. Like has she never been in love??
Anyway, we went to Drakensburg for camp and Lindani and I got into the biggest fight, my brother and the teachers had to get involved. The day before we left Drakensburg, Lindani and I were forced to talk, he apologized for everything… Then he kissed me. My first kiss. It was magical. I didn't care that he was still with Kayla. This moment was ours. I don't think I was supposed to tell anyone about our kiss, but of course I told every one of my friends in the bus the next day. Grade 7 consisted of that, me and Lindani fighting, and Kayla determined to keep us apart. It was all fun and games for Lindani til I moved on and found a boyfriend. Who was a junior in High School. But things didn't last with that guy. Towards the end of the year, there was a party that Lindani and I went to that Kayla wasn't invited to because Miss Party was on team ME, and Lindani and I slowed dance the whole night. He just held me in his arms and we swayed to the music. Of course Kayla's minion, Michelle was there and she was on the phone telling kayla what was happening, and kayla was freaking out and demanding to speak to Lindani, and Lindani said no. That was another moment that was ours. Then High school started and Lindani went to a different high school from me and that is where our story ended. I mean we would see each other at festivals and make out. Always. But we never promised each other more than that because… well I don't know.
So there was Lindani, my first love. Smiling that smile that had captured my heart many years ago. It was like no time had passed and we were flirting. I asked him if he was still seeing that girl I heard he was seeing and he said maybe. I shrugged. We sat and talked in the backseat of his brother's car. One minute we were talking and the next second, we were kissing ferociously and he had me pinned down on the backseat, and I was moaning. It was a really good kiss. No we did not have sex, I am still a virgin, hello??. But he is good with his hands. *wink, wink*
He wanted to do more, I wanted to do more but my deceased grandmother told me that sex is what stands between death and a girl. Lindani respected my boundaries and soon I had to leave and we kissed good bye, even though I hadn't had a sip of alcohol, I felt utterly, utterly drunk.
Lotsa Love