The room's feeling quite stuffy suddenly. I know I shouldn't be uneasy, Lilli's my close friend, after all, but it's hard not to be anxious about what she might say.
"Lilli, there's a reason you wanted us to leave early, isn't there?"
She sighs loudly, hanging back on the shelf one of Emily's skirts. "You know how you had a crush on Harry in year six?"
"I did?"
"Don't lie to me."
"Yep, yep."
"We were kids then, weren't we?"
"Well… technically, we're still kids now," I inform Lilli. She nudges me. "Ow!"
"We were immature back then. We're practically adults now. We're supposed to make good decisions for ourselves and each other." Her words make sense, but I'm not sure what she's getting at right now. "So I want to look out for you, especially when the conversation is to do with… having a partner."
I give her a confused expression. "Um."
"I know I sound a little weird right now, because I'm being so serious —"
"When are you not serious?"
"— BUT… I want you to be careful."
"What? About making friends?" I question.
"Well… yes. But it's more than that, Tasmin. Don't trust just anyone so quickly, okay? I'm just looking out for you, you know."
I really want to tell her how paranoid she can be over nothing, but I bite my lip, sealing those insensitive words within.
"I get it. You want me to be cautious," I say instead.
She presses three hangers of outfits into my chest to hold, and I can tell she's stressed but trying to act as casual as possible. She doesn't want to cause trouble, but it's frustrating. It's so frustrating, I want to hand these outfits back to Lilli and storm off to… where? The window?
"Lilli," I start and she turns to me. "You trust them though, right?"
Without meeting my eyes, and without hesitation she responds, "Sure I do."
I grab her arm as she turns. "You're looking out for us, I can tell, but we're on vacation, Lilli. We're supposed to be enjoying ourselves, but you're stressing over nothing for us so Emily and I don't have to. You don't have to hold all the stress, okay? Let it loose a while," I tell her, being careful with my tone. "We're all going to be together anyway, if anything happens, you know that we'll stick by each other."
Lilli nods, turning away. "How about this one?" She holds up a white jumpsuit for me to examine. Then she points at a pair of black platforms. "With those."
I grin. Emily would rock that outfit any day. "Hell yeah."
With the outfit decided, and Lilli's conversation with me over, an uncomfortable silence falls between us. Then Lilli turns to me.
"After Emily, you go shower. I'll pick out an outfit for you with Em, and get the makeup ready for us, how 'bout that?"
I smile. I appreciate it. "Sounds good."
Emily hops out the shower not long after, and then it's my turn.
I'm lucky, so lucky, to have a friend like Lilli, who's constantly looking out for Emily and I, but it can be frustrating when all she does is stress about nothing when we're supposed to be having a relaxing time. She's always been this uptight, but Emily and I have gotten pretty used to her sensitivity. But as the hot water trickles down my shoulders, and the steam from the heat fogs the glass pane, I have an epiphany.
She suspects something. She's being analytical, and she's seen or heard something that she shouldn't have. Now, she's pulling Emily and I into this, telling us to be careful, so that if something goes wrong, we won't be hit as hard. But that's not what's bothering me. What's bothering me is that Lilli isn't telling us anything.
Or maybe she is, right now, right behind this wall, to Emily. I put my hand to the smooth tiles, letting them run over the grout.
I know I shouldn't, but I shut off the water and try to listen as best I can to the muffled voices less than a metre away. I beg my thoughts to be quieter.
"Really?"
"Unfortunately."
I can barely label the voices I hear, but then there's a question, and I can tell that it's Emily asking Lilli something.
"Why hasn't he told Tasmin yet? I mean, they've had time alone, it'd be wrong of him not to, right?"
Tell me what?
There's a short silence. "I want to trust Harry. I really do. But I don't want him hurting Tasmin any time soon, and if that means we stop spending time with each other, I'm fine with it."
Damn it. I wish they'd speak a little more so I'd actually know what they were talking about. If only I'd turned off the water a minute earlier…
"Lilli, why don't we just ask him —"
Suddenly, my only source of information is shut off, and I know that on the other side of this wall, Lilli suspects that I'm listening to this secret conversation.
I calmly flick the water back on, but I don't stand under it. I lean against the wall, thinking.
Lilli is keeping something from me, and she's now let Emily in on that, and I'm being kept in the dark. This is hardly fair. But if I want to learn more, I'll need to keep my mouth shut and open my ears.
I turn off the water, throw on a nightgown and step into the warm cabin with a smile on my face.