I want to, no, I need to say something. But I don't know what. I make my way beside her. I open my mouth to speak.
"I'm sorry," Tasmin apologises. I look at her, trying to hide my shock. "I shouldn't push you to say anything. You shouldn't have the burden of having to tell me anything." She reaches over and gently lays a hand on my arm. "Don't tell me, Harry. It's okay."
I think I'll never be able to smile again, because Tasmin Kelly has just sent a hoard of life-destroying rocks straight at my heart and all I can do is surrender. But at the last moment, when these rocks are about to hit my heart, they stop.
Silence.
I clear my throat. "Sorry I didn't book anything for us," I mutter lamely.
"It's fine," she sighs, stretching. "Tonight's too perfect to be missed."
It's the next morning and I'm lying in bed thinking about how stupid I am.
We had, what? An hour to ourselves? An absolutely ton of time to talk about her life, and all I could do was apologise for how I didn't book us anything.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
It was the perfect opportunity to find out some things about her, but after the simple things she said to me, I was utterly starstruck. I hit myself. Ben stirs in his sleep.
"It's your smile, Harry," Tasmin told me last night.
Great, so my smile's darker and the person who shouldn't suspect anything about me already thinks that I have issues.
"I know there's something wrong," she said to me.
Damn it.
"You can tell me, you know…"
No, no, no, I can't. Not right now. Not for a while.
Trying to be as stealthy as possible I sit up, trying to limit my movement as much as possible as I climb out of bed. I cringe when the bed creaks extremely loud and Charlie rolls over underneath me. When I finally slide down, I quickly pull on a pair of pants, grab my keycard, and head out the door for a walk.
We agreed to meet somewhere, I'm not sure where, but I was given a clue just last night. I was surprised how smoothly the note was passed to me, but I had to be just as smooth when tucking it into my pockets. Now I take it out and unfold the creases.
0555
5
The view here is beautiful at sunrise
We'd also developed a simple code to determine each of our meeting points at a certain place and at a certain time. Obviously though, we had to be as secretive as possible about it, or passengers would be able to find out our meeting spots.
So I make my way to Deck five's back balcony, slowly and casually coming down the stairs and stepping onto the deck. The horizon glows a bright gold, beams of light exploding from the rising sun, skipping across the water, hitting the hoary metal of the ship.
Leaning against the railing is a brunette, wavy beach hair loose, flying around her. From my spot by the stairs I stare, admiring the halo of golden light surrounding her.
"Top of the morning," I say cheerfully, my tone unmatched with my current mood, which I would describe as a bottomless cesspool.
"You're here," she sighs. "Thought you'd forget about me."
I tsk at her. "Upset you'd think of me that way."
"Well, I'm happy the note system we made worked," she tells me with a small smile. "But, how did it go?"
"Huh?"
"Last night. You had an opportunity to… well, at least speak to her, right?" she queries.
"See, about that…" I approach her and lean against the railing beside her. "Of course I did," I flick her an over-exaggerated grin.
"You didn't get any valuable information," she states, sounding bored with me.
"Yes, I did," I lie. She gives me a look. "No, I didn't."
I've reported my information, and now my job is to wait until she passes me a new note about our next meeting.
Ally pushes back from the balcony railing, stretching and yawning loud. Then she turns and walks away.
"Leaving so soon?" I ask.
She only bothers to turn her head ninety degrees towards me, but I can tell there's a smile on her face. "I can't stay long. I haven't had my morning swim yet."
I fake being shot. "I can't believe you're ditching me for a public pool, Al," I tease. "Am I that insignificant?"
"Ha," Ally replies. "Get some more info, then we'll talk." And with that, she pushes open the door, walks through, and let's it swing shut behind her.
Till next time, partner.
Breakfast time.
"Oh — My — Gosh — Waffles!" Emily exclaims, excitedly rushing over to the rather long line.
"Make sure you save some for the other passengers, Em!" Lilli teases.
I turn to Tasmin. "What are you getting? I'll get the same as you."
She smiles bright; looks like she's had a great night's sleep. "Hmm," she thinks. "How about… a good English Breakfast? I'm sure you'd love that, right?"
"How could I say no?"
The flow of chattering surfs through the sunlit buffet, pounding our ears as we ourselves speak loudly to overcome the obnoxious noises. And the sun, as bright as it was earlier this beautiful morning, throws warmth on our faces as we stuff our faces full of our breakfast.
With a mouthful of waffles, cream and syrup, Emily asks, "So, what are we doing today, guys?"
We all respond with a series of 'I don't know', 'I don't mind' and the like.
Lilli quickly swallows a grilled tomato and turns to Tasmin. "Today's a full sea day isn't it?"
Tasmin nods. "Today and tomorrow."
"We could go swimming again?" Charlie suggests.
"I think I'll let my swimmers dry for the island. I bet we'll be able to go to the beach, so…" Lilli adds.
"A massage could be relaxing," Ben thinks aloud.
"A massage? What are you, like, seventy-two?" I shoot at him, Charlie joining in on my laughter.
"Since we'll be around here for a while, how about we let Tasmin lead us on a tour?" Charlie comments, nodding at Tasmin.
"I'd love to," she chirps.