One of Mariam's earliest memories was the sound of a wheelbarrow's squeaky iron wheels
bouncing over rocks. The wheelbarrow came once a month, filled with rice, flour, tea, sugar, cooking
oil, soap, toothpaste. It was pushed by two of Mariam's half brothers, usually Muhsin and Ramin,
sometimes Ramin and Farhad. Up the dirt track, over rocks and pebbles, around holes and bushes, the
boys took turns pushing until they reached the stream. There, the wheelbarrow had to be emptied and
the items hand-carried across the water. Then the boys would transfer the wheelbarrow across the
stream and load it up again. Another two hundred yards of pushing followed, this time through tall,
dense grass and around thickets of shrubs. Frogs leaped out of their way. The brothers waved
mosquitoes from their sweaty faces.
"He has servants," Mariam said. "He could send a servant."
"His idea of penance," Nana said.
The sound of the wheelbarrow drew Mariam and Nana outside. Mariam would always remember
Nana the way she looked on Ration Day: a tall, bony, barefoot woman leaning in the doorway, her
lazy eye narrowed to a slit, arms crossed in a defiant and mocking way. Her short-cropped, sunlit hair
would be uncovered and uncombed. She would wear an ill-fitting gray shirt buttoned to the throat.
The pockets were filled with walnut-sized rocks.
The boys sat by the stream and waited as Mariam and Nana transferred the rations to thekolba They
knew better than to get any closer than thirty yards, even though Nana's aim was poor and most of the
rocks landed well short of their targets. Nana yelled at the boys as she carried bags of rice inside, and called them names Mariam didn't understand. She cursed their mothers, made hateful faces at them.
The boys never returned the insults.
Mariam felt sorry for the boys. How tired their arms and legs must be, she thought pityingly, pushing
that heavy load. She wished she were allowed to offer them water. But she said nothing, and if they
waved at her she didn't wave back. Once, to please Nana, Mariam even yelled at Muhsin, told him he
had a mouth shaped like a lizard's ass-and was consumed later with guilt, shame, and fear that they
would tell Jalil. Nana, though, laughed so hard, her rotting front tooth in full display, that Mariam
thought she would lapse into one of her fits. She looked at Mariam when she was done and said,
"You're a good daughter."
When the barrow was empty, the boys scuffled back and pushed it away. Mariam would wait and
watch them disappear into the tall grass and flowering weeds.
"Are you coming?"
"Yes, Nana."
"They laugh at you. They do. I hear them."
"I'm coming."
"You don't believe me?"
"Here I am."
"You know I love you, Mariam jo."
* * *
In the mornings, they awoke to the distant bleating of sheep and the high-pitched toot of a flute as Gul
Daman's shepherds led their flock to graze on the grassy hillside. Mariam and Nana milked the goats,
fed the hens, and collected eggs. They made bread together. Nana showed her how to knead dough,
how to kindle the tandoor and slap the flattened dough onto its inner walls. Nana taught her to sew
too, and to cook rice and all the different toppings:shalqam stew with turnip, spinachsabzi,
cauliflower with ginger.
Nana made no secret of her dislike for visitors-and, in fact, people in general-but she made
exceptions for a select few. And so there was Gul Daman's leader, the villagearbab, Habib Khan, a
small-headed, bearded man with a large belly who came by once a month or so, tailed by a servant,
who carried a chicken, sometimes a pot ofkichiri rice, or a basket of dyed eggs, for Mariam.
Then there was a rotund, old woman that Nana called Bibi jo, whose late husband had been a stone
carver and friends with Nana's father. Bibi jo was invariably accompanied by one of her six brides
and a grandchild or two. She limped and huffed her way across the clearing and made a great show of
rubbing her hip and lowering herself, with a pained sigh, onto the chair that Nana pulled up for her.
Bibi jo too always brought Mariam something, a box ofdishlemeh candy, a basket of quinces. For Nana, she first brought complaints about her failing health, and then gossip from Herat and Gul
Daman, delivered at length and with gusto, as her daughter-in-law satlistening quietly and dutifully
behind her.
But Mariam's favorite, other than Jalil of course, was Mullah Faizullah, the elderly village Koran
tutor, itsakhund He came by once or twice a week from Gul Daman to teach Mariam the five
dailynamaz prayers and tutor her in Koran recitation, just as he had taught Nana when she'd been a
little girl It was Mullah Faizullah who had taught Mariam to read, who had patiently looked over her
shoulder as her lips worked the words soundlessly, her index finger lingering beneath each word,
pressing until the nail bed went white, as though she could squeeze the meaning out of the symbols. It
was Mullah Faizullah who had held her hand, guided the pencil in it along the rise of eachalef, the
curve of eachbeh, the three dots of eachseh.
He was a gaunt, stooping old man with a toothless smile and a white beard that dropped to his navel.
Usually, he came alone to thekolba, though sometimes with his russet-haired son Hamza, who was a
few years older than Mariam. When he showed up at thekolba, Mariam kissed Mullah Faizullah's
hand-which felt like kissing a set of twigs covered with a thin layer of skin-and he kissed the top of
her brow before they sat inside for the day's lesson. After, the two of them sat outside thekolba, ate
pine nuts and sipped green tea, watched the bulbul birds darting from tree to tree. Sometimes they
went for walks among the bronze fallen leaves and alder bushes, along the stream and toward the
mountains. Mullah Faizullah twirled the beads of histasbeh rosary as they strolled, and, in his
quivering voice, told Mariam stories of all the things he'd seen in his youth, like the two-headed snake
he'd found in Iran, on Isfahan's Thirty-three Arch Bridge, or the watermelon he had split once outside
the Blue Mosque in Mazar, to find the seeds forming the wordsAllah on one half,Akbar on the other.
Mullah Faizullah admitted to Mariam that, at times, he did not understand the meaning of the Koran's
words. But he said he liked the enchanting sounds the Arabic words made as they rolled off his
tongue. He said they comforted him, eased his heart.
"They'll comfort you too, Mariam jo," he said. "You can summon them in your time of need, and they
won't fail you. God's words will never betray you, my girl"
Mullah Faizullah listened to stories as well as he told them. When Mariam spoke, his attention never
wavered He nodded slowly and smiled with a look of gratitude, as if he had been granted a coveted
privilege. It was easy to tell Mullah Faizullah things that Mariam didn't dare tell Nana.
One day, as they were walking, Mariam told him that she wished she would be allowed to go to
school.
"I mean a real school,akhund sahib. Like in a classroom. Like my father's other kids."
Mullah Faizullah stopped.
The week before, Bibi jo had brought news that Jalil's daughters Saideh and Naheed were going to
the Mehri School for girls in Herat. Since then, thoughts of classrooms and teachers had rattled
around Mariam's head, images of notebooks with lined pages, columns of numbers, and pens that made dark, heavy marks. She pictured herself in a classroom with other girls her age. Mariam longed
to place a ruler on a page and draw important-looking lines.
"Is that what you want?" Mullah Faizullah said, looking at her with his soft, watery eyes, his hands
behind his stooping back, the shadow of his turban falling on a patch of bristling buttercups.
'Yes.
"And you want me to ask your mother for permission."
Mariam smiled. Other than Jalil, she thought there was no one in the world who understood her
better than her old tutor.
"Then what can I do? God, in His wisdom, has given us each weaknesses, and foremost among my
many is that I am powerless to refuse you, Mariam jo," he said, tapping her cheek with one arthritic
finger.
But later, when he broached Nana, she dropped the knife with which she was slicing onions. "What
for?"
"If the girl wants to learn, let her, my dear. Let the girl have an education."
"Learn? Learn what, Mullah sahib?" Nana said sharply. "What is there to learn?"
She snapped her eyes toward Mariam.
Mariam looked down at her hands.
"What's the sense schooling a girl like you? It's like shining a spittoon. And you'll learn nothing of
value in those schools. There is only one, only one skill a woman like you and me needs in life, and
they don't teach it in school. Look at me."
"You should not speak like this to her, my child," Mullah Faizullah said.
"Look at me."
Mariam did.
"Only one skill And it's this:iahamuL Endure."
"Endure what, Nana?"
"Oh, don't you fret aboutthat, " Nana said. "There won't be any shortage of things."
She went on to say how Mil's wives had called her an ugly, lowly stone carver's daughter. How
they'd made her wash laundry outside in the cold until her face went numb and her fingertips burned. "It's our lot in life, Mariam. Women like us. We endure. It's all we have. Do you understand?
Besides, they'll laugh at you in school. They will. They'll call youharaml They'll say the most terrible
things about you. I won't have it."
Mariam nodded.
"And no more talk about school. You're all I have. I won't lose you to them. Look
at me. No more talk about school."
"Be reasonable- Come now. If the girl wants-" Mullah Faizullah began.
"And you,akhund sahib, with all due respect, you should know better than to encourage these foolish
ideas of hers. Ifyou really care about her, then you make her see that she belongs here at home with
her mother. Thereis nothing out there for her. Nothing but rejection and heartache. I know,akhund
sahib. "I know. "