The ceiling fan was rotating slowly. In this old apartment, with no A/C, this rusty fan max speed couldn't even disrupt the flight of a fly, even less refresh me on another hot summer day. As it still was a holiday week, the university and its labs were closed, and with Maria on the other side of the country with her family, there wasn't that much to do. I mean, to be frank, even if she was here, I would first need to tell her about the whole Alberto situation, and just thinking about that gave me serious butterflies in my stomach.
Alberto…. He didn't call me or messaged me after the day of the festival…. Strange… Especially considering how pushy he was these last few days. Did Ricardo scare him off? Was he suddenly being more considerate? Probably not, he knew what he was getting into when he started approaching me that day. So, why did he suddenly distance himself from me? Well, maybe that's for the best, I didn't want anything to do with him to start with.
That said, today is the last day of the holiday and tomorrow things will return to normal, including our lab meetings. Maria said to me that she will be returning today to Rio, so I guess she'll also be there tomorrow. Oh boy, how am I gonna tell her that I kind of had an ''accidental' date with her kind-of-stalker-but-still-complicated-situation-ex? Especially considering that she gets all emotional when the situation is about him…
I was now upside down on my sofa. Legs over the backrest, and head almost at the floor, looking at the slow fan, trying relentlessly to ventilate the ambient, but unaware of his incapacity to do it, on an eternal circle of failures. Pretty boring.
I need to buy a portable A/C.
At the lab the next day things started….. Pretty awkward. As I opened the lab door, Ricardo and Oliver were already there, but Maria still hadn't arrived.
"G-good morning" - I said.
"Good morning, Miyuki! How was your week off? Were you able to get some rest after these last intense weeks?" - Oliver asked me, while Ricardo remained silent. He didn't even turn back to look in my direction and continued working on his assignments.
"A-h, it was good, thank you. I was able to get some rest, yes"
"Yes, tell them, Miyuki, how good it was" - Ricardo said in an ironical tone.
"Huh?" - Oliver let out in revealing confusion.
I chose not to answer Ricardo and walked away to my desk. Oliver also didn't insist on knowing what had happened, but from our reactions, it was clear that something was off, so he just decided to step back and observe from afar. It was clear that Ricardo was still pretty pissed about what had happened. No wonder, he seemed to really care about Maria, and that thing last week, even though it was a total misunderstanding, must have left him pretty mad.
Things remained like that for some time. An eerie silence, and a very bad mood between me and our lab partners. Oliver seemed really uncomfortable with the whole situation but wasn't willing to ask any of us to understand what had happened, so that loud silence remained for the rest of the time. Until Maria arrived….
"MYUKIIII! Long time no see!" - With her usual enthusiasm, Maria rushed through the door and directly threw herself at me, giving me a tight hug and rubbing her chest against my face in her typical clingy way. She seemed even more lively than before, maybe seeing her family cheered her up a bit.
However, this time, unlike before, the boys weren't trying to enjoy the scene, in fact, they were looking away. I myself also didn't react in my usual playful style with Maria. The mood in the room wasn't light, and everybody was feeling uncomfortable with the situation, especially with Maria's contrasting enthusiasm. Obviously, after a bit, she noted that things didn't seem like the usual. Still, unsuspectedly, she directed a question to the rest of us in a playful way:
"Hey, what's the matter, guys? Didn't enjoy the holiday week? Let's brush away this depressed mood!"
"Y-yes… ha-ha" - I responded, giving a fake smile, and looking away from Maria's direction.
Ricardo again didn't even bother to turn in our direction or say anything, like Maria wasn't even present. Oliver shrugged his shoulders, opening his hands like he was trying to say to Maria that he also didn't understand what was happening.
"Hummm…." - Maria simply hummed in a questioning tone, but she didn't insist on trying to get the grasp of the situation, as she proceeded to her desk and started working in silence.
And in silence, we remained for the next hours. Usually, I prefer a calm and silent environment to study, but on that day, that silence was unbearable to me. I couldn't focus on my work and was sweating with anxiety. I knew I had to talk with Maria, and as soon as possible. As the mood between me and Ricardo was already tense, and I didn't want any rumor to spread or reach Maria's ears before I reached her, I decided on that first day of the return of activities to talk to her. That said, we should get some private place to talk about it, maybe a place where things can be a bit lighter…. Outside would be best.
"Hey, Maria. Are you busy later today?"
"Oh, actually not Miyuki, what's up?"
"Wanna have a walk at the beach later? It's been some time since we had some girl talk!"
"Hum….. Girl talk" - She hummed again in a questioning tone; it was almost as she was seeing through me - "Okay! I'd love to, Miyuki! I'll be done today by 4:00 PM, wanna get the bus later?"
"Sure, that's a plan. I'm gonna go grab something to eat and I'll meet you at the bus stop, okay?"
As I moved towards the door, I could see Ricardo's eyes following me, even if discreetly. What was up with him!? I know I may have passed the wrong impression, but I was being seriously judged by him. It started to piss me off now more than shame me, so I responded by giving him the same intimidating look as I passed by him. I was determined to make things right for once in my life. This fear of not being accepted cannot take control of my life.
Maria was all about enthusiasm and excitement on the bus. She told me how much fun her trip was, how was her reunion with her family, and the quality time she was able to have with them. Being all physical and clingy, she seemed to be even pushier than usual, but I myself wasn't in the mood to respond to her in the same enthusiasm. I was remarkably quiet, even for my Japanese standards; inside me, anxiety was taking care of me and I was shaking my hands and shoulders as the bus approached the beach. Something didn't feel right, and it was clear that Maria sensed this, hence her reaction to push me even harder to try to reveal what was bugging me.
"Here we are. Despite me being here already for some months I never took a stroll on the famous sidewalk of the beaches of Ipanema. The sight is just absurdly beautiful. I think I gained +2 years of life just seeing this landscape."
"Really? You sure are a bookworm, Miyuki! I need to show you around more of the city."
"Yeah, you promised me that but still no movement on your part. You talk about me but who's the real nerd? You cannot get separated from your filthy germs!"
"Hey! Don't call them germs, they are pretty green unicellular organisms <3."
"Yeah, sure ha-ha. At least I deal with something that can be seen."
"Nyeh, your boring fishes are just devoid of emotion. Do you know that unicellular algae are responsible for most of the oxygen in the world?"
"Actually not… BUT, you cannot make sushi with unicellular algae, can you?"
"Yes, BUT…!"
And so, it went for a few more minutes. A very nice easy going talk with each of us exchanging jokes and kind words for each other. It reminded me how much I liked passing time with Maria and how she was becoming a very important person in my life in such a short amount of time. Even though I came from a distinctly different country and culture, she overcame this barrier and would accept me for who I was. I was desperate to keep our good relationship, she became just too damn important to me.
However….
"Miyuki…" - Said Maria, with a more contentious tone and a serious face, halting behind me.
"You didn't ask me to walk on the beach today just for a casual conversation, right?"
I froze as she made such direct and right assumptions.
"Why were you so down earlier this morning? What has happened? And why did the boys at the lab seem to be avoiding you?"
She knew all along something was wrong, and now this was the critical moment that I was afraid of. I couldn't run from the problems surrounding me, and I should be clear in explaining to her what occurred.