****
"The concert! What did you think about it?"
"O-oh… Yeah, the concert. It was…. Pretty good; I think everybody loved it" - Alberto caught me totally off guard and was still holding my hand. It was embarrassing, to say the least."
"Thank you for helping us back there! The Professor and I were very happy to have you speaking out for us."
To be fair, I didn't even talk that much, and the star of the show was you, not me.
"Right… U-hm…. Can I ask you to let go of my hand now?"
"Oh, I'm sorry! Ha-ha-ha." - He said while moving his hand to scratch his head- "I just rushed to get your feedback, you know. We practiced a lot for this day, especially me. I'm really happy that you liked my performance. Having someone like you praising me is just flustering. Ha-ha-ha."
"Yeah….. That's good. So…. I think I'll go now. Thanks for the invite-"
"Oh no, please, you are more than welcome to stay with us. The festival is a lot of fun, and I'm sure you're gonna enjoy it."
"Thanks, but I…."
"Come with me just a bit, I really wanna show you something" - Said Alberto not letting me finish.
Alberto sure knows how to get what he wants….
"It is the food stand from a friend, he does AWESOME hot dogs, I know you are gonna LOVE IT."
I really should go home, but I guess eating one hot dog won't be that much of a problem…. And then I can go back home.
"SIGH…. Okay, let's go..."
"Yes!!"
Very cheerfully, Alberto guided me to the hot dog food stand. I won't deny, the smell was indeed amazing, and eating a hot dog now seemed…. A very likable possibility. He even went to the trouble and bought dogs for both of us so I wouldn't need to spend anything.
"Here. A gift for you showing up today and also an apology for arriving late."
"T-thanks"
"Take a bite, you're gonna love it! I asked my friend for a "special", just for you."
"Kay, here I go…"
He was not joking around when he said it was good. It wasn't good. It was AMAZINGLY good. An explosion of flavors took place inside my mouth and I couldn't react with anything but excitement."
"Wow!!! This really is good!" - I said, while letting out a smile of surprise
"Didn't I tell you so? Gotta believe me, I know the place!"
"There's nothing special about the meat, but the sauce is just something from the other world!"
"Don't you think so!? These guys even have their own restaurant in the city, if you like I can take you there someday to try other special dogs!"
Without even realizing it, I soon got captured by the overly cheerful and charismatic aura that Alberto passed. Not noticing the slightest, he was able to take from me some good laughs and I soon forgot about everything else.
….. What was this feeling? A peaceful yet comforting sensation. I was starting to feel…. embraced.
However…
"...Miyuki?"
…. I wasn't careful enough.
Out of nowhere, I listened to a powerful voice from behind me calling out my name. Anxiously, I turned my head back to see who it was. And, to my surprise, it was the realization of one of my biggest fears for that day…
"Ricardo!?"
"...What are you doing, Miyuki?"
It was obvious by his tone and look that he was negatively surprised by the sight. What the heck was one of the best friends of his dearest Maria doing with her former and annoying ex?
"...I, uh-...." - I was just speechless. I was thinking about avoiding being recognized together with Alberto all morning so people wouldn't misunderstand the situation. Especially if it was someone from the lab.
"Hey, Ricardo, how's it going?" - Alberto didn't let me answer and interrupted me. But Ricardo didn't respond to Alberto.
Looking away and blushing didn't help any further. I was really starting to feel guilty, even though nothing had happened.
I did nothing wrong!
I think…
How would I explain this situation to Ricardo?
"Ricardo, it isn't what you are thinking-"
"Thinking what? I didn't say anything" -Ricardo responded.
You don't need to say what you are thinking for me to be able to read your eyes
"W-well…. Nothing…."
"Good. Enjoy yourselves. People aren't always what they appear, don't you think?" – He said, giving me the eye, turning back, and walking away.
What the heck!? Saying nothing was the worst possible option! It was like confessing that something was INDEED happening behind Maria's back. Was Ricardo going to tell what happened? But tell her what? Nothing happened! And just WHY didn't I try to solve the situation right there?
"Miyuki, are you feeling okay?" -Alberto asked me.
With my head down, I just responded without looking into his eyes
"I… Need to go… I'm sorry."
"Okay… Want me to accompany you to the station?"
"No, thanks, I'll go alone" - Of course Alberto was able to read the gloomy mood, and this time, he decided not to be overly pushy.
And with that, I was able to fully destroy the whole confidence of the lab in me in only a few hours. And the worst, NOTHING HAPPENED! Why was I feeling that guilty over the situation?
…. Well, did nothing really happen?
Of course, it did. Am I so innocent to ignore the past between Maria and Alberto? Just risking myself being seen friendly with Alberto was something to be reproved. It was at least irresponsible, but…. Why wasn't I able to just straight away call him and say I couldn't go to the festival? Why did I accept getting around the festival with Alberto?
And the worst of all…. In the end, I truly enjoyed those moments. Alberto was kind, an awesome cello player (and what a performance!), cheerful, and handsome...
Damn it! It indeed looked like a date, and I was the only one wrong here.
How weak minded can I be?
"How will…. Maria react to this?"
Like in a blast, a flashback from all the few but exciting memories I had together with Maria passed through my head. So many fun moments…. Maria sure is someone I can nurture a true friendship…
Guilt. Guilt and more guilt. How could I!?
With shame, I began running. As far as I could go, away from that place. I couldn't bear staying any longer in that festival; it was a reason of shame for me.
Bumping some people on the way, making another girl drop her ice cream, tripping over a box and injuring my knees, I ran nonstop till I could get out of the campus. I was that desperate. Guilt is a corrosive emotion that destroys everything in our path and makes us feel the worst.
Out of the university campus, overwhelmed with emotions, I sat next to a wall and just stood there for a while. Holding my knees with both of my arms and with a low head, I continued reflecting on my whole situation with Maria and Alberto. Perhaps even shed a tear… I betrayed Maria's trust in me!
I don't know how many minutes I stayed there, but after some time, I got approached by someone, a complete stranger, who directed its voice to me.
"You know. You ought not to stay in the street, miss. Kinda dangerous."
As I raised my head, I could see an old man. He had a very gentle and soothing voice. The man was a street salesman and carried a bag and a large panel holding most of his art - collars, necklaces, and earrings. His skin was burned from the sun and was very rough, probably a result of the long exposure to the sun walking around the city and the beach trying to sell his goods.
"A-ah… Thanks… I'm just…thinking a bit."
"That I can see, but it isn't JUST thinking, right?"- My face was red from crying, and my eyes were still moist. I dried them with the back of my hands and proceeded to answer him.
"Well, some bad things happened. Actually, I did some bad things to a friend, so, you know… Kind of reflecting about it."
"Did you kill your friend?"- An unexpected question.
"W-hat? Of course not!"
"Is the person in a coma?"
"No!! What kind of question is that?"
"Then it's solvable."
"What? What do you mean by that?"
"What I mean is, all of us do things that we regret looking back on, but they serve us well to our own learning. We will hurt someone at some point, it's inevitable, that's in the nature of being human."
"So what? What is this talk? Are you telling me to just accept how wicked I can be?"
"Yes."
"???"
"But not just that. I also just asked if your friend is alive and conscious. As long as we desire to do the right thing, and the other person is able to receive our feelings, despite our past actions, there is always a solution. From what I can see, I think you do regret what happened and want to change things, right?"
"Well, yes…."
"Good. Then go talk to your friend. Ask for forgiveness, for one more chance"
"Easy to say, hard to do. You don't even know me or what has happened, how can you say this with such certainty?"
"Because you already know that what I am saying is true. One thing is for certain, if you are not even willing to improve things, they will certainly not improve."
I couldn't answer that. What this old man was saying was so simple yet so right that I was just speechless. Sometimes, we already know the answer to our problems, and they are right there in our faces. However….
"... You are just too afraid to take action" - He continued, like he was reading my mind.
I rested there, speechless. This old man was pinpoint in his remarks.
Fear. Fear of acting and being hated by the circle around me. The reason for me accepting Alberto's invitation was the same that was creating such anxiety in me: I didn't want to create a conflictual situation with Maria or Alberto, so I was evasive, and created an even bigger problem, for me and the other party. To make a long story short, I was weak.
"... Thank you, mister" - I could only say this. The answer was clear, and to continue denying my feelings would be irresponsible with myself.
"Yeah, yeah, sure miss, just, please, can you get out of the street now? I'm getting a bit nervous.
"Ha-ha, yes sir. And… Thank you."
"Well, I've lived enough to give a word or two of advice."