"I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE, just you, but you don't ever hurt like i do. scared you only love me when you want to, but know i'm always here to hold and fix you." i sing as i write them down on my notebook. i decided to make an ep, since i've written a some songs, and i think it's actually time to make one too. so why not? i've written a lot of songs lately and i don't know which one to put it in the ep.
"i just keep coming back for more, guess i'm just getting on to the pain, whenever i tell you to go, just know that i want you to stay. yeah, it's complicated." i've been writing songs about my... feelings and thoughts lately, since after a year of my single 'upgrade'. i'm currently in my room as my sister lainey burst in my room. "my, my, is my big sister still thinks of her beloved ex?" she said as she went in and close the door. "if you're here to annoy me, leave. i'm busy." i said as i think of what to write for the next lyrics.
i swear lainey can be irritating sometimes, but i love her. "well, i'm just here to say that he's downstairs." she said as she sits at the edge of the bed. "who's here?" i look at her confused. "oh, don't play dumb with me. who's going to be downstairs? duh! your handsome ex-boyfriend!" she said. zach herron is here.
my pen falls down as i look at lainey in shock. he's downstairs?! why? why did he just come now? why now? does he know we're done? i literally told him. why? why is he here? for what? i sigh as i look at the window, "look, it's been a long ass year, why don't you listen to his side of the story? i mean, you only listened to yours, but not his." my tears suddenly starts to form and fall. "you know what happened, lainey. i saw him." i said as i look down at my notebook
my phone pings, as i look at it and see gabriela, jack's ex-girlfriend and the mother of his daughter posted a new photo of her and their child in the beach. which, it seems like they're always in the beach. "i know what he did, but that rumor is just rumors. you haven't heard the truth-" "i don't need to know, lai! he went skinny dipping with that girl, okay?! tell him i'm not here. he wasted his time." i frustratedly said to my little sister. i put down my notebook and pen as i lay down on my bed.
i'm still haunted by the memories of zach and i, i'm not gonna lie. a part of me still miss and love him, but the other part of me wants to give up the love i have for zach and move on. i bet he has a new girlfriend now. wait, why am i thinking about him? why do i feel sad? i broke up with him, i saw him with another girl.
i saw him with the girl that he cheated me on and no, i didn't see them skinny dipping, but they were laughing and all smiley. i was jealous and hurt. "kay, i may be your young sister, but believing rumors than your boyfriend? doesn't sit in with me." i wipe my tears away and look at her. "zach maybe cheated on you, yes, you saw them, but that's what girlfriends see when their boyfriend's with someone else." she said as she moves closer to me, she grabs my hand and rubs her thumb on the middle of my hand.
"in other circumstances, gabriela was told that jack cheated on her, and obviously, she believed it. and where is she now? where's lavender?" she added as i sigh and look down. "in hawaii." i said as she holds my other hand, "you and zach are... dare i say, endgame. why ruined it because of a rumor? gabriela went off and went to hawaii so that could lavender live how she lived when she was little, and be with her friends yasmyn and others." she said, how does she know this? oh wait, she's still friends with rachel.
"with that rumor, jabbie is no longer real and in seprate ways, just like the both of you are now." she added. i have no words of this, i'm so confused right now. i don't really want to go down either. i don't want to see his face. i don't think talking to zach is a right idea, i just have the gut feeling that it isn't.
"now, bride of hobo, talk to your hobo downstairs, or i'm not leaving this room, 'til you agree to talk to him. it's been a year now, kay." she said as i sigh. i guess lainey is right, i should talk to him. but what if he doesn't want to see me anymore after i left him in the hotel room? what if he talk shit to me? what if... kay, you're overthinking too much again. i sit down and sigh. i told my sister that i'll be down to see him. it's been a year since i last saw him. maybe he doesn't want me anymore.
"if you think he doesn't want you, then why is he here?" i look at lainey. "i don't know!" i said as she chuckles. "he's here because he wants you." "how would you know that?" if she's making me go downstairs for no reason and zach is not there, then she can fucking leave my room. "because i know you both! it's not like i'm not there with you when ryan and i were hanging out!" she said
i close my eyes and sigh, "fine. i'll be down in a bit." i said as she left the room. what does herron want? we were done. we're over. it's okay, kay. it's just him. what could go wrong? we're just gonna talk and nothing more. right? i hope so. i stand up from the bed and grab my comb as i brush my hair, i decided to put on a french braid, so i did two. i look at the mirror as i see the shell of a broken girl, she was broken because of him. she thought he's actually the one, but he isn't.
i'm actually debating to leave my room or just wait 'til he leaves the house, but i know him, he's not gonna leave unless we see each other, unless we make things right when one of us made a mistake. that's how are we used to when both of us are fighting. i feel a tear drops on my cheek as i wipe it, no, i can't cry. not in front of him. he may have moved on or not, but i don't want to cry in front of him, it'll make me feel weak, and make him feel bad.
i close my eyes as memories flashes back in my mind, those good memories, when we had a pool day at their house, or when the time we had a double date with jack and gabriela. i didn't realise that i'm now crying, i don't think i can face him yet, but he's here now. i can't escape him.. he's somehow.. a drug. my favourite drug. i hear knocking on the door as i open my eyes and wipe the remaining tears on face.
it was rachel, gabriela's young sister. she's supposed to be with lainey, why is she here? "i saw zach downstairs, it seems like he's desprate to see you." she said. desprate? woah, i don't like the sound of that. "aren't you supposed to be with lainey?" she smiles, "yeah, but i saw zach so i came here to check on you first. because you know how gabbie went through with the break up, even though she's the one who broke up with jack." i look down and frown. "they were so perfect together." i said
"yeah, but it doesn't matter to her anymore, she's in hawaii now, isn't she?" i look at her and i nod. "anyway, i gotta go and go talk to zach now, alright? he seem.. sad and missing you." she said but before i could question to what she said, she close the door. what in the hell? missing me? there is no way in hell, he misses me. i look back at the mirror and put my hand on it. "you broke what we had never even looked back, some part of me hopes
that you feel it back." i said to myself.
i fix the things that are all over the place as i'm at the door, ready to open it. i take a deep breath in and out, it's now or never. let's hope this gets well, or else i don't know what to do.