I'VE BEEN CALLED BY corbyn and meet them to the studio, i grab my car keys on my table and leave my room, walk down the stairs. "where are you going, zach?" reese asked as i see ryan's busy with his fortnite game. "i'll be out late, reese. i'm going to the studio." i said as she smiles at me and hugs me. "take care, z." she said. kay used to call me z... b-but.. she broke up with me! i gently remove her arms that was wrapped around me as i leave the house.
i went in to my car and drive, i stop by chipotle for takeouts, while waiting for my order, i jam out to my spotify, because it was playing. when i finally got my order, something plays, a familiar song. i look at my phone and hear the familiar voice that i always hear. spotify's playing upgrade by the one and only. i remember how i met her, how we used to cuddle to her bed, how i asked her to prom and... that horrible day in hawaii. "sir?" i come back to reality as the employee's hands are full of my order, i grab them and drove off.
i stop spotify and go to my recordings, where i have her three songs recorded and play while on the way. god, i love her. i always do! but.. does she love me back? i know what me and leah did was not it looks like, but i was just giving her life advice and making her smile and laugh.
leah's living alone in hawaii, she doesn't have anyone anymore. her parents died in a car accident, and her brother passed away months after. so, i was her only hope. so i thought of going to the beach with her and everything, to have herself some peace.
but it got added because of a fan saw me and run to kay, then kay followed the fan and saw us. sigh, i tried to tell her it's not our fault, i've known leah since we were kids. heck, everyone asked us if were a couple or not because we act one, but no. my heart's beating for kay, and for kay only. i'm getting near to the studio when her last song comes in.
"tired of feeling like i'm not enough, but once i crash it's just so hard to get back up and off the ground. and i hate the way that
things have changed, i wish the little things i never thought about would stay the same. i can't decide what's wrong or right, i can't recognize myself inside.
'cause i need someone who won't ever run, when i push away and they'll always stay, and i want something, that won't ever end
i won't ever change something. meant to stay, i'm meant to.
hold on, what? i'm listening to the lyrics carefully as i stop the car next to the streets, where the studio is.
"i pick apart myself 'til nothing's left, i can try but i'll never forget all the things you said. scared you only love me, 'cause it's what feels right. it kills me every time i think about what happened that one night. i can't decide what's wrong or right, i can't recognize myself inside.
'cause i need someone who won't ever run,
When i push away and they'll always stay,
And i want something that won't ever end.
i won't ever change something meant to stay.
'cause i need someone who won't ever run,
when i push away and they'll always stay,
And i want something that won't ever end
i won't ever change. something meant to stay,
i'm meant to.
'cause i need someone who won't ever run,
when i push away and they'll always stay,
and i want something that won't ever end.
i won't ever change something meant to stay,
i'm meant to.
what's meant to,
what's meant to
what's meant to stay
what's meant to,
what's meant to
what's meant to stay"
i hurt her so bad. i can't believe this. i punch the wheel as i lay back to my seat. i hate myself. just because of the god fucking rumor, this happened! ugh, this is messed up! i hate myself! i should've introduced leah to kay before, but i didn't! i'm stupid. i'm so fucking dumb, a fucking stupid highschool dropout. but.. it's not too late, right? i can still fix this, right? i smile as i get out of my car and get in the studio.
once i get in, the boys are talking about lavender, christina, and what not. "oh, hey.. zach? you look chipper than usual." jack said noticing my smile on my face. "could you help me with something, boys?" i said as everyone stops at what they're doing. "afraid to ask, what kind of help?" corbyn said as i went closer to them. "i want her back. so help me get her back please!" i beg as we heard a door shuts loud "DID I JUST HEARD THAT ZACHARY WANTS HER BACK?!" daniel said. oh, boy. wait- i didn't realise daniel isn't here earlier.
"yes, daniel, yes i do." i turn around to see him holding his precious apple juice, as he did his little small victory dance. "while daniel's on his victory shit, of course, zach. she's the love of your life. we'll help you." jonah said as i want to tear up but i instead, hug him. "but first, we got a second album to finish." jack said as jonah and i break the hug. don't worry, kay. i'm coming back for you, my baby. just wait for me.
— F I V E M O N T H S L A T E R —
It's been months, five months to be exact. since zach helped me with my ep, we've been hanging out a lot lately, since the boys are on their break. i haven't talked to nousha in months after that incounter with everyone in chipotle with her. i'm currently writing my new song at the moment, and i want to release it by the second week of august. zach's currently with me in my room, he's been helping me write this one too.
"the boys wants me back to the studio, is it okay if i leave you for a while?" zach said, who's looking at his phone. i put down my notebook and pen, "of course. we can work on the song later, when you get back." i said as he stands up from the bed, gets his car keys and walk towards me.
"you're going to rock that single, i promise." he said as he kiss me on my forehead. i watch him leave the room as i look around, the next thing you know, i breakdown. i cry and cuddle myself. we haven't talked about the hawaii situation and where we are, pretending like it never happened.
my door slowly opens as i see lainey with the worried face. "kay.." she comes in and comes to me as she hugs me. "i know i said that i don't wamt him back and i shouldn't care, but lai, i miss him!" i rant to my sister, "sshh, it's gonna be okay." "no, it's not! i want him, i need him, i love him, lainey!" she didn't say a thing but to pat me on my back while she's hugging me. "does he know your writing a song about him right now?" i shook my head as she break her hug. she grabs my notebook and reads it.
"been awhile since you've called i've been myself, thought that by now you'd find someone else. you really knew how to put me through hell, always knew i'd be your call for help.
i know i shouldn't care but i still miss you, and all my friends they tell me i should hate you,
and all i wanna do is just forgive you, and i've been thinkin' bout it. yeah, i've been thinkin' bout it."
during those five months, i've been in touched with gabbie, and she's been telling me not to trust or go near zach, because of everything. i got confused, i don't know why she would say that. i mean, zach and i are just working on songs, nothing more.
lainey looks at me, "then don't think, just forgive him, kay." she said, i sniff as i look down. "i don't know. i've been ignoring nousha for months since we worked on the ep, and now... all i do is fall apart, just the thought of him."
"hmm.." she grabs my pen and write something on the notebook and smiles, she looks at me after she was done writing. "i know it's a lot to take in, but i know what you've been through for the past months, heck a year and a half." i wipe my tears away as i look at her confused and she gives me my notebook.
"we'd be up all night finding things to do, or when you told me that you loved me in the hotel room. now all i do is fall apart at the thought of you, i've been thinkin' bout it. i've been thinkin' bout it.
all the stupid things that you got me through,
living everyday like we had nothing to lose. everything i've ever done it was all for you, i've been thinkin' bout it. i've been thinkin' bout it."
"i love you, sis. but i don't need the credit. i just want you to put out those emotions, feelings that you've hidden." i look at her, "let it out, put it in that song." she said as she stands up. "and.. i know the perfect title for it. but i want you to find out what it is." and with that, she left the room. i look at the lyrics she written.
she's right, she wrote those to what happened the past year and even during the last five months. i sigh, i put the notebook away from mem i get my laptop, lay down my bed and watch netflix... like we used to, and now it's just me. i shake my head at the thought of him with me watching netflix at night.