My alarm went off. The sound went straight through my brains in an almost painful way. Was it even louder today? I turned off the awful ringing. I didn't want to get up. I had no energy. Like I hadn't slept all night. I didn't want to open my eyes again. Even the minimum of light that shone through was too much. I wanted to sleep.
No! I can't. I have to get up and go to work, even if just so no one questions me. No one suspects.
I wanted to sleep.
I have to get up. Just eat, even if it makes you sick and just take the pills even if they make you dizzy.
I wanted to sleep.
You promised Nana. You promised her that it won't be like the last time. You promised you will take the pills. You promised you'll eat.
I wanted to sleep.
"And why shouldn't I?"I asked myself.
On the other hand, would anyone really notice? Dad? Victoria? I doubt it. Would they notice if I don't come to work today? Or tomorrow. I know what people must be saying behind my back. That I'm not good enough for the company. The only reason I got the job was that I'm the bosses' son. Maybe they are right. Was there any other reason?
I wanted to sleep.
They wouldn't care. Mom wouldn't. I don't even know where she is. Why am I thinking about her? I don't want her here, but she could call me. But she never did. Not when I was in a state like this. God, I feel idiotic! Hoping for mommy to hold my hand? I thought I outgrew that. A tear traveled down my cheek. Guess not.
I wanted to sleep.
I hated feeling like I didn't have the right to be like this. Even though it isn't my fault! I buried my face in the pillow. I could almost hear Spencer calling me a drama queen.
Spencer.
He would notice. Even when he doesn't care, he notices. I work with him. If I don't come in today, he will ask questions. I can't leave him alone in our office. He is a walking disaster. He will probably burn it down if I leave him by himself for too long. I felt something close to panic. I have to get up.
X
For a shocking twist of events, Spencer was punctual today. We were sitting in silence, reading our separate files. We didn't always work together. I had to go through a murder trial case. I had to make sure the timeline made sense, if all evidence is accurate and look over suspects' criminal record. Meanwhile, he was looking over a woman's file and deciding if she could be left out of the prison on a parol or not.
Fuck, I hate these pills. I can't concentrate as it is and they are not doing anything to help me with that. Not just that, they are making it worse. I've been reading the same paragraph over and over for about 20 minutes now. Slightly blurry vision and dizziness are really not the things I needed in this situation. I wanted to claw my eyes out. I felt tired.
I wanted to sleep.
I shook my head slightly to get focused again on the file.
"Are you ok?"
I lifted my eyes from the papers just to be met with Spencers' blue ones.
"Why?"
"You look like you are going to pass out and..."
"I'm fine!" I snapped. Way more harshly than it was needed.
He leaned back in the chair and lifted his hands in surrender: "Ok, ok, jeez."
I checked my watch. Lunchtime. I stood up and then realized I forgot my lunch at home. I almost screamed in frustration. Eating out wasn't a dream situation right now. I'm not even hungry.
You promised you'll eat.
I sighed and decided to go out, buy something and come back here to eat it. I stepped out of the building and the moment cold breeze touched my face I felt a little bit better. I can't wait for winter. I was just thinking where to go to get food when I noticed a person looking at the entrance. First, he glanced at me and then went back to staring at the doors. It kind of unnerved me. I did look like he was waiting for someone.
"May I help you?" I asked.
He got startled and for a moment didn't say anything.
"Um, yes. Do you maybe know Aron Spencer?"
It took everything I had not to roll my eyes.
"Yes."
"Do you know if he is here today or..."
"He's in."
"Oh, ok. Thanks."
"How do you know him?"
I admit I was a little bit curious. This guy looked normal. Why would he hang out with Spencer?
"I'm his boyfriend. I just wanted to surprise him for lunch."
I hope I didn't look as surprised as I felt. A boyfriend? Spencer has a boyfriend? Holy fuck. This is the best information I've heard in a long time.
"Well, nice to meet you," I offered him my hand which he shook: "I am Lukas O'Neal."
"Matthew Leevay. Oh! You're Lukas. The Lukas."
"I assume you've heard of me."
"Yeah. Not the best things."
I honestly felt lighter. Dizziness was gone and for a moment I forgot about the tiredness that nagged me just a minute ago.
"Didn't expect anything less of him than to bitch about me."
He smirked.
"I'll go get him for you."
I could see he wanted to stop me, but there is no way I'm letting Spencer out of this building before I tell him I know his little secret. I almost felt giddy.
When I entered the office he was doing something on his phone.
"Spencer!"
"Yeah?"
He didn't look away from the phone.
"Your boyfriend is waiting outside for you."
He snapped his head to me so quickly I thought I heard his neck snap.