Trigger Warning: Mentions of low self-esteem, bodily harm
Yuto stared at the photos that he took with Nagisa at his class' photo booth. He grunted and threw the blanket over himself in frustration. "I look disgusting,". Ever since he was degraded and sexually assaulted by Takaba, his low self esteem plummeted even more. He would cook their meals but hole himself up in a dark room afterwards. He couldn't possibly bear to have anyone looking at him.
It had come to Nagisa's attention that Yuto had gone back to being depressive and to say that he was worried would be an understatement. Sure he had always been, but it had never been this bad.
The more Yuto dwelled on it, the more he felt sick with himself.
'Ugh..how could Nagi be wasting his love on someone like this...?'.
Other than his dark cold room, he didn't want to be anywhere else. As much as he wanted to be snuggled up in Nagisa's room, not even the lingering scent of his partner made him feel at peace. As someone who didn't have much self-confidence to begin with, being degraded like that diminished the little self esteem he had. He didn't want to be seen by anyone.
In fact, it had been four days since Nagisa had touched him and it made him feel more lonesome even though he was the one who screamed at him to stay away. Nagisa on the other hand was worried that he really had scared Yuto. He had been trying to hug him and kiss him once he got home like he usually did but Yuto would push him and apologise, asking him to stay away. 'I wonder what nonsense that kid is bottling up now,'.
Peering into the mirror, all Yuto could see was a slim body covered in battle scars. Feeling disgusted with his own self image, he pulled the blanket off his bed and covered his shoulders with it.
"God, I look so disgusting,".
Blotches of yellow and purple along with scratchy red lines. Those covered his body as a result from the abuse he suffered in his childhood. The more he looked at them, the more he felt like crumpling to the ground.
You could see the marks that his family gave him. Scars from being abused with a kitchen knife. Red ribbons around his thighs. Not even Nagisa's gentle smile could repair them. "There really is nothing appealing about this. This looks scary. This is ugly."
"But what can I do about it?".
Falling to his knees, he limply punched the mirror.
"What can I do about it when this is who I am?".
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Their house was pin-drop silent when Nagisa arrived home from work. Usually Yuto would be busy in the kitchen or sleeping while waiting for him on the sofa or even taking care of the plants on their deck but it had been four days since he locked himself up in his room. He was quite worried. The dining table had food that was wrapped in cling wrap. "Dinner for you. I'm not hungry,"said the post-it note on the film.
Pulling his coat off, Nagisa sat down and slumped his head on the dining table. 'How do you expect me to be able to stomach anything when you're suffering like this?'. He didn't really know how to deal with Yuto being like this so he decided that he had to call another fellow teenager to get some hopefully valuable advice.
"Nako-chan? Are you free?"He whispered and the girl on the other side of the phone replied. "Aniki, what's wrong?? You almost never call..". There was rushing on the other side of the phone and Hitomi's voice could be heard. "Ahh! Aniki! Are you okay? Why are you calling?". Nagisa's lips curved into a small smile.
Of course, his sisters were a safe bet; they usually gave him good advice. "Uh...I don't know how to put this—"He hesitated and that made Hitomi exclaim loudly. "Did you break up with Kirishima-kun?!!". Nagisa hurriedly washed away their false beliefs and told them what happened. His sisters listened attentively and concluded something.
"Sounds like he's insecure about his body. You asked Yuki to bring your hoodies over for him right?"Hitomi sighed and Nagisa admitted to it. "Aniki, if you keep sheltering his figure with you being the possessive person you are, of course he's going to be going through some shit,". Nagisa groaned and Kanako scolded him. "Aniki! You can't groan at things like this! If Kirishima-san is feeling insecure, it's insensitive of you to grumble,".
Who knew that asking for advice from his younger sisters would result in a lecture? Kanako huffed, in disbelief that she was even related to someone like him. "Aniki really doesn't understand a partner's language at all,". She was doodling something on the other side of the phone. Nagisa could hear the pen scratching the surface of the paper. "I mean, he's our aniki. He's always been slow to notice things,"Hitomi mumbled and Nagisa whined at them. "Oi! I'm still here you know!!".
"Oh? Shouldn't you be comforting Kirishima-kun?" The eldest sister drawled lazily. The eldest brother slammed his head against the table, feeling his soul take flight and leave his body. "He told me to leave him alone and to stay away,". The youngest child muttered something to herself before replying. "Aniki, if I know anything about a partner's language in your predicament, being told to stay away means that he wants you to come closer but he's afraid of hurting you. If there's anything he needs more in this world now, it's you,".
Almost immediately, Nagisa killed the call. He felt the world vibrating. He had to get to Yuto somehow. He couldn't let something like this enlarge the gap between their relationship. He ran to Yuto's room and threw the door open without warning. The boy had a blanket wrapped over his body and he laid on the floor miserably. Nagisa could tell that he'd been tired out from crying so much. "Yuto??"He whispered and bent down to see his face but the boy instantly backed away from him.
Trying to use the blanket as a shield, he narrowed his eyes at his partner. "Nagi, stay away!"He screamed. "No! I'm not going to let you cry like this anymore!"Nagisa yelled and pulled him up. He could feel Yuto resist and usually he would let go and apologise but he wanted to get his message across. "If you don't follow me yourself, I'll drag you if I have to!".
Something in Yuto clicked. Behind Nagisa's impatience, he could hear the worry in his voice. He looked down submissively and followed him to the bathroom. Nagisa locked the door behind them and pinned him against the mirror. "Look, look at yourself,". That was the one thing Yuto couldn't bring himself to do right now. "...ting,". Nagisa didn't quite catch what Yuto mumbled. "Hey, what did you say?". The boy looked his partner in the eyes and screamed.
"I said my body's disgusting you fucking old dog!".
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Yuto crumpled once he said that. Tears stung his eyes and he couldn't look at Nagisa in the face. He didn't know how to face his boyfriend right at that moment. Nagisa loosened his tie before he grabbed Yuto's wrists and pinned them above his head. "You're not running away from me until I make you believe that every inch of you is worth loving,".
Heat radiated from Nagisa's hands, something he hadn't felt for a while. Nagisa unzipped his hoodie and closed the gap between their bodies. "Take it off,". He let go of the boy's wrists. He was giving Yuto an opportunity to stop him if he didn't want to continue. To his surprise, Yuto slipped the hoodie off until he exposed his bare torso to Nagisa, his face red.
The sleeves clung onto his arms but Nagisa smiled. "There's a good boy. Now could you turn and face the mirror?"He whispered into his ear and bit down on it. Yuto moaned softly and put his hands on the mirror before he looked up and saw his tear-stained face. Nagisa pulled the rest of the hoodie off and hugged him. "Now, now. Your body is so beautiful, I don't know where to begin,".
"It's disgusting. There's so many bruises and scars,". Nagisa tutted him and his hands caressed the boy's lean figure. "Where did you hear that from?"He asked and his hands rested themselves on Yuto's hips, before he slowly moved them to the boy's chest. "That man...". Nagisa furrowed his brow and brushed his fingers against his nipples. "Yuto, who are you dating? Me or him?".
Tingles ran down Yuto's spine, making him writhe. While that was happening, he also felt something press against his back. "N-Nagi's my boyfriend,". Nagisa played with them, staring at Yuto's face in the mirror. "So why are you listening to whatever he said about you? Shall I show you that your body is my favourite?". He slipped an arm underneath Yuto's back and brought his face closer to his chest before he sucked on them. Yuto moaned quietly and held onto Nagisa's shoulders.
'When that man did it to me, it felt so gross. But when Nagi's doing it to me now, I feel like my knees are going to give away at any second'. Nagisa licked his lips and pulled off his own glasses, running his tongue all over his partner's little buds again. "You don't have to hold your voice back when you're in the arms of your lover,". Yuto squeezed his eyes shut and felt the thing that was bumping into his back earlier against his thigh.
Pinning him against the mirror, Nagisa pulled away. "Those were beautiful. Hm? Yuto, look at your pretty face in the mirror,"He chuckled and gently lifted Yuto's chin with his hand. His green eyes hesitantly shifted themselves to the mirror and landed on his crimson face.
"That's my good boy. You're beautiful Yuto. I don't know why you've been crying when I can't see any flaws,". His hands gently pulled down the boy's sweatpants. Yuto instantly felt the urge to cover himself up but after gazing at Nagisa's benign expression, he stopped himself. He trusted him, he knew that Nagisa would never do anything to hurt him. "Are you insecure about this part too? You know very well that it's perfect to me,".
Nagisa bent down and smirked. "Yuto, I want you to look at the face you make while I pleasure you,". Yuto looked away from the mirror, feeling his knees shake uncontrollably. "N-Nagi..I can't...It's too embarrassing...". The man looked up but he paid no attention to Yuto's whining and focused more on making his partner shiver from the pleasure. Yuto held onto the sink, glancing at his face in the mirror. 'Is this really who I am when I'm with Nagi? Who have I become...'
When Nagisa picked up the pace, Yuto's knees gave way but the man caught him swiftly. "Does it feel so good that you can't even stand right? My poor Yuto, don't worry, I'll take care of you tonight,". Yuto felt himself being embraced so gently in the arms of his possessive man. 'I don't know why..I don't want Nagi to be so possessive over me but I also want to belong to him. I don't want to be broken by him, but I don't want him to hold back. This is so confusing for me..'
"Nagi.."Yuto moaned softly and wrapped his arms around his neck. "C-can't we stay a little longer here??". Nagisa picked him up, gazing at his cute face.
'Fuck..I think if I take him to bed with me I won't be able to play nice with him anymore'.
Green eyes landed on the mirror once his feet touched the cold bathroom tiles. "This is who I am, Nagi?"He faltered. He wanted to say more but he noticed Nagisa taking his clothes off in the corner of his eye.
His partner hugged him from behind and all Yuto could feel was the warmth of Nagisa's toned body. The protectiveness of his muscular arms. The playfulness of his smile and his forbearing manner with Yuto. "See what I mean by how lovely you really are?". Yuto blushed but he nodded slowly as he glanced at his reflection once more.
'It's not as bad as I remembered seeing it a few days ago. If Nagi thinks nothing is wrong with it then I must be the one overthinking this'.
"Fuck! I really can't control myself any longer!" Nagisa cursed. He picked Yuto up and laid him on the bed. "Yuto, I'm at my limit. Let me go a little further with you please,". At first, Yuto's eyes widened. But then, he broke into a tiny smile and sat up obediently for Nagisa. "Do as you please Nagi,". Nagisa unzipped his pants and looked down, instantly turning red. "Shit,". Yuto sat up and eyed his boner. "So that's the thing that kept bumping into me...". Nagisa got up nervously and patted his head. "I'll go handle it and then take care-". The blonde haired boy grabbed the man's hand tightly. "Let me handle it for you,".
Sweating even more profusely when he said that, Nagisa rubbed his head. "Yuto, it's not necessary-". There was a nervous lilt in his voice but Yuto was persistent. "Hirai-sensei told me that relationships aren't supposed to be one sided. I want you to feel good too..". At this point, Nagisa couldn't deny a request from his precious, no matter how innocent he was about this kind of stuff.
After all, once his Yuto was in the heat and clinging all over him, that innocence would be stripped away. "You're not going to regret this?"Nagisa asked softly and Yuto held his hand gently. "Of course not, Nagi. I feel ready,". "What?!?!?! You collapse from me sucking you off and you say that you're ready to go all the way with me?!". 'Really, an old geezer like me shouldn't be doing naughty things with such an innocent kid'. Nagisa still felt like in one way or another, he was putting a lot of pressure on Yuto. "Nagi, I'm sorry that you're dating an inexperienced child,"Yuto began and slowly lowered his head in between the man's legs, smiling a little. "If you'd please, teach me everything I need to know to make you feel good,".
'Because this kid is dangerous for my health'.
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"Fuck~ Yuto, you said you've never done this before.."Nagisa groaned and held his head. Yuto looked up, his green eyes still twinkling but he continued what he was doing. Nagisa felt his body twitch, it was getting hotter. No, he'd never be able to escape the imagery of Yuto's small mouth wrapped around his length, making such a face, moaning softly. This was pleasure that he had always yearned for, this pleasure he had with Yuto was irreplaceable for sure.
choke!
"Oi! Yuto, are you okay?".
Covering his mouth with the back of his hand, Yuto coughed and gagged. Nagisa thumped him on the back and sighed. "Don't go beyond your limits. Ease up,". The boy looked back to him, teary eyed. "It's so big though. I don't think it can fit in my mouth,". The man just pet him on the head and traced his hands down his body, taking his small hands before wrapping them around his length.
"No, you're not allowed to give me head ever again. Just give me a handjob. That's all,". Yuto kept eye contact with Nagisa while he just kept doing as he was instructed. "Nice, nice. Good boy, you're doing well,"Nagisa smiled, kissing Yuto on the head, encouraging him. The boy's beet red face made him look so innocent despite him doing something quite naughty with his boyfriend. Eventually, Nagisa asked Yuto to stop because he felt like he was getting close.
Both of their eyes met and Yuto's cheeks burned even more. "Nagi, how did you feel?". Nagisa grabbed his cheeks and pinched them. "Even while doing dirty things with me, you never fail to look adorable. My cute Yuto~~". The boy pouted and brushed his hands away. "You can call me cute later. How did you feel?". Nagisa chuckled and held him close, pecking him on the lips. "You were great, Yuto. Maybe you are ready to go all the way with me,"He said half-jokingly but that made Yuto's eyes twinkle like they held the entire galaxy in them. "I see,".
'His expressions are always different from his replies. As simple as his emotions may seem, as monotonous as his voice may sound, his expressions can really say a lot about how he feels'.
Arms wrapped around the boy's slender hips, he gazed at Yuto's gleaming eyes. "Yuto, can I really go all the way with you?". The boy retied his rattail before he propped himself up on Nagisa's lap. "I already told you. I feel ready. I'm the one who made you hold yourself back for so long. I need to take responsibility,". The man could hear the innocence in his voice. But the words that he chose made him feel like he was being seduced by a kid who didn't even know how to flirt.
Stroking the crook of Yuto's back gently, Nagisa ran his hand through his hair. "Are you sure that you can take a man with those delicate hips of yours?". He heard a small giggle and his heart melted into a pool of love for the boy in his arms. "I haven't tried. Hehe..". Yuto pecked Nagisa on the cheek before he whispered one more request into his ear. "Please be gentle with me, Nagi,". His partner smiled at the sound of his soft voice. "Anything you want, Yuto".
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Their romp lasted the entire night and Nagisa took great pleasure in making a mess of his partner. Yuto's soft moans that echoed off the walls were the only sounds that filled the bedroom apart from the creaking bed and Nagisa grunting.
Somehow, Yuto felt immensely good. Indescribable. He hugged Nagisa's back and told him that his stomach was burning, to which Nagisa grinned in response. He was glad that Yuto was feeling the pleasure. Although inexperienced, Yuto was happy that he and Nagisa had made an advancement in their relationship. Nagisa took everything he hated about his body from his throbbing bruises to his aching scars and covered them up.
Even though they still hurt physically, the emotional pain that came along with them was lost in the swallowing comfort of his partner. The heat from Nagisa's body burnt away the suffering he had endured for those difficult four days. The burning passion of their love was like a blessing to Yuto.
In the end, he fell asleep cuddled snugly in Nagisa's arms again. The blanket that sheltered both of their bodies was warm enough to continue melting the icy layer around Yuto's heart. Slowly but surely, one day, he'll smile from ear-to-ear for Nagisa. What a precious day that will be.
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Hitomi and Kanako dropped by the next afternoon to see how their incompetent brother handled things. "Aniki, did you make up with Kirishima-kun?"Hitomi drawled from the front door and caught sight of Yuto holding his hips, keeling over the dining table. "Ugh..."He groaned. "Stupid Aniki! I always tell you to be gentle with him! You should've played nice you old pervert!"Hitomi yelled and barged into Nagisa's room to lecture him.
Shutting the door, Kanako approached Yuto while her older sister barked at Nagisa. "Are you okay, Kirishima-san?"She asked and sat herself down at the dining table. "It's my first time. I'll get used to it soon,"Yuto shrugged and felt his hips ache like anything.
'So this was the pain that Hirai-sensei meant....'
An enraged Hitomi still hot on his trail, Nagisa came out of his room a few minutes later. He approached Yuto and hugged him tightly. "Yuto, did you feel good last night?". He leaned in and took a whiff of the scent of his boyfriend's soft hair.
"Nagi....you can't put me on the spot to say such embarrassing things in front of your siblings!"
Grumbling like that made Nagisa tut him as if he were a child. "I know, I know. I'm sorry,". Hitomi dragged Kanako into the living area to give them some space. "Yuto, I have one question for you,"He asked as he pushed the boy's bangs aside to kiss him on the forehead.
"Are you willing to try new and exciting things with me?".
_φ(･ω･ Author's Note
Remember readers, consent is a priority especially when you're going to do the deed with your partner. Being pressured to consent to the act is not consent. Voting is appreciated! Thank you for reading this chapter of A Heart To Heal! ♡