Dropping my shoulder, I re-check my holster and gun on my hip.
"Clara," Jasper sighs, finally moving away from the dead body. "Why did you shoot him?" he asks as he eyes me from a distance.
"He was going to hurt us," Shaking my head, I walk to the hood of my car. "you saw him Jasper. Something wasn't right." Hearing the sigh from beside me, I begin to move along. Stepping onto the faded line in the middle of the road.
The less miles between Lucas and I, the better.
I repeat.
"Where are we going?" He says, throwing the bags over his shoulders as he walks next to me.
"To find a car." I simply say, keeping my eyes forward as I grip the strains on my back pack.
We walk a moment, nothing but the sound of the crickets and the occasional owl here and there. The night air nips at my exposed cheeks as the moon lingers above us.
"Clara," I can hear a sigh from beside me. "It's late."
"Yeah, and?" I ask, glancing his way.
"Maybe we should find somewhere to rest, get some sleep?"
"Jasper -"
"Clara, it's at least midnight. I'm hella tired and I know you must be. Don't argue with me." He stops walking at this point, causing me to do the same. "You know I'm right."
With a reluctant sigh, I only nod. My blue hues looking down at the pavement.
"Good."
Hearing his footsteps beginning to move, I follow along. I had nothing to say at the moment. Part of me knew Jasper was right. My body is hanging on a thread as I walk along the long stretched road, my nerves shot and my anxiety through the roof.
Moments pass as I hear Jasper call out from beside me.
"Mailbox. Wanna take a look?" I can see him point out a black mailbox next to a dirt road.
"Sure." Is all I say, not really caring much at the moment. My body was tired no doubt. Taking a right onto the dirt drive way, we see a house in the distance. With the wood lining surrounding the property it set off alarms in my head, but then set my nerves as we approach the driveway.
There is a jeep parked in front of the door, and the lights on inside the home. The house looks of an old foundation. A chimney coming into view on the left side of the two story wooden home as we approach it.
"I guess we'll knock." The obvious. Walking onto the porch, Jasper and I cross the space to the door; watching him knock three times; we wait. There is nothing as he knocks again. I glance around the property as I wait for any type of noise to occur.
"Stay here." He says, hearing the door creek open.
"Jasper stop-" I began, but I'm cut off as someone rushes at us from the inside. She grabs Jasper by the shoulder, growling at him as I back away. The seconds feeling like moments as I look around the small space of the porch. With the dim light that is provided I see a shovel propping against the railing. I pick it up, taking a second glance at Jasper and the woman.
"Clara!" I hear him yell as he keeps her at a distance, seeing him pressed against the railing. Stepping closer, I swing the shovel with all my might; coming in contact with her head. There is a smacking sound heard throughout the area as the woman falls to my feet. Taking a breath, I grip the shovel handle in my hand. A moaning sound can be heard as I exhale. Glancing down, I notice the woman trying to stand after the blow to the head. Without hesitation, I raise the shovel and bring it down on her head. A nasty, crushing sound ripples through the air as I bring it down onto her skull again.
I step back, breathing heavily as I look at the mess. What have I done?
"Clara?" I vaguely hear Jasper beside me until I feel his hands on my shoulders, causing me to jerk only slightly. "You alright?"
"Yeah," I say as I wipe the sweat with my free hand.
"Let's check the rest of the house." With that, I pull away from his grasp as I walk toward the door. Shrugging my bag off my shoulders, I place it near the door.
Before stepping through the threshold, I take a moment to listen to the environment. There was silence apart from the usual crickets outside. Gripping the shovel in my hands I step inside the home.
A large living room comes into view as a fire place in the left corner illuminates the room, two couches with one the middle of the room and the other against the wall; with a table in the center. I walk in with caution, seeing a set of stairs to the right of us and an opening to another room to the right of the stairs. Turning to my right, I follow the path into the room; the kitchen coming into display.
Standing in the door way, I see a small island in the middle of the room. Dark wood cabinets and matching tile. No sign of life here. My eyes scan over the room again, coming across a door tucked away to the left of the room. I cross the rather large room, coming feet from the door.
"No, I got it." I hear from over my shoulder just as I began to reach out for the handle. I am getting quite tired of him doing this.
"Alright." I say, my jaw tightening under frustration. Seeing him walk over, I move out of the way. God forbid this door holds the same prize behind it as the previous one. Watching him grip the door with his hand, I steady myself with the small shovel I have.
He pulls it open, nothing but the view of a small broom closet. A reluctant sigh leaves my lips as I look to Jasper. He gives me a reassuring smile as I return it with a nod, turning away and heading back to the main room.
As I approach the room again I head toward the stairs, gripping the railing with my free hand as I take the first step. Thankfully, there was a light on at the top of the stairs as we make it to the top. With it allowing guidance, we see three doors down a hallway. Two on the left, and one of the right. The first door on the left was a jar, while the other two lay closed.
I stop just before the door, putting my arm out as Jasper tries to take another step. Looking to him, I shake my head. I lightly tap the shovel against the wall, creating a thud. Within a moment there is a beating on a door a few feet from where we stood. A soft sigh emits from my lips as I wait a second before making my way to the door on the right.
"Like before?" He asks, keeping his position beside me.
"It'd be nice." I tell him, readying myself as he does the same. Watching Jasper's movements, I grip onto the shovel handle.
God, forgive me.
I tell myself as Jasper opens the door, moving out of the way as he had learned previously before. Taking aim, I swing the shovel against the man's head; watching him fall to my feet.
"Fuck.." I breath heavily, trying my best to control my breathing.
"Clara!" I hear, looking down below me. Seeing the man reaching out toward my leg and taking hold of it. Feeling his hard stern grasp against the soft fabric that lays on my skin made me scream. Bringing back the shovel, I bring it down on his face. A crunching gushy sound can be heard as I connect the metal to his face again.
Finally feeling his grasp loosen, I stop my assault on the stranger. Taking a step back as I lean against the wall.
"Clara, are you alright?" Jasper asks, coming to my side. Barely hearing him through the ringing in my head and the mess at my feet.
"Y-yeah." I manage, my gaze not being able to focus on one thing at the moment. My eyes were scanning over the man below me, the walls, Jasper. I couldn't think straight.
"Come on. Let me finish." Jasper says, his hand resting on mine. It feels warm against my own. "Give it to me. It's alright." He says, taking the shovel from my grasp. It more falls from my hand as I let the pressure and stress fall from my shoulders. This was too much.
The next few moments are a blur as Jasper clears out the rest of the home, I rest against the wall as my mind cannot settle.
"Alright," I hear, my gaze staying on the floor below me; on the man I killed. "The place is cleared. I seen they had a fireplace. I'll go make a fire, okay?" Without thinking, I nod. "Okay. I'll go get our things and be down stairs."
And with that, I was left alone. The footsteps of Jasper becoming more faded. I was alone. No. I didn't want that. But somehow I ended up here. Sighing softly I turn my head toward the left, seeing the room to the left door left a jar. With reluctance, I push myself off the wall and walk into the already lit bedroom.
A twin bed lay in the center of the room, and a white dresser in front of it. I make my way to the bed, sitting on the edge of it.
How did I get here?
Laying my head in my hands, I sigh in frustration. I was no where near as close to my son as I wanted to be.
I didn't wanna be here.
But I didn't have much of a choice, Jasper was right. I needed the rest. My body begging for me to close my eyes and relax. A part of me felt guilty for it. What parent wouldn't? Raising my head, my blues scan over the mirror attached to the dresser. My god. I looked like death. The bags under my eyes very present as I trace my tired features. My dark blonde hair matted and my clothes stained with blood. All this blood. It was everywhere. On my face, in my hair, on my clothes.
Sighing, I stand from the bed. Having enough of looking at myself for the moment. I walk over to the window to the right of the room, a full display of the back yard. Nothing but open area until it meets the wood line a good hundred feet or so. A chain link fence wrapping around the whole back perimeter, with a small wooden shed located in the far back of the yard. I was too caught up in my own world as I almost didn't hear Jasper's voice at the doorway of the room.
"Huh?" I asks, turning toward him.
"What would you like to eat? I'm going to start a fire in the fire place."
"Whatever you eat. Do you need help getting fire wood?"
"Nah, I found piles of it near the back door. We'll be set for the night." Jasper says, keeping his distance at the door.
"Okay. I'll find some blankets and stuff." I offer him a soft smile as he nods to me, leaving me alone once again. With the silence that found me yet again, I return my gaze out the window. I can vaguely see the stars shinning dimly above. "Lucas," I silently pray as I close my eyes. "Mommy is coming, I promise."
Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes. Needing to keep myself focused. I push myself away from the window seal and to the closet on the other side of the room. Opening the door slowly, I reach up and pull the string to the light. It flicks on. Shelves and racks of clothes come into view as I scan over the small in closed area. Spotting stacks of blankets, I pull them from the shelf just above me. Able to reach them, they fall into my arms. This will do.
I pull the light string before closing the door behind me, leaving the room the way it was before I made my presence. Making my way down the short hall, I take the steps down the stairs with caution as I hold the blankets in my arms.
"Let me help." I hear from the bottom of the stairs, warm hands being placed over mine as Jasper takes the blankets away.
"I got it, Jasper." Telling him as I descend the stairs, keeping my eyes on him as he walks over to the couches. The living room was big enough to host a small gathering in. My stomach growls as I make my way to my bag near the front door that is now closed.
"It's good. Relax." He tells me as he places the blankets on the couch that is pushed against the wall. As I kneel down to my bag, I unzip it and go through it; looking for what I had in mind at the moment. Pulling out my crown Royal bag, a soft reluctant sigh leaves my lips as I feel the weigh of it. Everything was there.
"I'm starving. What do you have picked out?" I ask as I make my way over to the coffee table, taking a seat and placing my bag on the glass.
"I found some canned soup and stuff in your bag, if that's okay." I can hear a bit of uncertainty in his voice as he sits next to the fireplace, keeping it going.
"That's fine." I say as I undo the tie of the bag, pulling out the items that are inside. Wraps, a grinder and and a bit of cannabis. Thank god I had just recently bought some more. With my stress level going through the roof, this is what I need right now. Spreading them out I untwist the bag and take a bud out, placing it in the grinder. As I grind it up, I glance over at Jasper near the fireplace. He is placing the cans on a wire rack as I dump out the remains onto the glass table. Readying to roll the blunt, I take out a rillo and split it; dumping the guts in the nearby trash can.
"That's my girl." I hear as I lick the edges of it, filling it with cannabis. Glancing his way, I see him smirk lightly at me.
"I did remember you say I owed you. So, I thought while you're cooking, I'll do the main thing." I can chuckle as I watch him come sit beside me, taking the other rillo that I had out and splitting it for me.
"I did, didn't I?" He asks, emptying the guts in the same trash can as I did. As I finish rolling my blunt, he finishes rolling his.
"How in the hell are you such a pro? Show off." I nudge him shoulder with my own as I sit on my knees, laughing playfully.
"Years of practice darlin'." He tells me as I fish for my lighter inside my crown Royal bag, coming up short.
"Damn.." I sigh, shaking my head as I search more, finally coming across it at the bottom of my bag. "Thank god." Taking my blunt I flick on the flame, running it across the blunt a few times to dry it up. I place it in my mouth, lighting up the end as I take in a puff.
I hold it in my lungs for as long as I can before exhaling slowly, the smoke emitting from my nose. Looking Jasper's way before I toss my lighter, he catches it with ease.
"Thanks. Dinner is done." He tells me, lighting his own blunt up as I stand and walk over.
"Awesome. That pizza from earlier is already gone." I say, leaning against the brick wall a few feet from the open cans.
"Right? It's like we never even ate it." He was right. With the way my stomach was growing it was like I haven't eaten all day. I can only imagine how Lucas feels..
Taking another long drag, I nod lightly. With only a little amount gone, I lick my fingers and press them against the tip of the blunt; putting it out. For now, I needed to eat.
"Did you find any spoons and stuff or?" I ask, watching Jasper nod really slowly.
"Noo.." Rolling my eyes, I stand and walk to the kitchen. Needing to find the utensils, I search for drawers or something that would hold them. Coming across a drawer by the sink, I walk over and pull it open.
"Perfect." I mumble under my breath as I grab two of each; two forks, two spoons. Returning to the living room, I hand Jasper his spoon and fork before sitting beside him on the brick.
"Thanks." Only offering him a soft smile as I take a cloth around the can and dig into it, taking a bit of the chunky potatoes soup. Handing it to Jasper as he hands me the other. For the next few moments this is what we do. Every bite we take, we hand over the can to the other person until the cans were all gone.
I stand and throw the can away as I take the last bite, the small trash can now almost filled as the two cans take up the rest of the space. Returning to my waiting blunt, I pick up my lighter laying near Jasper. I place it between my lips like I did earlier, lighting it up and taking a puff. Now, I could enjoy this. At least I could try.
Handing the lighter over to Jasper, I excuse myself from the room for the moment. I take the stairs as I take another long drag of my blunt, making sure to keep it lit as I was up here. At the top of the stairs, I see the open doors to the bedrooms that we cleared earlier before. Taking a right, I enter a room I have yet to search myself.
I bring the blunt to my lips, I take a puff as I push past the door and walk to the center of the room. Seeing a bed pushed to the wall, a dresser beside it, and a door slightly a jar to my left. The rooms that I have seen having little to nothing in them. Maybe the precious residents had just moved in, or were just really nicely kept people.
I let the smoke sit for a moment before exhaling, allowing the smoke to rise as I walk to the door to my right. Pushing it open, I see a neatly clean, open spaced bathroom. I turn around, stepping back into the bedroom looking it over before walking out. Seeing my blunt was almost halfway gone, I sigh softly.
As I make my way across the hall, taking another puff from my blunt as I have my own little search of the place. Upon pushing the door open, I flick on the light. This room holds a bed, dresser, TV, night stand, and a large window. Walking inside I let my light orbs scan over the room, landing on the mirror connected to the dresser. God. I turn away quickly before taking a long drag of my blunt, walking over to the window. The view of the yard different here, the side of the home now present to me. The sight was clear, the fence stretching out to the front of the home. Nothing but the trees and stars above that I could see.
Taking out my phone from my pants pocket, I unlock the screen and go straight to my contacts. Finding my father's name I press call, waiting for the dial tone.
I wait.
And wait.
Nothing. Silence.
I don't like this.
An uneasy feeling settling in my stomach yet again today. Bringing the blunt to my lips I take another puff, seeing it was halfway gone. A sigh leaves my lips as I close out the app and slide my phone back into my pocket. The peace and quiet is pleasing, but also deafening. Being a parent, the silence was never good. Even when they are away. Because, the silence means they're not there with you. You're missing them still.
Looking down at my blunt I see it is just below halfway, but it has went out.
"Damn.. " I curse, knowing the only lighter was down stairs. Maybe, I can look around? Stepping away from the window, I move to the dresser. Pulling open the drawers, I toss through the first two drawers. Coming up short, I walk over to the small night stand that stands near the bed. I open it and dig through it, coming up lucky with a old flicker lighter. Clicking it on, I keep the tip of the blunt over the open flame.
Being right on track, I place the lighter down on the bed and take a puff. I can begin to feel the cannabis taking effect, causing my mind to haze out. But, it was never enough. It would always relax me, but never take me away from the moment. I glance around the room, my eyes falling on the pillow at the head of the bed. There was something sticking out of the bottom of it.
Placing my hand on the pillow, I remove it from where it lays. I tilt my head as I grab the item, a soft chuckle passing my lips.
"Oh wow.. Someone's world ended just before it actually did." I say as I look down at the papers in my hand, the words Divorce Settlement displayed visibly on the front. "Damn.." I shake my head as I take another puff, my blunt now almost gone from my journey around the house. Laying the papers down, I stand and leave the room. Slowly making my way down the stairs, I see Jasper setting out the blankets on the separate couches.
"Hey, enjoy your walk through the house?" Jasper asks as I walk to the fireplace, allowing the warmth of it to radiate onto my exposed skin. It has grown cold since the hour has passed.
"Yeah, thought I'd look for some things before we leave in the morning." I tell him, wrapping my arms around my front. Watching him even out blankets and prop pillows up for each of us, I can only smile lightly at his actions.
"Good, because we're leaving at day break. Go ahead and get your sense of adventure out now." I can only laugh at his fatherly manner, making my way to the opposite couch he was.
"Doors locked?" I asks, sitting down on the couch and removing my shoes.
"Yep. No worries tonight." He reassures me as I take off my holster and gun, placing it on the coffee table in front of me. And with that, I believe him. As soon as my head hits the small couch pillow, my eyes are closing and all I remember is thinking of Lucas before I drift to sleep. It didn't take much tonight. From being weak from the journey, and tired from the day, my body welcomes sleep with open arms.