I let out a breath, rigid and weak as I try to control myself. Trying to wrap my mind around what I had just done.
Am I a killer?
No.
I can't be.
I won't allow myself to come to terms with what I am, what I had done. I did this for me, for Lucas. If I hadn't, she would have killed me.
I would have never seen Lucas again. I couldn't let that happen. He needs me. My father and mother need me to get to them, to be together.
The only thing I try to think of while I grip the wheel quite tightly. Jasper, sensing my frustration, looks to me before speaking softly.
"Clara, breath." He reassures me, his hand coming to rest on top of my hand as we ride alone on the road, heading North.
"I'm trying to." I say as I feel a small lump building in my throat, blocking my air way as I try to take in a breath. Harder said then done.
With the wind sweeping back my hair as I press the gas pedal, I see a few cars as we pass. Bodies slump over the wheel, or people clawing at the windows as we ride by.
Whatever this virus is, it is deadly. Making people turn into these terror, meat driven lunatics. As I try to process what could be the cause of all this, I hear static on the radio, cutting in and out from a station barely making it through.
"You hear that?" Jasper ask as he messes with the knob to enhance the signal.
"Survivors; the CDC is open to any and all seeking shelter. I am here to help."
It continues in a loop the same words, Jasper looking to me with wide eyes.
"Should we? Just to see if there are any more survivors?"
My mind instantly returning to Chloe and Emma with their sister Nellie, and Travis's group at the chruch.
"If you think it's best. But only for a moment. Lucas needs me." I remind him as I press down on the gas pedal, increasing our speed as we move closer to the city limits.
We ride in silence as we gain momentum, wanting to get there quickly as possible, and to avoid any other possible distractions and mishaps that could throw us off track again. Just a few more hours and I'll be with Lucas and my parents, granted if everything is okay. Having not been able to reach them on my phone causes me more stress as I have tried a few times now. And I'll try again when we reach the CDC.
If I could just hear his voice. Just to know he is okay. That's all. Why can't I have that? Just a bit of reassurance is all I need. Something.
"Take the on ramp up here. The CDC should be a few blocks off the next exit." Jasper says over my crowded thoughts.
"Alright." Is all I say as I drive onto the on ramp, getting onto the highway leading into the city. Hoping that it will not be as bad as what we have already seen.
Within minutes I pull off onto an exit, driving down the empty street heading towards the CDC, abandon cars the only thing in sight as the CDC comes in view a few hundred feet away.
"There." Jasper points out the obvious CDC building as I press on the gas. Not seeing the man walk out in front of the jeep, hitting him with the side of the vehicle. Hitting the brake my breathing halts as Jasper grabs my shoulder. "You okay?" He asks before I nod, seeing him open his door to step out.
"No! He may be like the others." I say, but Jasper's feet are already hitting the asphalt as he views the man on the ground.
"Clara stay back." He tells me, not that I have moved from where I was, but a warning. He only takes a step away from the jeep as the man raises up quickly, getting to his feet faster than any human would have been able to with the force he endured.
"Let's go! Now!" I yell to Jasper as he backs up to the door, his back to me as he keeps his eyes on the man. The man's arm twisted as blood drips from his chin and mouth, staining his shirt.
"Jasper!" I yell his name just before he jumps in the passenger seat, slamming his door. I see the man beginning to sprint as I hit the gas, peeling away from the contorted man in the street, still following us as we take a turn.
"What the hell?" Jasper says, almost out of breath as he looks around the area as we drive quickly to our destination just around the corner now.
"Everyone's infected, everyone is sick." I say before really realizing it. Maybe there was no one left. Maybe not even Chloe and Emma now. Their home being the only thing that kept them safe. And I took them from there.
With hope their sister could protect them, I try to slide them out of thought as the CDC comes to view. Cars parked on the grass in front of the building. Maybe there are others. Putting it in park as I drive directly beside the building, I turn off the engine and grab my shovel before opening the door and stepping out. Jasper doing the same as I walk around the jeep, my eyes scanning the area as I walk to the closed doors.
"Locked." I say as I look around, seeing a camera in the top corner. "Hey! We're not infected. We need help." I yell at the camera as Jasper makes his way beside me, seeing him turn and look behind and around us for any potential dangerous person. Especially the one we just recently escaped from.
Before I can open my mouth to yell again I hear a click, My head turning to Jasper as I shrug my shoulder lightly. He steps towards the door and twist the handle, seeing it open we scurry in just as the deranged man rounds the corner, his eyes on us as he gets closer. Closing it behind us, we watch him run and hit the door with his head, his black eyes on us as he scratches at the glass door.
"Welcome." We hear from behind us, turning quickly to see a man with long hair on top of a stairwell, with a white lab coat. "Are you two okay? No bites or scratches I presume." He says as he walks down the stairs leading towards us.
"No." I speak up before Jasper gets the chance, swallowing away the lump in my throat as I raise my head ever so slightly.
"Good. My name is Dr. Hodgins. And you two are?"
"Just trying to seek help." Jasper says, hearing the slight arrogance in his voice. He wasn't going to help our chances of survival here if he kept that up.
"Clara. This is Jasper. We heard your broadcast."
"Ah, that. Yes. I sent it out last night when shit hit the fan."
"How many survivors are here?" I ask, not seeing any other soul in sight.
"None. You two are the first."
My heart fell into my stomach, taking it to the floor as I swallowed again, my jaw tightening.
"No need to get sappy on me. I have food, water and maybe you two could help me here. May we?" Dr. Hodgins waves his finger as he walks up the stairs, completely ignoring the man trying to claw his way in behind us.
"Don't mind him. The doors and window are bullet proof. There's no getting in or out without my authorization or key card. You're safe here." He says as we make our way up the stairs, following behind him as he leads us away from the main area.
As minutes pass, we find ourselves in another part of the CDC sitting at a table, with food and water. His demeanor seemed off to me as I sip my bottle of water. Finally speaking up after a few moments of silence, I clear my throat.
"Where are your colleagues? Is it just you?" I ask, taking a bite from the beef jerky he had given us. Jasper having already consumed his first one, now on to his second.
"They all left. Seeing to their families at the time."
My brow raises as he speaks.
"Why haven't they returned? You said it was safe here."
"I'm not sure. I wish I knew."
"Then why are you still here?" Jasper speaks up, my eyes cutting to him as he sits beside me.
"I have no family. I have no reason to leave." Dr. Hodgins replies as he leans against the counter directly across from us. "Plus, someone has got to stay behind for when the government comes."
"The government?"
"Yes. The military. I've been working on a vaccine to give to survivors when they come for help."
I look to Dr. Hodgins as I take another sip of my water, swallowing away the cool liquid.
"A vaccine? How long have you been working on it?"
"So many questions. Why don't I show you while I tell you. It'll help."
I nod as I stand, seeing him do the same. Jasper following behind, as he carries his water bottle and beef jerky with him. The doctor leads us down a hallway and up more stairs as he continues talking.
"You see, this was brought to my attention from another CDC in New Zealand, just a weeks days ago. There was a small outbreak there and they needed a vaccine to control it. Same mild symptoms at first, just like here. Upset stomach, red eyes, bumps on the skin, vomiting. That sort of thing."
He continues as he guides us into a large lab looking room, desk aligned the walls, microscopes and such.
"You see, they called and ordered two CDC's in America to help. My team went and retrieved a patients blood trying to find any anomalies that they may have."
We follow behind as he leads us up another small set of stairs, Dr. Hodgins holding open a glass door to a large office.
"On arrival it seemed to us like any other virus. My team conducting a very thorough investigation of the patients and the small town it was first discovered in. Over night half my team was near dead from contracting the virus from said patients. But we had enough research to bring them home. So we did."
He closes the door behind us, cool air hitting us as we step inside.
"What they didn't know, was a local snuck onto the plane, bringing the virus back to America with them. Although my team was paralyzed with the same symptoms, a few recovered."
"A stowaway. What happened to the others?"
"They become the experiments we needed to conduct the vaccine. Or the lack there of. Because within days the virus broke out, not giving us time to conduct a vaccine like we were suppose to."
"The local from there must have been infected."
"Yes. Badly. His cells were dying and his first contact off the plane is what lead to these events. It swept over the country within three days."
I could see the disbelief on Jasper's face as the doctor tells us, his mouth opening to speak, but me speaking first.
"So, since then you've been working on a nonexistent vaccine?"
"You can say that. We've had trials, fails and close victories. I believe I may have the right antidote now."
I nod slightly as I walk over to the clear windows looking down on the huge lab we walked into first.
"So, there may be a way out of this?" I ask, looking over to the doctor as he leans against his desk.
"For us survivors, yes."
"And the ones already infected?"
"Probably not. Because in theory, they are already dead. Parts of their brain have already died, leaving only small counter parts 'alive' as they are not. Their heart is not beating, their cells are dead, and their organs do not function properly anymore."
"Thanks for the info doc. When you get this vaccine right, let us know. Until then we have to get going." Jasper speaks up as he looks to me.
"If I can find you when you leave here, I must certainly will. We will need all the survivors we can. May I offer a few supplies to get you to where you're going?"
"We're not going far. Only a few hours from here to retrieve more survivors. Clara's family."
The doctor looks to me now, his hands in his front jeans pockets as he moves from his desk.
"You have family that has survived?"
"I'm hoping my son is still alive." I nod lightly as the doctor does too.
"Very well. Let me get you some food and water to get you where you're going. Jasper, will you help me?" He ask of Jasper as he opens his door again, Jasper giving me a look of uncertainty as I give him a slight nod.
"Go. I'll be fine. Come get me when you're done." I tell him, letting him know I can handle myself, and that I will be fine alone.
He sighs before following Dr. Hodgins down the stairs and out of the lab. A small sigh leaves my lips. Taking in all this information was hard to process. Knowing where the virus came from, how it got here and what the doctor was doing to stop it.
Did he say his team become test subjects? As I recall, he did. Making me wonder what the hell was happening here.
I walk away from the glass window and to his desk, seeing nothing out of the ordinary besides the usual office things. Seeing a bookcase behind his desk, I walk over and see his abundance of books along the shelves.
"So many reading materials." I say to myself as I scan over the titles of the books. Seeing one out of place only slightly, I push it back. Hearing a click sound a few feet away from me. My head turns in that direction as a panel from the wall slides back, revealing a glass wall.
Walking over to it, a figure jumps at the window, making me take a step back from it. My eyes adjust to the figure inside the box, a woman with brunette hair, a tall stature, a white coat just like the doctor's. She let out a moan as her nails scrape against the glass.
"I suppose you've met Lisa." I hear from behind me, seeing Dr. Hodgins at his door.
"What is this?" I ask as he comes to stand behind me.
"Lisa. My team mate who first contracted the virus."
I look over Lisa as her black eyes sweep over me and to the doctor. Her eyes settling on him just for a moment before she claws at the glass again.
"Why is she in there? Is she part of your trials and fails?"
"You could say so. Along with the rest."
"There's more?"
"Of course. Come." He motions me to the large glass window over seeing the lab, my arms crossing. He grabs a small remote from his desk as I am already standing at the glass, waiting for whatever he was to show me.
"You okay?" He ask as I uncross my arms.
"Yeah."
Just as he approaches the glass, in the far corner a panel from the wall moved aside just like before, revealing another glass box with a figure inside. This time a man, the same lab coat hanging down as he claws at the glass. Then another a few feet from him, and another a bit closer to us. Soon there where five boxes shown with limping drooling figures scratching and clawing to get out of the tiny box they are in.
My eyes scan over them all, seeing two that were different than the rest. No white coats.
"Who are these people?"
"That's Martin. He was my best colleague. That one is Phil."
"What about those ones. In the normal clothing?"
I can hear him hesitate as I ask, but he never wavers.
"That's Mary and Doug. I didn't know them."
"They were civilians, weren't they?"
"Yes. They said they wanted to help save the human race."
I can hear his voice shake slightly as his head lowers.
"I tried to protest, knowing they're was no going back from this. But they insisted."
"Sometimes people give up in times like these. Not me."
"You're doing the right thing, trying to survive." He says as his shoulders shrug slightly.
"Are you sure about that?"
I can hear him sigh again as he looks down at the ones in the boxes, guilt washing over his face.
"Maybe not, but you were born for this." He says as he walks over to me, closing the distance as he holds his hands from behind his back.
"I know it hard being out there. And being a parent on top of that trying to get to your child. I could only imagine how hard it is."
"It's always hard."
"Yet here you are."
I didn't know how to take what he is saying, a part of me doesn't believe what he has to say, the other part wants to see the good that could come from this.
"Did they really want to die? To just give up?"
"I believe so."
I only nod as I watch him click the button and all the panels go back to normal, covering up the infected like they were never there. Trapped in a tiny box, no life left as they linger there.
"Let me show you out. Jasper might be getting worried."
Again, I nod slightly as I walk behind him to the already open glass door. Walking out and down the stairs that lead to the lab below. My feet move without much thought as I walk through the lab, past all the desks. My mind stuck on the victims that are behind the walls.
As I approach the door, I see a desk to my right. A microscope and scalpels and things laid out across the top. My hand moving before I could actually process what it is doing. I grab for a scalpel, the one closest to me as I turn and bring it down on the doctors leg. Stabbing him through the skin as he lets out a piercing scream.
"I'm sorry.." I say before running off through the open door and through the way we had came. Meeting Jasper in the main area as he is coming through the door.
"Hey, everything okay?" He asks as he sees me running to him, pulling him along to the door.
"Come on. We gotta go." I tell him as I run through the door and out to the open lawn. Feeling the fresh air enter my lungs as my legs take me to the jeep.
"Get in the driver seat. And back up to the door."
"Why?"
"Don't ask why. Do it!" I yell, knowing there was no time to explain what was going on in my mind. Instead I take the shovel in hand and step on the back of the jeep, increasing my height as Jasper turns on the engine and backs up to the door we came through. Inching closer to the door, I prop open the top with the shovel just as the doors begin to close.
"Clara, hurry!" Jasper yells as I step down and onto the pavement. Just as I turn around I see at least a dozen of the infected coming our way. "Now Clara!" He yells again as I'm making my way around the vehicle, to the passenger seat before the infected can get any closer to us.
"Go go!" I say, more of a yell as Jasper hits the gas, speeding off the pavement, onto the grass and back onto the pavement to drive away from the CDC. I look back, see a few head through the door I left open, and the rest following behind us. But Jasper increases our speed, leaving them behind as he takes a turn and then another. Leaving them in our trail of dust as we leave the city.
"What did you do Clara?!" Jasper says as he glances over at me quickly, keeping his eyes on the road as he drives full speed down the road and down the ramp to the highway.
"I don't know.." I say almost at a whisper as I lower my head, seeing my gun still in its holster on my hip.
"He could have helped us! And you.. You did something. Why don't you think before acting?" Jasper's words mellow out from my hearing as I look out the open window to my right.
"No, he couldn't have.."