The ride is silent majority of the way. Jasper only sighing every few minutes to display his dissatisfaction with me and what I had done. Even though he didn't know the extent of it. The silence was the loudest thing there is. It allowed the other noises to become clear. The roaring of the engine, the wheels against the concrete highway.
It was almost too much as we drove closer and closer to Lucas and my parents. With the things I've done surfacing in my head every few minutes, I would push them back out again with the little strength I did have left. Checking my phone now as I see it is seven o'clock. Knowing it has been twenty four hours since I've seen my son, and darkness would be approaching soon as the sun begins to set above the trees.
I knew what I had done. It keep replaying in my head as I sit in the passenger seat looking from the abandon cars, to my hands in my lap, to the orange sun descending from the sky.
My own thoughts now haunting me. Not leaving as I try my hardest to think of other things. To no avail, I check my phone again. Only two minutes since I've checked it last. Two hours give or take til I can see Lucas again. Given if he is still alive.
No.
He is. There's no question. I can feel that he is. Literally feel it in my bones that he is still breathing. He is still alive.
The silence is cut short as I hear Jasper's voice beside me.
"Tell me what happened?" It was more of a question than a demand.
"I can't.." I say after a moment, my eyes closing as I relive what I had done to Dr. Hodgins. Knowing a part of me knew he didn't deserve what I had done. Stabbing him, and leaving him vulnerable to the infected. My stomach drops as I think that he may have been able to help us, to help Lucas when I find him. Maybe even help what is left of the world.
If his story rang true about the virus, how it originated, the vaccine, the trials and fails, he could have helped us. He could have been our savior.
I fucked it up.
Dammit.
If there was a cure for this, I screwed it up for the rest of the remaining survivors. Lucas. Emma. Chloe. Jasper. Mom and dad. The survivors at the church. The realization setting in as I begin to feel stinging in my eyes, tears welling up as they escape and roll down my cheeks. Choking up, I feel my throat beginning to close as I close me eyes.
How could I have done that?
First Misty, now a damn doctor who could have helped the world. I dammed the rest of humanity because of one selfish act. I have taken lives, ruined the rest of the living. Giving them no chance at a life after this. My throat begins to burn as I cry silently in the passenger seat.
"We need to stop for gas. We're running low." I barely hear Jasper speak as my ears become muffled from my breakdown.
"Clara? You okay?" He asks as he slows down just a bit.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I tell him as I watch him take the nearest exit. The headlights of the jeep highlighting our way. He drives slow as he takes the ramp up and down the lone road leading to nowhere it seems. A moment later, a store comes into view. A car parked by one of the four gas pumps, the door wide open and no one in sight as Jasper pulls beside one of the gas pumps.
"Stay here. I'll pump." Jasper says as he cuts the engine, hopping out of the jeep. "If you need some water, there's some in the back seat."
I only return a soft nod as I take out my phone, seeing two bars displaying on the screen. Searching for my father's number, I press call. Waiting for what it seems like an eternity til I hear a ring. Then another. And another. Nothing. No answer. My eyelids begin to get heavy as I bit down on my bottom lip. The worst scenarios popping into my head as I end the attempt call.
Why weren't they answering?
I don't understand.
My thoughts are interrupted as Jasper opens my door.
"Wanna drive?" He asks, seeing my phone in my hand.
"Yeah, sure." I step out onto the paved concrete, walking around to the driver seat as my eyes scan over the darkened area. Nothing. Silence. No infected or survivors here.
I open the driver door and hoist myself up and inside the driver seat, moving my holster just a tad before closing the door behind me. Twisting the key in the ignition, I hear the engine come to life. With a full tank, I put it in drive and let my foot fall onto the gas pedal. Pulling out of the gas station, I take a right back to where we had came.
Not too much longer now and we'll be at the plantation. Even with the sun now gone, and darkness now covering us, I still had hope we would find them. The headlights on to illuminate our path as I drove us to the exit we took to get here.
Time seems to linger as I drive down the highway, dodging cars and trucks, some motorcycles and eighteen wheelers. My speed a lot slower than I had hoped to be going in order to go around and dodge the vehicles in my path. But fast enough to feel the cool wind hitting my face to keep me awake as I drove. Growing tired as every minute passes, I grip the wheel as I keep my eyes on the road. Time seems to have a concept of its own today. Hours passed within minutes, and minutes stretching on for what seemed to be hours on end.
With luck, I kept myself awake until I hear Jasper beside me.
"Clara, can we stop?"
I take long enough to glance over at him, then back again at the road.
"What time is it?" I ask, knowing full well I may not be able to keep my eyes open any longer. Wrecking our transportation is not the way we need to be going in right now.
"After nine. With the speed we're going we're not going to reach your dad's til at least eleven o'clock. We can find a house, hunker down for the night and get there early early in the morning."
I wanted to argue, to tell him to hush and let me drive. But my mind draws weary and tired as I keep my sleepy eyes on the road.
"Fine. The next exit we find I'll take it." I say. A few moments later one coming into view and I take it, leading the vehicle up the ramp and down the road leading into a small town like area. Just as we pass a gas station and diner, I hear a clap over head. Thunder.
Oh no.
The jeep doesn't have a top on, and we surely will get soaked if I take too long finding a home for us to seek shelter in for the night. I count my blessings as the thunder and lighting continue with no showers as I drive down the concrete road, seeing a turn off, I take it.
"Keep your eyes open for a mailbox or something."
We continue to drive for a moment, shortly feeling small rain drops hit my face, and seeing them splatter against the windshield.
"Shit.." I mumble under my breath as I hit the gas a little more.
"Mailbox." Jasper says, making me hit the brake as I pass it only by a few feet. Putting it in reverse, I hit the gas and see the mailbox on the right, a small dirt road along the side of it.
"Good eye." I comment as I take the turn onto the dirt road, the raindrops growing bigger now as I flip on the windshield wipers.
A large gate comes into view as I press the brake. "I got it." Jasper says as he begins to open the door.
"Be careful." I say as he runs to the gate, opening it with ease as I suppose there is no lock. Pressing the gas just enough to get the vehicle inside the gate, I stop and wait for Jasper to close it behind us.
"Let's go." He says as he hops back into the passenger seat.
"Okay okay." I press the pedal, driving slowly as we approach the driveway. A large house comes into view, no lights on as I drive slowly up to the door, an awning overlapping the porch, big enough to park the jeep under.
"Thank god." Jasper breathes a sigh of relief as I put it in park a few feet away from the front door to the left. Giving us room to have an exit plan.
"Don't thank him yet." I say as I kill the engine, letting the noise settle. The rain the only disturbance in the air as I step out of the jeep. "We're only out of the rain. We need to check if anyone is here."
I see him nod through the darkness as I pull out my gun from its holster, sadden that the shovel was left behind.
"Stay behind me." Jasper whispers as I make my way around the jeep, heading towards the door before he steps in front of me. He steps up onto the small steps and turns the knob in the door, pushing it open slightly and letting it swing open. We wait a moment, listening for any noise inside the home before Jasper steps in and puts his hand on the wall, feeling for a light switch.
Within a second, a light flicks on and the area is lite up, displaying a rather large living room and a few pieces of furniture. I step in behind Jasper as he makes his way inside. Moments pass as we search the home, finding it as empty as can be. Downstairs is mostly just a living room, kitchen and bedroom. The upstairs a lone bedroom and bath with a fireplace; attached with a balcony with an awning protecting it from the rain.
It is a beautiful home. Assuming it is dated back maybe forty years, it is in good shape for such an old home. I walk back out to the jeep after we make sure the home is clear of the infected and survivors, retrieving our bags.
With our soaked clothes, I place our bags on the floor and pull out a new pair of jeans and a tank top. Jasper taking his clothes and walking into the connected bathroom, while I change in the bedroom. A new set of clothes the main priority. I shake off my wet jeans, and put them to the side, doing the same with my underwear, bra and shirt.
All my clothes soaked to the bone as I begin to dress in my new dry ones that I packed before hand. Finally able to move without clothes sticking to my skin, I walk out to the balcony and place my wet clothes on the back of a chair, hoping they will air dry before morning.
Just as I am sliding my shoes back on Jasper exits from the bathroom, wearing new clothes just as well.
"I'm gonna go get some fire wood. I believe I seen some downstairs." He says as he walks out of the bedroom, not before glancing over to me and offering a soft smile.
I spend the next few minutes using the restroom and again trying to make the call to Lucas. Still to no avail, I put down my phone on the desk, sighing heavily as I place my face in my hands. Wiping my face, I can hear Jasper walk into the bedroom, placing down the wood he must have found.
"You okay?" He asks.
"Do you still have hope?" I say as I look up to him, my eyes scanning over his face for an answer.
"Are we still breathing?" He asks me, placing his hand on my shoulder.
Upon hearing his voice lower and such sincerity traveling through his words, I take a breath and look down at my phone again. Thirty percent. It's going to need a charge. I feel his hand fall from my shoulder as I let out a small sigh, licking my lips.
I rummage through my bag, finding my charger and plug it in, leaving it on the desk as Jasper brings his bag over to the bed. Taking out a few items as he sits down in the edge of the bed.
"Wanna break?" He asks me as I look over and see our favorite pass time activity, and the few other items that would be needed.
"Yeah. Do I need to throw in?"
"Nah. I got plenty." He reassures me as he begins to break it down, moving the wraps away as he empties the now grinded herb into his capsule. Jasper pulls out two rillos, and begin to break them open.
"I'll be right back. Gonna go see if they have any food." I say as I stand, walking over to the door of the bedroom.
"Don't take too long." He calls over his shoulder as he is preoccupied with his own festivities.
I only nod before walking out and down the hallway, a sigh leaving my lips as I begin to descend the stairs. Making my way through the lite up living room and into the large kitchen to the right. Feeling as if I can barely breath, I take a moment and lean against the counter, my eyes closing tightly.
"How can I have hope when I don't know if Lucas is okay?" I say out loud, hanging my head.
I curse as I second guess myself. This not being how I want things to go. Feeling distraught and angry with myself as I push myself away from the counter.
I can't do this anymore. The not knowing.
I walk out of the kitchen, taking a deep breath as I cross the living room and to the front door, throwing it open as I walk out. The cool night air nipping at my cheeks as my feet take me away from the home and past the jeep, into the hard cold rain.
My mind and body having made the choice for me as my legs lead me straight into the darkness, the rain hitting my new dry clothes, hair and face. I pull out my gun as I swallow, a lump growing in my throat as I bring the gun to my head.
"I can't. I'm done." I say as I stop walking, letting the cool tip of the gun rest against my temple.
"Clara!" I hear from behind me as Jasper runs over to me, pulling the gun away from my head. "What the hell?!" He yells, throwing my gun down to the ground as he turns me around.
"I-I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore Jasper!" I yell, my voice raising as I look up to him, my eyes stinging as the tears begin to well up.
Jasper stops, stepping closer to me as the rain beats down on us, soaking our new clothes. "Do it for Lucas if you can't do it for yourself." He tells me as he lowers his voice, the tears springing to life as they fall down my cheeks.
"Please. He needs you." He pauses. "I need you." His eyes scan over my face as he stands a few feet from me, seeing the rain hit his face and soaking his dark chestnut hair. My own hair now drenching as we stand together.
"Jasper I-" He cuts me off as he leans down, taking my lips into his own. Warmth and the coolness from the rain mixing together, and I take in his scent. Almost like an oak scent, natural and sweet. His warmth radiating from him as his hands rest on my cheeks. Only pulling away a second later to look over my face.
"Please. Don't ever leave. We need you." His voice is soft and low as he rest his forehead against my own, his breathing slow as my own is rushed and rigid.
"Okay." I say as my eyes close, then open, seeing his dark brown eyes looking down at me.
"Okay." He repeats, before I crash my lips into his, my breath caught in my throat as we embrace in the cold rain.
I can feel his hands move from my cheeks to my waist, pulling me into him. Our bodies colliding as his hands move down to my bottom, picking me up and wrapping my legs around him.
He turns around, walking blindly back to the safety of the home. Taking the steps with ease as our lips never break. My hands cupping his cheeks, moving so my fingers run through his wet dark hair. I hear the door close behind us as he pushes it closed, my back hitting the door as he pins me against it.
If my mind wasn't spinning before, I sure felt it now. With our lips moving against one another's, syncing together as he pins my hands above my head. I begin to feel dizzy as his lips move slightly down my cheek, and to my neck. Kissing my wet skin as one hand moves to the hem of my shirt, tugging at it as he tries to pull it up. Finally taking his other hand that held both my hands above me, he is able to pull my shirt over my head. He throws it to the floor.
His eyes open, but only for a moment until his lips are back against my own. I feel myself being moved as the wall behind me disappears, Jasper moving us toward the stairs as he walks slowly. The sound of the rain beating against the windows echo throughout the home as we somehow manage to make it safely up the stairs.
Jasper carries me into the bedroom as I hear the crackle of the fire, and the rain hitting the roof of the home and balcony as the door lies open. Allowing the cool air to seep through and reach my wet bare skin.
My hands travel down to Jasper's shirt, gripping the bottom and tugging at it as I try to pull it up and over his head. Almost with ease, he moves his lips away from mine for me to remove his shirt. Throwing it to the floor as my hands don't waste any time moving to the button on his jeans.
Have I known what would come of this night, I would and will do the same actions that led up to this moment between us. For I have waited years for this. To have those brown eyes look at me the way he does now. His firm hands caressing my body as we lay embraced in this bed.
This moment, he is all I need.