I could feel it was too early again when I woke, and I knew I was getting the schedule of my days and nights slowly reversed. I lay in bed and listened to the quiet voices of Alice and Jasper in the other room. That they were loud enough for me to hear at all was strange. I rolled off the bed and then staggered to the living room.
The clock on the TV said it was just after two in the morning. Alice and Jasper were sitting together on the sofa, Alice sketching again while Jasper looked over her shoulder. They didn't look up when I entered, too engrossed in Alice's work.
I crept to Jasper's side to peek.
"Did she see something more?" I asked him quietly.
"Yes. Something's brought him back to the room with the VCR, but it's light now."
I watched as Alice drew a square room with dark beams across its low ceiling. The walls were paneled in wood, a little too dark, out of date. The floor had a dark carpet with a pattern on it. There was a large window against the south wall, and an opening through the west wall led to the living room. One side of that entrance was stone—a large tan stone fireplace that was open to both rooms. The focus of the room from this perspective, the TV and VCR, balanced on a too-small wooden stand, were in the southwest corner of the room. An aged sectional sofa curved around in front of the TV, a round coffee table in front of it.
"The phone goes there," I whispered, pointing.
They both stared at me.
"That's my mother's house."
Alice was already off the couch, phone in hand, dialing. I stared at the precise rendering of my mother's family room. Uncharacteristically, Jasper slid closer to me. He lightly touched his hand to my shoulder, and the physical contact seemed to make his calming influence stronger. The panic stayed dull, unfocused.
Alice's lips were trembling with the speed of her words, the low buzzing impossible to decipher. I couldn't concentrate.
"Beau," Alice said. I looked at her numbly.
"Beau, Edward is coming to get you. He and Emmett and Carlisle are going to take you somewhere, to hide you for a while."
"Edward is coming?"
"Yes, he's catching the first flight out of Seattle. We'll meet him at the airport, and you'll leave with him."
"But, my mom… he came here for my mom, Alice!" Despite Jasper, I could feel the panic rise in my chest.
"Jasper and I will stay till she's safe."
"I can't win, Alice! You can't protect everyone I know forever. Don't you see what he's doing? He's not tracking me at all. He'll find someone, he'll hurt someone I love… Alice, I can't—"
"We'll catch him, Beau," she assured me.
"And what if you get hurt, Alice? Do you think that's okay with me? Do you think it's only my human family he can hurt me with?"
Alice looked meaningfully at Jasper. A deep, heavy fog of lethargy washed over me, and my eyes closed without my permission. My mind struggled against the fog, realizing what was happening. I forced my eyes open and stood up, stepping away from Jasper's hand.
"I don't need to sleep," I snapped.
I walked to my room and slammed the door. Alice didn't follow me, the way I half-expected her to. Maybe she could see what my response would be. For nearly four hours I alternated between pacing the room, laying on the bed, and staring at the walls. My mind went around in circles, trying to come up with some way out of this nightmare. There was no escape, only one possible end looming darkly in my future. The only question was how many other people would be hurt before I reached it.
The only solace I could find was knowing Alice and Jasper were in the room next to me, caring for me and my safety. Knowing that Edward was coming helped, too. Maybe, if I could see his face, I would be able to figure out a solution. Things had a way of working themselves out when we were together, despite the odds.
When the phone rang, I went back to the front room, a little ashamed by my behavior. I hoped I hadn't offended either of them. I hoped they realized that I was nothing but grateful for the sacrifices they were making for me.
Alice was talking at high speed into the phone again. I looked around, but Jasper was gone. The clock said it was five-thirty in the morning.
"They're just boarding their plane," Alice told me. "They'll land at nine-forty-five."
Just a few more hours to get through and he'd be here.
"Where's Jasper?"
"He went to check out."
"You two aren't staying here?"
"No, we're relocating closer to your mother's house."
I felt my stomach begin to knot in response to her words.
But the phone rang gain, distracting me. Alice looked at the number, then held it out to me. I took it quickly from her hand.
"Mom?"
"Beau? Beau?" It was my mom's voice—that familiar tone I'd heard a thousand times in my childhood, anytime I'd gotten too close to the edge of the sidewalk or strayed out of her sight in a crowded place. It was the sound of panic.
"Calm down, Mom," I said in my most soothing voice, walking slowly away from Alice, back to the bedroom. I wasn't sure if I could lie as convincingly with her watching. "Everything is fine, okay? Just give me a minute and I'll explain everything, I promise."
I paused, surprised that she hadn't interrupted me yet.
"Mom?"
"Be very careful not to say anything until I tell you to." The voice I heard now was as unfamiliar as it was unexpected. It was a man's tenor voice, a very pleasant, generic voice—the kind of voice that you heard in the background of luxury car commercials. He spoke very quickly.
"Now, I don't need to hurt your mother, so please do exactly as I say, and she'll be fine. No doubt your friends are with you right now so don't say a word." He paused for a minute while I listened in mute horror. "That's very good," he congratulated. "Now repeat after me, and do try to sound natural. Please say, 'No, Mom, stay where you are.'"
"No, Mom, stay where you are." My voice was barely more than a whisper.
"I can see this is going to be difficult." The voice was amused, still light and friendly. "Why don't you walk into another room now so your face doesn't ruin everything? There's no reason for your mother to suffer. As you're walking say, 'Mom, please listen to me.' Say it now."
"Mom, please listen to me," I pleaded. I walked slowly through the bedroom door, feeling Alice's worried gaze on my back. I shut the door behind me, trying to think clearly through the terror that immobilized my brain.
"There now, are you alone? Just answer yes or no."
"Yes."
"But they can still hear you, I'm sure."
"Yes."
"All right, then," the agreeable voice continued, "say, 'Mom, trust me.'"
"Mom, trust me."
"This worked out rather better than I expected. I was prepared to wait, but your mother arrived ahead of schedule. It's easier this way, isn't it? Less suspense, less anxiety for you."
I waited.
"Now I want you to listen very carefully. I'm going to need you to get away from your friends; do you think you can do that? Answer yes or no."
"No."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping you would be a little more creative. Do you think you could get away from them if your mother's life depended on it. Answer yes or no."
Somehow, there had to be away. I remembered that we were going to the airport. It would be crowded, confusingly laid out…
"Yes," I said through my teeth.
"That's better. I'm sure it won't be easy, but if I get the slightest hint that you have any company, well, that would be very bad for your mother," the friendly voice promised, "You must know enough about us by now to realize how quickly I would know if you tried to bring anyone along with you. And how little time I would need to deal with your mother if that was the case. Do you understand? Answer yes or no."
"Yes." My voice broke.
"Very good, Beau. Now this is what you have to do. I want you to go to your mother's house. Next to the phone there will be a number. Call it, and I'll tell you where to go from there." I already knew where I would go, and where this would end. But I would follow his instructions exactly. "Can you do that? Answer yes or no."
"Yes."
"Before noon, please, Beau. I haven't got all day," he said politely.
"Where's Phil?" I asked tersely.
"Ah, be careful now, Beau. Wait until I ask you to speak, please."
I waited.
"It's important you don't make your friends suspicious when you go back to them. Tell them that your mother called, and that you talked her out of coming home for the time being. Now repeat after me, 'Thank you, Mom." Say it now."
"Thank you, Mom." I felt my stomach churning, I struggled to hold back the nausea.
"Say, 'I love you, Mom, I'll see you soon.' Say it now."
"I love you, Mom, I'll see you soon," I choked out.
"Goodbye, Beau. I look forward to seeing you again." He hung up.
I held the phone to my ear. My joints were frozen with horror—I couldn't unbend my fingers to drop it.
I knew I had to think, but my head was filled with the sound of my mother's panic. Seconds ticked by while I fought for control.
Slowly, slowly, my thoughts started to break past that brick wall of pain. To plan. Because I had no choices now but one: to go to the mirrored room and die. I had no guarantees that doing what he wanted would keep my mother alive. I could only hope that James would be satisfied with winning the game, that being Edward would be enough. Despair gripped me; there was no way to bargain, nothing I could offer or withhold that would influence him. But I still had no choice. I had to try.
I pushed the terror back as well as I could. My decision was made. It did no good to waste time agonizing over it. I had to think clearly, because Alice and Jasper were waiting for me, and deceiving them was absolutely essential, and absolutely impossible.
I was suddenly grateful that Jasper was gone. If he had been here to feel my anguish in the last five minutes, how could I have kept them in the dark? I fought back the fear, the horror, tried to stifle it. I couldn't afford to feel now. I didn't know when he would be back.
I tried to concentrate on my escape, then immediately realized that I couldn't plan anything. I had to be undecided. No doubt Alice would see the change soon, if she hadn't already. I couldn't let her see how it happened. If it happened. How could I get away? Especially when I couldn't even think about it.
I wanted to go see what Alice made of all this—if she'd seen any changes yet—but I knew I had to deal with one more thing alone before Jasper got back.
I had to accept that I would never see Charlie again. That I would never get to ask for his forgiveness and never know if he would ever forgive me. I had to accept that this would be the last time I saw my mother, she would be scared and heartbroken, but I had to hope she would survive this. I would never see my friends back in Forks again, all the wonderful people who had been so kind to the sour new kid who didn't like the rain; Jess, Angela, Lauren, Erica, Mike…
And I would never see Edward again. Not even one last look at his face to take with me to the mirror room. I was going to hurt him, and I couldn't say goodbye.
I burned in the pain of all this for a moment; all the goodbyes I couldn't have, the last hugs, the final smiles, I let it break me. Then I put myself back together, piece by piece, to go face Alice.
The only expression I could manage was a blank, dead look, but I felt like that was understandable. I was about to walk into the living room when my eye fell on the little bedside table. Gripped by a sudden idea, I knelt down and opened the top drawer. Underneath the complimentary copy of the Bible, there was a stash of stationary and a pen. I took a sheet of paper and an envelope out of the drawer.
"Edward," I wrote. My hand was shaking, the letters were hardly legible.
I love you. I am so sorry. He has my mom, and I have to try. I know it may not work. I am so very, very sorry.
Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper. If I get away from them it will be a miracle. Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please.
And please, please don't come after him. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me.
I love you. Forgive me.
Beau.
I folded the letter carefully, and sealed it in the envelope, eventually he would find it. I only hoped he would understand, and listen to me just this once.
And then I carefully sealed away my heart.