My eyes opened to a bright, white light. I was in an unfamiliar room, a white room. The wall beside me was covered in long vertical blinds; over my head, the glaring white lights blinded me. I was propped up on a hard, uneven bed—a bed with rails. The pillows were flat and lumpy. There was an annoying beeping sound somewhere close by. I hoped that meant I was still alive. I hadn't chosen to try and live just to end up in some uncomfortable white-washed death.
My hands were all twisted up with clear tubes, and something was taped across my face, under my nose. I lifted my hand to rip it off.
"No, you don't." And cool fingers caught my hand.
"Edward?" I turned my head slightly, and his exquisite face was just inches from mine, his chin resting on the edge of my pillow. A look of profound relief on his handsome face. I smiled at him.
"Hi."
"Hi," He smiled sadly.
"What happened?" I couldn't remember clearly, and my mind wasn't cooperating with me at the moment.
"I was almost too late. I could have been too late," he whispered, his voice tormented.
"I'm sorry, Edward. I thought he had my mom."
"He tricked us all."
"I need to call Charlie and my mom," I realized through the haze.
"Alice called them. Your mother is here—well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now."
"She's here?" I tried to sit up, but the spinning in my head accelerated, and his hand pushed me gently down onto the pillows.
"She'll be back soon," he promised. "And you need to stay still."
"But what did you tell her?" I panicked. I had no interest in being soothed. My mom was here and I was recovering from a vampire attack. "Why did you tell her I'm here?"
"You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window." He paused. "You have to admit, it could happen."
I sighed, and it hurt. I stared down at my body under the sheet, the huge lump that was my leg.
"How bad am I?" I asked.
"You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it—it made you smell all wrong for a while."
"That must have been a nice change for you."
"No, I like how you smell."
"How did you do it?" I asked quietly. He knew what I meant at once.
"I'm not sure." He looked away from my wondering eyes, lifting my gauze-wrapped hand from the bed and holding it gently in his, careful not to disrupt the wire connecting me to one of the monitors.
I waited patiently for the rest.
He sighed without returning my gaze. "It was impossible to stop," he whispered. "Impossible. But I did." He looked up finally, with half a smile. "I must love you."
"Don't I taste as good as I smell?" I smiled in response. That hurt my face. "Even better—better than I'd imagined."
"Damn right, I do." He laughed, loudly. It was so nice to hear him laugh again.
"Even then," he said after a moment, "I thought I had still lost you. Despite everything."
"Can't get rid of me that easy," I tried to shrug, but it hurt too much.
"Alice couldn't see you." His voice was a whisper now, "I thought you were gone forever."
"I hadn't made the decision yet." I said simply. He looked at me confused, "Giving up is easy, trying is harder." I repeated my mother's words from all those years ago. "I had too much to try for."
"I'm glad." His face was still sad, but there was happiness there.
Some very unpleasant memories were beginning to come back to me. I shuddered, and then winced.
He was instantly anxious. "Beau, what's wrong?"
"What happened to James?"
"After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him." There was a fierce note of regret in his voice.
This confused me. "I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there."
"They had to leave the room… there was a lot of blood. Emmett was devastated. He wanted to stay and help. I thought he might cry." Edward's voice was slightly amused.
"But you stayed."
"Yes, I stayed."
"And Alice, and Carlisle…," I said in wonder
"They love you, too, you know."
A flash of painful images from the last time I'd seen Alice reminded me of something. "James, he knew Alice! Did she see the tape?" I asked anxiously.
"Yes." A new sound darkened his voice, a tone of sheer hatred.
"She was always in the dark, that's why she didn't remember."
"I know. She understands now." His voice was even, but his face was black with fury.
I tried to reach his face with my free hand, but something stopped me. I glanced down to see the IV pulling at my hand.
"Ugh." I winced.
"What is it?" he asked anxiously—distracted, but not enough. The bleakness did not entirely leave his eyes.
"Needles," I explained, looking away from the one in my hand. I concentrated on a warped ceiling tile and tried to breathe deeply despite the ache in my ribs.
"Afraid of a needle," he muttered to himself under his breath, shaking his head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing him to death, sure, no problem, he runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…"
I rolled my eyes. I was pleased to discover that this reaction, at least, was pain-free. I decided to change the subject.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
He stared at me, first in confusion and then hurt touching his eyes. His brows pulled together as he frowned. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No!" I protested, "No, of course not, you beautiful idiot. No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back."
"Oh," he said, and his forehead smoothed back into marble. "I came to Phoenix to talk to you, to convince you to come back to Forks." His wide eyes were so earnest and sincere, I almost believed him myself. "You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice—of course I was here with parental supervision," he inserted virtuously, "but you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and… well, you know the rest. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points." He sighed, "Did you just call me an idiot?"
"Give me a break; I'm broken in like a hundred places and on pain medication." I snickered, "Besides, I called you a beautiful idiot."
He smirked in response.
"There are a few flaws with your story, though." I continued, "Like no broken windows."
"Not really," he said. "Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly—you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. You have nothing to worry about," he promised, stroking my cheek with the lightest of touches. "You're only job now is to heal."
"I think I can manage that," I sighed.
He leaned in slowly and pressed his lips ever so gently to mine, I sighed happily, then winced from the pain. He pulled back abruptly, his expression anxious.
"It seems I'm going to have to be more careful with you than usual." He frowned.
"I was not finished kissing you," I complained. "Don't make me come over there. Get back here."
"Yes, sir." He grinned, and bent to press his lips lightly to mine.
But then he pulled away suddenly.
"I think I hear your mother," he said, grinning again.
"Oh god, don't leave me now." I felt the panic of having to face my mother, I would have a hard enough time not being hysterical after being so worried about her, but seeing me like this couldn't be easy for her either.
He read the terror in my eyes for a short second. "I won't," he promised solemnly, and then he smiled. "I'll take a nap."
He moved from the hard plastic chair by my side to the turquoise faux0leather recliner at the foot of my bed, leaning it all the way back, and closing his eyes. He was perfectly still.
"Don't forget to breathe," I whispered sarcastically. He took a deep breath, his eyes still closed.
I could hear my mother now. She was talking to someone, maybe a nurse, and she sounded tired and upset. I wanted to jump out of the bed and run to her, to calm her, promise her that everything was fine. But I wasn't in any sort of shape for that, so I waited impatiently.
The door opened a crack, and she peeked through.
"Mom!" I whispered, my voice full of love and relief.
She flew to my side "Oh, Beau, I'm so happy you're awake, hon."
She briefly glanced at Edward's still form on the recliner, "He never leaves, does he?" She whispered to me.
"Mom, I'm so glad to see you!"
She hugged me gently, and I felt warm tears falling on my cheeks.
"Beau, I was so upset."
"I'm sorry, Mom. But everything's fine now, it's okay," I comforted her.
"I'm just glad to finally see your eyes open." She sat on the edge of my bed.
I suddenly realized I didn't have any idea when it was. "How long have I been out?"
"It's Friday, hon, you've been out for a while."
"Friday?" I was shocked. I tried to remember what day it had been when… but I didn't want to think about that.
"They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey—you've got a lot of injuries."
"I know. I feel them." I said, bleakly.
"You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice man… very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor…"
"You met Carlisle?"
"And Edward's sister Alice. She's a lovely girl."
"She is," I agreed wholeheartedly.
She glanced over her shoulder at Edward, lying with his eyes closed in the chair. "You didn't tell me you had such good friends in Forks."
I tried to shift my position in the bed, it hurt terribly, and I couldn't help but moan in pain.
"What hurts?" she demanded anxiously, turning back to me. Edward's eyes flashed to my face.
"It's fine," I assured them. "I just have to remember to not move." He lapsed back into his phony slumber.
I took advantage of my mother's momentary distraction to keep the subject from returning to my less-than-candid behavior. "Where's Phil?" I asked quickly.
"Florida—Oh, Beau! You'll never guess! Just when we were about to leave, the best news!"
"Phil got signed?" I guessed.
"Yes! How did you guess! The Suns, can you believe it?"
"That's great, Mom," I smiled.
"And you'll like Jacksonville so much," she gushed while I stared at her vacantly. "I was a little bit worried when Phil started talking about Akron, what with the snow and everything, because you know how I hate the cold, but now Jacksonville! It's always sunny, and the humidity really isn't that bad. We found the cutest house, yellow, with white trim, and a porch just like in an old movie, and this huge oak tree, it's just a few minutes from the ocean, and you'll have your own bathroom—"
"Wait, Mom!" I interrupted. Edward still had his eyes closed, but he looked too tense to pass as asleep. "What are you talking about? I'm not going to Florida. I love in Forks."
"But you don't have to anymore, silly," she laughed. "Phill will be able to be around so much more now… we've talked about it a lot, and what I'm going to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him."
"Mom." I hesitated, wondering how to best be diplomatic about this. "I want to live in Forks. I realized it when I was back here in Phoenix. I missed it. I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of friends"—she glanced toward Edward again when I reminded her of friends, so I tried another direction—"and Charlie needs me. He's just all alone up there, and he can't cook at all."
"You want to stay in Forks?" she asked, bewildered. The idea was inconceivable to her. And then her eyes flickered back toward Edward. "Why?"
"I told you—school, Charlie—ouch!" I'd shrugged. Not a good idea.
Her hands fluttered helplessly over me, trying to find a safe place to lay. She made do with my forehead; it was unbandaged.
"Beau, honey, you hate Forks," she reminded me.
"It's not so bad."
She frowned, "You don't have to keep trying to like it."
"Giving up is easy, trying is harder." I said again.
"But trying makes all the difference." She finished, smiling. I had forgotten the last part.
She was beginning to understand now, she glanced between Edward and Me. "Is it this boy?" she whispered.
I opened my mouth to lie, but I didn't want to lie to her. I wanted to tell her the truth.
"He's part of it," I admitted. "So, have you had a chance to talk to Edward?"
"Yes." She hesitated, looking at his perfectly still form. "And I want to talk to you about that."
"What about?"
"I think that boy is in love with you," she accused, keeping her voice low.
"I think so, too," I confided.
"And how do you feel about him?" She only poorly concealed the raging curiosity in her voice.
I sighed, and smiled. "I'm pretty crazy about him, I guess."
"Well, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, he's incredibly good-looking, but you're so young Beau…" her voice was unsure. I could hear the worry in her voice, the thoughts of herself, so young, falling in love, and the pain it had caused her. She only had my best interests at heart. My strong, wonderful mother. Who had to break her own heart to say goodbye to Charlie but still managed to go on, to choose life. To try.
"Don't worry, Mom. It's just a crush." I soothed her.
"Oh, I'm sure," she smiled at me, knowing better.
Then she sighed and glanced guiltily over her shoulder at the big round clock at the wall.
"Do you need to go?"
She bit her lip. "Phil's supposed to call in a little while… He's been so worried about you…"
"No problem, Mom. I won't be alone."
"I'll be back soon. I've been sleeping here." She said.
"Oh, Mom, you don't have to do that! You can sleep at home—I'll never notice." The swirl of painkillers in my brain was making it hard to concentrate even now, though, apparently, I'd been sleeping for days.
"I was too nervous," she admitted sheepishly. "There's been some crime in the neighborhood, and I don't like being there alone."
"Crime?" I asked in alarm.
"Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground—there's nothing left at all! And they left a stolen car right out front. Do you remember when I used to teach dance there, honey?"
"I remember." I shivered, and winced.
"I can stay, baby, if you need me."
"No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me."
She looked like that might be why she wanted to stay. "I'll be back tonight." It sounded as much like a warning as it sounded like a promise, and she glanced at Edward again as she said it.
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you, too, Beau. Please be careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you."
Edward's eyes stayed closed, but a wide grin flash across his face.
A nurse came bustling in then to check all my tubes and wires. My mother kissed my forehead, patted my gauze-wrapped hand, and left.
The nurse was my vitals and the monitors. "How are you feeling, dear?"
"I'm fine," I assured her.
"I'll tell your RN that you're awake. She'll be in to see you in a minute."
As soon as she closed the door, Edward was at my side.
"You stole a car?" I raised my eyebrows.
He smiled, unrepentant. "It was a good car, very fast."
"Edward!" I scolded. He just smiled. I sighed, "how was your nap?"
"Interesting." His eyes narrowed.
"What?"
He looked down while he answered. "I'm surprised. I thought Florida… and your mother… well, I thought that's what you would want. To go someplace where I can't hurt you anymore."
"Are you tired of having to save me all the time?" I asked.
He looked surprised, "No, Beau, of course not. I would do anything to keep you safe. I would save you a hundred times over."
"Then why would I go to Florida?"
"Because then…" His face was dark, his voice pained, "then I couldn't hurt you anymore. My very presence is a danger to you, Beau, every second I'm around you. I'm not worthy of your love, I'll get you killed and—"
"Shhh," I soothed him. "There's a difference between the danger you put me in and the danger around me. Don't you see that?"
"No. It's all my fault."
"You really are a beautiful idiot." I sighed, "Do you want me to go away?"
"No!" He sounded almost panicked, "No, I don't want to be without you Beau, of course not. But," he dropped his eyes, "I'm the one putting you in danger… I'm the reason you're here."
"Yes, you are the reason." I frowned. "The reason I'm here—alive."
"Barely." His voice was just a whisper. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move."
"But I'm still here." I insisted.
"I thought I lost you, Beau." His voice was so low, I could barely hear him. "Seeing you there on the floor… crumpled and broken." His voice was choked. "Thinking I was too late, hearing you scream in pain—all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. And the worst feeling… fearing that I couldn't stop. I thought after all that, I would be the one to kill you myself."
"But you didn't."
"I could have. So easily."
"But, again, you didn't." I sighed. "I'm here, Edward. I chose you. Maybe that makes me an idiot, but that's what I wanted. You are what I want."
"Even if I'm so terrible for you? Even if I put you in—"
"If you say you put me in danger one more time I'm doing to hit you in the head with my plaster cast."
He smiled, a little. I smiled back.
"I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you." His eyes were full of emotion.
"For once, I'm glad you're not strong enough for something." I teased.
Something buzzed softly in Edward's pocket, the phone was at his ear in a flash.
"Hello?" His face was momentarily confused, then he sighed. "Yes, he's fine—Yes… Oh fine, here." He held the phone to my ear. "For you," He sighed.
"Hello?" I asked tentatively.
"Hey, big guy!" Emmett's boisterous voice came from the phone.
"Emmett! Hi!" I chuckled, "How are you?"
"How am I? How are you?" He laughed, "You're the one that fell through a window." He teased.
"Well, I've had better days." I sighed.
"Beau, I'm sorry I couldn't stay." His voice sounded sad, "It was just…"
"I know, Emmett, thank you for trying."
"Jasper says hey, too! He's glad you're awake!"
"Tell him I'm sorry for ditching him at the airport." I said.
"He forgives you," Emmett's voice was smiling. "Hey, wait, here's someone else who wants to talk to you."
I heard him quietly arguing with someone on the other end, "Roy! Come on, babe!" I heard him say, then it sounded like someone grabbed the phone from his hand and huffed loudly.
"Hello, Beau." Royal's annoyed voice came over the phone. "I'm glad you're not dead." His tone contradicted his words, though.
"Thanks…" I said, "Hey, Royal?"
He didn't say anything.
"Thank you for watching over Charlie. I really appreciate it."
Royal was silent for a moment, "You're welcome, Beau." He said finally.
There was shuffling on the other end, and Emmett's voice was back. "See? Everyone's happy now!"
"Thanks, Emmett." I chuckled.
"Hey, I'll let you get back to Edward. Get better, big guy!"
"Bye, Emmett."
Edward took the phone back and put it back in his pocket.
"See? They all love you." He said, simply.
"I'm glad," I smiled.
Just then a nurse walked into the room. Edward sat still as stone as she looked me over.
"Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?" she asked kindly, tapping the IV feed.
"No, no," I mumbled. "I'm fine for now."
"No need to be brave, dear. It's better if you rest."
"Maybe in a bit?" I offered.
"Okay," she sighed. "Hit the call button when you're ready." She turned and left the room without another word.
I felt a thought in the back of my head. Something that had been bothering me. "Edward, why did you stop me from changing?"
"What?" his eyes were wary.
"Why didn't you let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you."
Edward's eyes turned flat black, and I remembered that this was something he'd never intended me to know. Alice must have been preoccupied by the things she'd learned about herself… or she'd been very careful with her thoughts around him—clearly, he'd had no idea that she'd filled me in on the mechanics of vampire conversions. He was surprised, and infuriated. His nostrils flared, his mouth looked as if it was chiseled from stone.
He wasn't going to answer, that much was clear.
"Mind your temper." I warned him. He took a deep breath for my benefit. I sighed. "I'm just asking, because since you seem so afraid of hurting me or getting me killed, wouldn't it have been easier to let me change? Let me become like you? Able to defend myself. Maybe even I would have the chance to save you for a change."
He folded his arms on the side of my bed and rested his chin on his arms. His expression was smooth, the anger reined in. Evidently he'd decided he wasn't angry with me. I hoped I'd get a chance to warn Alice before he caught up with her.
"You have saved me," he said quietly.
My hand found his arm, "Edward…"
"You don't know what you're asking." His voice was soft; he stared intently at the edge of the pillowcase. "I've had nearly a century to think about this, and I'm still not sure."
"Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?"
"No, I don't wish that." He paused before continuing. "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up."
"I see," was all I could say.
"I can't do it, Beau. I won't do that to you."
"I'm not asking you to." I said softly.
He looked up at me surprised, "What?"
"I'm not asking you to change me, I'm just asking why you didn't let me change?"
His eyes looked sad, he didn't answer.
"Alice already saw it, didn't she?" I guessed. "That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you… someday."
"She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either."
"But this is the course I'm on, isn't it?" I pressed, "The decision has been made. It's just a matter of following that course."
He stared at me, his eyes full of sadness and remorse.
"I'm not asking you to change me tomorrow, or even in three days." I soothed him, "I just need to know where everything stands. I made this decision, and if my vampire boyfriend's vampire sister can see where that decision leads me then I'd just like to be prepared."
"Am I worth it?" I could tell from his tone he didn't believe he was.
"I don't think I would have put myself through all this if I didn't think you were."
"You have a lot of pain medication in your system right now; you're not in a clear state of mind." He scowled.
"Mind your temper, and don't argue. It's not good for me." I sniffed lightly.
He smirked. "Yes, sir."
"Edward?"
"Yes, Beau?"
"Do you truly love me?"
"Of course," his voice was full of emotion, "more than anything."
"My mom once told me that sometimes you only share a moment with someone, but sometimes you share forever with them. I think we have a shot at forever."
"You do?" His eyes were staring deep into mine. "Do you really think I'm worth forever?"
"I really do," I took as deep a breath as I could manage, "do you think I'm worth forever?"
"You're worth more than anything in this world."
"Then do you promise? Not to give up? Promise not to leave?"
He deliberated for a moment. "I promise, Beau." He leaned in and kissed me on my forehead.
I smiled contentedly.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, eyeing the button for the nurse.
"A little sore, to be honest."
"Do you want to go back to sleep?" he asked gently.
"No, but maybe I should."
He reached for the button.
"Yes?" the speaker on the wall squawked.
"I think we're ready for more pain medication," He said.
"I'll send in the nurse." The voice sounded very bored.
"Ugh," I sighed. "Why does it have to hurt so much."
"I'm sorry, Beau." His face was pained.
"It's fine, I just don't want to close my eyes."
Then he smiled his crooked smile, and took my face between his hands. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. I promise you, as long as it makes you happy, I'll be here."
I smiled back, ignoring the ache in my cheeks. "I'm pretty sure that'll be forever."
"Oh, you'll get over it—it's just a crush."
"Oh, shut up."
"That's the beautiful thing about being human," he told me. "Things change."
My eyes narrowed. "Don't hold your breath."
He was laughing when the nurse came in, brandishing a syringe.
"Excuse me," she said brusquely to Edward.
He got up and crossed to the end of the small room, leaning against the wall. He folded his arms and waited.
"Here you go, dear." The nurse smiled as she injected the medicine into my tube. "You'll feel better now."
"Thanks," I mumbled. It didn't take long. I could feel the drowsiness trickling through my bloodstream almost immediately.
"That ought to do it," she muttered as my eyelids drooped.
She must have left the room, because something cold and smooth touched my face.
"Stay." The word was slurred.
"I will," he promised. His voice was soft and beautiful, like a lullaby. "Like I said, as long as it makes you happy… as long as it's what's best for you."
I tried to shake my head, but it was too heavy. "'S not the same thing," I mumbled.
He laughed. "Don't worry about that now, Beau. You can argue with me when you wake up."
I think I smiled. "'Kay."
I could feel his lips at my ear.
"I love you," he whispered.
"Me, too."
"I know," he laughed quietly.
I turned my head slightly… searching. He knew what I was after. His lips touched mine gently.
"Thanks," I sighed.
"Anytime."
I was content. I had been through hell and survived. Maybe I paid the price with some broken bones, but I still had everything I wanted. I felt Edward's hand on mind, and squeezed it as best as I could. I sighed, happily.
And then the night closed over me.