For a moment, I felt myself sink into the dark waters.
I didn't feel anything anymore. The pain was gone, my fear was gone. I was sinking deeper and deeper. It was euphoric, it was so easy.
But then, something grabbed me sharply, violently, by the hand and pulled me out of the water. My hand burned from the pain. The closer I got to the surface, the more pain I felt throughout my body.
As I began to leave those dark waters I could hear a sound—a snarl. It wasn't the hunter; this was a deeper, wilder roar that rang with fury.
The pain in my hand was growing steadily worse, but I couldn't will myself to open my eyes. I couldn't handle the pain—my hand, my leg, my head—it was too much. I would let go, I would let myself die.
And then I heard him.
It was the sound I had been needing, craving, for days now. His voice.
"Oh no, Beau, no!" His sweet voice cried in horror.
Behind his voice was another sound—an awful sound of growling and hissing following by a shocking breaking sound, like stone being smashed, then a horrible, guttural scream which cut off suddenly…
I tried to concentrate on his voice instead.
"Beau, please! Beau, listen to me, please, please, Beau, please!" He begged.
Yes, I wanted to say. Anything. But I couldn't find my lips.
"Carlisle!" My angel called, agony in his voice. "Beau, Beau, no, oh please, no, no!" And he was sobbing tearless, broken sobs.
He shouldn't cry for me, it was okay. I would die now, and I would miss him but he must not cry. He did everything he could.
There was a point of pressure against my head. It hurt. Then, as that pain broke through the darkness to me, other pains came, stronger pains. I cried out, gasping.
"Beau!" the angel cried.
"He's lost a lot of blood," a calm voice informed me. "Mostly from his leg—watch out, it's broken."
A howl of rage strangled on the angel's lips.
I felt a sharp stab in my side. There was too much pain, I thought death was supposed to be painless?
"Some ribs, too, I think," the methodical voice continued.
But the sharp pains were fading. There was a new pain, a scalding pain in my hand that was overshadowing everything else.
Someone was burning me.
"Edward." I tried to tell him, but my voice was so heavy and slow. I couldn't understand myself.
"Beau, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Beau? I love you."
"Edward," I tried again. My voice was a little clearer.
"Yes, I'm here."
"It hurts," I whimpered.
"I know, Beau, I know… Oh god"—and then, away from me, anguished—"can't you do anything?"
"My bag, please… Hold your breath, Alice, it will help," Carlisle promised.
"Alice?" I groaned.
"She's here, she knew where to find you."
"I'm… sorry, Alice."
"Shh… It's okay, Beau, it's okay." Alice's voice comforted me softly.
"My hand hurts," I choked the words out.
"I know, Beau. Carlisle will give you something, it will stop." Edward's voice replied.
"No, no," I felt like I had been far away from everything and suddenly I was flying back toward my body. "My hand is burning!" I screamed, I wasn't far away anymore. I was here and I was in agonizing pain. My eyes fluttered open, but I couldn't see his face. Something dark and warm was clouding my eyes. My body began convulsing against my will.
Edward's voice was frightened. "Beau?"
"It's my hand! It's burning!" I screamed as the pain began to climb up my arm.
"Carlisle! His hand!"
"He bit him." Carlisle's voice was no longer calm, it was appalled.
I heard Edward catch his breath in horror.
"Edward, you have to do it." It was Alice's voice again, close by my head. Cool fingers brushed away the wetness in my eyes.
"No!" he bellowed.
"Alice," I moaned.
"There may be a chance," Carlisle said.
"What?" Edward begged.
"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean." As Carlisle spoke, I could feel more pressure on my head, something poking and pulling at my scalp. The pain of it was lost in the pain of the fire.
"Will that work?" Edward's voice was strained.
"I don't know," Carlisle said. "But we have to hurry."
"Carlisle, I…" Edward hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that." There was agony in his voice again.
"It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped if you're going to be taking blood from his hand."
I writhed in the grip of the fiery torture, the movement making the pain in my leg flare sickeningly.
"Edward!" I screamed. I realized my eyes were closed again. I opened them desperate to find his face. And I found him. Finally, I could see his face, staring at me, twisted into a mask of indecision and pain.
"Alice, get me something to brace his leg!" Carlisle was bent over me, working on my leg. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late."
"Alice," Edward choked out, "will it work?"
"Edward, I… I can only see once a decision has been made. You know that." Her voice was soft, sad. "Right now, the path he's on leads to him changing."
Edward choked out another tearless sob.
"You have to make the decision, Edward." Alice said.
Edward's face was drawn. I watched his eyes as the doubt was suddenly replaced with a blazing determination. His jaw tightened. I felt his cool, strong fingers on my burning hand, locking it in place. Then his head bent over it, and his cold lips pressed against my skin.
At first the pain was worse. I screamed and thrashed against the cool hands that held me back. I heard Alice's voice, trying to calm me. Something heavy held my leg to the floor, and Carlisle had me locked in the vise of his stone arms.
Then, slowly, my writhing calmed as my hand grew more and more numb. The fire was dulling, focusing into an ever-smaller point.
I felt my consciousness slipping as the pain subsided. I was afraid to fall back into the darkness, but I didn't think I could fight it anymore.
"Edward," I tried to say, but I couldn't hear my voice. They could hear me.
"He's right here, Beau."
"Stay, Edward, stay with me…"
"I will." His voice was strained, but somehow triumphant
I sighed contentedly. The fire was gone, the other pains dulled. I felt myself slipping away. I was done fighting to stay awake—to stay alive.
"Is it all out?" Carlisle asked from somewhere far away.
"His blood tastes clean," Edward said quietly. "I can taste the morphine."
"Beau?" Carlisle called to me.
I tried to answer. "Mmmmm?"
"Is the fire gone?"
"Yes," I sighed. "Thank you, Edward."
"I love you," he answered.
"I know," I breathed, so tired.
I heard my favorite sound in the world: Edward's quiet laugh, weak with relief. And I knew I was ready to go.
"Beau?" Carlisle called again, this time there was worry in his voice.
"Carlisle!" Alice's voice was panicked. "I can't see him anymore!"
"Beau? Beau, wake up!" Edward's voice was panicking, close to me now.
"Alice, what did you see?" Carlisle's voice was miles away now.
"His future… It's dark." Alice's faraway voice said sadly.
"No!" I could barely hear Edward howl in agony, "No, not now. Not now, Beau, please!" I thought I felt him close to me, but I couldn't be sure. I could barely feel anything. "Alice, why? Why can't you see?"
"A decision," she replied softly, "a decision has to be made."
I felt myself slip away. I wondered what Alice meant. Edward made the decision to save me, was that what she meant?
No, I knew what she meant. The decision was mine. The decision to live, or to give up and die.
I weighed out my options, at this point it wasn't so much that I had nothing to live for—I had everything to live for. I had Edward, I had the Cullens, I had friends at school, and I had my mom and dad. I wanted to see them all again. I wanted to kiss Edward again, and not be careful this time. I wanted to laugh with Emmett or stay up all night talking to Alice. I wanted to go shopping with Jess and Angela and hear Jess go on and on about Mike and giggle with Angela about it. I wanted to ask for Charlie's forgiveness, to see him coming home from a fishing trip with that triumphant look on his face. I wanted to hug my mom, my brave mother who despite everything was actually one of the strongest people I knew.
I remembered one time I had come out to the living room late one night to find my mom crying softly at the kitchen table. When I got closer I realized she was crying over pictures of her and Charlie on their wedding day. It would have been their anniversary that day if they had stayed together.
"Mom?" I had called tentatively.
"Oh, Beau!" She shuffled the pictures into a pile, and sniffled softly. "I'm sorry, sweetie, did I wake you up?"
"No, I was thirsty."
"I'll get you some water." She had gotten up and grabbed a glass from the cabinet.
"Mom, are you okay?" I had asked her.
"I'm fine, sweetie." She had smiled, tears still in her eyes.
"Then why are you crying?"
She looked at me for a moment, then came over and hugged me. "Well, Beau, sometimes you just have to cry." She shrugged, "gets out all the sad feelings."
"Do you miss Dad?" I had asked softly.
"I do," she answered, honestly, "I miss Charlie very much."
"Why didn't you stay together then?"
"Well, I think, despite how much we loved each other. We weren't right for each other. We weren't meant to be together forever. We were given one, brief moment. We made the best of it, we made the most of it," She had squeezed me tighter then, "We had you… and that was the very best of it." She had smiled at me. "But our moment was over, and we needed to grow up apart from each other."
"Oh," I said, "Couldn't you guys try to make it work?"
"One day, Beau," she looked at me, very seriously in the eyes, "You'll find someone who you know you're meant to spend your forever with. It won't be just a brief moment. It will be forever. When you find that you fight for it, no matter what. Charlie and I weren't supposed to fight for a forever." She sighed, "At least, I don't think so."
"You don't think so?" I had asked.
"Giving up is easy, Beau. Trying is harder."
And here I was, back in the present, with a choice; a decision to make. I had no future—my course wasn't set. I thought about what my mom had said. Did I get a brief moment with Edward? Or was he the one I spent my forever with? Did I really have a choice? I did. It was time to set my course, to make a decision.
Dying is easy—peaceful. Living is harder.