When I was over in Portland, Blake told me that I can just stay the night at his place, but first I was gonna catch up with one of my friends who I haven't seen since Middle School, she moved over to this little place called Boardman then to Enterprise and now she's in Portland, yeah she's been all over the place and her name was Rhiannon, I know I mentioned her like once or twice, it was because she moved away after 8th Grade. My Dad drove me into town and dropped me off at the nearest Walmart from where she was staying at, we had each other's phone numbers and social media, so she called me on the phone,"Hey Sabrina, I'm in the Walmart Parking Lot, where are ya?"
"I'm on the Grocery doors and I'm wearing a purple and black flannel with a black tank top" I said as I was waving my hand around walking back and forth,"With a black Nike Backpack with Gold Stripes going down the middle"
"I'm the girl wearing blue short shorts, some sandals and a white Crop Top and my hair is actually pastel purple now" I can see that now, oh wait, I do see her,"Is that you Sabrina?"
"Yeah I'm right here"
"You're really small" I chuckled in amusement,"You look amazing" She became more muscular, more defined and more confident in herself. She was confident in herself, verbally, but physically, not really. She always wore these oversized sweatshirts and sweatpants to hide her curves, she changed her diet and started working out, she lost some of her body fat and gained muscle for Track and Field, I walked towards her and said to her,"Last time I saw you, you were wearing a Black Sweatshirt and jeans with converse"
"Your hair changed, but your style, not so much" We hugged each other and we started walking block after block, talking,"Wait so I never heard about you and that Cameron guy, what happened?" My smile faded away and I stuffed my hands in my pockets and she kinda knew that she made a mistake when she asked,"Ohhh, I-I didn't mean"
"Hey Rhi, it's okay, I'll tell you. Him and I aren't much of a thing anymore, like 3 years ago, it wasn't really meant to be anyway. There was a pregnancy scare, he bailed like majority of the baby daddies in the entire fucking world. That's just it. Last I heard about you, you have been dating someone named Jeremy" Her face lit up and she nodded as someone with dark blonde hair was coming our way,"Yeah we've been dating for almost a year" The guy came over and I assumed that it was Jeremy,"Sabrina, this is Eli, my cousin. Eli this is my friend, my sister from another mister, Sabrina" Yeah okay, I'm not gonna lie, if Eli was Jeremy, I wasn't going to do anything, but Eli is like, really hot. He had that dark blonde hair, golden brown eyes, fair skin between pale and tan and he had his Black T-Shirt on with Olive Green Jacket and he wore this blue jeans and black and white Vans. Of course I just met him, it's not like him and I are gonna be climbing on each other, a guy like him would definitely have a girlfriend,"Eli, I thought you were gonna stay home and watch Family Guy. Oh right, Sabrina, we are gonna get our nails done"
"I have never had my nails done before" She gasped and was in shock,"Really?" I shrugged lightly and nodded,"Yeah I never really had my nails, there was never the time" I was busy getting drunk off my ass, messing around with someone, getting high and skipping. Yeah I had plenty of time, I just didn't want to save up my money for fake nails that's probably not even going to last for a week, but you know, this summer, not only do I want to recharge my battery, I also want to get out of my zone while I'm here in Portland.
So her and I got ready, I put on Track Shorts and a tank top to go with my crop sweatshirt that was maroon. She cleaned her face and put on her full face of makeup, not only did she become one of the strongest bases on her Cheer Squad, she became a bad bitch with her makeup. Eli decided to come along to our nail appointment,"Okay, Sabrina, I know this is your first time and I definitely reccomend for you to have a one inch Squaoval, it'll be more easier on your nails and the first time does feel weird like your nail bed will have some weight on it and after a couple of days, you get used to it. It doesn't necessarily hurt, but it'll tickle" It was nice having a friend who does these kind of things and gives you a heads up from the other end, she began telling me more about Jeremy. How they met, what they did before they became more. Jeremy and Rhiannon met at this High School here in Portland, she was a Junior and he was a Freshman with the maturity level of a Junior. He practically treated her like a Princess as much as she treated him like a Prince, they've only used those terms because they knew they were too young to refer themselves as King and Queen; Jeremy was a Virgin when he met her and Rhi lost hers to a boy in our school, Ethan, the somewhat experienced, but it was more to just get it over with because she knew if she were to be with a Virgin, she would rather get the pain over with rather than pain and awkwardness all in one. Eli became the 3rd wheel of Rhi and I as we were talking about boys and the fact that she wants to know about Blake and I,"Him and I are only friends, we thought we could be more, but it's like, we just resorted back to being friends"
"You two sound complicated" I lightly smiled and said to her,"Not all of us are lucky enough to find our Jeremy"
"Okay, okay I get it" As we were continuing walking, Eli finally joined in on the conversation and he has been really open, even though I've only known him for what, 3 hours? He was funny, kind and but of an asshole, but again what guy isn't? So we made it to the nail salon, selected our nail shape and length desires, so an hour later, my nails did feel like there was a weight on top, although they do look good, I chose Maroon red with Squaoval shape. It did take hard for me to get used to and Blake texted me
So when are you coming here -Blake
I'm going there tomorrow, I'm catching up with one of my friends -Sabrina
Okay that's good and by the way, do you know when Jared is coming back -Blake
What? I thought he just got up there, it's probably that Chief Joseph Days thing and he's helping our family to set up Tents for that week? Could probably expect him back towards the end of the month -Sabrina
Okay, he was only here for one week and said that he was going to leave, but never said when he was going to be back -Blake
Well I'm sure that he'll be back -Sabrina
It was already starting
Okay thanks -Blake
You're welcome -Sabrina
When Rhi, Andrew and I walked back, we got ready to go watch The Lion King, the "live action" movie which isnt really, so it was just animated with Modern Technology. I asked Blake if he wanted to come along and watch it with us, he said that he had to work which wa literally true, we saw him later on that night at Ross. He texted me on his break about Jared
I don't think he's coming back Blake -Sabrina
What do you mean -Blake
He came back home and applied to go to our community college -Sabrina
Okay that's fine, if he didn't want to live here, he should've just said so -Blake
You gonna be good? -Sabrina
I'll have to take two jobs to maintain this apartment, fuck -Blake
It'll be okay, maybe it'll turn out for the better -Sabrina
Thanks -Blake
I turned my phone off and put it in my purse, sighed exasperating,"What is it Sabrina?" I shook my head as we were browsing through the undergarments section,"My cousin Jared, he made an agreement to Blake a while back that they were gonna move in together, so now Jared kinda moved out after a week and applied to a community college as much as I am happy for him, but he hasn't been completely honest with him so now Blake has to get a second job to keep up with these bills"
"Jesus Christ" She said softly and I nodded,"Why is it that when you finally become the size that Society wants you to be then you can't find your own damn size?" Rhi used to be an A Cup and now she's a D Cup, as for me, I literally went from an A Cup to B Cup, yeah I was not one of God's Favorites,"All I'm trying to find is a B Cup up in this bitch and..." Hanger after hanger,"Nothing, only C Cup Bras" I groaned lightly and I asked her,"What does Jeremy look like?"
"He literally looks like Cameron Boyce and he doesn't believe me" She pulled out her phone and showed me his picture, he had these eyebrows that were bushy, but it was good for his head shape and facial structure, this Jawline that could cut a fruit, these pouty lips that only belonged to Rhiannon and curly hair that made him more approachable,"Wow you weren't lying, he does look like Cameron" Which tragically he died of a Seizure, my heart stopped when I heard of him, I instantly thought,'No, no he was practically a kid, he was just getting his life started, he didn't deserve this' So back to the story, we ended up getting a couple things, she got sports bras and a crop top and as for me, I got my first 3 pairs of thongs and a Friends Sweatshirt. We went over to the guys' section, she was picking out a shirt for Jeremy and it got me thinking, Blake does like colored shirts and I know his size, he likes Superman and Star Trek, he kinda likes Neon Colors, so I looked through the shirts,"Aw you're getting your boyfriend something?"
"Blake and I aren't exactly dating, we're just....I dont know, a Gray Area, him and I have been talking. We've been getting along well, but we just dont know yet" She sighed as she pulled a shirt out for Jeremy,"You two are so complicated, I don't understand how you are so patient with this guy"
"I'll be honest, I don't know either, but I'm just kinda going with it" Yeah I really don't know, I mean after all that we've been through, I should've stopped talking to him by now because of our emotional stress individually, not with each other, but somehow and for for some reason, we just...fit and we always come to each other for help and emotional support, but I didn't find a shirt for him.
I saw Blake carrying a load in and I waved at him, he came over and hugged me,"You should feel lucky, even I don't even hug my family when they come in here" I smiled and patted his back,"How was the movie?"
"Kinda like the 90s Cartoon, but it was fun to watch, the beginning wasn't really that huge and full as I expected it to be, but it was good" He sighed,"Yeah I did want to come and watch with you guys, but they have me here until closing time, thank God that the next 3 days are my days off"
"Aw you poor guy, you're a toughie, I gotta go" He nodded,"What time do you wanna meet up and where?"
"10am at Walmart, the only place I can think of right now and almost positive of where you know it's at" He nodded,"Yeah okay, I'll text you when I get there"
"Okay see you then"
"Yeah see you" I walked away from him to go check out my clothes and we went back to her aunt's place. Eli went back to his room until his aunt told him that he needed to clean his room, he refused and I got up and went into his room. He knew that he had private things in there, but I didn't look, I only took out the bowls and plates and put them in the sink,"Alright alright I'll clean the room" So he did,"See what happens when you don't listen to your aunt?" He smiled and went back into his room to finish it. Rhi was staying in the basement, it wasn't that bad, may be a bit cold, but other than that, we had fun. We began talking about life and next thing you know, she brought up Blake and I,"What are you and Blake really?"
"I don't know really, him and I enjoy each other's company. I like the way he chews on his sweatshirt strings when he's nervous when he's only like 2 minutes late, he did that when he was driving me back. The way he jokes around when he's telling a story, he does have issues, but come on, who doesn't? He just learned how to control them. He used to make my heart stop just by his walk in the hallways, he always walked with confidence you know, like nothing, not even a bullet would even touch him. The way he talks, it's...it's really calm, he could be one hell of a potty mouth, but it would somewhat soothing, you know, like his voice could belong on Audible, of course I say that now and later on in the future, I would be annoyed as hell. I also like the way he lights up the room with just one sentence, he isn't dull and there could be that one silent moment in the room, but he would always be the one that break the silent. I don't even know how him and I even began talking, I'm guessing that one of us was bored and we just decided to talk then it came to this. I hated him at first, I thought he was really cocky, almost arrogant and stubborn, but then..." She was playing with my short hair and she finished the sentence for me,"You two got to know each other"
"Yeah, I also remember his ex girlfriend, they had some real trouble off and on. There was one time that was so serious, he actually stayed away from a lot of people and she wanted one of my friends to talk to him, but I kinda understood it and I thought I should go talk to him, but instead my friend did and him and his girlfriend talked again" She nodded and said to me,"Do you wanna know what I think it is?"
"Hm?"
"It sounds like you're in love with him" Okay,maybe I did not want to come to terms with it because where Blake and I are at now, it would make things complicated and it's not what both of us need,"Maybe I am"
"C'mon Sabrina, I literally just heard you the way you talk about him, I have never heard a friend talk about another friend unless they're in love. Plus, I saw you two together, you guys fit. I kinda see him as the guy who keeps things suppressed, a real down to earth kind of guy, maybe someone who can keep you....maybe calm than what you've told me about your life before him" It does make sense
It was around 10pm and I couldn't sleep, not after what Rhiannon told me, so I got up and walked up the stairs to get a glass of water. Eli came out of his room,"Hey you finished your room?"
"Haven't even stayed here a day and you're already checking up on me and my room?" I tapped my finger on my glass and he nodded,"Yeah I have. Just got off the phone with this girl that I was talking to" I turned my body towards him, not in a sexual way, just as a way that I'm listening to him,"Oh really? What's her name?"
"Lola, she lives in New York. She's my age, kinda has the same hairstyle that you have, but with blue hair. Her and I met online, we did some Tik Tok videos together. She's pretty and as much as her and I want to date, we just want to get to know each other first" I nodded, it does seem like everybody has better luck than me. "Her and I have had some 'conversations' but she never goes through it"
"And is that a bad thing?" He shook his head,"No it's not, I mean I don't mind a girl, but I do prefer to be with a woman" I wrinkled my eyebrows as I took a drink,"You mean.....?"
"Someone who is not afraid of her sexuality, her freedom and does whatever she wants" I nodded and my phone vibrated, it was my Dad and I only responded Good night,"Just my Dad"
"Do you two not get along?" I sighed,"Kind of, but at the same time, not really. He wasn't really there for my childhood and now he's trying to make up for it, it's sad really, but at least he's trying to give it a shot. He's trying to accept the fact that I'm no longer that 8 year old girl who cries whenever he leaves, I'm that girl who accepts the fact that I grew up with a mom that taught me the things that a dad should've"
"I feel you there. Dad was MIA, Mom was an alcoholic, still is. She would yell at me for all the bullshit reasons, Dad did the right thing by walking away and then my Aunt heard about this, she took me and my Mom didn't do jackshit trying to get me back, so here I am and I've been here for over 6 months. I got my G.E.D, so now I can get a job and find a way out of this dump" We looked at the clock and it was 10:28pm,"Jesus its only 10:30pm"
"Eh doesn't bother me, I remember staying up for 4 days straight and then I started seeing some weird shit, so I knew it was time to go to sleep and I slept for 24 hours straight and right now I haven't slept for 2 days straight" I have pulled an all nighter, but never 4 nights in a row. We started talking and went into his room to watch this show that he had playing, I sat on the side of his bed that was pressed up against the wall. He was watching Shane Dawson,"Oh cool I love Shane"
"Yeah I loved his old skits, I was bored out of my mind watching Minecraft. So here I am" He opened his drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes,"Hey can I have one?" He raised his eyebrows in shock when he leaned against the wall, he handed me one and I used his lighter when I thanked him,"I think from the 11 hours that I've known you, I thought you didn't break the rules" I took a puff and asked him,"And?"
"I thought good girls supposed to like, follow the rules or something. When Rhi told me that you were a cheerleader, I just thought that" I shook my head and walked up to him,"Good girls are the bad girls that never get caught, you may be 16 and close to getting out of here, but you have a lot to learn" I smiled and he took a puff out of his cigarette,"Guess I just need to keep an open mind and my judge of character" I backed up and sat back on his bed, it was a bit uncomfortable, but it was a bed
He showed me his Tik Tok videos with Lola. She's a Cosplayer, I can tell by every video, she was a Sailor Moon character to Game of Thrones and to Harry Potter. Next thing you know, we started talking about music and sex, so I said to him,"You know I'll be honest, I did see myself kissing you, maybe more, but if you don't feel the same way, that's cool cause I know we just met" He was shocked by what I said and he smiled bashfully a little and he said,"Not gonna lie, I did feel the same way too. I mean...Lola did kinda give me blue balls and it has been a year since I've had sex"
"Its been 6 months for me" He got up slowly to close and lock the door in case his aunt wakes up and hears, he sat next to me and I put music on, there was an awkward moment between us and he says,"I'll be real here, I'm better at fucking than kissing" I closed my eyes to secretly roll my eyes and said to him as I smirked,"Wanna bet?"
"I'm serious"
He pulled me in for a kiss as his hands travelled to my hips and straddled on his lap and he laid down on his bed. He began kissing my neck and he moved his hands up higher to the point that he touches my back and it makes me closer to him,"I'm a bit ticklish, sorry" I smiled and he grinned,"That's okay, I think its hot" He came in for a kiss again and moved his hands to my chest, began massaging them and he tried to unzip my bra, by reaching the back and I pulled away, took off my crop top sweater with a tank top underneath,"It unzips in the front" He chuckled lightly,"I swear you women make bras more complicated each year" I took the bra off and he made me raise my hips up to finger me, I gasped lightly and he said to me,"You like that?" I nodded,"Mmm hmm" I reached down his shorts to stroke him and he whispered into my ear,"Just how horny are you right now?"
"I think that question applies to you"
"I really want to fuck you right now" I smiled and kissed his neck and sucked on his neck,"No marks Sabrina remember?"
"I just wanna tease you"
"You really are a tease"
"Would a tease let you fuck her right now?" He stopped and I did the same,"Are you serious?" I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and nodded,"Just have to be really quiet, move this bed"
"Shit, I don't have a condom" I looked down and groaned into his chest,"Neither do I because I didn't think I was gonna get lucky this weekend"
"A lot can happen" I sighed and looked up at the ceiling,"Okay Eli, if you feel yourself coming, remember to pull out" He nodded and we got up to pull the bed towards the middle of his room, it was like a futon so it wasn't going to squeak that much and make noises against the wall. I got back on top of him and I said to him,"I also like my hair being pulled"
"Good because I was going to anyway" I smiled lightly and he pulled my Track Shorts down and throw them on the floor, he lifted his hips to pull down his shorts and boxers then he inserted. We both sighed in relief,"Oh fuck" He chuckled seductively as he thrusted into me slowly until I took control then next thing you know I started riding him rough and fast to the point that I was pulling his hair which encouraged him to stop me and thrusted into me quick, fast and rough until he flipped me over. He had his hands on my hips then, ph god my favorite, he took me from behind and pulling my hair in the middle of it just made it wild. This wasn't really like me, it felt like as if another person took over and just did the dirty deed for me. He moved his right hand and rubbed my clit, not in a way I wanted, but it felt good, I can tell he wanted it. He stopped and picked me up, had me on the edge of his bed then had my legs on his shoulders to go in deeper. He grunted lightly into my ear as he slipped back into me,"I knew you would feel good, but not this good"
"I didn't think you would be this big" He was average sized, he stopped and went down on me,"Well I wasn't lying when I said I was big" I arched my back and moaned lightly as I gripped onto the sheets, "Oh god...mm" I could feel his tongue going in and out of me and in circles which he did kinda know that would feel amazing, he was better at sex than kissing, he slipped his right fingers into me and I moaned slightly louder, his left hand was on my breast, I grabbed it and put it on my mouth to suppress my moans, he went with it. I got up from the bed after he was done, I got down on my knees and put his dick in my mouth, started giving him a blow job. He just stood there and then I grabbed his right hand and put it on my head, so he pulled my hair just for me to go faster and deeper,"I didn't think you could go that deep"
"I'll be honest here, I didn't know until tonight" He had me stop after a while there for him to stroke himself while I was down there. He stuck his fingers in my mouth so I could suck on them and he smiled,"You like rough and gentle do you?" I held on to his hand and nodded,"Yeah"
"That's hot"
"I also think it's hot that you're stroking yourself just so you can cum" I could feel my heart beating so fast saying this, I don't even know what came over me, he smirked,"Yeah because I wanna cum on your chest"
"Then keep going" My hand reached to his balls and I started massaging then he leaned his head back and cursed,"I have been with girls, but never with a woman like you. You're gonna be the one to beat"
"And you're gonna be the one to beat to, no one fucked me like you have" Not even Caleb, he was rough and had his moments of being gentle, which was nice, but he was also trying to play it safe whereas Eli knew that I wasn't going to break physically. Then he moaned lightly as he exploded onto my chest and bit slid down underneath my tank top. We checked the time and it was 11:50pm. He had his hand on the side of my face and pulled me up to kiss me,"That was incredible"
"It really was" he grabbed his shirt to wipe his cum off of my chest and underneath.
We got ourselves cleaned up and sat down on the bed after we put everything back into place and watched more of Shane Dawson. Now I know what you're thinking, but you know, I'm not the only one that does this and plus, Eli and I weren't even in relationships then, so it wasn't really cheating. We leaned up against the wall and there was this episode where he was making a giant Reese's Peanut Butter Cup,"You know you can hear Aunt Hilda and S Deezy all in one sentence" He smiled and grabbed both my legs to overlap his and kissed me. After we pulled away,"See that's the problem there, you're moving your lips too quick" He shook his head as he chuckled,"You need to be more slow, take your time"
"I'll make note of that" I did love how open we were with each other sexually and verbally, he was a great friend to talk to and to have sex with apparently. We checked the clock again and I saw the time,"Holy shit its after Midnight"
"Do you wanna sleep up here?"
"No I came here to spend time with Rhi, I think I should go back down there" He sighed sad and we got up,"Okay, I suppose" He was quite an eye catcher, but I also knew that if I had developed any feelings for him, he would break my heart, so we snuck out of his room to head for the basement,"Okay night Sabrina"
"Night Eli" He thanked me and I did the same, he leaned for a kiss and I accepted,"See? You're getting better" He nudged me as I went downstairs, I pretended to walk drowsy and climbed into bed, Rhi turned over and asked me,"What happened?"
"I just went up there for a glass of water and I was on my phone until I accidentally fell asleep and your asshole cousin was teasing me while I was asleep on the couch then told me to get up"
"Of course he would do that" I nodded and turned around slowly because it did hurt down there, mainly because of how rough it was
Love, sex, do you know what the difference between those two? They can be one or the other until it comes to one person who can bring you both just as much as you do for that person. So far, Sex has been the only existant part of my life than love; that's the thing about High School and the life of an Adolescent, isn't it? All of our interactions with the opposite or same sex can be as many options as we want, but there seems to be that option that we always seem to go to because we're all so afraid to love again because of that one person who ruined it for us or that it would because that person is so irresistible that we just want a taste of them just for one or so night stands? Can't blame everyone for going to that option, it's in our nature; we eat like animals, we hunt like animals, we have sex like animals. But we've also developed a lot since Adam and Eve, we've learned to know right from wrong and became more selective and not choose to fuck our cousins like they did in the Victorian Era. We occasionally choose our dominant primate so our offspring can survive in this world, but when we don't, we just fuck around with someone with hopes that we don't ruin our lives.