In case you were wondering about Eli and I, we became friends after our little healthy hookup and never more, he told me that if there was a chance of pregnancy, he'd help which from my perspective is straight up bullshit but seeing how genuine he was did convince me a bit. We actually got along really well and no, no one knew about us about what we did, but other than that, he found someone else there in Portland, her name is Marisa and he does like her very much.
So the next morning, I woke up at 8am refreshed and ready to meet up with Blake. I woke up drowsy and told Rhi that I was gonna head over to Starbucks and get coffee, she decided to come along which was I was hoping because as much as I love the mornings here, it's also creepy as hell because you never know who's watching you, so that's why I told her with hopes that she'll come along. Her and I walked as she was talking about her plans for the rest of the summer, she just plans on working and hang out with her other friends, catch up with her family here besides Eli and her aunt. She asked me when I was supposed to go meet up with Blake as we walked in to get in line for our coffee and breakfast,"Erm Walmart at 10am, it's more easier so I dont make it so challenging for him, I make the poor boy drive me around and it took nearly a half hour to drive me back as it is" We were finally up and she ordered a Caramel Macchiato with a Croissant, I ordered a Mocho Frappuccino with no whipped cream and Spinach Feta Wrap. We saved our food for when we get back and we talked more,"Its crazy to think that it's been what, 3 years since the last time we saw each other" I say to her and she thought about it,"Yeah that is crazy, what ever happened to Ryan, Casey and Alexa?"
"Ryan got pregnant, went to online school and she hasnt really talked to anyone. Casey moved across the states to New Jersey, she left everyone and everything here, it's cool though, I follow her on Instagram and for Alexa, she dropped out, never really knew what happened to her" It was weird how I said so casually even though to my heart, it did hurt because I actually did like those guys, I guess it wasn't mutual, Rhi responded,"Jesus, I didn't think that...." I nodded as we were at the Crosswalk,"I know, it's crazy and I didn't think that life wouldn't go that crazy"
"Well if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" We showed up at the house and opened the door, I checked the time and my heart was pounding like crazy thinking about seeing Blake again, I got my things ready after my Breakfast, it was around 9:23am and her aunt came out to get ready for work,"Finally Andrew is asleep"
"And that was what? 2 days" Rhi asked her and her aunt nodded,"Yeah it's a record, I'm trying to get him to sleep on a daily basis, just not working out and its progress" Rhi looked over at me,"His mom would yell at him whenever she was drunk which was daily and he was always afraid to go back to sleep because she always banged on the door and yell even more" That would make sense and even though he did tell me, but it was understandable that he didn't want to tell everything,"Jesus, that's awful"
"Yeah so now he's in a safer and more stable household now" I nodded and took another drink of my mocha frappuccino,"I should go check and see if I have everything" It was gonna be extremely hard for me to leave her after I finally got to see after a few years, I wished that her and I had more time than 24 Hours, but her and I were leaving today, she leaves later on to see her other family and of course you know, I'm staying with Blake for the night. I got everything and I went back upstairs at 9:45am,"I have everything" I said to her and I hugged her that eventually became tighter,"I'm so happy that I got to see you again" She said the same thing but in a much sweeter way, as if she read my mind,"I wished we had more time"
"We'll see each other again, have a safe trip Rhi" As soon as I walked out, I pulled out my headphones and phone to text Blake
On my way -Sabrina
I'm already here -Blake
Of course you are 😄 -Sabrina
I began playing music and started walking to Walmart, after a good 5 minutes later, I got to the corner of the grocery side of the parking lot
My truck has a black canopy on top, you remember the model of my truck right -Blake
Yeah how can I forget -Sabrina
I parked in the way back -Blake
Okay -Sabrina
I looked for his truck and I couldn't see it and my phone vibrated and it was his Caller ID,"Blake?" I walked across the to the home and pharmacy side as I looked around, he says in the phone,"Wait nevermind I see you" He was wearing his shorts with a black sweatshirt and I walked with him as he gave me a hug, I wanted to keep my full smile on the inside because I don't know, I guess it was because it was nice to see a friendly face around Portland,"I need to get a new phone, this phone is just really shitty right now. I'm actually happy that I'm getting an IPhone 10 and no longer this shitty Samsung"
"Meanwhile I'm here with my J7 Skypro" He tousled my hair,"Boo hoo that's your fault" I shook my head,"No its actually not my fault. I asked for a job but I can't and my mom downgrades me with every phone, but the LG Phone was the absolute worst" Seconds later, he says,"I don't even know why I came in, I don't even need anything"
"I thought that's why we need to come into the Electronics area, to get ready for your new precious phone" We made a U-Turn and went back to his truck,"And don't give me shit about the mess in my truck, I haven't gotten a chance to clean it up yet"
"I wasn't going to say anything Blake, it's not a big deal" I set my bag and we drove out of the parking lot to go to U.S Cellular to get his new Phone, it was getting hot quick so he said that I can just come in there with him. While him and a worker was getting his new phone prepped,"And I'll need your debit or credit card" He patted his pockets and handed me his old phone since his pockets were kinda limited, I looked around this clean building as they were getting his phone ready. It actually felt nice seeing him again after a while, 25 minutes later, we walk out with his new IPhone and he was incredibly happy and makes it official that he now lives in Portland and not Seattle, he was trying to get his information down while driving which gave me somewhat bad anxiety, but then he realized it was a dumbass idea so he hands it to me,"Okay here, put in my Email address like this" He told me his Email address and password which he knows that I'm not going to attempt to break into his account, now that we have it down, he tells me the passcode to his old phone and tells me to go into his contacts and tells me the names, most are his Coworkers, friends, family and some he met on Tinder that Jared told him to set an account on, but he never really went out with people that much, again he is very picky. He pulls into this gas station and says that he wants to get a couple drinks and I can pick some out too. We walked around and asked me about Jared, I shrugged when we walked down the aisle,"I have no clue, my aunt and him don't text, I'm not really that kind of person to text online, I'm more of a people person than online" It did sound confusing, well to me and I hoped that he understood,"Yeah I get that, it's weird to text, it's more fun to talk to someone you know, in person. Texting is overrated"
"Exactly" He pulled out his Pepsi and energy drink as I pulled out my Peace Tea and Pepsi as well,"Fuck I forgot my change, can you go out to the Truck and get it, it's on the console, not in" I gotta be real with you, I have been in his truck, but never really paid much attention to the details so I did go out to the truck with hopes that I'll get it and when I got through the driver seat, I found it and shut the door, came back in and he said to me,"Alright thanks Sabrina" He gave the worker change and of course he is being generous,"Keep the change" We walked out and went into the car, went back to his apartment which was clean, there were boxes on the table, but it was nice,"Jared said that he wanted a leather couch, but I told him that fabric is more easier to sit on cause I don't like it when it sticks to my ass" I had a joke in my head and I was comfortable with him, so I said,"Do you plan to sit on that couch nude?"
"When I wear shorts, dummy" He pushed my face away and we went to go put our drinks in the fridge,"I know I haven't done any grocery shopping, but I haven't gotten paid yet, so there's only mac and cheese in the freezer and ramen noodles"
"Already living like a college boy, nice"
"I know my lifestyle is not like yours, but it works for me" I shrugged and said to him,"And that's not an issue, you do you, okay? Who am I to judge? I've been a vegetarian for 3 years living with family members who eat meat" He nodded as he set his bags down and when we walked in the hallway,"That's Jared's room?"
"Yeah, hasn't lived here that long and it's, bit of a mess" We stood in the doorway across from each other,"Made himself right at home" He sighed and walked away,"Yeah, but it is what it is" He walked into his room and I walked in too, set my bag on the side of his bed, just hopped on his bed and laid down at the foot of the bed,"Wow you just made yourself at home"
"And?"
"Not complaining" He got on the bed too, but he laid beside me
Remember how I told you that the problem with him is that he thinks that every girl wanted to sleep with him, well he's not wrong, but the thing is he plays with these girls' self esteem like they're a bunch of legos, he breaks them down one by one. He does fuck a lot of girls, but that didn't mean he cares about them. He never did that to me, he would try, but it's like, he backs off and I don't even have to slap him or tell him no. That's one thing I could never really understand, he couldn't have sex with me, but he would cuddle with me, play video games with me and how we are around each other, when we could just change when the other is in the room. That's something I have never experienced and for the first time in my life, I felt safe, I didn't feel like an object like the way Caleb, Cameron made me feel, I felt like a human being. Turns out my opinion about him changed, he never had a huge number of girls that he's slept with and he knows that I'm not really easily heartbroken, especially after everything that's happened to me, I just got prepared for the worst. Maybe Rhiannon was right about Blake and I, would we be a great couple? Him and I kinda act like it, but I don't say anything, I just want to appreciate every moment with him because...he is someone who means a lot to me and I don't know where I'd be without him and I don't want something like a label for us to ruin that unless we both agree to it, but right now, we remain friends. I think I always come back to life whenever I see him, there's always a piece of me that went with him and when I'm with him or talk to him, it's like for the first time, I can finally breathe, smile and not fake my emotions, he's the only person that can bring out the real me when no one else can. When I was with Caleb, it felt like I had to keep him a secret, it's lie after lie and that's not the life I want to live whereas Blake and I, we can live our life freely and we only keep certain things about ourselves secretive, but they were the good kind of secrets.
We began watching Netflix,"Here you choose, better not be some cheesy romantic comedy" I scoffed and shook my head as he handed me the remote,"Relax, it's definitely not gonna be cheesy" I put on one of my ultimate favorite movies that is absolutely fucking insane, but this band were doing things that they thought that's how bands behaved. They did stupid shit because they were Motley Crue, that's right, I put on The Dirt. I laid down at the foot of the bed across and Blake went behind me as he started to enjoy the movie. When they showed Vince Neil at that party in band Candy Rock, that was when I felt arms draped over me, my heart stopped for that moment, I moved in closer to his body as he snuggled himself to me and he put his other arm for my head leverage. In other words, he let me use his arms as a pillow which was comfortable...safe and he didn't try to do anything to me sexually. I was about to get too comfortable by closing my eyes and I think he was about to, I just think at this point, I wasn't even paying attention to the movie, I was more into that moment and he moved his arm slightly and I raised my head up,"Arm go dead?"
"Nah, just hungry, wanna order Pizza?"
"Yeah sure" He called Pizza Hut, ordered a Triple Meat for him and a Cheese for me along with a liter of Pepsi, we waited for a while watching the movie, he breaks the silence,"Do me a favor" I buried my head in his blankets and shook my head while answering,"Whaaaaat is it?"
"When the Pizza gets here, you're gonna answer the door and pay" I sighed,"Yeah I suppose, I was just being overdramatic, but I don't have enough money" He reached over to the edge of his bed to grab his wallet out of his jeans, I say to him,"You need to find a better place to put your wallet, might lose it"
"Yeah yeah yeah. Here's the money for when it gets here" I thanked him and 13 minutes later, there was knocking at the door, he nudged me,"Okay okay, could've asked politely instead of trying to push me off my comfort" I paid the delivery boy and told him to keep the change, came back with 2 Pizzas and a Soda back into the Bedroom,"Thank you"
"You're welcome" We watched another TV Show called That 70s Show since that boy doesn't seem to like Stranger Things, out of nowhere he asks me,"So I'm curious, are you a Submissive or Dominant in sex?" If he was just a stranger that I've met only 5 minutes ago, I would've told him to fuck off, but we've known each other for years so this conversation was better late than never,"A switch, what about you?"
"Submissive, how is it possible that you're a switch? I always saw you as a Dominant" I sighed after I took a drink of my soda. Wow that soda made my nose tickle, holy shit, okay. I did want to tell him that Caleb was the one who taught me in a way, but instead,"I could be either one and sometimes in the moment, I let the guy take control and they wouldn't know it. It's just how I am. There have been times that I want to be in control, but I also let someone else take the reins"
"Wanna find out?" I chuckled in amusement as I threw a Pizza crust at him, he tried dodging it and he laughed then added,"I thought so, I just wanna know out of curiosity because well...I'm still thinking about it"
"Thinking about you and I having sex rather than acting on it?" He groaned at my smartass comment,"You didn't have to put it that way"
"Well I'm sorry, it just sounded like that's how you were putting it, what else was I supposed to say?" He rolled his eyes and looked back at the screen,"You know I'm right Blake" He nudged me as a joke the seconds later I looked back at him,"How are you a Submissive?"
"What makes you say that?"
"Well I mean, you were a Football Player, a Basketball Player and how you act gave me the impression that you were a Dominant" He shrugged as he was chewing his food,"I don't know why, I just like it someone dominates me"
"Yeah...me too" Maybe I think that he's been in too much control of what's happening around him that he likes it someone dominates him, Blake can be open, but he has his moments of being enclosed, I don't really blame him, after what he's been through which is similar to my history.
After we were done eating, we went on a walk and again, around every corner, there was always something new and it was either bad or good, but it didn't matter to me cause I was always in the moment, but eventually, I'll have to start planning the future further. The sun was setting, but we didn't even notice, we just walked, talked, played music and he was playing air drums to the song without caring that there were people watching,"So got everything ready got Portland State University?"
"Oh yeah, got my diet all set and ready to go" He has that college boy diet where he's just gonna have ramen,pizza and hot dogs,"What do you plan on doing anyway?"
"I don't know, maybe a music major, I've always loved Jazz, maybe open up a Jazz Club, teach music, just somewhere in there though"
"What ever happened to 'Ball is life'? I thought you would try to get drafted by NBA" He shrugged and answered,"I thought of it, but I wanted life to keep going after 30, yeah I'd probably live a comfortable life, but I just figured I could go down a better route" We stopped by Voodoo Donuts and got a box of em, we didn't feel like taking a train back to his apartment, so we walked back.
I think one of the weirdest things was that, normally I get scared walking at night, especially in the mountains, I wasn't really scared walking with him, it was like nothing in the world could harm us. We mainly talked about what was going on with us, he seems to be the only person that knows all the bullshit that happens in my life because I don't want to bother anyone else with my inconvenience, but Blake seemed like he wasn't the type to walk away and if he were to, he'd just say it straight up. We came back to his room and binged on the Donuts while watching this show,"So do you wanna take the bed or the couch?" I was hesitant to answer, but he knew the answer for me,"Actually you know what, take the bed. You've told me that you have been sleeping on couches anyway"
"Oh okay" C'mon, did you really think that after spending an entire day together, we'd cuddled unintentionally and connected like a couple, we'd end up sleeping in the same bed together? This isn't a Rom-com and even with all of that, we still don't have a label and from the looks of it, it'll probably take some time.
Next morning, I woke up and I went to grab a drink from the fridge, noticed that Blake was still sleeping, his phone was buzzing like crazy, I looked at the names and it was Allison, Katie, Erin, Maya and more names; My heart dropped, but it also made me think,"He isn't ready for a relationship, he even said so a couple weeks ago, but I am, so what good would this do for both of us?" I never did look at the messages because I don't think I want to worsen the situation, but I think for now, Blake can comfort me as much as I can try with him. All I know is...I'm not the one for him, so I went back into the room, listening to music, trying to get inspired for a book, but it has not been working out, all I can see is a woman walking down the street at night and then....that's it. I just ended up watching YouTube and waited until Blake woke up, I started hear sounds, a TV playing, I got up and walked over to the Living Room,"Hey, you awake?"
"Almost, so what time does Alan want you back?" I shrugged,"Maybe 9 again, but if you have anything to do before, you can drop me off" He was tapping his finger on the arm rest,"Yeah, yeah I gotta meet someone at 7, so I can drop you off at 6" I nodded,"Okay I'll get my stuff ready" I said trying not to let it get to me, but I know if I do, then he'll know that I like him again, he says to me as I was walking, "It's not for another 8 hours" He says out loud as I was walking back into the room,"I'd rather have it done now than you know, running back and forth"
"Ah okay I get it" I know it's weird to say this, but when my mother tells me what to do, it makes me not want to do it, but it hits different when I do something without being told, so being here really helped me what I can live without and thats all the bullshit back in Seattle and even my so called home, an entire month without Karen's drama is a relief and just imagining that for 12 months and more would be more relaxing, I can just feel myself not so tense. Even imagining a life in a different place, its exciting, but also scary, the thought of leaving everything I know behind; The weirdest thing is that it also feels so right, it's a milestone that's long overdue.
I don't think that I was stupid enough to think that we'd be together, I think I was smart enough to not say anything, even if I wanted to. Welcome to the 21st Century Romance where we want to be with someone, but we don't want to put a label on it, not me. I have my moments thinking that maybe I was born in the wrong time, I'd rather be with someone who knows what they want than thinking that they need time until they can finally come around to it when all their options are out. It is what it is to me because maybe there are guys out there, I'm just not lucky enough to find one yet and frankly, I probably won't because I'm too intimidating and not pretty enough for someone to be with me for a long time. I prefer old fashioned phone calls, dinners without cell phones out, communication without texting or snap chatting a whole lot, chivalry, but guess we can't have what we want, right?