Did you know that it's easier leaving your childhood than coming back to it? Because when you go back, you eventually realize how easy you had it then and now all that's left is your remaining hope for a fruitful life and hoping honest to God that you at least get accepted to a college that you had your eye on. I'll be real here, I've always been sentimental in case you haven't noticed, it became more real when the High School Track Team went to the Middle School for their Track Meet and we all volunteered to keep record for the teams. It was a really hot day, thankfully I went to the store during lunch to get a water bottle, snack and a pepsi bottle that I didn't really want but something was telling me to, this was one of those days where you would just pray for at least a bit more clouds so you don't sweat a whole lot, especially when you're wearing polyester and Basketball shorts. Aside from all the heat and dehydration, it was actually fun helping, being on the other side was a great experience and it made me appreciate the high school track athletes who came to help when I went to Middle school. I did wish that I could've brought better clothing, I was with Brady, Everett, Hunter, Mariana, Ulyiana and Stanley for Shotput for at least an hour, maybe more until the middle school coach gave us the okay to leave by signing out to confirm that we were there. This feeling was telling me to stay longer, I looked across the field and there was Blake at Long Jump, he also does Long jump so I walked over,"Hey...done with shotput?" I nodded,"Yeah. Wasn't that hard" He grabbed the measuring tape when one of the athletes jumped in the pit, lined it up with the board where you're supposed to jump,"14 inches" He grabbed the tape and put it off to the side,"So what brings you over here?" I put down my sweatshirt on the grass and lied down on my stomach,"Just boredom, almost anything to stay away from 'home' longer"
"Ah I see, hey can you do me a favor?" I groaned as I buried my face into my sweatshirt,"I just got comfortable….fine what is it?"
"Can you get me my pepsi bottle? It's in the backseat, I can't go anywhere" I got back on my feet and had my hand out for his keys, he looked at me confused,"What?"
"I need your keys to unlock the door"
"The car is already unlocked, it's always unlocked" I shook my head,"Keep it unlocked, something will get stolen" He shrugged as he was telling the kid to go when he was in the 4th Flight and there were 10 Flights, yeah I know,"What's there to steal? There's nothing to take"
"I don't know, maybe your pickup truck?" He shooed me as a sign to get his bottle, I rolled my eyes as I put in my headphones leaving one earbud out to keep alert from the Javelin, well it's more of a turbo tube than an actual javelin, but I was more alert with the Track because they've started the 100m dash. God this track does bring back a lot of memories, I remember the night before Track Practice, I had barbecue ribs, it was a horrible mistake because apparently my stomach was still digesting and I almost threw it up after running 200m 5 times which was weird because I used to it and even when I told my coach that I wasn't feeling good, he still forced me to run even when I wanted to puke my guts out and since then, I became a vegetarian. I thought of it on my way over to his pickup truck, as tempted as I was to take something valuable of his to teach him a lesson, I couldn't, so I took an empty Pepsi bottle since I was thinking that he was going to refill with some cold water on a hot day. No when I came back, I handed him the bottle, he was giving me that 'what the hell' look and I shrugged,"I thought you meant that you needed a bottle for cold water"
"No there is a half empty liter of pepsi in the truck" I made that gross look,"You were going to drink a hot pepsi"
"Yeah what's wrong with that?" Blake is definitely not that kind of guy that gets pissed off easily…anymore so when you read what he says, think of him as a sarcastic, wiseass and a complete idiot when you read his sentences,"Everything, how can you drink that?"
"Can you go back to the truck and find it?"
"Blake, I checked, I couldn't find it"
"I know it's in there, I bought it during lunch today" I rubbed my temples and said to him,"I have something in my bag, I'll be right back" I went back to the pile of backpacks and jackets, dug my way to my nike bag to pull out a cherry pepsi, I walked over and he clapped his hands,"Here, I didn't even know why I bought it and now I do, it's because God knew you were gonna be a dumbass for drinking a hot soda" He smiled at my comment as I handed him the unopened liter bottle that was still cold,"Alright! Cherry pepsi, my favorite. See Wylie? This is a loyal friend here. Thanks Sabrina" He hugged me and rubbed my back, I hugged him back too because….well I don't know why but I've kinda learned that at this point, I don't want to be in a relationship and I have hugged my guy friends before, but never really Blake. 15 minutes later he asks me to help him out and I only did long jump at one event in my 6th Grade and I stopped mainly because he was always at the Long Jump pit, that was how much he irritated me then. He walked me through it and after an hour, James came back because he needed to record the 200m Dash, I was back to being a moral support and my minutes actually did run out a few days ago. "Hey I'll be right back, I need to go talk to mom" I got up and pulled out my phone,"Okay. I'm leaving my stuff with your sweatshirt" I turned around,"Yeah sure go for it"
The second I walked into that middle school,sent a message to my mom that it'll be a while and when I finally put my phone in my shorts pocket then finally looked up when I entered the Middle School, it was strange. If there's another thing to know about my shitty history in Middle school, it was having nightmares almost on a daily, it was getting the point that I was seeing things, it got hard to tell whether I was asleep or awake, it was a real Nightmare on Elm Street era for me, but they eventually went away when I started writing them down...thank you Johnny Depp. I walked in the 7/8th Grade hall, everything was different, this was the hall that I used to walk around during Lunch when I couldn't talk to anyone about my pointless problems. I walked up the stairs and saw my 13 year old self with the emo haircut crying while walking in the hallway after dealing with a shitty science teacher who degraded my learning methods. I sighed because that teacher was such a major pain in my ass, that memory seemed to fade away quicker when I walked on the bridge, I remember this party for only the 8th Graders, my friends and I were just having the time of our lives, we didn't care who was watching us. It was fun until one of my "friends" Kara tried to get together with Lana, but she already had a girlfriend who was stable enough to be in a relationship. No one told Kara because she was a drama queen then, she still is to this day and I don't hang out with her anymore, Kara found out and told Lana's mother who is religious on the phone. I remember walking with Lana, she was angry at Kara for the shit that she pulled and Lana was forced to break with her girlfriend who became one of my closest friends, Danielle. She was scared of how her mom who was set in her traditional ways. was going to be and when she got in the car, I could hear her mom yelling in the car and oh God, it was terrible and Kara tried talking to me, but I just ignored her because I just wanted to get back to the dance and just forget what she did. I'll be honest here, I did forget about it until now, Kara still didn't change after that, she threatened to commit suicide in the girls bathroom, she showed her cuts to one of my friends and even she tried to help her. Lana moved to San Francisco and back, but it was only for one year, she was only with a boy and they tried as much as they could. I walked around more and all I was thinking of when I was in the 6th Grade hallway, I could see myself with the very long hair wearing purple and blue flannel with capris that I modified myself and wore these red converse looking over and seeing Bryson with his wavy hair getting in his face when he was running to his classroom that was in that 6th Grade hallway, it was 7th Grade Math Class there because there wasn't any room, I remember trying to figure out my day to day routine so I can see him, yeah I wasn't really good with relationships, not much has changed since then. My mind was going to the dark place as I kept walking, there was a lot more than boy trouble….my depression was getting more unbearable to the point that I was cutting myself, surprise surprise there, but never told anyone. I tried talking to my mom about my depression, she got mad and my breakdowns were getting worse, my anger problems then seemed average but underneath it was boiling like lava and I took it out on myself because it felt like it was my fault for having these problems. Every day since that horrible night with her yelling at me for having depression, it felt like I needed to be a robot to the point that I was able to control what I eat and I took it farther, it was hard pretending to be a normal human being until I came to terms that I can just do what feels right for me whether my mother cares about it or not. I remember in my 7th Grade year, it was towards the end of the school year and when I went to the bathroom, there was this girl sobbing on the floor, I asked her if she was okay. She shook her head and pulled out a pill container then downed it dry. In the heat of the moment, I ran out of the bathroom and went to the nearest teacher to tell her what happened. They had the paramedics and the teacher said it was prescribed for her ADD, nothing too extreme, but it was noble of me to get someone immediately because who knows if it was worse It was right until that moment, I didn't want anyone to catch me in the bathroom swallowing pills that's worse than that, I didn't want anyone to see me like that, close to taking my own life.
The more I was thinking about my life in Middle school, it became something I never want to get back to because after that, I started looking for help, I came to a counselor who knows me well enough that I can come to him with any problem. He understood and he sent me to the school psychologist, it was my choice to go to the psychologist and since then, it kinda brought more peace until the psychologist called my mom and told them about my deepest darkest thoughts, it resulted going to a therapist that prescribed pills that ended up worsening my depression, anxiety and I stopped taking them then I found my coping mechanisms. I think after everything has happened in Middle school, all my problems then weren't worse than anyone, I lost one of my best friends and she stopped talking to me when I tried to help her. After everything that happened, I started walking around more to start thinking about all the good times in this school with like my times with Camille, Carmen, Alyssa, Rachel and more. My life in Middle School may have been tainted, but I think I could make it better by possibly closure. Looking back at my times, it wasn't entirely that bad,I remember my home Wrestling meets, after I was done with my match every time, I would go outside not caring that it was cold, they were always amazing nights, I would rather be with the boys than with girls. Too much drama, but Wrestling helped me discover that no matter how much life puts me in a lock that seems impossible to get out of, there is always a loophole and if I can get out of a boy's lock and make him work harder to keep me pinned down. Life can try all it wants, it's almost impossible to keep me down. After my half hour of walking around, taking my time, I check my phone for response, so far, none yet but I needed to go back out there.
I walked out of there and saw Blake still at the Long Jump pit, so I walk back over there and sat down with him,"How far did you guys get?"
"8th Flight and there are kids who had other events came here late" I nodded,"Jeez, well that's understandable" He sighed and told the kid to go, he nudges me playfully,"You know you should go for Long Jump"
"Yeah fat chance"
"Come on, you gotta do it"
"I'll do it next year" The boys left him there hanging so I stuck around to help him with the raking the sand for their record, the measurement and I went back to talk to Coach for a bit, turned out we could leave whenever, but I just stayed for Blake, there was something telling me to stick around and I did. I grabbed my sweatshirt and noticed that Blake did leave his shoes behind along with his keys and wallet, I groaned at his irresponsibility when he was at High Jump and didn't bring his things with him, anyone could've taken it, I decided to play a little joke and lesson for him, so I took his wallet and keys, put in my sweatshirt pocket, walked over to High Jump, he was busy taking record,"Hey Sabrina"
"Hey Blake, having fun?"
"Ecstatic, nothing can get any better than this" I patted his back when I read between the lines,"So you're bored?"
"Bored out of my freaking mind, but if I don't do this, then who will? Alright raise it up to 5 ft." I went to help him for a bit until Everett comes back from the 300m Hurdles, Blake and I were still goofing off, talking while taking record, waiting for him fo realize that he left his personal stuff out in the open for grabs, it wasn't until 4:30 when he was there for over an hour, he finally remembered when he jumped on the mat, trying to shove his dirty socks in my face,"Gross Blake, no I don't want to smell your dirty socks"
"Speaking of, I need to go get my shoes and stuff over there" He hopped off the mat then walked over, grabbing only his shoes,"Hey Sabrina, you were over grabbing your sweater, my keys and wallet was with your stuff, did you grab it?" He gestured behind him, I answered no,"That was all that I saw was only my sweatshirt"
"Damn it" I sighed and hunched my shoulders trying to keep in my laughter,"No no wait a minute, I know you. Gimme back my stuff" He had his hand out, I tapped my finger on my waist and shook my head,"Nah, you should know better to leave your stuff lying around in a public place and I think your mom raised you to have better manners than that" He sighed in annoyance then practically begged,"Can I please have my keys and wallet back?" I smirked playfully and handed it to him,"Not all thieves are gonna be as nice as me"
"Yeah yeah" He says as he shoves his keys and wallet into his right pocket and laid back down,"I do not want to go to the University tomorrow"
"You're going to the Track Meet too?" I made varsity and they only selected a few athletes in each event,"Apparently, Anton had to drop out because of family emergency, I gotta let my mom know, find my uniform, spikes and pack everything I need"
"You lost your uniform?" He shook his head,"No, no, no, no I put in a pile that ended up in a another pile that I'll have to dig through" So he lost it, I rolled my eyes and it was around 5:30pm, I checked my phone
I haven't clocked out yet, we're being counted out-Mom(4:41pm)
Meaning that she just sorted the money so the guards are counting it to make sure it's accurate which takes an hour and then they clock out…..I pay too much attention
Okay Mom, I'll find a way up there-Sabrina
I came back out and went to Blake,"What'd your mom say?" I shrugged,"Looks like I'm stuck here" I sighed as I put the phone in my pocket,"I'll give you a ride after this"
"Really?"
"Yeah what the hell? I don't mind helping out a friend" I thanked him and we walked back to the backpack pile that is barely a pile now,"You really need to get your license" He patted my back and I scoffed,"Yeah and I'll get my Mercedes Benz while I'm at it" He never really knew why I couldn't get my Driver's license, it was better not to tell him, not yet anyway. We stuck around to watch the 1500m distance and it was almost 6:30 until we went back to his truck.
I said to him that we should probably wait because I had this feeling,"Can I use your phone?" I ask him and he handed it to me so I can call my mom, she didn't answer but I left a message. I put in the middle and there was a quiet moment until Blake brought up an embarrassing topic,"By the way, sorry for saying no to going to Prom"
"It's okay. I wasn't really that heartbroken, you know me, always prepared for the outcomes" He nodded,"It's just that I don't like the idea of getting dressed just to sweat in a ballroom" I asked him over text on my way back home after practice and oh god the faces I was making, I knew he was going to say no, but gotta take your chances right? "Yeah I kinda get that, it was a 50/50 for me anyway, so it wasn't like I was going to cry into my pillow" He chuckled,"Yeah you don't seem like that kind of girl"
"You don't seem like that kind of boy who would even dance to basic songs" He nodded,"Yeah I dance on my own time"
"I do too, with choreographies it feels like it's always a class but with songs from Nickelodeon or 2000s, I can just party"
"So that's why you're going to the Prom?" I nodded,"It's a feeling that I should go, otherwise almost everyone I know is leaving high school, might as well make the best of it"
"Makes sense, for me I'm just getting by at this point. Just want to get to the day I get my diploma and move. I want to make the best of it, but with all the shit's that's happening, I don't want to be here any longer" He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel,"Any response? My password is my birthday" August 31 2000, I opened it and,"Nothing" I saw a car drive by,"I think that's my mom's"
"See the license plate?"
"247 FCA, yeah that's her" I rolled down the window and waved to get her attention, she turned around and I got out,"Thanks Blake, for you know"
"No problem, see you tomorrow?"
"Betcha" I smiled lightly and shut the truck to walk over to the car. Maybe I wanted to ride with Blake, I don't know why, but it always felt like every time I'm around him, he has this energy that can just make your forget about your troubles, no matter how much of a dumbass he tends to be, he can always be such a great guy and a friend. We drove back and all I could be thinking is the Conversations that him and I could be having and just laugh.