You may have control over your feelings, but not your being. Control isn't always easy, and it isn't always a possibility. But that's how it is, and if you can see it you can change it. Understanding is another thing. You have control, but you don't know what or understand what you exactly are controlling, you need to understand it and then control it.
It may be hard but don't abandon it. If you can't understand it then find another way to do so, or find help, it is always there.
Life has ups and downs, and that is okay, it is okay to fall, and it is okay to be hurt, it is okay to be weak. Because before you were strong you were always weak.
Understand, control and accept it, and then you could change, then you could grow, then could you get stronger. If said in words it may sound easy, but there is always something hidden, always something hard. It is like a question, and there will be an answer, you just have to find it, and solve it. Easy right? It is not easy, and it never was.
After sitting in silence, for who knows how long, Ayla came to three conclusions-
she could control it, but it could always get out of hands.
She could understand it, but everything was not meant to be understood.
She could accept it, but not everything was to be accepted.
Emotions were always hard to control, no matter who you are, or what you are, it can always get out of control. You can always get pissed off, or get jealous, or any kinds of feelings. She would rather have gotten her emotions out of control, then being an emotionless person.
"Ayla... do you... accept your being?" Atlas asked. She could hear his uncertainty in his voice, she shrugged her shoulders, did it matter? She was what she was. Whenever she was human or not.
" I guess, it doesn't matter," she said, while she shook her head, if she wasn't human then so be it. She met Atlas, didn't she?
" I- I am glad," he said. Why did it sound like a burden was lifted from his shoulders? She frowned, if it was someone's burden, then it was hers, she didn't really care about being human, she was angry and scared in the start, maybe it was because she wanted to be something she knew, something that kept her close to her parents, so she wouldn't forget, she didn't want to forget her past life.
But it was necessary, she couldn't just live in the past, could she? She shook her head again and changed the subject. " so what do I do now?" She asked Atlas. He was silent for a moment, " right, sorry to tell you but I think we have to wait till midnight," Atlas said, now it was her turn to be the silent one, she sighed, not again! " come on Atlas! " She didn't want to wait till midnight again, it was so boring.
" fine, I will wait, I will go on a walk" she turned around and went forward the forest. She wanted to go on a walk alone to gather her thoughts. Atlas just nodded his head and went into the house.
She was walking off the path that was made so that the people that actually went into the forest, did not get lost. Who knows they might fall into a trap or get eaten by the beats and demons here.
She was enjoying the silence when she heard a giggling sound. She went closer and what she saw completely shocked her, that she forgot to run. in front of her was a girl that may be on the same age as her or older. But that wasn't what made her stop up in shock, it was the fact that the girl was playing with the demons! She was playing poker, poker!!
The girl looked up and saw her, they're eyes meet. Her eyes were yellow almost golden, but there was something weird about them, they seemed happy, but there was a sadness to it. Like she just wanted to be left in a corner with absolute darkness around her. alone, like she just wanted to be left alone.
The girl grinned although her eyes were still a bit sad, she looked happy. " fufu~, do you wanna play as well? " The girl asked leaving Alya frozen, did she just ask her if she wanted to play poker? Poker with DEMONS!!
"..." She had nothing to say, so she just turned around, acting like she never saw that girl in the first place.
***
She looked at the girl who had just turned around and saw that she was already gone. "too bad, I wanted her to play with os" The golden-eyed girl said with a sigh. " Come on Akki, we don't have all day you know," one of the demons in human form said. " fine, but I win," Akki said, with a grin written all over her face.
She loved gambling, and the best part was that she was good at it. In the start, she had gambled with humans, but it wasn't as fun, because the only reward she could get was money, but with demons, she could get curses, and it was a bonus that she used dark magic, she got stronger, with every curse she got.
So she started only playing with demons, but when she saw that girl, she felt that she needed to know her, she felt a weird feeling, a feeling she hadn't felt for a long time, she felt warm, and she felt save? And a weird feeling she just couldn't put her finger on.
And like an answer to her wonder, a snake started to slide down from her hair that was set up but soon started to fall down. Her hair was black but the parting was white, and two locks of white hair fell on her face. " Do you know the girl?" The snake asked in her thoughts.
" No I have never met her before, but she felt weird," Akki said to the snake, the snake nodded his head. " did you find anything when you looked her in the eyes," the snake asked, " yes a bit, but it was weird," she said with a frown. " What did you see?" He asked. " I saw her true self like she did not even try to hide it."
ones true self was who a person really was, and what that person belonged to. Akki belonged to the stars, which was rare, but that girl- " what?! what did she belong to?!" The snake asked cutting her thoughts. " she-she belonged to- to the moon" Akki said with uncertainty and hesitation. " Akki that is impossible." The snake said, and even though he was a snake, he had a big frown on his face.
"I know" it was impossible, the moon was almost unseen, but in the past ten years, a full moon rose on one day, in the night, in the year.