I knew he wasn't mine but i wanted him and I knew he did not care for me nor think of me, but i loved him and i knew that i would never have a chance with him,but i hoped; with all my heart that we might of had just a little chance at least. Maybe i'd missed it, I don't know. All i knew now was, another woman probably held my whole world in her arms and she didn't even know..She probably wouldn't care, nor would he. If he'd cared so much he would of tried better , or have some sort of idea , but he never did. All I kept thinking was ' what kind of idiot am I? ' it was so obvious he would never get with me.
I took a deep Breath and exhaled slowly trying to calm myself. I swallowed hard as tears swelled up and gushed out; staining my face inky black. Eyeliner stang like a bitch but that didn't compare to the pain I felt in my chest. I could handle my eyes stinging.
I don't know why i let myself get so worked up about it, he won't and never will be mine, i guess i must try to face the disapointing truth and accept it, instead of dwindgling on the past.. the unfortune mishaps and the uncertain furture ahead. I sighed misserably and sagged down on to my bed. Why did life have to be so hard? why couldn't i just get one thing right in my life? I felt so empty, so miserable and sad. Tonight was mean't to be my prom. I wanted to go with Kiaros but someone else had alread asked him, and now i'd never have the perfect prom, or the perfect time to tell him how i felt. I'd wanted to hold on to the tears that tried to escape, but i couldn't and i laid, engulfed in the darkness, sobbing my heart out. Maybe this was suppose to happen. Maybe i was suppose to writhe in the sweet pain of heart break and they,.. they were suppose to be happy and live happily ever after together.Maybe that was all my heart could function on, bitterness and sadness..
I sighed and took a deep breath. I was only making myself feel worse. I wiped my eyeliner off my face with the back of my hand as my tv which had been playing an old black and white movie, had switched it's self off. The sound still echoed as zombies chased the people In the movie, but the screen was still black. CLANK. An old jack in the box fell and hit the top of my tv, the black screen glowed as it went to static and the sound of the movie died away. The eerie quietness was short lived after 2 minuets as a low rumble seemed to sound from within the darkness of my room , which followed by a sudden shaking like an earthquake and a loud Groan As if my house was being moved ... My heart began to beat fast. I heard it creak and groan loudly again..like an old house .. Except my house never did that. " W-What - is that?.."i whispered, frightened and trembling. BANG! ! The shaking continued . My heart beat was wild and erratic. My palms began to sweat. I had never been this scared . Dust fell from the ceiling and everything off my shelves to my TV had fallen on to my floor, making my room a mountain of junk.
suddenly the creaking and shaking stopped, looking around nervously I headed to the door pausing to open it. My heart still thumped rapidly against my ribs. I held out a shaking hand and grabbed the handle, slowly pulling the door open. A piercing blue light radiated out from within the door, the sharpness of the light hurt my eyes. I wanted to go through it, but at the same time I was scared. What if I could never come back? I thought about how alone I was. Would anyone care if I just got up and left ? My answer was final and in to the blinding blue light I walked.