Ron dropped me off at the house with a promise to be back in an hour with the pizza. I flew through the rooms, picking up anything that had been left out of place. I barely remembered to change my sweater before hearing Caelyn pull into the driveway. She knew I was of the opinion the garment was too special to wear to school.
I ran into the kitchen to greet her, hoping my face wasn't too flushed from all my efforts. I'd changed into my least childishly-patterned pajamas, deciding it was too dangerous to act like I'd been to school when the risk of discovery was too high. Such casual attire would also make it seem like I wasn't expecting Ron to come over at all.
She entered bearing a bag of groceries cradled in one arm.
"Oh, Mom! I could've helped you with those." I ran to take the bag from her.
"It's okay, Maura. I guess you were sick today?" The school must have called her at work! Good thing I didn't try to act like I'd been there all day.
"Yeah, stomach flu. But I feel a lot better now."
She seemed to grow overly concerned when I said that. "Did you throw up?" She put the bag down on the counter, ignoring my attempts to relieve her of her burden, and put a hand to my forehead.
"Yes, Mom." At least that part wasn't complete untruth. "But I'm fine. I said I feel better. I even kept some food down." I didn't like the way she was overreacting. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.
"Your face is all red." The back of her hand was pressed against a cheek.
"Mom…" I heard his car. Stupidly, I stiffened in response.
"Are you expecting someone?"
"No. You?" I asked innocently. She threw me an annoyed look and strolled over to the front door. I heard her gasp in surprise. To busy myself—and keep my hands from shaking—I started unpacking the groceries so I could put them away.
I stared at the pile of meat I'd been stacking on the counter. My mother had purchased ten double packs of New York strip steaks. Maybe she was planning a cookout before we moved next month? I stared down at the blood-red meat.
Like a distant echo, I could hear Caelyn greeting Ron at the door. I should've been anxious for her reaction to his uninvited presence, but for some weird reason, I couldn't take my eyes off the raw meat. Almost like I was standing outside myself watching, I was disgusted to find I was licking my lips as I poked at the cool thickness with a finger to make blood seep out into the white Styrofoam tray.
Ridiculously, my mouth watered, and a fierce hunger pang gripped at my stomach, causing my abdomen to growl in protest. The voices in the living room were white noise, almost indiscernible. I slit the plastic open with the nail of my index finger. Holding the tray to my face, I inhaled, taking the raw, bloody scent into my head. I didn't consciously make the small sound of desire that slipped out.
When Ron and my mother came into the kitchen, I had one of the worst moments of my life.
I saw Ron's mouth drop open in shock as he observed the girl he had spent a mostly typical, pleasant day with at the amusement park greedily chomping into a raw hunk of beef. Caelyn, strangely, didn't look as surprised, but I could tell she didn't like what she'd found me doing. My conscious mind was suddenly back in control as my eyes widened at the looks on their faces. I froze, not knowing honestly what I was going to say or do next. The moment felt unsalvageable.
Caelyn moved first. She turned to Ron, effectively blocking his view of me by stepping in between us and taking the pizza out of his hands. She was probably as afraid as I was that he would drop the box onto the linoleum. I took full advantage of her strategic move and transported myself and the mangled piece of meat over to the sink. I dropped the steak there and turned on the water to wash my face and hands. Some instinct inside me forced me to lick the blood from my fingers before thrusting them under the stream coming from the tap. Part of me noticed Caelyn catching sight of that from where she stood at the countertop as she placed the pizza box there. She didn't seem to be nearly as disgusted with me as I was myself.
I was incredulous at the part of me fighting against grabbing the steak up again and chewing at the rubbery meat until that delicious flavor was once again running over my tongue, flowing down my throat…
Caelyn cleared her throat and casually wiped at her chin. I realized the signal she was giving and splashed water over the lower half of my face. I grabbed a paper towel to dry myself, ghastly afraid of turning around to face Ron.
Caelyn seemed determined to bring about a return to normalcy.
"Maura." Her voice belied nothing unusual. She lifted a smaller package from the top of the pizza box. "Ron brought over a movie. Wasn't that nice of him?"
I looked at her; my eyes felt all buggy. I couldn't speak, so I nodded my head, feeling like the moment was playing out in slow motion, like the air around me had congealed into something viscous. The inside of my head was trying to preserve my sanity by offering up suggestions like, *Maybe he didn't notice the steak was raw.*
"Since your friend is here, don't you think you should go upstairs and comb your hair?" She'd moved closer to me and smoothed a comforting hand over the back of my head. I nodded numbly again and walked very quickly to the stairs, not daring to meet his eyes when I walked past him.
I heard Caelyn say the word "anemic" before I slammed the bathroom door shut behind me.
It took me quite a little while to compose myself before I could even summon the will to climb to my feet. As soon as I was safely hidden in the bathroom, I'd slid to the floor and curled up tightly, hugging my knees. Absolute horror overtook me.
Why? Why had I just done that?! The scariest part was that I'd known he was in my house, but I still couldn't help myself from gnawing at the bloody steak. And why did I even feel a compulsion to put something so gross in my mouth—only the raw meat hadn't been gross. It was good. Really good. My mouth watered as I remembered the taste, even as I sat on the cold floor, castigating myself for what had just happened.
I wanted to cry but was too mortified to form any tears. What could possible fix could there be for what I'd done?
A soft knock sounded at the door.
"I'll be down later, Mom." My voice trembled.
"Can I come in?" It was him. I didn't say anything. "Please, Maura? Please?"
I still couldn't say anything.
The door eased open. My eyes grew large, afraid of what his expression might say to me.
He was smiling…a real smile, like I hadn't just consumed raw meat and licked blood off my hands, right before his eyes, in my kitchen. My expression must have been something to behold, because he rushed over to me and knelt on the floor beside me.
"Are you okay?" When I wouldn't meet his gaze, he lifted my chin with his hand. "Speak, please? Say something…anything."
How could he treat me in such a way, as if nothing weird to the extreme had just happened? Maybe there was far more wrong with me than my mother was willing to admit. I could feel my eyes getting glassy, but I couldn't even blink.
"Come on." He shifted around to kneel in front of me and clasped both my hands so he could pull me to my feet. "Your pizza is going to get cold." Avoidance. I liked that tactic.
"Okay." He heaved a sigh that I hoped was relief when I spoke.
More avoidance. "I like those pajamas, way cuter than the rabbit ones." Those were pink with multicolored hearts all over the top and bottoms. I was suddenly self-conscious that he might have thought I was trying to say something with the pattern I'd chosen…but remembered half a second later that I had way more to be worried about than my choice of wardrobe for the evening.
I let him lead me, one arm curled around my waist and the other extended to grasp my hand in his, as I stumbled along, blindly, beside him. I wondered how he could stand to touch me after witnessing my repulsive behavior.
He leaned in to whisper, before we started down the stairs, "Oh, and by the way, your mom told me about your 'stomach flu' this morning. Nice cover." I looked at him, and he winked at me. I was stunned he could be so casual.
Maybe I'd come home and fallen asleep after the park. Maybe I was having a nightmare, and the whole catastrophic night had never happened. That must be the case. No one could possibly be so calm after… I cringed at the memory.
"It's okay," he whispered. We were taking the stairs, one at a time, then. Was he serious? How could anything ever be okay again?
Caelyn was kneeling in front of the DVD player, putting in a disc. "Hey, Maura, I brought you a plate." I could see avoidance had become the agenda for the evening. That suited me just fine.
I gave the tactic a shot. "Um, what movie did you bring?" I was surprised by the smoothness of my voice.
"Serendipity. Seen it?"
"Nope."
"I knew it would be something you like. It's very cute." He made sure Caelyn was busy with the player and touched the tip of my nose. "Just like you," he soundlessly mouthed the words.
I smiled, but the expression felt weak. I was busy trying to push the bad memory away every time the humiliation tried to intrude on me. "What's this one about?" I managed to ask.
"Destiny."
I didn't miss the sour look Caelyn shot him when he said that.
Quickly, I pulled him over to the couch, hoping to avoid anything that might serve as a reminder of the earlier events that night or topics of a brand that would upset my mother. I was already hoping the movie wouldn't be too romantic. That would put her in a funk for a good week.
The movie turned out to be crazy romantic. After she'd finished her two slices of pizza, Caelyn had bowed out of the rest of the movie, claiming to have brought a mountain of work home. She left us, giving me a brief look of warning, the corners of her perfectly-shaped mouth turning down as she walked toward her office off the living room. She hadn't needed to warn me; I knew she would check on us—often.
I watched the movie, entranced. The basic message of the film was that if two people were meant to be, fate would ensure they wound up together, no matter the obstacles. Ron held me lightly in lots of little ways that were easily untangled when we heard the squeak of Caelyn's chair, alerting us she was about to intrude on our semi-privacy.
Of course, I cried at the end when the couple found each other, despite situations that seemed impossible to overcome. I tried to hide my tears, embarrassed, but Ron saw right through my lame excuse that I had something in my eye, telling me he found my crying "endearing." I stuck my tongue out at him, and he wiped away a tear I'd missed.
We were silent for a moment. Before Caelyn could come back into the room, I had to ask. "Ron." I dug my nails into my palms, painfully, as I spoke. "Are we going to even talk about…"
"Nope," he cut me off, and then asked me, "and are we sneaking off again tomorrow?"
"I think I feel the stomach flu coming on again."
He grinned at me conspiratorially.
I thought he might have kissed me when we said goodnight after Mom had left us to be alone for a minute on the front step. Well, he did…sort of. He leaned in toward me… I closed my eyes… He planted his lips…on the top of my head.
"Sleep tight, okay? Have sweet dreams."
My head was all foggy from watching the movie and his touching me all evening. "Only if they're of you," I sighed at him.
I clamped my eyes shut, feeling the heat crawl up my face as I thought, *Why did I say that out loud?*
He seemed to enjoy my reaction immensely. I got one last look at his one-of-a-kind smile before he vanished into the moonless night.
I was still trying to shove away the disturbing images of what had happened in the kitchen earlier. I'd decided, though, if he wanted to ignore the whole mess, I certainly wasn't going to argue with him. But…I had to wonder what he and Caelyn had said to one another before he'd come upstairs. She'd been smart to send him up. I would've never come down to face him by myself.
Luckily, I could discuss what had happened with Mom. And I needed to, wanted some kind of answer for my wildly irrational behavior.
But it just wasn't my night.
"Sorry, Mink." She had an armload of papers and was already making her way up the stairs. "It'll have to be tomorrow. I still have all this to finish, and I have a very early meeting in the morning with an important client."
"But, Mom…" I knew I sounded whiny and also knew how much Caelyn hated that.
"I said tomorrow, Maura Maxine." Her tone—and use of my middle name—closed the subject for the night.
Dejected, I slunk to my room, my head swimming with mysteries I couldn't even begin to figure out by myself.
As I became a part of my private space…I knew immediately Ron had left his own stamp on my room earlier. There were several things which alluded to that fact.
First of all, my bed had been turned down. Caelyn had stopped doing so when I'd turned five. Not only had he pulled the comforter aside, but he'd also tucked under the blanket, in my place, a stuffed bunny. I could only see its ears and eyes, as my comforter was pulled up to his nose.
Secondly, there was music playing. I hadn't even touched my computer that day, so I knew I hadn't left the music on, myself. There was also a song playing I didn't recognize, so I knew I hadn't added that one to my playlist.
I walked over, smiling to myself despite everything, and interrupted the screensaver with my mouse. There in the media player was a playlist named, 'Maura's peaceful sleep mix by Ron.' Even though he wasn't there to see, my cheeks flushed with the emotion his gesture had aroused. I perused his choices, most of them lullabies by different artists, all of them quiet, serene tunes. There was a band called Muse I didn't recognize. The name of their song was "Endlessly." I double-clicked on that one, settling in front of the computer to Google the lyrics as I listened.
I was shocked by the deep meaning conveyed by the song's lyrics. Was he trying to tell me he felt that way about me?
When the music ended, I clicked to replay that same song over again and stumbled over to my bed, left clumsy by the mistiness the song had brought to my eyes.
I plunked down on my side and picked up the rabbit. He was brown and white…mostly white…but with brown suede sewn inside his ears and on the bottoms of his big back feet. His nose was a mass of brown thread which perfectly matched the suede. A little tag still hung from one of his ears.
He was a Gund! One of the expensive, luxurious plushies from the jewelry store in the mall! That was all it took to make the tears spill over.
Ron had even written that the special stuffed animal was from him to me on the tag. I tried not to read too much into the fact he'd written, 'Love, Ron,' without much success. I also saw that the little guy's name was Timothy.
Well, that explained the extra-long bathroom trip earlier. I'd been worried he might be sick…or worse, looking for a way to escape the house after my little stunt in the kitchen. He must've had help from Caelyn getting Timothy upstairs unnoticed. I hadn't seen him carry that in….not that I'd been overly observant when he'd arrived.
I sighed. He was obviously far too good for me. But I decided to enjoy the moment anyway. I hugged the bunny close and settled in under the covers. I managed to listen to every song once…and make my way back to "Endlessly." I drifted off to the crooning of the lead singer, promising me Ron was mine for keeps.