The rest of the week at school went much the same, surprising, but less of a shock. Katie chatted with me like I was her new best friend and invited me to eat lunch with them every day. By Wednesday, Trent had his Mustang back and drove the three of us to school. This was a different kind of feeling, fitting in with the most popular kids at school, but I soon discovered I didn't have much in common with any of them. When I asked one day at lunch what any of them were reading, one of the other girls asked, "You mean, like, for school?"
I couldn't resist. At the risk of sounding like a nerd, I answered back, "No, for fun."
They all laughed and Wendy, crinkling her bright emerald eyes, said, "Oh, Maura, you're too much!" I blushed profusely and kept quiet until lunch was over.
Katie bounded up to me after, walking with me to English.
"Hey, Maura, I hope you won't let stupid Wendy keep you from going with us Saturday." Wow, she really wanted me to go with them.
"No, I'll still go." She was making me get an uneasy feeling in my stomach, though, if I were completely honest with myself. Wanting to continue to fit in, I struggled to ignore the tiny, sprouting doubt.
"I'm so glad!" she practically squealed. I wondered again why she so desperately wanted to be my friend.
I couldn't help but ask then, "Why?"
She seemed a bit taken aback by my question. Katie definitely hadn't expected me to question the motives behind her and her clique's sudden interest in befriending me.
"I guess I'm just feeling bad." She dropped her eyes as if to reiterate her point. "All this time we've lived so close and gone to school together for our whole lives, and I've barely even said hi to you. When I saw you at the bus stop the other morning, I was thinking that soon you'll be moving away, and I never got the chance to know you at all."
She had obviously forgotten the pudding incident. "You know we're moving?" I was incredulous. "How do you know that?" An interesting development, because I'd told no one. There was no one to tell.
My brain made a suggestion. Did Katie want to secure a place to visit in Vancouver? Could she really be sorry she never got to know me? How could she be intrigued by someone who so obviously shared none of her interests?
"Wendy's sister helps out in the office." She shrugged nonchalantly. "She told us you're transferring to a school near Vancouver. It must be exciting to be moving to Canada. I've heard Vancouver is such a beautiful city, too. I'm so jealous! There's a ton of exciting stuff to do there, not like boring, old here." She wrinkled her nose to emphasize her point.
So, that had to be the reason. She must have wanted to gain a friend she could visit in Vancouver if she thought the place was so great. I was a bit hurt, but with Katie, I supposed I shouldn't be surprised if all her friendships, well, all her relationships really, were of convenience. I didn't have time to comment, though, as she continued to gush.
"I looked up some pictures and stuff on the internet. You should see the mountains! There's skiing there at this place called Whistler; tons of people go there. And there are the beaches in White Rock…and shopping on Robson Street!!" She turned back to me. "Hey, maybe I could visit you there sometime?"
"Sure," was all I could manage. Thank god we were sliding into our desks. I was incapable of continuing the conversation at the moment. I noticed a couple of the other less popular girls in the class shooting daggers at me with their eyes, looking from me to Katie, who was practically bouncing in the seat beside me. She must have been really excited about her Vancouver plan. They whispered vehemently back and forth to each other before glaring at me one final time. *If you only knew…* I thought at them. They certainly had nothing to be jealous of.
I became absorbed in the class discussion all too soon, forgetting my wounds for the moment. We were working on Lord of the Flies, one of my favorite books. I tried not to be overeager when Ms. Larson asked questions about parts of the book I liked the best. I was very conscious of Katie beside me. Even with my little discovery about her motives, I still didn't want to come across as a total nerd.
My hand shot up, almost subconsciously, when she asked about the symbolism of the conch shell. I offered my lengthy commentary before remembering myself and hurriedly wrapping up. I glanced nervously at Katie. She must have thought I was such a geek.
"Wow!" Katie looked at me with admiration in her cornflower eyes. "You are so smart, Maura!" She gave me a smile I had to admit was hard to resist.
"Thanks," I answered, blushing. Well, at least she wanted to visit me along with Vancouver. Such a wish couldn't be all bad, could it? So tired of feeling like an isolated freak, I felt any apprehension I'd had waning quickly as I returned her smile with one of my own.
At dinner that night, I knew I only had a few days to prepare Caelyn for a Saturday alone. I hoped she wouldn't feel too deserted. I couldn't remember the last time we'd spent a weekend away from each other. As a consolation, I'd made her favorite, pepper steak—Chinese style. I watched for a moment as she chewed appreciatively. "This is great, Maura," she enthused.
That was about as excited as Caelyn ever got. I thought again how strange it was that, even after all the years I'd been alive, she'd never gotten over my dad. She must have loved him more than I could imagine was possible. As of yet, I didn't have one boyfriend to speak of, a fact Caelyn was overjoyed about.
I broke out of my reverie to steel myself for her reaction to my request. It was only one Saturday, after all, and then she'd have me all to herself in a whole new city—make that country—and I'd never see my newfound friends again. Well, unless Katie really did intend to make good on her wish to visit us in British Columbia.
"Hey, Mom." I noticed my voice was a little shaky. I must have been even more nervous about telling her than I realized.
She looked slightly alarmed then. I might have been the consolation prize, but I was still the only piece of my father she had left in her life. "Maura? Is something wrong?"
Great. Freaking her out was definitely not the best way to get what I wanted. "No, Mom. Calm down. I just wanted to ask you if you mind if I go out with some friends from school on Saturday." Best to just get my request out in the open. Quick and painless, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
Well, not completely painless. "Friends?"
I guess if I'd been in her shoes, I would have had the same reaction. In all the years I'd been in school, I hadn't had anyone over. Ever.
"Yeah, I know." I couldn't help rolling my eyes. "I'm not the most social person alive."
"That's an understatement, Maura." She looked too serious. I didn't know if I would be going with Katie and the other, whether I'd promised her or not. "This is so out-of-the-blue," she added.
"I know, Mom." I was starting to get that pleading edge to my voice she rarely heard. "It's just…me and Katie Parker have sort of been hanging out together at school. You know, eating lunch together and…"
She interrupted at the mention of our neighbor. "Katie Parker? Cheerleading snot, Katie Parker? Smash pudding into your hair, Katie Parker?" she asked in disbelief. Maybe Caelyn was more concerned about my life than I gave her credit for.
"Mom! She's not like that anymore." My mind went back to the conversation I'd had with Katie that day. There was a really good chance she was exactly like that.
Caelyn raised a perfect eyebrow speculatively. "Oh, she isn't?" She definitely wasn't convinced.
"Mom!" I was getting exasperated. "What do you care anyway?"
She looked a little like I'd slapped her. "I care very much, Maura. I don't want to see you get hurt." She looked a little guilty then. "I know I may not show it all the time, and for that, I'm very sorry, but I care about you more than anything else in my life."
I was too stunned to speak. Caelyn and I simply didn't have those kinds of conversations. She usually strayed from any kind of deep emotion, for which I forgave her. Despite my age, I was intensely concerned over anything that might hurt her further. I sought to protect my fragile mother constantly.
"Honey, girls like Katie Parker will chew you up and spit you out. Don't forget, I was a teenager once." Some memory flickered across her eyes, and they lost the brief spark of fury they'd held a moment before. Her mouth twisted into a frown, and her eyes suddenly glistened, overfull. I wouldn't have asked her what she was remembering for anything. I knew from counting backward from my birth year that Caelyn had been very young when she'd met my dad. Her age was my own doubled. It was hard to believe she'd had a baby when she was as old as I was then.
I knew she was right about Katie, too…potentially, though. Not absolutely. I wanted to try. After all, what was the worst that could happen? For once, it was nice to think I had friends, like other normal teenagers.
"Mom!" I snapped her out of her day-mare. "Please, come on; just let me go, okay? I really want to, and it's only for a few hours. Don't you think I'm old enough to decide where I should and shouldn't go?"
I could tell from the look she gave me that she didn't think that at all. But she merely said, "What time, where are you going and for how long?" She sighed deeply.
I didn't really want to tell my mother we were going swimming. Such a confession was sure to lead to questions of whether boys would be present. I was sure she would disapprove of the time of year and the water temperature, as well as the isolated location. The bridge Trent had mentioned was part of a deserted dirt-and-gravel road, practically in the middle of the woods. I thought fast. Too fast.
"We're just going out for pizza and to see a movie," I blurted out without benefit of adequate planning. The lying-to-your-mom-about-where-you-were-really-going-with-your-friends thing was a new experience for me. I knew I'd set myself up for questions I wasn't prepared to answer. What was even playing at the theater? I tried to think about movie trailers I'd seen on TV.
I got lucky. "Are you going to the theater at the mall, then?" She seemed to relax at the idea. The mall was full of people. Safe.
"Yes," I answered, knowing I was too overeager.
Caelyn mistook the animation in my voice. "You really are excited about going, aren't you?"
I played it safe and nodded my head, instead of risking speaking another word.
"Well…okay." Her eyes were a bit tight, so I knew she wasn't completely thrilled. "But I really would prefer you were home before it gets too late, okay?"
I hadn't been told by Katie or any of the others how long we would be at the bridge, but surely we wouldn't even be in the water after dark, given the time of year.
"Don't worry, Mom, I won't leave you alone too long!" I blurted out, suddenly worried about her being at home all by herself the whole day, brooding. I'd jumped up and come to stand by her side.
She looked injured by my exclamation and glanced up at me through her thick, feathery lashes. "You don't have to worry about me, Maura." Her voice was heavy with guilt. "I just want you to go have a good time."
I woke up Thursday morning, still amazed by how relatively easy it had been to gain my freedom the coming Saturday from Caelyn. I still couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for leaving her alone. But I had a surprise in mind for her. Something she'd been wanting to do, probably holding back because I never left the house…without her anyway…on weekends. Something to pass the time while I continued my valiant attempt at finally fitting in. I just had to convince someone to drive me across town.
I was singing as I brushed my incredibly glossy hair that morning. Its new gleam even made a regular, old ponytail look ornate somehow. I usually didn't wear my hair up. My long mane's ability to hide me both from the sun and the eyes of others was something I took a large amount of comfort in. But the gloss and texture my hair had seemed to take on lately inspired me to experiment…not that an ordinary ponytail was anything too extreme to anyone but me.
Caelyn was in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a travel mug to take to the office. Her eyes popped wide when she saw me bound around the corner. "Maura? Your hair is up?"
I rolled my eyes, but to be honest, her surprise was justified. The style was really was a first for me. I tried to smile nonchalantly and shrugged. "I wanted to try it out."
"Weird…but okay…" She shrugged as well and turned back to the counter. I was on my way to the cabinet to dig out my favorite honey-flavored cereal when my mom's arm came across my path to block me. In her hand was a plateful of scrambled eggs.
"Here, Maura, why don't you eat this?" My look of disappointment caused her to use an infallible tactic—guilt. "I got up early to make them for you."
"And…what's wrong with cereal?" I took the plate obligingly.
She tried to sound indifferent, but I noticed the nervous tremble underlying her voice. "It's time you put more protein into your diet."
"Mom, I'm almost seventeen, and you pick now to become more concerned with my diet."
"You're right; I should have done that a long time ago." She patted my head affectionately, and of course with that, the battle was over for me. I was resigned to the eggs then, my sugary morning fix lost to me.
I took a whiff. A cook Caelyn was not…another reason I'd taken on kitchen duty…but they smelled mouthwatering. "Mmmmm." I surprised myself by scooping a wad of them up with my fingers, not bothering to grab a fork. I wolfed half the plateful down in a like manner before I noticed my mother staring at me, open-mouthed.
I laughed nervously, blushing profusely. "Hey! You're right, protein is good." I didn't want to but forced myself to take the time to fetch silverware and went to sit at the dining room table.
Caelyn forcibly calmed herself and snapped right back into an air of normalcy. "I'm a better cook than you give me credit for." She even smirked for good measure. She glanced up at the clock, as if on cue. "I gotta run, Mink! I can't be late today." That was funny. She couldn't be late any day. Punctuality was a huge deal to my mother.
"Good luck!" I called to her as she rushed past me, patting my head once more and grabbing her bag from the hook beside the entranceway. "Thanks for the eggs, Mom!" I added at the last second.
"Welcome. See you tonight, and have a good day at school." I heard the door to the garage open and then close in a flash.
Caelyn was head designer for a very prestigious interior-design firm in Pittsburgh. That day, some big-shot millionaire client, who wanted to redecorate his summer home, was coming in for Caelyn to charm. Because not only did Caelyn possess unparalleled finesse when it came to transforming the inside of any dwelling, but she drew people to her as well. Male clients were astonished by her startling beauty, but she also had a way of making them feel at ease, like they were right at home with her. If she'd been able to dispel that sadness of hers, Caelyn's social calendar would have been full every single night of her life.
I'd had the chance to see her in action once on a night we'd been going out to dinner for my birthday. Caelyn had sent one of her coworkers to pick me up and take me to the office, as she was busy with a client too significant—and rich—to be rescheduled.
"Ahhh, here she is!" My mother was obviously uncomfortable, as she was overly exuberant at my arrival. "Anthony, this is my daughter, Maura."
"Well, you, My Dear, are just as beautiful as your mother!" The man had been tall, with deeply tanned skin and jet-black hair. Disturbingly, his eyes were a brilliant blue…colored contacts, obviously.
"Ummm, thanks." I'd squirmed internally when he picked my hand up to kiss the back. His lips had parted to show teeth I was pretty sure were veneered. There was no doubt he was handsome, but his expression had transformed into a cocky kind of smile, one that made me wish my mother and I were already having dinner…somewhere very far from the man.
Mom had been packing up swatches of royally-colored fabric, samples in purples, golds and reds. I'd felt a sense of relief at the signal we would soon be leaving her office. Spacious as the room was, it hadn't felt big enough to escape the aura of the man occupying space with us. His attention had turned back to my mother, and I'd found the way he was smiling at her had begun to make me feel angry.
"Are you ready to go, Honey?" Caelyn had strode over and run her hair over my hair. "It's her birthday, Sweet Sixteen!" She'd beamed at me, and her smile had become more genuine. "You can pick any place you like."
My stomach had rumbled, embarrassingly, at the mention of food, and I'd gotten a sudden craving for the Cookie Fudge Fantasy at Eat'nPark.
"Eat'nPark!" Ice cream and chocolate chip cookies, what a perfectly delicious combination.
A knowing look had spread across my mother's face. "Sure, but you're not having Cookie Fudge Fantasy for dinner. You have to eat real food before dessert."
Unbelievingly, Mr. I-Think-I'm-Awesome had invited himself along. "Hey, how about I buy dinner for the birthday girl and her stunning mother?" He'd flashed a daring smile full of perfect white at my mom.
I could tell, then, how much his words had upset Caelyn. But only I'd caught the very slight stiffening of her body, the more rigid clench of her hands, which had been nestled into the small of her back. As far as her client was concerned, she'd had no reaction at all. She'd even given the same smile back to him he'd been offering to her, without a trace of fake sentiment. Caelyn was good. Not good enough to fool the daughter who knew her best—I'd been able to see just how incensed she was.
"Oh, Anthony! What a generous offer! You are so kind," my mother had said to him, and for a minute I'd been afraid we would have to ruin the rare intimacy my birthday brought. It was one of the few days of the year I had Caelyn's undivided attention. On my special day, she would never bring one iota of work home. I'd begun to formulate multiple excuses in my head to account for the reason why Anthony couldn't join us. Then, I'd noticed my mother's very deliberate pause and wondered what she was waiting for. I hadn't waited long to find out.
"Now, Maura, you don't want to go to Eat'nPark, do you?" He'd strode over to me and bent to look into my eyes, speaking to me in a tone generally reserved for five-year-olds. "I mean, that's practically like McDonald's! You are sixteen today and so should start developing more refined tastes. How about we find a more suitable place to have your birthday dinner? How would you like to try some caviar and foie gras?" He'd smiled, exceedingly proud of himself.
I'd tried to be very polite like my mother had taught me to be, and also to remember he was a very important client of hers when I answered through clenched teeth, "No, thank you. I want Buffalo Chicken Mac and Cheese for my birthday dinner." My tone had grown stone cold and rang with finality.
"Well, there you have it!" My mother had laughed a strange, tinkling laugh she didn't usually emit while in my company. "I don't think Maura is quite ready for the world of fine dining!" She'd turned and winked at me. "I'm not so eager for her to grow up yet either, so Buffalo Mac and Cheese sounds good to me!"
Anthony had appeared a tad confused, which had made me sure he was quite used to getting his way. Caelyn then crossed the room and took another velvet-enfolded swipe at his ego. "I know this isn't your kind of fare, Anthony Dear! I'm so sorry and wouldn't dream of making you suffer through an evening with us that is so out of your element." She'd put an arm around his shoulder and was escorting him out of the room. "I'm sure you understand why I must cater to Maura's tastes tonight. But you have to promise me a rain check!" The last words, she'd uttered with a push of bright cheeriness and a dazzling smile. I'd looked on in mute awe.
She'd managed to get him across the threshold of the room. Her charm and the promise of a future dinner together—poor Mom!—had made poor Anthony look a bit like someone had cracked him over the head with a hard, blunt object. "Absolutely, Caelyn. I look forward to it. But tonight…"
"Tonight, you have some homework to do! You simply must make up your mind regarding the color choices. And I'll see you in the morning to go over the bathroom tile samples." She'd given him the smile that made the edges of her eyes crinkle, coming across as feeling so genuinely happy, she nearly fooled me. He was putty in her hands. I'd bet he'd even forgotten suggesting he go to dinner with us. "Goodnight," she'd said softly and started to close the door.
"Goodnight," he'd answered agreeably, with no further argument. I'd felt like I should applaud her performance of pure genius.
I snapped out of the memory, realizing I was about to be late for school. After rinsing my egg plate in the sink, I ran out the door, determination in my soul. That day, I was on a mission.