Ruth's POV
"You're a saviour, Ellen." My aunt fawned over Ellen for the hundredth time and I took that as a cue to get up from the dining table and walk into the kitchen.
It was only lunchtime now, and I was already regretting my decision to spend the last day of this year with my family instead of wallowing in tears for Caleb on Sairey's shoulder.
To her credit, Ellen didn't seem all that comfortable with the praises that were being showered upon her this time.
But then, it was her own fault for letting the whole family know about the 'illicit affair' I had with my casanova boss and how she had been instrumental in bringing me back on the right path at a great personal risk.
"Truly, she is almost 30, but still so, so... naive. So easily influenced. Good thing she's got Ellen looking after her out there." Another one spoke and I gritted my teeth to keep from replying.
"You're right Nora! Ruth has never had a sense of what's good for her. I mean her parents got her a degree in software engineering but she chooses to work at a software firm as a menial!"
I knew from experience that reacting would only make it worse. Saying anything would have me tagged as a thankless brat, or worse, a jealous sister who can't stand letting her perfect, angelic cousin be in the spotlight.
So I sucked in deep breaths and sipped some water, trying to remind myself that this was the life I had chosen for myself.
No, the life that Caleb had chosen for me when he had left without so much as a backward glance 2 days ago. I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat.
I had been telling myself that his choice to not have me there had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him believing that living his life without me was his punishment for the man that he was slowly becoming.
I reminded myself that he had sentenced himself to live the life that his father had made for him, and asking me to go with him would have made it easier to go through it, which he didn't feel he deserved.
Besides, my life was here with the friend whom I had left home alone to spend my New Year's Eve with the family who never thought of me as anything more than an -"idiot for thinking sleeping around will not get her laid off!"
That followed a round of laughter as one of my uncles made that pathetic joke and I gripped the glass harder to control myself. Despite all my reasoning, the grief of losing Caleb was boiling within me. And these comments were just adding fuel to the fire.
The door bell rang just as I walked out of the kitchen, nearly colliding with my old uncle Austen who had gotten up to answer the door, and took my seat back at the table that was filled with delicious smelling food.
I had barely touched anything though, because I had no appetite for food. Nor did I have any interest in finding out that which one of my extended family had cropped up at the door now.
"Good thing he ran away." Slurred one of my distant cousins, making my spine stiffen. To insult me was one thing, but to insult Caleb...
"That useless boss of yours. He truly was a good-for-nothing creep, eh. That bastard who played you. That ass-" To insult Caleb... That was my breaking point.
"Shut up." I spoke up, cutting him mid sentence, surprising everyone.
"Wh-what did you say?" My mother asked, as if she couldn't believe I had spoken such a derogatory word.
"I said shut up, mother. Shut up! Shut up you, you, you and all of you! Just shut the fuck up!" I pointed at my finger at them, both to single them out and as a warning.
"Who the fuck do you all think you are to call him names? What the hell do you know about him - or me, or literally anything - except for some shit a random bitch fed you all just to bask in a few hours of glory?"
I glared at them, and they looked back at me with varying degrees of shock. On some level, I rejoiced in their shock.
They had grown so accustomed to me just laying down and taking punches that they had probably even forgotten that I had a voice. And right then, I had no problem reminding them that I did. Because bitching at me was fine, I was used to it. But bitching Caleb and our relationship was unacceptable. Simple as that.
"You... You are talking back to us for that filthy man who-"
"Yes I am, aunt Melanie. You know why? Because I just realised that it was me who had given you all the right to treat me as a punching bag. It was me who thought that by not speaking up for myself, I was actually being respectful to all of you. That silence was dignity. But there's no dignity in enduring abuse. And I refuse to give you all the right to abuse the only person in the world who ever made me feel like I was enough. That I mattered. So much that life without me was as good as a purgatory to him."
"Yes, I am defending him like I had never defended even myself because to him, I was the reason for his existence. To him, I wasn't a second thought, an optional consideration or some incapable, stupid child. To him, I was the first. I was the only one. To him I was a self-sufficient woman who knew what she wanted from life and he respected me for my choices even though he didn't understand them."
"Oh, and you wanna talk about my job?" I glared around the table, daring anyone to speak up, but they all stared back at me speechless, so I continued.
"I'll have you all know that I love my job. Not only because its my choice to do it, unlike all those degrees that you forced me to get just to laminate and hang on your walls, but also because it was that job that brought me to Caleb. You think sitting here, listening to you all blab about the things you have no idea about is my choice?"
"This is the life that Caleb had chosen for me. The life I would have left in a heartbeat, just to be with him. But you're right. He is an idiot. An idiot to think that I can find happiness without him. Idiot to believe that my life was better off without him. An idiot to assume that I was okay to live my life happily after losing the love of my life!"
My voice rose with every word I spoke until it rang throughout the house. Breathing hard, I opened my mouth to continue, but a mousy voice spoke before I could.
"Lo... Love of your life?"
The love of my life. Caleb.
The words rattled through my senses until I felt it deep into my bones. Ellen's eyes were wide as saucers as she echoed my epiphany, but I could no longer concentrate.
I had known it for a long time that I had fallen deep in love with him, and that he loved me too. But until this moment, it hadn't quite sunk in that going forward, he was the only man that I could ever love.
The realisation made the world around me come to a standstill and it felt like a door was wide open to let the cold, cleansing breeze finally waft in.
"Caleb. Love of my life. The love of my life that I can't lose..." I murmured mostly to myself as I felt the table around me erupt with whispers. But I barely paid them any attention until another voice cut through the whispers and my foggy mind.
"So glad you feel that way, dahlin."
***
Caleb's POV
"It truly is great to have you on board, Mr. Caleb."
The words pulled me out of my reverie as the announcement was backed by a series of drunken hums and grunts from the crowd around.
I smiled and raised my glass in gratitude to the speaker, a middle aged man in-charge of advertising in Boston, and then went back to my thoughts as soon as the conversation drifted away.
Honestly, I doubted anyone here even knew what they were nodding to anymore seeing as how close to midnight we were and free flowing liquor throughout the evening.
I had briefly contemplated skipping this party - having no patience, or temperament, to attend a New year/welcome party. But wallowing in my thoughts all alone held even less of an appeal.
At least the champagne was decent, I thought, taking another swig from my flute. And the festive music was loud enough to drown my thoughts, but after 3 hours of fake smiling and forced conversations, I had to admit that this was exhausting.
But then, so was everything these days. It had been 2 days since I moved to Boston and officially took over as the Managing Director of Cross Empire, but it already felt like two decades.
Other than my obvious rebellion against my father's wishes, the reason I always kept myself away from this place - this life - was because I knew I didn't have the drive it takes to live my life like this.
"Forgive me, Caleb. Forgive me one last time."
My father's last words to me still echoed in my mind as I closed my eyes and swallowed another gulp from my glass to fight the tears that threatened to escape. It still felt unreal that he was gone.
I felt oddly adrift thinking about the fact that the man I had fought to stay away from all my life was no longer there to run away from.
But then, that was what my life was right? No one to run away from, and no one to run to.
Inadvertently, my gaze fell on a spread of chocolate cake slices laid out in tiny china dishes on the buffet table, and my heart gave a painful squeeze as it reminded me of another welcome party.
It reminded me of her. The very breathing reminded me of her. Ruth, the love of my life. The one person for whom I knew I'd throw all of this away for - give my life for - was no longer in my life, and that was all my doing.
Even now, the need to run back to her was so overwhelming that I had to dig my heels in ground to make sure that I don't unconsciously make a run for it.
I sighed again. It was for the best, I assures myself. Just because I had condemned myself to this life didn't mean I had to force her to do so as well.
I couldn't very well ask her to leave her family, friends and everything important to her behind to follow me here, just because I couldn't live without her.
No, she deserved better than that. A better job, a better life... And a better man. The last thought made the pain lance through me as if I was being cut open in half.
Better not linger on that last thought, I told myself and turned away from the damned spread, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.
The banquet that was hosting the party was big enough to accommodate a large gathering of people for conferences or parties, but for some reason I felt the beige walls around me closing in making the room seem too small, the music too loud and the lights too bright.
A weight was forming over my lungs, making it feel like one of my panic attacks, except for the tears burning behind my eyes.
Yep, coming here was definitely a bad idea, I chided myself. I was clearly not ready to be here, or anywhere else. The pain of losing her was still too fresh.
I reached up and swiped at my wet eyes and blindly turned around looking for an escape but there were people everywhere.
Someone was announcing something, and the crowd all seemed to be pressing closer. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that we were probably close to midnight and a new year, but the sights and sounds seemed to be blurring overwhelmingly, mixing within one another until I was stumbling, disoriented.
I had to get out of here, fast. I dashed around, probably looking like a lunatic as people tried to shake my hand, or stir me to where the rest of them were gathering, but I dodged and dashed around them, avoiding any physical contact, until I nearly steam-rolled into someone.
God dammit! My curse got lost in the noise around and my brain froze for half a second as I stared at the dripping golden liquid dripping down the front of my shirt.
Fucking hell! That will leave stain. Not to mention the freezing cold liquid that was quickly spreading over my chest as the champagne soaked through the material of my shirt.
Anguish forgotten, I gritted my teeth to release all my pent-up wrath on this blind idiot.
But before I could, a voice rang above all the chaos of countdown around me.
"Now we're truly even, Torpedo."
My head snapped up as the voice registered, and for a moment, I could neither believe my eyes nor trust my mind.
Ruth Brooke. The love of my life. Standing right in front of me here, miles away from where she should have been.
As if she saw that thought flitting through my brain, she raised her brow and said, "I didn't come all the way here to only be stared at, you know."
Fireworks exploded within my mind - or maybe they were outside - jostling me out of my shock.
I reached for her without a coherent thought, partly to touch her and make sure that I wasn't dreaming and partly because that was the effect this woman has always had on me.
Ruth Brooke. She really was here. In Boston. In this party. And in my arms. Holding me to her with same ferocity and desperation as I held onto her, burying my nose in her hair, and breathing her in.
"You're here. You're really here, right?" I mumbled, mostly to myself but I felt her chuckle and pull back a little to tilt her head and look up at me.
"You know you're not creative enough to conjure me up, right?"
Only this woman mesh an insult into assurance. I gave a single, short laugh before lowering my head and finally - Finally! - claiming that smart mouth.
This time the fireworks did explode around us as the clock struck midnight. People milled around us, shaking hands, hugging and swapping new year wishes, but I continued kissing her, holding her tight to me - as if I had just been gifted life on a death bed. And maybe, I truly had been.
Finally, she was the one to pull away, breathing heavily but looking both angry and tearful.
"Never leave me again, Torpedo," she warned, looking as much in pain as I had been.
"Never." I promised.
"Never think you know what's better for me, and never ever make a decision for me."
"I thought I was choosing what's best for you." I confessed, unable to meet her eyes, but unable to let go of her either.
"What's best for me is right here in front of me," She reached up and cupped my cheek, making me look at her before continuing, "and if you don't mind, I'd like to be with it - with you- for the rest of my life."
"But what about your family, your friends, your job? Are you really ready to leave it all behind - leave your life as you knew it behind - for me?"
What the fuck was I saying? Did I really want to drive her away with all these questions? But even as I questioned my own sanity, I knew I had to put her first. I had to make sure she knew what she was giving up to be with me.
"My life as I knew it had already ended the day you torpedoed into my life, Caleb. Everything else is just before and after effects."
"As for the job, Leo informed me that there's a vacancy for your personal assistant on our way here."
"Leo got you here?" This took me by surprise, considering how things were between us right now.
Just then, a few people walked up to me, hands outstretched, that same annoying, suck-up smile pasted on their faces as it had all evening.
But before anyone could get one word out, Ruth pulled back from me, straightened her shoulders and spoke in her no-nonsense, strict librarian tone that never failed to set me on fire.
"I'm sorry gentlemen, but you'll have to excuse us. Mr. Cross is now officially off the clock."
With that, she took my hand and pulled me behind her like she fucking owned me - and damnit all, she did! - leaving the group of well dressed men gaping after us at getting told by a tiny girl in jeans and snowboots.
I felt myself smiling silly as she pulled me through the glass doors of banquet hall, into the elevator and out of the building, resigning myself to fall in love with beautiful, bossy, headstrong woman everyday for the rest of my life.