The Nightmare
'You will mess things up for me! Fucking put your leg higher!' he screamed again
'I can't put my leg higher, if you can then you fucking do it!'
Not caring that I was cursing. After the incident where I called Adrian a 'motherfucking dog' with no consequences I realized that just because I have to put up with him, Rick didn't expect me to do it with elegance. I could swear, shout, scream, etc etc as long as I was still his partner.
'Fine then we will keep doing it until you can get your leg high enough' he says, shrugging with indifference.
'I have class in 30 minutes, I need to get ready'. I don't really need 30 minutes but anything to get away from him.
For the past 4 months, we have been at every Monday and Wednesday. Fridays are a relief, he never comes for training then. He never gets worn out, does not take any breaks, and barely gives me any. Skating used to be my escape. Now all I can think when thinking about skating is his sweet sexy angry voice screaming 'Keep up, Matris'
For some reason he refuses to pronounce it right, he always pronounces it as mattress even though I have told him that it's 'much-trees'
Except that we keep our conversations to the minimum.
I have been religiously following my routine. Other than some visits with my two gals and Jace, some club/team outings my life has pretty much been normal. Well if you consider going ghost hunting for a class assignment as normal. Jace has been a great friend too. We usually just meet during math class. He is very sweet and helps me out with math, considering it's not one of my favorite subjects.
And oh my god I made it into the badminton team like a month ago!!!!
In Fact to be honest everything was going pretty much the same, the nightmares, the schedule, the people, etc
Until of course last night
Yesterday was one of those rare days that we go partying on a weekday, it was Adrian's birthday. You might be wondering, why would I want to attend that git's birthday? Well, why lose the chance to smash his face right on a table?! Albeit on a cake but destroying his crisp deep blue jacket which he wears almost every day makes up for that.
But sadly I never got the chance to do that.
Because something very weird happened.
I was dancing with a man standing behind me, I turned around to see who this guy was and looked into his eyes. Ahh, such a pretty shade of green in complete contrast to his white skin, and his mouth was open as if unable to speak. That's when I realized he wasn't white just turning paler. His face was scrunched up in fear?
Suddenly his eyes went... matte? There was a definite haze the way it happens with nail polish. He started sputtering utter nonsense then
Do you really think it was nonsense? Stop lying to yourself!
My inner voice kept saying. Okay I admit I am studying parapsychology doesn't mean I believe in all this, I am just fascinated.
He had said extremely scared 'who... who are you? Wh..wh... what are you? ' suddenly he became completely still, hands by his side, face turned towards me then said more claptrap 'Seek your ancestors, find your past, you have a duty, fulfill it.'
How is this supposed to make any sense?
With that thought in mind, I let the darkness consume me. Only it's not the safest place to be with my nightmares.
***
'No please, please don't hit her! It was my mistake, I did it'
'I know' a voice said. It's so familiar but I can't trace it
Slap. Kick. Punch.
I heard the sickening sound of a woman crying and the harsh movements of a man. I could feel her pain. Not just physically, but she was emotionally and mentally exhausted.
I couldn't take it anymore, I think I was...crying?
'Please don't, she is hurting' I don't think I made much sense
there was more sniffling and sobbing than actual words coming out of my mouth.
'You see darling, I agree, it is your mistake but she will be punished'
No no please don't
'You are the reason behind
And then it was like that scene morphed into another.
'Because of you, your mother and I fight' I hear the same man speak again.
An unearthing pain starts in my abdomen, not really physical but makes me want to bawl.
'You are worthless'
Please stop
'Be more like your sister'
Is he not speaking to me? Who is he talking to?
An urge so strong I barely control it makes me want to say 'No don't ever'. I don't know what for or why?
'Jenev
***
I wake up sweaty and extremely tired.
For the first time in my life, I was glad that Adrian was screaming, it kept me from thinking about last night. But that ended way too quickly. The rest of the day was excruciating so by the time my last class ended I had had enough.
I texted my mom - need to talk to you asap! Call me when you are free!!
It took her a couple of hours but she replied with what's the matter? All good?
T -No
Mother- skype?
T - yes! NOW.
Instantly we go on a skype call. To say that I was nervous is a joke. My fingers were crossed hoping that mother laughs at me and tells me everything is fine and that it is the truth
'Can you get dad please' i ask her
'Sure honey, a minute'
She comes back holding a very annoyed dad's hand
'Yes Taisa, can this wait? I have..'
'No, no it can't'
'Say then'
'I want you to swear to tell me the truth' they both look at each other and swear.
'Who are my grandparents?'
Before they can answer I continue
'Why don't I remember my childhood?'
They both stay silent so I continue
A tear drops from my cheek 'Why can't I call her mom?' pointing towards mother.
'Tell me! Dammit! Why? Why? Cant. I. remember?!!' The last part was barely a whisper. I couldn't control my emotions anymore.
They looked so broken-hearted, so hurt but I couldn't stop!
I was sobbing uncontrollably.
'Darling we can talk about this when you come home for vacation' she gives me a weak smile that I don't...can't return.
''No, I want to know and Now!!'
'Fine' mother looks at dad and nudges him.
'Well, Taisa. Me and your mother... We had been trying to have a baby for over a few years to no avail. Then uhm 9 years ago we heard a knock on the door. On opening, we found a baby with nothing but what we assumed her birthdate and clothes'
His voice shudders. Mother is crying uncontrollably. And as for me? I am disoriented, frustrated exasperated so many fucking things.
'You were a beauty, a gift. My mother was dying, she wanted to see her grandchild. You suited the identity perfectly, looked just like me and her and we could have said we had the daughter in secret. My mother would be ready to believe in anything.'
'We don't know who your birth parents and grandparents are, but now you are my/our daughter'
I wanted to scream no!
Tell everyone this couldn't be true that they were lying.
But I knew better
'As for your second and third question, we don't know darling. When you first came to us, you used to spend hours upon hours crying, calling out to your mom asking for her help and that you needed her. I think something bad happened to you in those 9 years which included your mom. That is why you can't call her mom, and your mind chose to forget whatever your old parents did to you'
Not just my old parents, you too!
I remember the days he used to beat up mother and she used to take out her anger on me. Not that I ever blamed her, but I couldn't ever take the feeling away. Only three things could make me cry on the spot. One of them is/was thinking about my childhood,
I want to defend this idea mom but I don't know how!
'She must have had her reasons' my voice is nothing more than a whisper.