Dear nm,
I had always thought having friends was a burden, a vulnerability. I had a lot of friends but I don't think I meant much to any of them. Neither did they, to me.
In the last two days, I haven't written to you because my friends have made sure I'm never alone. Enjoying my time. You'd think the fact that I'm an orphan is what was wringing at the back of my mind through all this but you're wrong. It's that fucking git's fucking words that came out of his fuckable.. I mean fucking mouth.
"At Least yours gave you away to people who loved and cared for you"
I didn't really notice it much then but that day, late at night his words kept echoing in my head
What does he mean by 'at least'? Did he have abusive parents? Why the fuck does he speak in riddles? Guys are supposed to be easy to understand!!
It's the girls I'm not supposed to get!
With that in mind, I slept around midnight that day. And last night.
Take care and miss me.
Love,
Taisa.
Today Rick had screamed at us, Adrian and me.
'What is wrong with the two of you! You can't be dance partners and keep a feet distance from each other! I need to see passion, intensity, love if possible. All I see is disgust.'
'Yeah right, passion with her!'
'I look lovingly at him'
We both say at the same time. Ha! After months of knowing each other, finally we agreed on something.
Rick looks at Adrian and sneers. 'Oh really? Is handling this girl too much for poor Adrian?' Adrian's hands clenched so hard, I thought he might bleed.
One can only hope.
'I thought you said you could do anything'
I can't believe Rick hasn't backed away yet. Adrian looks... deadly!
'I can' he says with clenched teeth.
'Then fucking show me'
'Fine!'
'Oh no not fine! I am not going to..aaahhh'
In one swift move, he has me moving, looking at me like he absolutely cannot wait for me to undress. He clutches me so close to his chest, I could feel his heartbeat...
It's fake. It's a pretence.
...then twirls me around. When he tilts my head back, the look on his face is so warm.
Fucking hell he could act!
When he pulls me up, our lips are so close. Just centimetres away. His mint breath fanning over my cheek. His eyes shift to my lips and it's like he compelled me to look at his lips too.
Heart. Stop. fluttering!
We continue like that or rather he continues to push me around and throw me up and down. Basically, I wasn't even paying attention to the dance. His eyes caged me in so I couldn't look away. The eyes that showed all of those feeling and more; The passion, intensity, love everything.
And then the performance ends.
'Bavo! See, that's what I am talking about!'
Adrian recoils back from my touch as if it dirtied him somehow. And no that doesn't affect even a little bit.
I didn't like being swung around by him either, so the feeling is mutual.
Really? Taisa?
Stupid inner voice
... yes. Yes, it has to be.
I was to rejuvenate myself. No more Adrian. No more friends trying to keep me from thinking about the unthinkable.
I have a new set of goals
#1 go out with Jace
#2 get over Adrian (not that there is anything more than mere curiosity)
My first plan of action was on.
Jace had asked me to go on a date or "coffee", but I was too busy with all the assignments, skating, badminton, etc.
I knew I would be going out with Jace for all the incorrect reasons, but I wanted to give him a chance.
Sweet, innocent, polite. Not your type Taisa, are they?
Damn that inner voice.
The rest of the day would have been the same had I not decided to go get drunk. That idiot was fucking playing with my heart....oh no no... I meant mind. Yes, mind.
So I dressed up a little less, god knows what I would end up doing when drunk. It had been a while since I last got drunk.
Fine! Ugh, I have only ever been tipsy. Never drunk and never intended to either.
Until now.
Today nash is the designated driver. I had been drinking some random cocktails and two martinis that Rose challenged me to. I'm about to have my third when this man, who looks eerily familiar, takes the glass from me and drinks it.
'You've had enough little one'
He picks me up bridal style.
'Hello, who are you?'
The man huffs. He then takes a deep breath.
'Am I too heavy? I can walk.'
He shakes his head, the way you do when your kid isn't listening to you.
He takes me to a room.
Shit! I shouldn't get into a room with a stranger.
'I am fine. Please let me go.'
The person doesn't move an inch.
'I swear if you so much as touch me I will cut your balls off and feed it to'
'Shut up!'
I shut up.
'I will keep you safe'
I feel safe and secure. I somehow know that I can trust him. Am I stupid?
'Even from my craziness?' I asked him.
'Huh?'
'I said will you keep me safe from my own stupidity? Luck? Fucking destiny?'
'Why would I need to do that?'
'Because I am messed up'
He lays me down and the bed and raises his eyebrow as if asking me to elaborate.
'I... uh.... I finally actually liked someone. But that someone hates me. After almost 19 years when I do end up liking someone, he turns out to be a world-class jerk. That would be fine if only he didn't look at me with as much loathing as he does'