I just saw your letter that I got yesterday. I am happy that you're still doing good. Continue taking care of yourself okay? I hear that General Yale just died... If you can, please come home... I'll be waiting for you with open arms and your daughter will be here with me, ready to hug you tightly an I assure you, Tammy will care less if you smelled like dirt, blood, and smoke, she will be too ecstatic to see you come home after a long time.
She has school tomorrow until Thursday so you can come home in between those days and surprise her... Of course, I won't tell her that but I won't tell her that. It will become our pretty little secret.
Tammy is busy right now. She's painting her wall with different colors. I think she's making multiple murals on that wall. She made a painting of our wedding day too. She used our album for reference and can you believe she's only eleven! I wish I could send you a photo of what she made but I think she wants you to see it when you get home...
You know, she hasn't seen you but she loves you so much... That reminds me, it's been eleven years since your last visit. You saw her as a baby and took care of her with me until she was 5 months old... How I wish you were here...
I feel like something isn't right... Please tell me that you have been eating well, getting enough sleep, taking care of yourself, do you even have meds left with you?! Please tell me you can still come home... I love you, I love you, I love you and never will I replace you.
Your overthinking wife,
Olfina
I sealed the envelope with a wax stamp so he knows that it's from me then I go to see Tammy. She has finished the beautiful mural of our life. The wall was full of color and the story was told from left to right with us three in the middle. She never revolved her life around herself, she never became selfish and she didn't grow up spoiled. That is what I love about our little Tammy.
"Morning Mommy! I'm sorry I don't have breakfast ready for you... I wasn't able to cook since I went here as soon as I got out of bed." Tammy apologized without looking at me.
"Have you eaten yet?" I asked.
"No... I won't eat... I have no appetite..." She answered.
"Suit yourself... But if you change your mind, Mommy will leave some ramen for you on the table with your hot chocolate." I informed her before going to the kitchen to cook ramen. I felt uneasy about her tone, there was something she wasn't telling me... Is it because of her father?
After cooking and eating, I take a peek at the window to see her sobbing in front of the painting. She was hugging the wall... Your painting on the wall... She misses you so much... I heard her say in between her sobs, "Mommy says so many good things about you and all her stories about you are making me miss you more. I have not seen you but I feel like you have been there all my life. Daddy, I miss you, please come back... You don't know how much mommy has been crying since you left..."
She's crying because of you for me? It is indeed true that I cry about you every night, only seeing your clothes unused in your closet. I look at your side of the closet and see all your accessories, your hygiene products that are left untouched inside the drawers, I miss you, how you liven up this house and now that I think about it more, this house grows more silent by the day you're gone. I wish I can write to you more about what I am truly feeling but you're at work and I wish not to be a burden to you...
I miss you... I miss you... I miss you...
"Mommy, are you crying?" Tammy was at my doorstep as I was on the bed.
"Oh, no darling... I, I am just tired... My eyes are just watery from being so tired..." I lied.
"Mommy, please stop lying... You were the one to tell me that it's more than alright to show emotions." Tammy told me as she went up to me.
"I suppose... It's just I miss your Daddy too much than what I would expect..." I told her.
"It's gonna be okay, Mommy. Daddy will come home soon! He's gonna give me the biggest hug and he'll give you the kiss you missed." She told me. She still sees you as my king like in my stories to her... Well, they aren't really my stories since you were the storyteller between us.
Please come home, I miss you and Tammy does too... I love you a thousand times, even more, than you love your motherland. Colonel Liwag, please go home, your wife needs you alive, moreover, your daughter needs you alive.
"Mommy, you can keep crying and I'll do the smiling for the both of us... Okay?" Tammy smiled at me as she holds my hand like how you would before when I was anxious.
"You need not do that... I'll be fine, I appreciate the effort though. I love you, Tammy." I gave her a kiss on her forehead then the morning ended.
When the afternoon came, Tammy went to the post office with the gardener's son, Ivan, to the post office as I cleaned the house and I took a walk around the house, admiring every corner of it only covered by white. That was until I saw a wall behind the house covered with white wallpaper. I ripped the wallpaper to see something so nostalgic.
It was a painting of us three and on the corner were four handprints and two signatures. The signature was mine and my husband's, it was the painting we made four months after Tammy's birth. Oh gosh, this makes me cry even more. It was a realistic painting of his face, the face of my dear husband that I have not seen for days, months... Has it really been years? What if I won't recognize my husband when he comes home? Or worse, I'll never see his beautiful smile again? Why did you have to leave?! While you put your whole body into the grave with only your head over the hole, I have my lower body down there too for you are half of my whole now... I knew I should have begged you to stay... I knew, being selfish just this once wouldn't hurt...
Just for the time being, please come back... And there in front of the painting, I lie on the cold grass, unconscious.