It was 12am currently. I sat on my study table as as Yewean was sleeping in his bed behind me on the left side. Haneul had left just 15 minutes earlier. He and Yewean ended up talking for 30 minutes almost and I was honestly surprised to see Yewean hyung standing for so long without any complaints.
I was currently drowned in my thoughts which were all surrounding Ahana for no reason. I was holding up my head in both of my hands and was looking blankly at the diary kept open in front of me. The pages were a bit brownish being as old as 17 years as I used it since I was 5 years old. There were little red stains in some of the pages of the thick diary but the pages laid fresh and empty in front of me. Probably It was because some incidents triggered the kind of thoughts which are similar to things I did and the earlier entries of the diaries.
After a long gap of four whole years this diary was opened once again in front of me and I was legit scared of myself now. The last entry on my diary was on the day before my 18th birthday and that was the last day I ever wrote in this diary untill now, it was the day my younger brother went missing but even though i wanted to flip the pages to take a look at the entries I still controlled myself not to that.
Dear Devil, 12:10 am,
I met her for the first time on the dark corners of the library looking like a demon but now I understand how attractive of a devil it self she is.
She made me open you once again after four f#cking years of me controlling all these things. But guess what? bottling up emotions never did any good to anyone and so it is coming bursting out.
But there is a problem, even though I know one of the emotions that I didn't want back, I am more scared of another emotion. The emotion that triggered the other emotion and the worst part is I dont know what that emotion is.
But the main thing is that today I found out that a guy named Jaejoon opened a bag full of Ahana's lingerie and took a peek.
I tried to imagine that she would look like three course meal in those and how badly I would want to taste every bit of her.
But how dare he looked at them without her permission.
SHE IS MINE. SHE IS F#CKING MINE.
I wanted to rip of his head from his body strangling it with a beautiful white lase so tjat the red would stain the white lace red, as she would dance at his screams and then I would devour her by my eyes while she will be drenched in his red blood wearing the most sexy black lacey lingerie. Her hair will be wet, dripping Jaejoon's red blood and then we will have the best night over his dead body.
(end of the diary writing)
Suddenly I was throwing my pen across the table and closed the diary as quickly as possible and ran towards the washroom keeping the diary in the secret drawer. I opened the shower and sat on the bathtub as the moderate temperature hit my head and my back as I buried my face in my knees trying to roll myself in a small ball as if to save myself from some monster that was somewhere around me or maybe inside me?
I dont know.