I kept crying as the water continued to sting my skin as the night went on making the moderate temperature water too cold for me to bear. But nothing could stop the constant fight that was going on my head.
Some voices whispered, "Kill", "tear his head, and limbs from his body", "see that blood", " hear the screams" in my head and some voices screamed "NO" in my head but the whispers were much louded than the screams and it was scaring me to the core.
I cried louder trying to ignore all the sounds in my head. At one point it was just too much to take. I suddenly flung my hand to the side in order to grab the bathtub tightly to control the mental pain I was going throug, but soon i realized that there was a sharp blade in my fist instead of the marbel bathtub and my hand was bleeding and the blood was making the water red. I noticed that this pain was somewhat diverting my mind, so i hold on the blade for dear life making my hand bleed more making it pain more.
Suddenly there was a loud bang on the door followed by Yewean's voice calling out to me and then I realized how maniacly and calmly I was sitting there almost for five minutes looking at my own falling blood as if almost being mesmerised by it. That was the moment I shouted, "I AM SCARED"
"Whom are yoy scated of little boy? Are you alright, Namchan?" Yewean aaked with a noticiably concerned voice.
"I....I am scared of myself" I wispered the sentence almost even I could not hear it, but I did and the words scared me more as now I knew at this point that the monster I am running away from is almost immpossible to hide from as it was me.
I somehow I manged to open the door and finally let my head on Yewean huyng's shoulder as I was slowly loosing conciousness. Finally i closed my eyes and the last words I remember hearing was "NAMCHAN, stay".
I opened my eyes as the sunlight hit me hard in my eyes. I felt a sharp pain in my head as I pulled myself to sit up on the bed.
"Morning hyung" I said giving Yewean a soft smile as he entered the room with a tray of breakfast and some medicine with the most calm but angry expressionon his face I have ever seen.
He did not even replied anything and I ubderstood that he was giving me the silent treatment. I immidiately ran after him leaving my foods and ignoring all the sharp pain going through my body, when he left out thedoor of our room and a strong feeling of guilt slaped me in the face.
"What's wrong, hyung?" I asked pulling him by his sleeves to stop him in his track.
He stoped and turned to look at me and i swear I saw a bit of teary moisture in his eyes for a split second before he turned his head away and looking at another direction he asked me, " DID YOU TRIED TO ATTEMPT SU.....SUICIDE?"
And I knew I was in trouble.