Opening my diary, I saw the front page calligraphed with my name and caressed it gently. Turning the pages, I took a pen from the pen stand and started to write about my thoughts.
"Dear Diary, you won't believe it. Today, Sanskar gave me a beautiful bouquet. I never thought someone like Sanskar will do it, but then I thought he wanted to impress me that's why he is doing this. I told him everything about how I am feeling and how need time to process everything and even he told me that he doesn't want to take things fast. He wants to get to know me in and out and this is something I am afraid of. You about me Diary; what if he gets to know about my that side. Will he think cheap and wrong about me? You can say that it's not cheap or wrong, but I don't know Diary; I was happy with the thought that I don't have to tell Sanskar anything about me, but now I have to. From the time I got to know about our mutual feelings, it's kind of thrilling at the same time exciting." I stopped writing as I heard a commotion in the hall and walked out of my room only to see Amma arguing with Appa.
"I can't believe this, you hid the matter from me. Didn't think once also to ask about my opinion on this? Swara is my daughter also," Amma screamed.
"And when did I deny it, Anu? You want to know while I didn't you this before because you will call your mother and will ask her opinion about this. She doesn't know how we live now and intercaste, inter-religious marriages are common these days. All you have to look for in a partner is- is he compatible or not? will he keep our daughter happy or not? By the way, what is wrong with Sanskar? We saw him grew up right in front of our eyes, he respects us like his own parents-"
"Then he should have seen Swara in a sisterly manner"
"Ask your daughter also Anu, why are you blaming Sanskar in this? Swara also loves him and she was ready to sacrifice her love for us but at the cost of her happiness. She never wanted to marry anyone other than Sanskar. Is this what you wanted? To see our only daughter in pain?" Tears rolled down from my eyes seeing them fighting just because of me.
"Appa, Amma, please stop fighting. Yes, I love Sanskar Appa, but that doesn't mean I will go against Amma's wishes. I want to say this now Appa, if ever I get married to Sanskar it will be with the blessings of my entire family including Grandma. Now, Please both of you stop fighting." saying this I went back to my room and locked it from inside. Slowly, I slid down and let myself cry my heart out. This is what I was fearing for.
Tension and fights among the family members; are what my love for Sanskar will bring. Taking a breath, I stood up and walked towards my bed to lay down so that I could have a good sleep. I unlocked my phone to set an alarm, but I stopped a second and opened Whatsapp. I saw that Sanskar is online and contemplated whether to message him something or not. I promised him that we will try to know each other.
If I don't put the effort from my side, then it's all a waste of time. Typing a simple 'Good Night' without any emoticons, I hit the send button and locked the phone, as I realized tomorrow is Saturday and I don't have college. I closed my eyes, but the sleep was far away from my eyes as various scenarios of how our lives could end played in my mind repeatedly. I opened my eyes and let the tears flow down so that this unbearable pain would mellow down.