"Swara, are you alright?" Sanskar's voice got me out of my thoughts. When my eyes met his concern and worry-filled ones I felt guilty.
Is loving someone unconditionally, a crime?
"Well, not when everyone didn't know about your love" my mind smirked nonchalantly.
"Swara, you are scaring me. Your face is turning red, what is bothering you? Please tell me." currently we are in his cabin. I couldn't concentrate on my classes given the situation at home. My love for Sanskar and Amma is turning me crazy. So when I consulted my psychology professor about this she told me to let Sanskar know about my mother's anguish regarding our budding relationship. Without wasting any time, I came to Maheshwari Enterprise to meet him, to talk to him. But, for the past 30 minutes, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that my mother is against the thought of us getting together.
"Can I hug you, please?" I whispered looking at our intertwined hands. I looked up and saw his shocked face. I knew it was a bad idea. What was I even thinking? Before I could apologize I found myself on his lap wrapped in his cocoon. The warmth and love spread through my heart which made me relax in his embrace. Tears escaped my eyes while he rocked me until I felt better.
"Now, tell me what is bothering you?" He cooed in my ear while I told him everything happened in my home.
"It's suffocating me Sanskar. On one side it's you while on the other side it's Amma. I can never choose between you two. I feel like you both are ripping me apart. I can't ignore you for Amma or her for you. I don't know what to do?" we sat there God knows how long sinking into each other's love. I inhaled his manly scent while thinking that finally, someone is there with me when I needed it.
"Swara, I didn't know that you have so much in your heart," he said while lifting my face to meet his gaze. His lips slowly grazed my forehead. Making my heart swell in happiness. This is what I have always wanted.
.
.
.
"Swara, SWARA..." I snapped out of my dreamland and sighed rubbing my temple. God, why am I thinking all this?
"Swara, what happened to you? I have been calling you for a very long time." Sanskar asked as he placed his Lemon tea on the coaster. Today we planned on going out, but due to his sudden meeting schedule we preponed the meet and here I am in his cabin. Still, I can't believe that a few days back in this very cabin we shared a moment that I would never forget.
"Woman, back to earth. God... Are you having a stroke or what?" I threw a murderous glaze at him while he raised his hands in surrender. I smiled shaking my head while he reached out for my hand and held it gently.
"On a serious note, what is bothering you Swara? I know it's a rough start for us but I assure you, you can talk about anything with me." My eyes just got fixated on our hands. How many sleepless nights I spent just by thinking about this. When it's finally happening my heart and head are not able to process it.
"It's just some issues at home. Nothing much Sanskar."
"Is there anything that I can do regarding the issues? "
"No Sanskar. But thanks for asking. It's... sometimes Amma and I fall out because of a few contradicting things. In the morning, I yelled at her pretty bad, that's why I am just zoning out feeling guilty."
"Is that stuff is regarding our marriage?" I went numb hearing his words while he just looked at me sadly with hurt. And I know why exactly he is feeling like this. Because I just concealed about a matter which involves both of us and I denied telling about it.
"How?"
"Well, you forgot that your room window is adjacent to Uttara's. Today morning I came to see her and heard your fight with Aunty. I think not only me, but the whole colony would have come to know about us because you both were literally screaming your lungs out." Even though he tried to mask his sadness by humor, I knew him well. Though we never spent enough time with each other, you will know the person you love like the back of your hand.
This time I gripped his hand assuring him that I am not going to give up on us.
"Sanskar, I would have kept quiet if neither of us knew about each other's love. Though you had the intention of following up, I never did. The way it came out I think it was God's plan and I think God gave us a chance to rectify our stupidity. I made a lot of mistakes Sanskar regarding us, but now... No matter what, I will never give up on us. We waited this long can't we wait a little longer? "
He engulfed my hand in his and kissed it gently. The warm sensation of his love spread through my body through his simple gesture.
" I love how you used "WE" instead of "YOU or ME" Swara. It's just that I couldn't stop thinking that - Did I do anything wrong which made Aunty dislike me?"
"Don't think like that Sanskar, it's just Amma's life was never an easy one. Appa told me that Amma was never like this. It's just... How to explain? Grandma's married life was never a happy one so Amma always tried to make Grandma happy by not going against her to the extent that she just threw away the love of her life. Grandma was firm on not letting me get married to either you or Laksh that's why Amma is reacting like this."
His face was devoid of any emotion which made my heartbeat race in fear.
Should I hug him or not?
Should I hug him or not?
Should I hug him or not?
After gathering some courage, I walked up to him and hugged him leaving enough space between us so that he won't take me wrong.
"Everything will be fine Sanskar," I said and stood there to etch this moment in my memory even though he didn't hug me back which left a sad sensation inside me. When I was about to retract back, I felt his hands crawl behind me and he pressed me against him. I could feel his hands over my bare waist which left me breathless and a loud gasp escaped my lips. His spicy musk cologne filled my nostrils and soon I realized it's the Limited Edition Playboy Spice collection which I found out 4 years back. Which means it's not produced anymore, then from where he got this perfume?
"This is how you should hug someone," he whispered into my ear giving goosebumps all over my body. I moved my face away to look up at his face.
"From where you got this perfume?" I asked narrowing my eyebrows at him.
"Well, I asked a little secret from Uttara about your taste in men and she told me about your this obsession for Playboy Limited Edition Spice Collection. My close friend is a perfumer so I asked him to make this. Especially for you, so that whenever you are with me you will be happy." His words left me overwhelmed and I just kissed his cheek tightly though I felt nervous to take this step.
When two people are in love, even the distance makes their love for each other grow many-fold.
I think the 9 years of separation just made us fall for each other more.