πΎππππππ‘π 19
Confess
A day after I talked to Raven, agad kong hinanap si Kera. I asked for the possible people na nakakakilala kay Kera, but I fail. Kung saan saan na rin akong napadpad sa paghahanap pero bigo parin akong mahanap siya. Even my cousin, Green, help me to find Kera, but as usual, wala parin kaming balita rito.
Hanggang sa isang araw, habang nagbabiyahe ako papunta sa apartment kung saan nakatira, trying to gathered some information, may nakita akong dating kakilala nito. Agad kong itinigil ang sasakyan sa tabi ng mga ito at binuksan ang bintana. Halata sa mukha ng dalawa ang pagkamangha, I even heard their giggles, but it's not what I wants to hear from them.
"Excuse me. Did you see Kera?" I asked directly.
"H-hmm..... I saw her last day in lovers lane, Thiago," sagot sa akin ni Sarah, if I'm not mistaken. Agad akong nagpasalamat sa dalawa at pinaharurot ang sasakyan paptungo sa lovers lane.
Almost an hour ang biyahe papunta sa Lovers Lane mula sa El Rio, nasa kabilang province na kasi ito. Minsan na kaming pumunta ni Kera sa Lovers Lane, noong matapos ko itong tinulungang baguhin ang sarili. Habang nasa daan ako ay panay ang lingon ko sa paligid, baka makita ko si Kera at magkasalisi pa kami.
Hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili kung bakit ako kinakabahan. I feel bother.
Pagdating ko sa lovers lane ay iginala ko ang paningin sa paligid, checking if Kera was there. I sigh in relief nang makita ko itong nakupo sa sea wall. Nag iisa lang ito sa lugar at nakatingin sa malawak na karagatan.
Dahan dahan akong naglakad palapit dito at naupo sa tabi. Nilingon naman ako ni Kera, kitang kita ang gulat sa mga mata nito, pero agad ring napalitan ng lungkot. I don't know why I feel so guilty right now.
"What are you doing here?" mahinang tanong nito. Malalim itong bumuntong hininga, bago binalik ang attention sa karagatan. I stare too at the infinity of the sea. How far this scene could stay the calmness between them?
"Why didn't you tell me that you're not with Raven?" mahinahon lang ang boses ko sa pagtatanong dito. I'm too worried knowing that she's alone for the past month.
"How can i tell you? If after what happened between us, you did not reach me?" may hinanakit sa boses nito nang sumagot ito sa akin.
May kirot sa puso ko dahil sa sinabi nito. Yes, I did not contact her, for what? Kung kasama naman nito ang lalaking mahal nito? I'm not that stupid to ruin them.
"How could I reach you? Kung matapos ang nangyari sa atin, ay umalis ka?" I ask back. I want to get mad at her. Why he left me!
Matagal ko ring tinatanong sa sarili ko kung bakit nangyari pa yon? I was afraid to admit to myself na di naman talaga gusto ni Kera ang nangyari sa amin. Na nadala lang ito sa nangyari, na panakip butas lang ako after what happened between her and Raven. Tapos paggising nito ay tsaka nito narealize na hindi naman talaga nito nagustuhan ang nangyari sa aming dalawa.
It gives me a pain, every time I realized why Kera left me. It leaves a lot of question in my mind. And end up with the thought that I am not her best choice. I am not the kind of man na maipagmamalaki nito. I man not the kind of man Kera would choose too.
"I texted you, Cadu! I told you to text me if you needed me, pero wala akong natanggap! That's when I realized..... that you don't like what happened..... sa bagay, pinilit nga lang naman kita eh," pagak itong tumawa at umiyak na naman.
I'm hurt. How many times do I need to see her crying?
"I'm sorry..... I don't text you, because I saw you leaving the hotel that day, with Raven..... I know you love him so much, kaya di na kita ginulo pa....I. .I tried so hard to forget you, Kera," this time, hindi ko na napigilan ang luhang tumulo sa mata ko.
Kera turn to face me with her streaming tears. But nothing can beat the pain I'm feeling right now. Just by seeing her crying, hurts me more than what she felt.
"I let him get you back. I let him have you again, because I know, he is the best choice for you. H-he is the man you love," I blew a loud breath before continuing.
"I know to myself, that you'll be happy with him. And not in me."
This is the most painful confession I ever did. Yes, I love her so much, to the point that I am willing to gave her up, for her happiness. I won't be that selfish for her. She deserve a man who'll love her, and the man she love. And I am not her choice. And never in the option.
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