Peaceful, quiet, especially free from anger and anxiety, is really how I could describe Kurt's current character. I knew Kurt back in law school with complete opposite traits than the ones I mentioned above.
Kurt was a person with a lot of anger issues and a really short temper that was like a lit stick of dynamite waiting to explode on the unsuspecting. Which if I'm being honest, was a huge relief for me, because it was a perfect excuse for me to start ghosting him.
But as we were both sitting in the office, I couldn't help but admire this difference in his character. He wasn't the same person before, and he was exhibiting a huge difference.
The last I heard of Kurt was when there was word going around about him being involved in some kind of accident. But I never really got the full details of that story, and maybe back then I didn't really care that much about it. Still with these recent events, my views and cares about Kurt had changed tremendously.
Maybe I got a little carried away later on that day, because the moment I got home I couldn't help but mention Kurt to J. A part of me expected J to show a hint of jealousy or concern towards the matter.
But he instead asked me, "is the Kurt you're talking about the same one you learnt with in law school".
At first I was reluctant to clarify J's suspicions, but I wasn't willing to lie to him. I already told him that Kurt and I had a fling of sorts, but nothing serious.
And funny enough just like that time before, J seemed to take the news quite nicely. I got the sense that he wasn't interested in making a big deal out of the matter, which was perfectly fine with me.
For the next couple of weeks I found myself spending a lot of time at work. It wasn't by choice, but really the amount of good word spreading around about our law firm that was attracting more clients. Then again, Kurt's new character traits held a sense of trust that any client could easily fall in love with.
But on the negative side of things, the success on my side of life left a sour impression on J's side. I'm guessing it's because things seem to be working out great for me, while J's app efforts are still on a go slow. And his search for a wealthy sponsor isn't going so well.
The app is still making a decent amount of money, but not the type of numbers J was looking for.
What makes it worse is I haven't been around that much at home to keep his hopes up. And I know my J well enough, that behind that bright smile of his, a dark and gloomy depression rests on his heart.
At first I felt sorry for him, but of late his negative attitude feels cry babyish and so draining.
So maybe I'm subconsciously making myself unavailable at home to avoid being sucked into J's foul moods. And maybe I'm finding any excuse to spend time with Kurt to at least fuel up on his positive vibes.
I mean I really can't handle the minor stresses of work with the addition of J's negative energy at home. So maybe a few weeks of some Kurt time could do me better in the long run.
After those few weeks.....
It feels like some sort of spark has reignited between Kurt and I. Well I'd like to think that.
We've spending a lot of time with each other out of the office. We seem to lie to ourselves every time, claiming that these little dates were having are work related, but really they're not. And J hasn't even made any sort of fuss about my late nights, so I figured there really wasn't any big deal about it.
But I do have questionable thoughts running through me head every time I look at Kurt. Everything he does seems to be such a turn for me, considering I haven't had a constant sex life lately. J is always in a mood, that we barely touch each other.
So maybe it's just the horniness taking it's toll on me, because just today I was imagining Kurt pinning me against the wall with his manly hands.
Maybe it was the way Kurt could say a word in such manner that made it come out like a verse in a Barry White song. Or maybe how his eyes stayed constantly focused on you every time he spoke to you. Kinda like a shooting heading into your direction, and you were wishing that it collides with you and you both smash.
But it was really the little gestures and subtle teases he make that drove me to the edge.
It would have seemed so innocent at first. But a person can only brush a piece of hair off your face a few times before it becomes more than a friendly gesture.
Sometimes our hands would brush off each other and the touch itself didn't feel accidental. If I wasn't reading the signs wrong, I'd be convinced that Kurt was making subtle hints towards me.
Perhaps I was listening to Karen a little too much, because all she could say was, "I'm telling you girl, Kurt wants you".
I'd always brush the notion off, but if I was being honest with myself, I kinda wanted Kurt too. "A little piece wouldn't hurt", I'd ask myself so often.
In a perfect world Kurt and I could of been a thing. We could be doing it right here on this office table during one of our late nights. And maybe he would of been the better choice instead of J.
But every time those thoughts ran through my mind, I'd feel sick to my stomach afterwards.
What made it worse, was Kurt asking me about J and wanting to meet him person. I never really got why that was such a big concern to him, but I had my theories.
The biggest one was Kurt wanting to see what I ended up getting stuck with and making it his everyday mission to show me what I've been missing out all these past years.
Whatever the case, I'm getting really tired of these games and hormones messing with me. So I'm going to get a piece of Kurt later on tonight.
Later that night. ...
As usual, Kurt and I were working late tonight. We working out on a client's plea deal.
Kurt and I were sitting really close to each other and I seen it as an opportunity to make my move.
I could tell Kurt was really focused on getting this plea sound, but my focus wasn't on work matters but rather the piece of meat waiting for me to sink my teeth in to.
Kurt had his head hanging over the loads of paperwork, while I sat there watching him talk about something I really wasn't listening to.
He soon lifted up his head and turned towards me to ask a question. But the only answer he got from me was the lock of my lips to his. At this point I knew I needed to get a better taste of him, so I went in to stick my tongue down his throat.
But the body language I gave Kurt didn't translate the way I had planned.
With one shove, Kurt pushed me off him, and by the look on his face he wasn't impressed.
In one sharp tone he told me, "I think it's time for you to go back to your husband April".
I didn't know exactly all the emotions I was experiencing, but I could easily recognise the shame I was feeling. So like a dog with it's tail in between it's legs, I left Kurt and the office.
I've never felt like a bitch before, but on this very particular night I felt like the biggest one out there.