"Oscar Wilde" once wrote, "to live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that's all". When I think of that quote all alone in my barn, while the rain is hurling down with the thunder accompanying her, I must admit I feel resentful. I feel as if I have lived passively and only as a mere image and not a reality. I have not experienced feelings such as love, passion, hate, accomplishment. The only feeling I have truly felt was loneliness.

The dreaded morning sun laid its beautiful sunbeams upon my exposed body, waking me up from my slumber. I lay upon my hay made mattress with a holey and ejaculation-stained cloth covering my naked butt. I have to sleep on this mattress with no attire, to please my caretaker; Mrs. Robinson. The clothes I get to wear on a daily basis are some filthy clothes which are quite ancient, but they do sustain me. However, at nighttime, she prefers that I don't wear anything.

Mrs. Robinson tends to get urges at night and lustful needs. She refers to me and her needs as; "some young d*ck to satisfy the ye old lady who feeds ya hungry ass mouth every day". She has a bit of a heavy southern accent, she calls it "the ye old southern accent".

I was adopted as a young "Franklin Gerard Maxwell" at the age of five after the social workers found me starving at some doorstep of a family I cannot recall the name of, I was only five after all...

As I came here at the age of five Mrs. Robinson is all I know of. She is the only mom I have ever known. To be completely honest I don't know of any other mom other than the mommy I live with.

I know that what she is doing must be wrong and I know that being raped nearly every day must'nt be normal. I have read oh too many books with children protagonists and never once have I read about children being treated in the manner that I am.

However, she is all I know of. She is everything. She is my rock. She is my sail which guides me through the ocean storms. She has my independence in the palm of her hand and I cannot figure out how I can own it and leave. I'm 18 soon after all ...

I don't get to sleep with the rest of the adoptees. She says I'm too special to be with them. Therefore she keeps me hidden; in the barn up the hill. I don't know neither have I seen the adoptees for that matter. Neither do I think they have heard of me. Frankly, I cannot answer that theory for sure, the only thing I know is that the barn door is locked and only she has the key to open so it would be hard for anyone to try and come here. The only way out is through a window with a fire escape plastered on the wall that is usable.

The barn is quite old and crooked. There are some empty plank areas due to mold and the cold winters. In the summer it gets so humid that the paint rubs off and in the winter I tend to get hyperthermia if it wasn't for the fireplace in the middle of the room. It doesn't do much, nevertheless, it's better than nothing.

My one true destiny is to find my father and piece together how my life became this hell hole. Whatever happened for me to end up in this dump?! Sleeping in a freezing barn, where I spend my days mostly writing or reading and hoping for an escape.

I have oh too many questions, thoughts, and ideas I want to talk to him about. In fact, I have a whole list that I compiled! The first thing I want to ask is why he left this note in the coat I was found in?

In the green coat? The green coat of luck as I call it ironically.

2

Suddenly a loud knocking came from the crooked barn doors which echoed in the barn loudly. It's Mrs. Robinson. Great. Can she do without her daily dose of me before noon at least?

"Can I come in? Oh, and son? Open the door, please. I'm carryin' some wood. They are too heavy to carry, so hurry up!". She pretends to be polite and ask to come in even though at night when her true beast is unleashed, she barges in and has her fun with my naked body.

I wrapped the sheer- cloth around my torso even though it didn't do me much since it is almost see-through!

I opened the door and she threw a load of wood at me, causing me to almost trip on my heels and fall back.

"Here, oh, and no need for that cloth of yours. This place sure gets chilly-she hugged herself in response to the cold". "Why haven't you told me? I can bring you a warmer duvet since winter is coming"

"You would do that for me, miss?"

She burst into laughter, throwing her head back and her ginormous breasts jump in queue.

"Pfft, no! Do you honestly think that I would get you a nice warm duvet? Honey, the only reason you even get to sleep with that thing on is to tease me". "However"-she eyed me from top to bottom with a smirk- "I don't want you getting sick either." "Maybe I might take you up on that offer?!"

"It isn't an offer really,". I mumbled under my breath while shivering from the sharp morning wind.

"Shiverin' are we now? Come here and hug mama, would you?" She opened her arms similar to a bear. Only this bear; is a fat, old, redneck-meat-glob!

-I'm good. I politely declined. I would like to avoid touching that woman, as much as possible. Even though it's impossible.

-Suit yourself, but I better be finding you awake at night when the kids have hit the hay, alright? She looked me deeply in the eyes before turning around while licking her lips.

No Mrs. Robinson! I won't let you tonight. I will make a run for it... I will disappear into the forest and never have to see you again! I will live with the wolves if I must. I just don't want to stay here with you any longer ...

Why does this God? That Mrs.Robinson preaches about loving me, hate me so much? To have cast me into this life of misery? What had I done to end up being a toy to be pleased with? A mistress, or paramour as its politely called in the books? I must do something awful like kill a man to end up here!