It was my first day of college and my nerves were getting the better of me. It was like every ounce in my body was about to burst with anxiety. I took three deep calming breathes before exhaling them out. I then opened my eyes looking at myself in the mirror. My brown skin glistened from the cocoa butter I had applied, and my lips looked extra plump from using my lemon lime lip balm. My brown eyes were hidden behind dark rimmed glasses as I patted down the red pleated skirt I was wearing. I tucked in my long sleeved black shirt into my skirt and paired the outfit with some black sneakers. My hair had just been braided and it cascaded down my back. I grabbed my bag and phone ready to face the day ahead. Walking inside the kitchen I saw my mother standing near the stove.
"Hey I made you some cinnamon buns! I know you must be nervous" my mother greeted sliding me a plate with two nice and hot buns. I carefully devoured the warm buns licking the icing off my fingers. It was a common tradition in our household, every first day of school my mother made her special cinnamon buns. It was something me and my little brother cherished.
"I'm a little nervous but I'll be fine. Am I still picking Matthew up from daycare"? my mother was a nurse and mostly worked long hours at night. It was only three of us after my father left refusing to claim Matthew and I as his children. I remembered the day like the back of my hand, six year old me holding my elephant blanket tightly around me as my mother begged for my father not to go. Still pregnant with my little brother inside her womb, my father roughly pushed her away. "That's enough you crazy woman! I ain't taking care of no children that ain't mine"! he bellowed walking out the door without ever looking back. After that it was only the three of us and my mother never mentioned him ever again. I never asked about him but that didn't stop little Matthew from asking about him. My mother would always paste on a fake smile as if she loved the idea that her son wanted to know where his father was. In all honesty to me he was the scum at the bottom of my shoe. I would never forgive or forget the pain he caused my mother and I vowed ro let Matthew know the truth.
"I'm working late again. I'm still trying to change my schedule. Take this and get you some lunch" my mother said gently placing a twenty dollar bill in my hand. I kissed her cheek softly before backing away to put my bag on. Just then Matthew makes an appearance in his elmo pajamas. His dinosaur blanket was held tightly in his small hand as he wiped his eyes.
"Sissy stay" he pleaded his small feet padding towards me. I gently lifted him in my arms rocking him gently. Kissing his brown cheeks he curled his face into my neck as my mother looked at us in adoration. Matthew and I had a bond like no other, I had helped raise him and he meant alot to me. Leaving him was always the hardest part.
"I'll be back to pick you up. Be a good for mama alright"? I cooed gently before handing him to my mother. He was reluctant to let me go and whined a little as I waved one last goodbye. I stepped out of our two bedroom apartment and headed for the bus. I was a city girl growing up in Manhattan New York on the lower east side. Back in the old days it wasn't a good place to live but it was the only place my mother could afford. I had been born here and knew of nothing else. I was a New Yorker through and through the city was my home and it made me who I was today. I stopped at the m15 bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to the subway station. My stomach filled with knots as I stepped on the bus standing near the door, it was quite crowded today with high-school kids also attending their first day of school. I didn't have many friends during my high-school days, I was the girl in the corner who read her way through her high-school years. I made myself completely invisible not wanting to draw attention to myself. I was content in being alone but a part of felt that things would be different now. I was still the shy timid girl in the shadows but was that really all I wanted to be? Did I want to hide in the shadows once more?
No
This time I vowed to change things. Although I knew it couldn't possibly be easy the slight simmer of confidence was just starting to peak through. The bus finally stopped at the 7th train station and I followed the load of people out the door. Swiping my metro card I climbed down the stairs to wait on the platform. Today I had a total of three classes, that was the beauty of college being able to build your own schedule. I silently played with the gold ring in my nose as I waited for the train. After a grueling five minutes the train came so fast the wind slapping me dead in the face. I climbed on the train taking a seat by the door, it wouldn't take long to get there just three stops and I would be there ready to face my first day of college. I sighed deeply looking at the ground, a small fair skinned child sat next to me playing a game on a phone that was probably his mother's. When my stop finally came I got off climbing the stairs, I silently thanked the heavens for taking a tour of the campus a few weeks ago. I knew
how to get there and so I quickly made it up the stairs walking down a long block. My long box braids swang against my plus-sized body as I stopped in front of the familiar college.
The Village Arts Community College. It was my first choice and I had been lucky enough to get in. Checking my phone I read the time to see I had five minutes to make if to my first class. Holding my schedule in front of me I looked for room E-145, I knew it had to be on fhe first floor and I searched relentlessly for it. As I made my way down the near empty halls I heard the sound of beautiful music being played. Curiosity getting the best of me I creeped slowly against the door slightly peeking inside. A bunch of students were dancing and laughing no doubt part of the arts program. They moved their bodies happily against the music and I envied the way they laughed together without a care in the world. Checking the time again I had only three minutes if I wanted to make it on time. Just as I was about to leave a pair of hazel brown eyes met mine. A brown skinned guy lightly smiled at me showing off his pearly white teeth. I shockingly backed away as if the door had burnt me, shaking my head I continued on to class vowing to never let my curiosity get the best of me again.