This is the first day of my college life and I am not mentally prepared. Marami ang nagsasabi na ang college daw ay ang first taste ng adulthood at malayong-malayo ito sa high school.
When I was in senior high, wala talaga akong pakialam sa mga tinuturo ng teachers ko. I would rather go outside, play billiard, magtambay sa milk tea places, o pumunta sa pinakamalapit na mga mall kasama ang mga kaibigan ko. Anything but to learn.
But this time will be different.
"Ang college, hindi iyan tini-take for granted," naalala kong sabi ng kuya ko sa akin bago ako umalis. "Kaya umayos ka. Mag-aral ka ng mabuti kasi hindi madali iyan," dagdag pa niya sa pagkaalala ko.
7:30 AM pa lamang ay naghanda na ako, and by 8:45 ay umalis na ako ng dormitory to go to L.U.
Si Lee, 'yong roommate ko, tulog pa noong umalis ako sa room namin. Tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung wala ba siyang pasok o maga-aabsent siya on the first day of our school year, pero binalewala ko na lang iyon dahil hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin kami nag-uusap since the night that he fetched me at the bar. 'Di ko rin sinasagot ang mga tawag ni Mathias sa akin. He probably got the message since 'di siya nangulit sa akin after several attempts of calling me.
Biology ang una kong subject and our professor did not show up. The second one was College Algebra. My teacher just showed up to give us our syllabus. I'll only have two subjects to take this afternoon but I am already drained - not because nasi-stress out ako but because wala akong makausap. Whenever I go to a classroom that's full of unfamiliar faces, there's this awkward silence between my fellow students na para kaming mga batang 'di marunong magsalita.
It is already lunchtime and I ordered a slice of carrot cake, an energy drink, and a medium-sized french fries to call it a meal. Ako lang mag-isa rito sa table when someone poked me from behind. It was Mathias who shyly smiled before he sat beside me.
"Sorry," he mouthed. I said that it was okay even though it really wasn't. But I should somewhat be thankful for what he did because he did not call my mother noong 'di nila ako kayang ma-control sa bar na pinuntahan namin noong Saturday. He resorted to Lee to fetch me instead, the most random person on my contact list who's also the most obvious choice to pick me up kasi we're roommates nga naman.
Napatigil kaming dalawa ni Mathias sa pag-uusap nang may marinig kaming ingay sa hindi kalayuan. May nagkukumpulang mga babae habang tinuturo ang lalaki na paparating sa isang stall dito sa cafeteria.
It was Lee who looked unbothered as usual.
He was wearing this white shirt, jet-black skinny jeans, and a leather jacket as if he's James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. Ang nakakatawa lang is that despite of the cheer and the loud voices from the crowd, he was good at pretending that he didn't hear them.
Pagkatapos niyang kumuha ng lunch niya ay pumunta siya sa sulok at kumain. Si Mathias naman ay hindi nag-isip at tinawag ang pangalan niya ng malakas para umupo siya sa amin. Bumulong na lamang ako sa sarili ko na kung kelan ba silang dalawa naging close. The next thing I knew, he was sitting in front of us na.
As usual, kay Mathias lang ang kanyang atensyon as if I was not there. Nagna-nod na lamang ako habang nagku-kwento si Mathias patungkol sa kanyang classes habang si Lee naman ay halatang napipilitan lang na makinig sa kanya.
"By the way, ang dami mo palang fan girls dito," Mathias told Lee in which he laughed shyly. "Masanay ka na," he whispered.
Yumuko ako para umirap sa sinabi niya. Ang hangin talaga ng taong ito.
"So, sanay ka na pala sa kanila?" pagtatanong ni Mathias sa kanya. He just nodded and ate his sandwich. When he noticed that I was looking at him, he looked at me downwards and then he rolled his eyes.
"Gago," I whispered to myself.
They continued to converse while I pretended to listen to them even though I was pre-occupied because of these huge adjustments that I am experiencing. I then realized that late na ako sa next subject ko when I checked my registration form kung saan nakalagay ang schedule ko for this semester. Nagpaalam ako kay Mathias na pupunta pa ako sa next subject ko. He probably heard me as he nodded while he was talking to Lee while the other one ignored me completely.
Nang pumunta ako sa P.E. class namin sa gym ay nagulat ako kasi nakaupo na ang classmates ko sa sahig while our P.E. teacher was talking to them. To my surprise, our P.E. teacher looks young - even younger than some of Mathias's friends na seniors ko lang naman.
I sat at the back slyly in the hopes na hindi niya ako mapansin, pero napaka-malas ko nga naman at nakita niya kaagad ako habang nag-aadjust ako sa pag-upo. When she asked me to stand up and introduce myself to her, narinig kong nag-reklamo ang lalaki sa harap ko na hindi naman daw sila tinanong kanina ng teacher namin to introduce themselves, but I ignored him. Naka-focus lang ang atensyon ko sa teacher namin habang tinitignan ko siyang nakangiti sa akin while she was biting her lower lip.
"I am Greyson Alleje, eighteen years old and I am actually from Cavite," I shyly said to the crowd.
Nakita kong ngumiti ang teacher namin bago siya nagtanong ulit. "Tell us something more about yourself, Mr. Alleje," wika niya.
I patted the back of my head because of my inhibition to share, pero sumagot pa rin ako just to stop them from looking at me. "I am a freshman student who's currently taking up Foreign Service. Black is my favorite color, mahilig din ako sa pastel, and I like listening to indie music kapag may free time ako," I answered her uneasily. Magtatanong pa sana siya nang nakita niyang may dumating pang isang estudyante sa klase niya.
Si Lee.
Unlike anyone else, he was wearing our P.E. uniform already. Narinig kong naghihiyawan ang ibang mga babae sa loob ng gymnasium habang siya naman ay nakasimangot lang.
Our P.E. teacher grinned as she asked him, "Mr. Sang Woo Lee, ikaw na naman. Parang ginagawa mo na atang tambayan ang klase ko, a."
Narinig kong nag-sigh si Lee nang napakalakas habang papalapit siya sa kinatatayuan ko. Nang nasa gilid ko na siya, he told our teacher in a very cold voice that kahit siya man ay 'di gustong pumunta rito which made some of our classmates chuckle.
"Aren't you going to ask me about myself too?" he added while looking at her with a straight face on.
Our teacher looked at him with a grimace on her lips, and Lee just pretended to be enthusiastic while he looked at her, waiting for her to answer. Napansin din siguro ng mga tao ang tensyon na namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa kaya tinignan din nila si Lee ng matagal. Tumigil na lang ang lahat nang nagsalita na ang teacher namin.
"No need to. Every one knows you here," she said. Napansin kong in-emphasize niya ang salitang knows as if she's mocking him. Lee on the other hand just pouted as he sat on the floor.
"Mr. Alleje, you need to meet me in the faculty room after your last subject so that I can give you the syllabus for this class," sabi ng P.E. teacher namin while grinning. Narinig kong may binubulong si Lee sa gilid ko pero 'di ko na lang siya pinansin.
"Greyson, pwedeng pa-check ng registration form mo?" tanong niya sa akin habang naka-kunot ang kanyang noo. Binigay ko naman ang registration form ko sa kanya at tsaka niya ito pinicture-an bago niya ibinalik ulit sa akin ang R.F. ko. As much as I wanted to ask him kung bakit niya kinuhanan ng litrato ang R.F. ko, nagtataka rin ako kung bakit hindi siya takot na mahuli ng teacher namin, e nakalagay sa rule book ng school na hindi pwede ang cell phone sa class, at hindi siya subtle sa pagkuha ng photo. Halatang narinig ng buong klase ang pag-click ng camera nang kinuhanan niya iyon.
Binalewala ko na lang ang lahat ng napansin ko at nakinig sa teacher namin hanggang sa matapos na ang oras ng klase namin sa kanya.
*****
Six in the evening nang matapos ang discussion ng teacher namin regarding sa syllabus para sa subject kong Philippine Foreign Policy. Kaagad akong pumunta ng P.E. faculty room para i-meet ang teacher ko to discuss the syllabus for P.E. 101. Pagdating ko sa faculty room ay nagtaka ako kung bakit walang tao roon maliban sa teacher ko.
"Come sit there," she said while pointing at the chair in front of her desk. Katulad kanina, she was grinning at me like a possum. Nilapit niya ang kanyang sarili sa akin and then she clasped her breasts using her arms. When she noticed that I was staring at her breasts, she asked me if I still remember her.
I looked at her with confusion. Mabilis din ang tibok ng puso ko dahil hindi ako komportable sa nangyayari. "I- I don't remember y- you po," I stuttered.
She smiled as she grabbed my hands para ipahawak sa akin ang kanyang dibdib. I closed my eyes habang iniiwasang mapaluha dahil sa takot, nerbyos, kaba, at kung anu-ano pang nararamdaman ko na hindi ko maipaliwanag. Basta ang alam ko ay hindi ito tama.
"Ma'am, huwag p- po," I asked her. Binalewala niya lang ang pagsusumamo ko sa kanya at hinigpitan pa niya ang paghawak sa mga kamay ko.
"Go squeeze them," she said. "I hope that can help you remember what happened on Saturday," she said.
That was the moment when I realized who she really is.
I snapped and pushed her hands away. "Ma'am, sorry po, pero nakainom po ako noong gabing iyon. Sorry po talaga," ang sabi ko bago ko kinuha ang bag ko sa sahig para umalis na ng faculty room.
I was disturbed. Hindi ko inakalang mangyayari ito sa akin sa first day ng pag-aaral ko rito sa Liesel University. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko sa nerbyos habang nakayuko, at nang nagtangka akong lumabas ay may sinabi siya sa akin.
"You can't just walk away like that, Mr. Alleje. Do you know who I am?" she asked. By the tone of her voice, she was not even intimidated of the consequences that this incident might bring.
"I have to go," sagot ko habang nakatalikod sa kanya.
"You can go but you can't just walk away from me. I'm telling you right now, Mr. Alleje, I am not good at handling rejections," she answered back before she laughed. Right there I realized that I was in deep trouble. I had no chance but to surrender to her.
Nakayuko akong humarap sa kanya to give her what she wanted, at bawat hakbang ng mga paa ko papunta sa kanya ay naaawa ako sa sarili ko. This is not right. Akmang aalisin ko na ang bag ko sa kanang kamay ko nang may narinig kaming malakas na katok sa pinto.
"Shit," this woman cursed habang inaayos niya ang kanyang sarili. Kaagad siyang naglakad papunta sa pinto para buksan ito.
"And'yan ba si Greyson?" dinig kong sabi ng tao sa labas. I immediately checked who it was and I was surprised to see Lee.
Mangiyak-ngiyak ako nang nakita ko siyang nagwi-wave sa akin habang nakangiti hindi dahil sa masaya akong makita siya, pero naramdaman ko ang comfort at relief nang nalaman kong and'yan lang siya. I mouthed him, "Help!" when our teacher was facing him.
"Yes, but we're still busy about sa syllabus ng class. Bakit?"
Lee looked at her furiously and then told her something that I did not see coming.
"Meron akong textbook at handwritten notes sa P.E. 101 from last year. Ako na ang magi-explain sa kanya, Miss Liesel," he said.
Liesel? That's her last name? Is she affiliated to this university?
Ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko, pero mas nagulat ako sa sumunod na sinabi ni Lee sa kanya.
"Now can I please talk to my boyfriend?"
Boyfriend? Ano raw?