August 10th 1993.
Hello little black book! I have nothing much to say. It's just that I'm TOTALLY bored.
It's almost 3:10am so I guess that makes it the 11th. I'm not sure why I can't sleep. I lay in bed and just think and think and think about all the stupid things I've done and all the things that happened last year with Jesse and Jen and how they could both do that to me.
Long story short, I loved Jesse. Jesse was into me, I know it. He even had a girlfriend who he was with merely because she was a junior and we were freshman. He didn't love her. At least that's what he told me. He liked me, he liked talking to me and hanging out with me and writing me letters in class. He would rub my back in social studies when no one was looking. One night we made out in the park and we laughed and joked about it for weeks.
But then we, as in all of us, the main group of people we hung out with, we started to party harder and drink more. And then I hear that he fucked my friend Jen when they were both wasted at a bush party. And it pissed me off because she knew I liked him and wanted him to be my boyfriend. I mean, why do we even go to these stupid bush parties anyway? Nothing amazing ever happens there. Well unless your name is Jen, I guess. But all we ever do is have a fire and sit in randoms groups and sip on whatever drinks we've managed to lift from our parents. Or if someone got lucky they got someone to go to the beer store for them. It's pretty pointless.
I am never drinking or doing anything again. I mean it's fun at the time but fuck, it does things to you, makes you make stupid choices, fucks up your chemistry. I have an anxiety disorder now. Would I have always had it if I didn't party so much last year? Probably. I don't know.
And I have developed this terrible terrible cough. Tomorrow I may wake up with no voice. OH DREAD! Ha, I sound like a rich snob.
Guess what I'm listening to? Peter, Paul, and Mary. Oh please, eh? Well, my parents used to make me listen to it on the road trip to our summer campground and I used to enjoy it. I haven't listened to it in years. I'm just in a family mood I guess.
Tomorrow will be just another boring day.
Until Later