MY HEARTBEAT echoed in my ears, louder than the drums that played throughout the song's instruments. Everything was loud—the cheering of 1,000 fans, the music, my heart—everything was a living reminder of what I was working for...to be an Idol.
However, nothing compared to the screaming voice in my head that was reciting the choreography and lyrics. Everything needed to be perfect.
I couldn't afford to mess this up. Not now, not here. I wasn't where I wanted to be.
Left-right, switch spots with Dae-Hyun.
I wanted more...scratch that I needed more. I got a small taste of fame and now I needed more.
Move, move, move.
I could feel the sweat trickle down my back as the lights finally dimmed. The roar of the crowd finally silenced the voice in my head but I knew what was coming next, it was worse than the screaming directions.
I felt Hyun-Ki slap a hand on my back in a way of saying good work. He like me was drenched in sweat and panting more than a dog in heat. I wanted to get off the stage and out of these clothes but first, we had to thank the people who made us—well us.
As soon as the lights turned on again, Dae-Hyun our group leader began speaking in our native tongue of Korean to our audience of adoring fans. The crowd screamed at the sound of his voice, everybody cheered. Names of my fellow group members could be heard occasionally along with the common saranghaeyo!
I smiled at the crowd, ignoring the pain in my leg and head. I would be happy. How could I not be happy?
I was getting fame. People were chanting my name for god sake, I had every right to be happy but yet...I never felt so odd.
The mic was suddenly in my hand and I felt the eyes of hundreds on me. Suddenly the spotlight was too much, the cheering was too much and I could slowly feel myself unraveling.
What's wrong with you Seo Joon? You wanted this! All this. Be happy it could be worse!
"Ah sorry! Infintes! Love you!" Was all I could stammer out as I passed the mic down to the final member, Tae Joon. He gave me a look that vanished as soon as it appeared. Everything we did was filmed, him even looking at me in the oddest way could send the group into a drama spiral we didn't need.
Ungrateful.
Smile! Smile! Stop hesitating you wanted this—you need this. You are nothing without this!
I forced my smile back onto my face and softened my eyes. Don't give them a reason to hate you more than they already do.
Hands grabbed mine and the five of us bowed, when we rose we all yelled in sync, "WE ARE ETERNAL!
Fans screamed and inside I screamed too.