The bed beneath me creaked as I slowly lowered myself down onto it. My dorm mate, Dae-Hyun slept in the bunk above me...or at least that's what he said. The soft glow filling the room from his phone screen said otherwise.
I wanted to grab my phone and read the comments on Eternity's latest performance--but I knew that would be unwise.
I squeezed my eyes shut, in a lousy excuse to ignore the urge. The urge however was strong and eventually I found myself rolling over and grabbing my phone. In trance my fingers moved towards the Tweet* app button.
Eternity was trending under the K-pop hastag which had to mean something good. Right?
As soon as I clicked on Eternity I felt everything inside me churn, my brain went numb and I regret opening my phone.
Seo Joon needs to learn manners!
We made him! We can take his fame away! #soungrateful
Um is someone going to tell Seo Joon he needs to talk? He should feel sorry for being so #RUDE!
There has to be something good right? Surely the only reason why we were trending can't be because of me?
I scrolled past the angry mob of fans and smiled when I found a kind comments.
DAE- HYUN IS A ANGEL AND YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!
Tae Joon!! MARRY ME!
Did you all see how well X was dancing tonight!?!?
HYUN-KI IS GREAT, I LOVE HIS VOICE!
My shoulders drooped slightly as I continued reading the comments. I was happy.
Happy, I need to be happy.
It would be selfish to be sad. There were people in this world who had it worse.
At least someone was being praised. It means they did good.
I just needed to work harder.
I couldn't help the feeling of envy setting in my chest. It had an angry bubbling feeling.
Was I not good enough? Maybe I am gaining too much weight so I'm not appealing?
Do I need more surgery? Maybe I should have gone smaller with my nose. I should talk to my manager.
With haste I tossed my phone done and covered my head with a stray pillow. As my pillow became soaked, my mind grew heavy.
At some point in time I feel asleep.
Sometimes, I wonder if maybe sleep is always the right choice. When I'm sleeping all my problems fade away.
I wouldn't have to worry if I was good enough. Or if I needed a smaller nose and a thinner face.
I wouldn't have to feel at all.
Oh what a life that would be.