My hands shook as I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. It was like this constantly.
Usually I can push it away like I push away my depression, but there are sometimes—like now—when I couldn't. I was alone, no one was near to grab me and drag me back to the dorm.
Glasses covered my eyes and a black baseball cap covered my hair. I sat on a bench watching people live their lives. They bustled around me, stopping here and there to do something small.
And, I realized with dawning sadness that I missed doing the simple things in life. Like going to the grocery store or cooking with my mom and sister. I missed home.
I missed my friends too.
I didn't realize it then but becoming an Idol would cause me to give up my friends and any chance of having a normal life. I was too focused on chasing a goal—a dream, that I didn't realize the price it came with.
I looked down at my feet and sighed. Just a few more months then I get a break. I just had to get through this comeback.
I would go home finally after being away for a year. I would be able to embarrass my little sister and pout over how big she was getting.
The bushes besides me rustled causing me to immediately jump up. I whipped around to face the bush and felt my heart leap out my chest.
A man dressed in all black stood inches away from where I was sitting, both hands extended towards me as if he was trying to grab me.
We both stared at each other, eyes wide. There was a scream lodged in my throat and I couldn't find the will to let it out.
Move, Seo Joon. Run!
But my crippling fear and anxiety left me rooted to the spot.
However the man didn't seem to be having the same issue because he took a step towards me, hands still outstretched.
"Your that boy from that group?" The man questioned. His eyes looked crazy and frantic. He had to be a whole foot taller than my 5'6 frame, he hovered over me.
"N-no pictures." Was all I could stutter out as I took a cautious step back. I was too young to die.
This wasn't my first time dealing with a sasaeng. I typically wasn't alone. They were also typically female.
"I love you and your band look!" The man said happily. He lifted his shirt to show me his tattoo...of my face.
"C-cool." I continued taking small slow steps backwards, trying to get away from this lunatic. The group and I had to take training on how to deal with our fans, in fact it was mandatory to become an idol.
Now I'm learning that the training is pointless.
It never taught us how to successfully escape a crazed fan, we were on,y taught how to preserve our image.
I looked around trying to find an escape route. I walked about half a mile to get here, I could easily run that in a matter of minutes the main problem was outrunning this lunatic in a busy street.
The moment I turned my head to look behind me, my fan lunged forward and grabbed my arm. He held on tightly and jerked me towards a black car.
I dug my heels into the ground and clawed at his arm. "HELP! HELP!"
My screams drew the attraction of a few people but no one paused to help me. They continued past me with a simple glance.
My attacker grew agitated and tightened his grip on my arm. We were almost to the car and I knew once we got there I would be done for.
I dug into my pocket and grabbed my dorm key. My fight instincts took over and I plunged the key down in his arm repeatedly.
He howled in pain and jerked his arm back, instinctively cradling it. I took this moment of weakness to run. My heart was racing as my feet pounded on the concrete.
I paid no mind to the people I bumped into.
I was almost back to my dorm when I felt hands latch onto my jacket.