After four hours and a half of driving, we're finally home and here we are using the lift. Ayden told me that we should hold hands, I think because he might think that it would bring me to the horrible memory again, but I refused and convinced him that it's fine. I can do it.
And I did it! The problem was not the lift but me, I was the problem and I want to stop being a problem. And look, I did it. I didn't even hold a hand with him while using the lift, and I feel good. We went to the security room first. I will be lying if I said I'm not nervous.
I have had this thought since last night, 'what if he's right? What if I am delusional. What if'.
What if? What if? What if?
I keep thinking about that but at the same time, I'm sure, what I saw yesterday, it's the reality that I have to face now. And when we met this man, called Andy, he let us in and we both sat on the chair, in front of hundreds of CCTV but we only focused on one.
Andy asked me what time the event happened, and I said the time was probably around noon, and he adjusts the date and the time and we watched the footage. We watched the one at level thirty-two since we need to make sure that my memory wasn't vague. Andy said this one will get the perfect angle since it's facing the lift.
I was nervous, scared, and all the mixed feelings just rush into my head, my heart thumping hard. I could feel my fingers started to ice cold. Ayden held my hand tightly, telling me that he's by my side.
And few minutes, the lift finally opened and I can see myself, holding into the trolley as a man, who wear a black hoodie, blue jeans, with a cap to cover his face stepped outside from the lift. He didn't leave right away, he holds on to the lift's door, talking to me. And he finally let go of the door, and the door closed.
It's him! It's not a vision, and I'm not crazy.
"That's him?" Andy asked me, and I nodded. He didn't say any word anymore and just watched the rest of the footage.
He didn't leave right away. He just stands right in front of the door. For a long time. Standing there. Without doing anything. Andy moved the computer mouse to check if the footage lagged. But no, the duration keeps moving and he just stands for a long time. For the whole thirty minutes, until he finally pressed the button again and the lift opened again, and he stepped inside and disappeared behind the door.
Ayden's gripped my hand even tighter. He's shaking, as I looked at him. He had that cold and expressionless face. But I know, he was under the influence of rage. Wrath, perhaps. He keeps clenching his jaws. It would be bad for his teeth if he keep doing that. Andy asked few more questions after that.
"Did he do anything, for example, touched you, threatened you? Anything that shows a sign that he stalking you?"
I looked at Ayden who still watching the footage over and over again. The more he watches it, the more his eyes looked scary. Murderous. That's how he looked like.
"He said, he will come back, he pressed a button to the penthouse. And gave me meds, I think."
Andy nodded. "Ayden already gave me the meds. Anything else? Did you know his name? Age?"
"He just said that. His name is Henry…probably thirty, I think."
"Henry…" he raised his eyebrows, trying to get the full name.
"I don't know his surname, I'm sorry," I said, honestly, I know nothing. Nothing except he is a fucking psychopathic rapist, abusive man.
"He probably a doctor, at Willow Care. Probably." Ayden said, stood up in front of Andy. "Find him." It's an order.
Andy pressed his shoulder with a faint smile.
"I will." Andy looked at me with a genuine smile, "I'll be in touched, Miss Iyves. If you have anything else to say, just tell me. But for now, take some rest. I will keep in touch and try my best to get him."
Ayden shakes his hand with Andy, and both of us left. And again, we used the lift and this time, Ayden didn't let go of my hand, and I didn't pull it away too. He was deep in thoughts, and I don't know what to say. He looked frustrated. My man can look like that too, huh? He could kill someone with a glared.
We finally arrived at our home, and Ayden looked extremely tired. I don't even know what time he fell asleep last night, and he woke up pretty early today, went to Mac's and then drove us home, went to the security room, and was finally able to lie down. He quickly lay on the sofa, and rested his eyes, covering it with his forearm.
And I just sat on the sofa, rubbing his forearm, making him look at me with a weak smile.
"Sleep in the bedroom," I said, and he just hummed, spread his arms, signalling me to get into his arms quickly. I slowly crawled up into his embrace and he hugged me tightly.
"Let me sleep for a while. Just like this," he whispered and I hugged him back. Jade's words lingering inside my mind, and I should tell him. Is it the right time? Should I tell him now? But he's tired. But what if something happened before I could tell him what happened? Before he could understand.
What if that mother freaking bastard came and ruined everything. What if something happen before I could say anything to him.
Ride or regret, Maddie. Ride your life or regret it your whole life. I don't want other regrets in my life. I don't want to lose anyone, I'm not ready to lose him.
"What are you thinking about, princess?" I looked up as he snapped at me from my deep thoughts. He swipes my hair behind, tucking them behind my ear.
"I was thinking…about what are you thinking about," I said, with a faint smile. He let out chuckles and breathe.
"About how I was fucked up by saying it's your vision and how I should check for it right away," he said, sighed. "I'm regretting my past action, hurting you again and again. I keep wondering, what's the point that I made a promise for you, saying that I won't hurt you when I was the one who make you cry again?" He utter, pulling me closer.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I think." At least I am right. At least I can wash away my doubt on myself. He caressing my cheek, swiping my hair from my face.
"I'm sorry," he said. I could that he is sad, regretful, he is sorry about what he said to me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He keeps repeating it like a spell. He kissed my forehead.
"I was thinking if I should tell you a story. But you're probably tired of listening to it."
He gave me a big smile and a small laugh. "A bedtime story?" he asked. How come he is so cute at this moment. I rubbed his clean shaved chin with a smile.
"No," I said with my playful tone. And he smiled wickedly. "Not a bedtime story."
"A lullaby?" He is avoiding the topic, is he?
"Not a lullaby, sweetheart."
He smiles, caressing my cheek with his knuckle.
"Then about what baby?"
"About me."
And there he goes, his gorgeous frowning face. How can he look good even though he was frowning? His mouth already forms a straight line as his eyes stare deeply into mine.
"Huh?" That was the only thing that escaped from his mouth as if he was puzzled by my sudden words. "Huh?" he repeated.
I let out a small laugh. I just find it cute, he looked so speechless. I thought it might be scary, but I don't think that he would judge me. Or would he?
Whatever the outcome after this, I will just accept it. Ugly truth always hurt anyway.
"Do you want to listen? But if you don't want to, then I'm okay. I can tell you tomorrow, you must be tired, right?"
"Would you be okay?" he asked. "Don't push yourself, darling."
"I will. I'd rather tell you before someone else did."
He frowned even more. Who? I think that's what he wants to ask me. But he just keeps it inside. That was the first time I could read his facial expression. I slowly got up and sat, pulling his hands to sit up too. He adjusts his position and we both sit facing each other.
"I told you before...about what happened to me, my dad and my mom, right?" he nodded, holding my hands softly, rubbing scars on both of my wrists. I glanced at his hands before they switched back to his eyes.
"And after that, I was sent to the orphanage." he nodded one more time, looking at me deeply. "This might disgust you. And uncomfortable. Will you listen?"
He furrowed, even more, gripping my hands a little tighter. He looked at my hands, maybe my scars and his eyes went up to my neck. I don't what he's thinking, but he started to tremble, a little.
"I will...but would you be alright? Are you sure about this?" he asked me back, with the same question.
I nodded, smiling widely at him. I'm truly fine. He slowly smiled, faintly, and nodded. His fingers keep rubbing my scars.
"Let me take a deep breath first, I'm quite nervous," he said. I could feel his hands shaking already. Which makes me laugh. He was in the middle of taking deep breaths but he burst into a nervous laugh and shook my hands lightly. "Stop laughing. I'm serious."
"I'm sorry but you're shaking! Are you okay?"
"I'm good. I just...okay. I'm ready! Whenever you are ready, baby." he said.
I take a deep breath. As I remembered. And my body started to tremble and he adjusted himself to come closer to me until our knees touched.
"Whenever you are ready," he whispered.