Chapter 26: Hunt
Pilit akong nagpapalamig sa parke habang pinapakalma ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Grabe na talaga ka-OA itong puso ko. Kasi naman any minute now ay pupunta na kami sa bahay nina Felix at meeting the parents na ang sunod. Hindi ako kinakabahan kay Tita Francine pero feel ko talaga terror 'yung Papa ni Felix 'e! Magkavibes na naman kami ni Tita kaya wala na akong problema sa kanya. Mainggit kayo, please. Close kami ni Tita, HAHAHA.
Nasa parke kami ngayon dahil hiniling ko muna na tumambay kami dito. Kaso parang gusto ko na lang talaga mag-stay muna dito hangga't hindi pa ulit bumabalik ang Papa ni Felix sa Amerika. Grabe, nai-stress ako.
"Uy! Ice cream, oh. Strawberry ang favorite mo, 'di ba?" Tanong ni Felix habang papalapit sa pwesto ko. Kanina pa kasi akong nakaupo dito sa bench at nang mainip siya ay nagpaalam siyang bibili ng ice cream.
"Hindi, no. Cookies and cream na kaya!" I said and laughed. Nakita ko kasing cookies and cream ang binili niya para sa kanya at gusto ko lang talaga itong agawin. Or maybe I'm simply just stalling more time? Hehe. Sige na, hindi na ako magkakaila.
"Nope, you're going to eat this. Nakita ko kanina strawberry ang pinabili mo kay Tina." Inilapit niya sa'kin ang ice cream at nagpout ako para magpacute ng konti.
"Hmp!" Kinuha ko ang strawberry ice cream mula sa kanya at nagsimulang kumain. Bakit ko ba 'to naging favorite? Sobrang tamis naman kasi 'e. Siguro kung ma'y ampalaya ice cream, 'yun pa ang pinabili ko.
"Marzia... alam mo, okay lang naman talaga kung hindi ka pa ready 'e. Naiintindihan ko naman. Hindi naman kita pinipilit." Pangongonsensiya niya.
Tumingin ako sa gawi niya at nakita ko siyang nakatingin sa'kin na 'kala mo'y nagpapaawang tuta. Tinira niya na naman ang puso ko, oh! Swak na swak. H'wag niya naman sana gamitin 'yung kahinaan ko, oh. Luging-lugi ako niyan 'e.
"Oo na. 'Eto na nga 'e. Tara na nga." Sabi ko at tumayo. Nakita ko naman ang pagkislap ng mata niya at natuwa ako ng dahil dito.
"Weh? Napipilitan ka lang naman 'e." He said, doubting me. Sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin bago tumalikod mula sa kanya. "Balakajan."
Bumalik kami sa pwesto ng kotse niya kaso no'ng magpapaandar na siya ay ayaw nitong gumalaw. Ayt, parang pinakikisamahan na ako ni kapalaran ha. Sign na ba this? JOKE. Tawa kayo.
At dahil dito, na-enlighten up ako at nakaisip ng isang malupit na idea.
"Maglakad na lang tayo. Malapit lang naman 'yung inyo mula dito, 'di ba?" Pagkukumbinsi ko sa kanya.
"Hindi."
Napasimangot naman ako. "Sige na, please. I want to spend more time with you."
"Sus. I know what you're trying to do." He said. Yep, I'm clearly stalling more time again. What can I say, I'm completely frightened by his father. Who knows, he might be a terror one.
"Pagbigyan mo na 'ko."
"No, Marzia. Hindi ka pa ready sa ganyang bagay. I respect you alot at sana 'wag mo muna akong pilitin." He seriously said. What? I'm confused and blinked again for the second time until I realize what he's trying to tell me.
"Felix!" Hinampas ko siya sa braso at nagwalk-out. I heard him laugh and I prevent myself from smiling. "Balakajan."
Kalaunan ay naglakad na kaming sabay patungo sa bahay nila. Sinabi niya na itatawag niya na lang daw sa mekaniko ang kotse niya. We just hope that a car burglar won't walk across the park.
Every step I take, my heart keeps pounding fast. Oh please tell me this will go as planned. I can't stand to imagine his Dad saying 'no' to our relationship. I already got my approval from Tita Francine but a Dad is a Dad. In my opinion, fathers' are the most intimidating person ever. Yeah, my Dad may look cool and kind but he's totally like a tamed lion inside when it comes to me.
"Before you meet my Dad, I want to tell you something." He said. I gulped before looking at him.
"Ano? Terror ba siya? Kailangan ko na bang magback-out? O baka naman nababakla ka na at balak mo ng umamin bago pa tayo magkamabutihan?" I joked to ease my foreboding.
"Baby bear!"
"Joke lang." I cleared my throat before looking at him for the second time. "So ano nga?"
"Be yourself at ako na ang bahala sa lahat."
"Felix! Lalo mo 'kong pinapakaba 'e!" Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at lalo lang akong kinabahan sa sinabi niya.
"I just want you to know that whatever happens, I'm always beside you." He said. 'Di ko alam kung mas dapat ba akong kabahan o kiligin sa mga oras na 'to. Iba nga pala mag-english ang isang Felix Trono.
"Uy! Sina Marzia, oh!" Rinig kong sabi ni Tina at sabay kaming napalingon sa kaniya. Kasama niya si Jian habang magkaholding-hands pa sila. Lumapit sila sa'min at binigyan kami ng matamis na ngiti. "Sa'n punta niyo?"
"Sa bahay, ipapakilala ko na siya kay Papa 'e. Kadarating lang nila kanina kasama sina Ate kanina." Felix said.
"Yah. No'ng galing kami sa Mall nakita namin si Ate Felicia kasama si Rose at pagkatapos na pagkatapos no'n umuwi na agad kami ni Jian." She said not until a thought hits her while Felix gave me his sweetest smile, looking like the most honest boyfriend ever. Tinaas-baba niya pa ang kanyang dalawang kilay para asarin ako.
"It's not like pumunta pa kami sa coffee shop at nagtagal pa sa Mall, you know." Tina added and said it in a sarcastic goofy way and we all laughed. We all gave each other a meaningful look. Ang lakas ng trip namin kanina.
"Sa'n pala punta niyo?" Felix asked.
"Wala naman. Maglilibot lang kami sa parke. Ma'y gusto lang sana akong alalahanin." Jian answered and his eyes lands on me. I avoided his stares and lightly looked somewhere else. "Mauna na kami."
"Sige, ingat." Felix said.
"Stay strong!" Tina said and we thanked her.
Marzia..." Pagtawag ni Jian at nilingon ko siya. "I'm happy for you." I gave him a smile before they head along. We begun walking again and the tension between us became calm.
"Ma'y gusto pala akong ikwento sayo para ganahan ka naman." Felix said. Ay, akala ko pa naman enjoying the moment quietly na lang. Nakalimutan ko, madaldal nga pala ang boyfriend ko. Sobra.
"I did a blog and it was exactly after 3 weeks you created your page. I was encourage by you to follow my passion and at the same time my biggest dream ever. I got insecured kasi ang bilis mong nakakuha ng mga followers within 3 weeks. Ma'y 400 followers ka na ata agad no'n at dumarami na rin ang nagrerequest sa'yo. That's why nag-blog ako and that time I was in USA with my family. Suportang-suporta sakin sina Mom, Ate Felicia, Little Francis except from Dad. Hindi gusto ni Dad na nagba-blog ako, he considers it as a waste of time and effort. Pero hindi niya alam na nakapag-compose na agad ako ng tatlong videos bago pa niya ako pagbawalan. He even confiscate all of my electronics."
"About my education why I persued in the Philippines, I stayed because of you, Marzia. Noong nalapit ng magpasukan this year bumalik ako sa Pilipinas and stayed here for good. I wanted to know you really bad even if that means leaving my siblings behind. Dahil alam kong kapag iniwan ko muna ang mga kapatid ko nandiyan pa rin sila pero kapag ikaw ang pinakalwan ko it might be for eternity and I wouldn't have another chance to meet you again."
"I know, I look crazy and confused that time na parang ang baliw ko para manatili sa Pilipinas if I know na may mas better akong future sa States na dahil lang ako nag-stay is because I know na nandito 'yung taong matagal ko ng hinahanap-hanap."
"Sa Pilipinas naganap ang Wedding because most of our relatives are from here. Habang nasa Pilipinas kami, hindi alam ni Dad nakapag-compose na naman ako ng dalawang video, not until na mahanap niya ang YT Channel ko. Nakipaggigilan talaga sa'kin si Dad na itigil ko na daw lahat ng kahibangan ko or he will be forced to stop me and send me back to States, kaya naman itinigil ko ang pagba-blog for temporary. Dad stayed hanggang sa Wedding nila at umalis din para maalagaan 'yung mga kapatid ko sa States and Mom stayed to look after me."
"I've only been patient enough because one month before their Wedding, I knew who's the one who'll be able to help me. The one who knows how to manage a Channel like mine and gives me encouraging inspiration everyday. I was lucky to have you as our own Photographer at the Wedding. I saw your Job Contract with my Mom and my eyes are literally sparkling that night. Finally, I said to my self, the girl I've been waiting for. I wad too excited dahil nagkaroon ako ng malaking chance para makita-kita, makausap at syempre mapormahan. That day, parang gusto kitang isabay sa kasal nina Mom and Dad. At oo, ganun ako kabaliw sayo."
"Teka, ano bang nagawa ko sayo ha? Ma'y pinakain ba ako sayo? Sa pagkakaalam ko wala naman akong binabayaran na mangkukulam." I said.
"Nakakabihag kasi ang mga ngiti mo. Minsan ko na nga lang makita noon sa harap pa ni Jian. Wala kang ideya kung gaano ako nagseselos parati. Nagtatawanan pa kayo sa isang sulok na parang ma'y sarili kayong mundo samantalang ako tamang tingin lang habang pinagmamasdan kayo na magkatitigan."
"Very detailed ha. Napapaghalatang stalker kita 'e! Sabi ko na nga ba, hayst. Pero h'wag ka ng threatened, boyfriend na kita. Wala ka bang bilib sa'kin?"
"Syempre meron. Patay na patay ka nga sa'kin 'e!"
"Sige na nga, payag na 'ko."
We talked about alot of things, mostly some weird random stuffs, until we reached their house. I was waiting for Felix and his Dad to showup on me when Francis came out in the door. He looked at me then smiled and I gave him a small smile but I didn't even budge to look at him for the second time.
"I'm sorry kung naoffend kita kanina. I know that this is not an exception sa nasabi ko pero inakala ko talaga na isa ka sa mga babaeng pinaglalaruan ni Kuya kaya gano'n na lang kita tratuhin kanina. I'm really sorry. Sinabi na ni Kuya sa'kin ang lahat at alam kong ikaw talaga ang girlfriend niya. Stacey made a big impression to me and I can't just forget her together with my brother. You know how hard it is to memorize one of Felix's former girlfriends'." He joked but I didn't find it that funny.
"Yah, but you weren't lying that time. It wasn't your fault really, you were just pointing out the truth. It's not like I should be bothered and take it that seriously anyway. It was just an opinion---an accurate and direct one." I said. I can't just pretend I'm okay with his words lately. Masakit siya magsalita, period.
"Ugh, damn, no. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say anything like that. Please forgive me. I don't want to look bad infront of Felix's true girlfriend. You're the only girl my brother had the courage to introduce to our father so it's clear that you're his special girl. Will you please forgive me?" Napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako bago siya ngitian.
"Okay."
"Thank you. Alagaan mo si Kuya ha." I slightly nod before he left me in their balcony.
Ugh, grabe, bakit ako nag-e-english? Sobra lang talaga akong kinakabahan. Nakaka-intimidate naman talaga lahat ng relative ni Felix 'e! Tapos 'di ko pa maiwasang mailang kay Francis. Kasama niya din 'yung girlfriend niya dito sa bahay at mukhang ipapakilala niya din ito sa Papa niya.
I can see Francis and his girlfriend talking outside. Medyo nakakapanghina nga lang dahil masyadong maganda si Stella samantalang ako mukhang sabog. Bakit ang daming naggagandahang babae ngayon? Para akong out-dated sa mundong ito samantalang halos lahat updated na. Iba din. Android vs IOS be like.
"Where's my brother's girlfriend? I haven't seen her around. I thought she's in the balcony or something? All I see is a maid in here." I heard someone say.
Napalingon naman ako at bumungad ang isang babae na nakatayo sa tabi ng pintuan. She holds so many shopping bags in her hands and I can't stop myself from getting trigerred. She is indeed gorgeous at halatang napalaki ng tama.
"We don't have a maid, Ate Felicia." I heard Francis said.
Napatingin naman 'yung babae sa'kin na sa tingin ko ay Ate nina Felix at sinuri ako mula ulo hanggang paa. "Oh, I see, so she's the girlfriend. I get it, pardon me."
Wait, what did she just said?
"I bought her a gift lately." She added. Lumapit siya sa'kin at inabot ang isang malaking shopping bag. For a second, napatulala ako sa ganda niya. I just hope she didn't notice how I just stared at her. I might have been looked weird infront of her then. "Here you go."
"Thank you." I said. I tried to smile at her. It's just kinda awkward that I haven't seen her smile since she noticed me. She seems excited lately but now that she saw me I think I just ruined her mood. Is there something on my face? Imperfections. I get it.
Bakit ang tagal ni Felix? Ugh, I badly need an escape rope right here!
"Anyway, my name is Felicia, Felix's sister." She said and smiled. Unang tingin ko pa lang sa kanya halata ng hindi kami magkakasundo 'e. She looks strict and too professional. I wonder kung ano ang trabaho niya sa States.
"I'm Marzia Cruz, Felix's g-girlfriend." Pakilala ko. Syempre, kailangan english, 'no. Baka 'di ko alam hindi pala siya nakakaintindi, nakakahiya naman.
"Nice to meet you." She said.
"Marzia. Tara na sa loob. Andito na si Papa." Nilingon ko si Felix habang ngiting-ngiti na nakatingin sa'kin. Finally. I took a heavy sigh before smiling at him.
"Finally, you're here. What took you so long? Binili mo ba 'yung buong mall?" Felix said.
"Ofcourse not! I happened to cross paths with one of your ex, Tina. She told me you're good friends now and her boyfriend happens to be your girlfriend's bestfriend, Jian. I remember that boy. You're childhood friends with him, right?" Felicia said.
"We've been."
After the conversation Felix held my hand at sumunod ako sa kanya sa pagpasok sa loob ng bahay at bumungad ang malaki nilang chandelier sa'kin. Nakita ko naman ang Papa niya na naglalakad papalapit sa'min. Tulungan niyo po ako, huhu. Nakasuot siya ng pang-business suit at formal na formal pa siya tingnan. Lalo naman akong na-intimidate sa Papa ni Felix at kinabahan pa ng bongga. Kitang-kita ko din ang kagwapuhan ni Tito na namana ni Felix mula sa kanya. Ang gaganda ng lahi nila, pasalin sana...
"Hello po." Pagbati ko. Oh, yeah, Tito. Ako 'to si Marzia na mahal na mahal ng anak niyo. Boom kilig.
"Ang ganda mo naman, ija." Pangbating bungad ni Tito. Tumaas agad ang self-esteem ko ng dahil sa nasabi ni Tito. Okay, naka-1 point na agad tayo.
"Papa bear, si Marzia po, girlfriend ko."
Now, I realize kung bakit Papa bear ang tawag ni Felix sa kanya. Malaki ang katawan ng Papa niya at fierce din tingnan. Kaya naman pala... akala ko naging taong oso sila dati.
"Hello. You can call me Tito Alex." Tito said and gave me a genuine smile. Gosh, why Tito? Wala pa akong ginagawa pero feel ko ang dami ko ng aprroval points sayo. H'wag niyo na sana patagalin 'to, nate-tense ako.
Nakipagkamay ako sa kanya at tinanggap niya ito. Ramdam ko naman ang paghigpit ng pagkakahawak niya sa'kin bago kumawala. It's natural for a handshake like that but why do I get the feeling that this isn't just any good impression at all.
"I heard good things from you." He added and looked at Felix. Felix gave us a meaningful smile bago ako akbayan.
Dumating si Tita Francine at inaya kami sa hapag-kainan. Napatulala naman ako sa lamesa nila. Halatang pinaghandaan at mamahalin din. Puro seafood ang laman ng putahe nila. This family really likes seafood, huh? Hindi naman halata. Note the sarcasm.
"I invited Rose over so expect her to arrive any moment now." Felicia said as she sat down infront of me.
We're having dinner with her? Really? Isn't it kinda awkward? Don't they find it awkward or it's just me? Knowing that she likes Felix while here I am together with her later. Geez, I had enough of her presence already.
Francis and Stella joined us. We begun to eat and mostly Tita Francine was the one begun talking while Felix's father asked me a few questions. It's been hard for me to eat comfortably though. Parang palaging ma'y mga matang nakatingin sa'kin at masyado din akong nako-conscious sa bawat galaw ko.
I've been feeling itchy lately. I looked down at my hands and it's becoming reddish. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and Felicia insisted to escourt me even though I already know where the bathroom is. Siya ang nauunang maglakad habang ako naman ay nakasunod sa kanya.
"I understand if you need to loosen up a bit. Our family looks intimidating after all." She said. Yeah, intimidating and freaking rich people. Sinong hindi kakabahan don? Lalo na kung alam mong malayo talaga ang estado niyo sa buhay.
We reached the bathroom and she moved over to make way for me.
"Thanks for escorting me, I can head out in my own." I said before opening the bathroom's door.
"I'll be waiting here."
As I stepped in the bathroom, I closed the door and locked it. I looked at the mirror and saw a few hives all over my face. It's way worse when I took a glimpse at my arm. Why do I have to deal with this again? I thought I was finally over with seafoods then this happened, great.
"Do you want to go home? I noticed your hives lately." Rinig kong sabi niya. Kaya niya siguro ako sinamahan.
"Yep." Lumabas ako ng CR at hinarap siya.
"You're allergic to seafoods? And perhaps in roses too?" She asked.
"Yes. How did you know that?"
"I'm quite familiar with you. You're the kid who's been send to the hospital after your allergy in roses occurred a long time ago. I think Felix was with you that day and when he got home he cried out loud and told me how he saw you fainted. Since we're near that park, I got the news from a few neighborhood telling that the girl is allergic to roses and it turned out to be you." Napatulala ako sa nasabi niya at wala man lang anumang salita ang lumabas mula sa bibig ko.
"May I ask if you were also one of the kids who were involved in the accident a decade ago?" Aniya. No, I had enough, please. "Is something bothering you? You seem lost."
It's coming back again.
"It's just that I'm way too dizzy right now."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Anyway, why didn't you told us earlier you're allergic to seafoods? You could've said it." She said, looking at me worriedly.
"Well, Felix seemed to be excited about this and I didn't want to ruin the dinner." I said. Plus the fact that I already forgot all about this meet-n-greet thing. I already disappoint Felix enough.
"I see. Felix can be a little sensitive sometimes. Don't worry, I'll cover you. I'll call over our family driver for you." She insisted.
"No need, I can handle it."
"Are you sure?" She asked and I nodded. "Now go before somebody sees you."
"Thank you, Ate Felicia." She smiled and nodded at me, telling me to head out.
I silently walked away from her. Every step I take seems too heavy for me. This heavy feeling keeps hunting me, huh? Or it's just because of this damn allergy? I'm thinking too much again but I assure I know something is not right. I thought I already moved on. Damn, I just keep coming back from that day. I don't want to know the truth anymore. It's alright. It's fine. I'm contented with the present. I want to stay what it is. I wont ask for more, please.
Hindi ko napansin na sa paglalakad ko ay nakabunggo na pala ako. I looked up and saw Rose staring at me. "Sorry."
"Marzia, you look pale. Are you alright?" I immediately looked down and pretended I didn't saw her at all.
"It's nothing. I need to go, bye." I said and walked faster than usual.
Tumungo ako sa isang bus stop at naghintay. It's been 20 minutes pero wala pa ding dumadating. Hanggang kailan ba ako maghihintay? Sobra akong nilalamig kahit napakainit sa Pilipinas. Nanginginig pa nga ako dahil sa lamig at malamang sa malamang ay malala na ang pakiramdam ko. Ugh, bakit kasi nag-inarte pa ako kay Ate Felicia kanina? Ito tuloy ang napapala ko.
"Marzia?" Napalingon naman ako sa nagsalita. Lumapit siya sa'kin at sinuri akong mabuti. "Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
No, please, not Spencer.
"Anong nangyari sa'yo? Bakit ang dami mong pantal?" He asked. Pero dahil sa famous ako hindi ko siya pinansin. "Dadalhin kita sa ospital."
"Kaya ko na 'to." I said and look way.
"Iuuwi na lang kita." Pagpupumilit niya.
"Hindi na kailangan." Giit ko.
"Just please let me help you this time. I know I've been a jerk but I can't leave you hanging like this." He said, looking at me worriedly. Hinawakan niya naman ang malapad kong noo to check my temperature. "Ang init mo pa naman. Ihahatid na kita."
Hindi ako nakaimik dahil na rin siguro sa sama ng lasa ako. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at inalalayan ako sa paglalakad. Papikit-pikit pa ako along the way pero pinilit ko na lang. We reached his car at pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto. Inalalayan niya akong sumakay at agad naman akong napapikit nang makaupo ako.
I feel tired of everything. For how long would I hide this pain? I don't know if I can still keep up. I hope everything would be fine. I just hope. Please help me, Lord. I'm tired. I'm very tired.
--
Naramdaman ko ang sarili ko sa kamay ng isang lalaki. Ramdam kong parang binubuhat ako. Sa bigat kong 'to ma'y magtatangka pang bumuhat sa'kin?! Gusto kong imulat ang mga mata ko pero nahihirapan ako. Sige na, self. Titingnan lang natin kung sino. Baka 'di ko alam nasa club na pala ako. Papalagan natin.
Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ay naramdaman ko ang malambot na kama sa likuran ko. Pinilit kong imulat ang mga mata ko at bumungad sa akin ang mukha ni Spencer. Nabigla ako sa presensiya niya. Dahan-dahan niya akong ibinababa sa kama at kitang-kita ko naman kung paano niya ako titigan.
Pumikit akong muli upang maiwasan ang mga titig niya. Kinumutan niya ako at hinawakan ulit sa noo at leeg. Naramdaman ko ang pag-alis ng presensiya niya kaya iminulat ko ang mga mata ko at nakitang wala na nga siya.
Why do I sound like disappointed. It's not like I want to see him. It's just that he was such a jerk and now he begun showing some concern. Gano'n na ba talaga ako nakakaawang tingnan? Pfft. Whatever.
Nakita ko ulit siyang paparating kaya agad akong pumikit. I want to sleep so bad but his presence makes me uncomfortable. Ramdam kong umupo siya sa tabi ko at ma'y ipinatong siya sa noo ko. It must be a wet towel. Nanginginig pa rin ako kaya niyakap ko ang sarili ko. Ugh, bakit parang mainit na malamig na ewan?! Ang sama sa pakiramdam. Gusto ko na lang gumulong-gulong pero nakakahiya naman. Nandito pa si Spencer.
"You could leave now. I can handle myself." I said as I peek into his face. Those eyes I used to trust, his dimples I used to adore and his face I used to admire is all gone now.
"Uminom ka muna." He said as he extend his hand with a glass of water. Umayos ako ng upo at inabot ito. "I can stay a little bit longer. Wala ka pa namang kasama sa bahay."
"Nothing new, actually." I commend.
I finished up the water and placed it near the cabinet. Even though my head still hurts I can't help but to feel bothered by Spencer. Marami pa ring nagbabadyang tanong sa isip ko. At dahil nandito na din naman siya at kating-kating na ako magtanong ay bumuntong-hininga ako to gather my strength.
Tumingin ako kay Spencer habang nakatuon pa rin ang atensyon niya sa'kin. "Spencer, I've been meaning to ask you something and I want to settle this once and for all. Is it really your intention to use me and ruin Felix's image infront of me? I don't understand, Spencer. Why do you have to do that?"
Nakita ko ang pagdadalwang-isip sa mga mata niya ngunit sa huli ay para siyang naging bata na tila ba'y nagsusumbong.
"I'll admit, I've been too desperate to achieve the Internationals and because of that I lost my friendship from you. I envy Felix alot and I tried to ruin his image especially to you because I know he really likes you. Noon, madalas kaming ipagkumpara ni Felix sa isa't-isa. We've been good friends pero nagbago ang lahat nang maramdam kong dumadalas na ang pagkatalo ko mula sa kanya. Lalo na noong Junior High pagdating sa mga competitions like quiz bee at elections." He said and sigh.
"Palaging mas angat si Felix kesa sa'kin kaya ako ang napupuntirya ng mga kaklase namin. I always ask myself kung ano pa bang kulang. Ginawa ko na naman lahat ng kaya ko pero imbis na i-appreciate nila ipinagkukumpara pa ako kay Felix. That's when I decided to distance myself from him. Ayokong lokohin ang sarili ko na okay lang sa'kin ang lahat ng 'yon. Na okay pa akong kasama siya pero deep down nagtatanim na ako ng inggit sa kanya."
I suddenly remembered Caryll. Caryll must have felt devastated like Spencer too. I've been too focused on myself that I haven't look up to other people. I should be happy for Caryll now that she's on top. I can't help but to feel pity for the both of them. Hindi naman talaga nila ginusto kung naging 'sino' sila ngayon, kung anong ugali ang meron sila ngayon, napilitan lang sila. But I hope, they can still change. Everyone has given a chance to change, right? At sana dumating na din ang pagkakataong 'yon na para sa'kin. I need it as well.
"I already lost too many friendship and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm too confused. Hindi ko naman ginustong ma'y masaktan at madamay pero masyado akong nabulag dahil sa selos kaya wala akong nagawa kundi hayaan na lang. Masyado na kasing masakit, hindi ko na kayang sarilihin. Gustong-gusto ko ng ilabas 'tong sakit ng nararamdaman ko 'e, feel ko kasi sasabog ako kung hindi. Masyado ng mabigat." He added and looked down.
I saw his teary eyes but I know he's just trying to prevent those tears from falling. Don't we all attempt to hide our pain as always? And every time it gets harder and harder to hoard it beneath ourselves.
"Seek the Lord. Ask for his help, consider yourself forgiven and start over again. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat, Spencer." I said and gave him a genuine smile. He gave me a small smile at kahit matipid lang ang ngiti niya muli kong nasilayan ang malalim niyang dimple.
"Thank you, Marzia. And I'm sorry for everything." He said. Nginitian ko siya. Isang ngiting nagsasabi na pinapatawad ko na siya ng buo. Naniniwala kasi ako na maaari pang magbago ang isang tao. Na ang kailangan lang nila ay ang patawad at pangalawang pagkakataon.
We were just staring at each other nang ma'y biglang kumalabog sa likod ng pintuan. Napatingin naman kaming dalawa sa pinto at bumungad sa'min si Felix. Napa-face palm naman ako sa isipan ko.
"Sorry, nadulas lang." Sambit niya.
Tumingin muli sa akin si Spencer at ngumiti. "I guess... I should go now."
"Salamat." I said. Tumalikod na siya sa'kin at akmang lalabas na ng kwarto nang kausapin siya ni Felix.
"Thank you for taking care of Marzia." Felix said. Nakita ko naman ang pagngiti ni Spencer kay Felix bago tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto.
Spencer! Please h'wag mo 'kong iwan dito kasama niya. Ayoko pang masermunan. Nang magkatinginan kami ni Felix ay parang bigla na lamang sumama ang pakiramdam ko. Sana makatulog na ako any moment now. Antok, dapuan mo ako! Watak. At dahil ayoko muna siyang makita, nagtaklob ako ng mukha gamit ang kumot. Sobrang banas na malamig na ewan pero titiisin ko na lang.
Naramdaman ko naman ang pagupo niya sa tabi ko. Pilit niyang tinatanggal ang kumot ko pero hindi ako nagpatinag. Sinubukan niya ulit tanggalin pero tumalikod lang ako mula sa kanya. Anong kulet.
"Ma'y dala akong pagkain, chicken teriyaki." He said. Agad 'kong tinanggal ang kumot na nakabalot sa mukha ko at tumingin sa kanya. Bakit niya ginagamit 'yung kahinaan ko? Masama 'yun. "Ayaw mo? Fine, ako ang kakain."
"Akina." Iniabot niya sa'kin 'yung isang box kaso bigla niya ulit kinuha. Binuksan niya ito at akmang susubuan ako nang kinuha ko mismo 'yung box ng pagkain at nagsimulang lumamon. "I can eat on my own, you know."
Siguro nagdate sila ni Rose sa isang Japanese Restaurant tapos itinake-out lang ako ni Felix. Here I go again. Just kidding, I trust Felix enough.
Hm...
"Bakit ganyan ka makatitig? Gwapo ko ba masyado? Sorry, hehe. Ikaw na mag-adjust, h'wag ka na tumingin sa'kin. Focus on your food."
"Pfft!" Pag-angal ko.
I was focusing on my food when I felt Felix staring at me intensely. He smiled and I stick my tongue out to tease him. He chuckled and pinched my freaking fatass cheeks. It's not my problem being cute. He handed me over a cup of wotah. A freaking wotah. Wotah! Wotah!
I look up to him and sigh, "can you still forgive Spencer? I know you heard him."
"Don't worry. I'll talk to him soon." He said.
Akala ko isang malas na araw lang ito pero hindi ko napagtanto na isa pala itong daan upang magkaayos silang dalawa. After all, they're still friends no matter what. Kung hindi lang siguro naging malupit ang mundo sa kanila, malamang ay mas matatag pa ngayon ang pagkakaibigan nila. Pero hindi pa huli ang lahat, muli silang binigyan ng pagkakataon upang mag-ayos.
"I'm sorry if you ever felt the need to hide something from me. Ate Felicia told me you're in a hurry because of an emergency but I doubted her. Doing the same trick wont convince me twice." He chuckled as he goes on. "Then there's Rose, telling me you look pale and have alot of hives lately. Later on Ate Felicia came out of blue and told me you're allergic to seafoods. And I finally called Jian for a confirmation and he said you're indeed allergic to it. I'm just glad you're alright now." He explained.
"Bati na tayo?" I asked. Tumango-tango naman siya sa'kin at ngumiti ng matamis.
He understand me, he protects me, and especially he pamper me alot. And I couldn't ask for more.
--
It's already twelve o'clock in the morning and I couldn't fell asleep at all. Maayos at magaan na ang pakiramdam ko pero ma'y bumubulabog pa rin talaga sa isapan ko. I badly want to get rid of it. Here I am, staring up into the sky, wishing that everything would turn out just fine.
Again, for how long would I pretend? Is it just me? Is it only me? The one who's left hurt. The one who can't reach out to free myself from nightmares. Ako na lang ba 'yung tuluyang hindi pa nakakalaya? I want to end this pain already.
My phone suddenly rang and I couldn't be bother to pick it up. I took a glimpse of it and saw Jian calling me. I picked the phone up and answered it.
"Jian? Napatawag ka? Dahil ba 'to kanina? Okay na 'ko." I said. I was waiting for his response but instead I heard his heavy breathing.
"Marzia..." I heard him whispered.
"I miss you. I miss you alot."
"Jian..."
I was left with no words. It's like I've been strike with lightning and I don't know what's my next move. My heart keeps pounding fast and I know I can never be fraud towards my feelings.
Jian, what are you doing to me?
"Could we go back from before? Before when your story begun with only you and me."
--
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