(Mint POV)
being normal is a pretty ordinary thing, right? everyone is supposed to come under these criteria.
if we count all the stereotype examples of it. we can consider which one is normal and which one doesn't count. I mean, if we have to distinguish between the two behaviour, we need some facts that we can take as consideration. for an instance example- boys like mainly blue and all the colours excerpts for the pink and girls like pink mainly as a favourite and consider other colours less likely. a male child will play with guns and cars and a female child will play with dolls and houses. boys will wear pants and shirts, while girls can wear skirts, tops, shirts and pants if they wish.
thus these are the examples I have given that is considered as a necessary behaviour of a normal person by the people of society and considers as the normal and ordinary. if somehow a boy likes to play with dolls and a girl likes to play with guns and cars it was considered as abnormal.
I always wonder why?
then I get to the point that, these were the stereotypical facts state by society.
humans have a habit aka need to be in community. humans do everything in their lives to improve themselves before they represented themselves to others. the presentations of their matters. either with outer appearance, usage of words, taste, engaging in matters or doing or making decisions. they just want the other to not misunderstood them.
we make ourselves as presentable as possible. so often to looks nice in the eyes to others. maximum of us do that.
we often think about how we are presenting ourselves in front of the people. who take a glance at our image and can make our image in their mind according to our presentation in front of them that either with our body language, communication skills, use of social skills to deliver us better, our dressing style and many more things like that. we make ourselves presentable enough that people can understand us easily or at least not misunderstood us. we do most of the things according to what comes in social standard criteria. the social behaviour that they consider normal and doesn't bother them and sees as taboo or something unhealthy influence.
we better try to do those things which make us acceptable in this society.
but these were the things we do to impress others instead to express our true selves. a fake one like a perfect one. often this thing won't make us happy we do. and when the question arises
"What am I doing?"
"Why am I doing this?"
"what do I want?"
"where is my true self."
probably most of the time, the answer is
"I don't know."
people don't want themselves ignored by others so they try to get the attention of the people anyhow.
my question is why? why? being different from the other think or be out of the box is considered as not normal.
I might not get the answer to this question perfectly but still, I wanna know the reason behind this.
why? what exactly is this so-called being normal is?
is it what people think from the prospect of the social standard in the eye of the society that they have made, the community want to see and believe or just it's an illusion that people have in their minds? it's just my personal opinion please don't take it seriously.
likewise, I was doing these things too. I was preparing myself to be a better man in front of the others and set an example of having a better personality and a good person who you can inspire others. I want to show people, what they want to see in me, a perfect guy.
but Inside of me, the beating heart wants something else. as soon as I discovered what it wants, I was already got too deep inside of the knowledge regarding the society and its standards. that carries me away from the true feelings that I have for myself. and so on, my life goes on with the same environment that I have shared with others. and I was trying so hard to get to their standards correctly and did not disappoint the society aka my parents in front of them. you might feel it's a lot of hardships I am going through.
yes, it's freaking frustrating and painfully. I couldn't breathe freely. I have to be one of them. not too different from others. otherwise, I will be banished from entering or making contact with others. no one wants themselves to look down by others. neither do I. so I play along with them. and be there me. perfect. that doesn't fill me inside, rather make much harm. make holo, the cavity inside of my heart keep growing and evolving more and more. that sometimes makes me feel completely helpless that want me to give up on everything and ran like crazy screaming out my lungs. just like that, I want to be free. I can't give up on life, cause I am too weak for suicide. why do give up on life? it's too precious and God has a given me this chance to live as a human being. you defiantly know-how much you have gain goodwill before you die so you can reincarnated into a human again. and suicide is the biggest sin. I don't want to suffer from that decision of mine for the next life. so I keep ongoing. everyone knows god is everywhere and I keep listening no matter how hard and difficult your life is other might leave you even your own family may abdomen you, but the god never-ever leave your side. he will be there in your happy and sad moments always with you. just keep faith in that energy. so I am doing the same. I keep my faith in him and keep doing my job having him beside me. hope my faith and work can conquer all the difficulties in my life maybe this too.
ah!
even this much can't completely wipe out the pain but somehow can lesser it. what can I do? it's life. you can't taste only sweet or just bitter. it's sometimes salty and spicy too what I mean to say is that it's a mixture of all the taste humankind ever had. it will come and go just to remind you that we need to focus on sweet things more to have a stable mind. so I am doing that. I hope one day I can. do what I want.
what do I want?
simple.
I just want to take my hands up in the sky and want to dance in my fullest form under the full sunlight and I want to say proudly.
"yes, I like men. and this is who I am."