Chapter 17 Muggles for Dummies
James shook his head, rereading Remus's last letter as he, Peter and Sirius sat on the early train together.
"I was so sure Moony'd join us at the last moment." That was the whole reason they delayed this trip till the new moon so Remus would be feeling great.
"He was always the responsible one, Prongs. Maybe if we're caught, they'll make him a Prefect again."
Peter looked scared. "Caught? I thought we were just supposed to wave our wands and jump on the Knight Bus to get away."
"Don't get your knickers all in a twist, Wormtail," Sirius replied in annoyance. "It muggles. Nothing to worry about because they don't know any better and don't see anything. And Snivelly can't say anything 'cause of the secrecy law."
"Hell, Padfoot, if we're lucky he'll get hauled in for Underage Magic."
"But we're on probation," Peter reminded his friends.
"At school. We're on holiday now."
"Yeah, visiting muggles because we love the Adventures of Martin Miggs."
Peter remained agitated. He didn't share their confidence, and didn't know that the only reason that they decided to bring him along without Remus was for his small animagus form.
James pulled out their maps and information to review their masterful plan. It was more for Peter's benefit, than Sirius's. Sirius had good looks and luck on his side so he didn't need to bother with plans.
Lily lay in bed trying to think of what to do for a Severus-free day. Tunie had work this afternoon so messed up her original intent of trying to do some girl thing with her sister by wearing her down for hours till she relented. Perhaps she could pester all morning so they could do something tonight.
This afternoon, Lily could go to the library. Muggle books would have something about alcoholism. She should learn something first before pestering Sev. There was so much she didn't know, like when she thought of an alcoholic before, the first person that came to her mind was Sev's father, not his mother. When had she gotten that bad? Lily only saw her once before, and she seemed capable of taking care of Severus or at least somewhat. She got him to King's Cross that first time.
She had also decided that she better start trusting her best friend more. If anyone who didn't know them found out that she searched through all his stuff, well, they wouldn't understand. Lily was afraid. She wasn't afraid of her best friend. She was afraid for her best friend, and that was what made it all right. Even though he didn't say anything, it was obvious that Sev trusted her. Lily should try to do the same.
That afternoon, Petunia was at work in the cinema's ticket booth. The Saturday matinée had already started so she was just keeping her eyes on the street wondering if one of her friends would drop by for a chat.
Out of seemingly nowhere, a great big, filthy, black dog just strolled down the sidewalk outside the theater. It stopped out front and stared right at her.
Looking at her list of phone numbers, Petunia picked up the phone as it sauntered away and called the constable to report the dangerous stray dog.
She had hung the phone up, when that filthy freak from King's Cross that called her a giraffe came walking up from the direction that the dog had just gone in.
The freak had the nerve to smile at Petunia as he came in. A sure sign that he was up to no good, she thought studying him through narrowed eyes. Rather than waiting for him to make the first move with something freaky, Petunia jabbed the panic button under her counter to ring for help from the manager. After all these months on the job, she had never needed to use it.
The freak leaned right up to the circular hole in the middle of her glass, and tried to ooze what he thought was charm with a sweetly uttered, "Hi." He then had the nerve to wink, before continuing, "I"m not sure if you remember me -"
"I do," she replied, clearly conveying by her tone how well she remembered.
"Well, I was wondering … I've been thinking about you a lot since I first met you. Why don't you tell me where you live, beautiful?"
Petunia didn't know why this nasty freak would think she would tell him anything – especially not where her family lived. Did he think her simple? If he attacked Lily in some 'you know' way, for all Petunia knew, he could be a rapist. "I do not fraternize with customers on my time off," Petunia stated firmly, praying that help arrived soon.
With a slimy smirk, the freak suggested, "You don't seem like the type of girl that would have customers. You wouldn't charge me would you?"
The manager entered the lobby and saw a young man whom he did not recognize, trying to put his lips through the ticket booth window. Rather than assuming the worst, he asked, "Is there a problem out here, Miss Evans?"
"Evans!" exclaimed the freak, pulling back from the glass. "I thought your name was Snape. Where's Snape live?"
Petunia hoped her manager recognized this person as a desperate and deranged man, probably a criminal. She'd warn him, but now that Sirius had stepped back, Petunia spotted that stick poking out of his trouser pocket, and she didn't want to find out what 'you know' this freak did to young ladies.
"Snape?" her manager asked, staring at the stranger.
"Yeah, Snape. Know him? Liar, cheat, all-around bastard?"
"Mr. Snape does not frequent the cinema."
"Well, where does he frequent? I got business to settle with him."
"Try Forever United pub."
"Where's that?"
"Head towards the river, and you'll see it on the right."
Confirming that he was a right nutter, Sirius jauntily waved with a replied, "Cheerio," left.
"Evans's sister?" James repeated. "You didn't say something stupid did you?"
"Naw. In fact, I asked her out so we could have a double date tonight with you and Lily, once we're done with Snivelly."
"You did?" James asked with a excited gleam lighting his eyes.
"No, thickhead. Get your head out of the clouds, Prongs. We got more important things to do."
James couldn't. He openly gawked around the muggle street, thinking of what he'd say to Lily if they happened to bump into her.
"Stop fixing your hair, Prongs."
James took his hand from his head, and took a moment to make sure his muggle clothes looked straight.
Sirius clucked, "Should'a never told you."
"There's Wormtail," James said, pointing out the rat and signaled for them to meet behind some bins so they could go over the next stage of their plan.
Petunia called home during her break. Mrs. Evans let her know that Lily had gone out to visit the library, but let her daughter know that she'd have her call as soon as she got home because she said it was very important they talk.
It was all set. Peter could get a bit overexcited, or unreliable. His job was to rat around outside the pub and keep a watch.
James and Sirius were going to enter the muggle pub to search for their target. They were surprised to find it so crowded on a nice, Saturday afternoon. Being sophisticated wizards, they did not comprehend why these muggles were attracted to this local watering hole. It was poorly lit, crowded, smoke-filled, smelled worse than the Hog's Head, and offered nothing in the way of entertainment. All the muggle telly boxes were showing the same moving picture of muggles chasing one rolling black and white ball over the grassy ground. The poor muggles in Forever United did not know any better so cheered and booed the game as one mindless entity.
Blending in, they imitated the locals and ordered pints, and paid using their muggle money. They had been very smart and thought to bring some for this excursion once their research revealed this was an all-muggle area.
With their drinks in their left hands, they circled and found no Severus Snape. James even handed his drink to Sirius to check the mens' room. When he returned, Sirius joked, "You still got to check the Ladies, Prongs."
James laughed, and then slipped outside to check with Peter.
Bored, Sirius changed the channel on one of the telly boxes. The picture changed to a lady doing a cooking demonstration, and the muggles around it were audibly outraged. The poor muggles had to drag a chair over to the elevated telly box to get their idea of sport back on the glass tube.
James returned and leaned in to tell Sirius, "I don't think this is the place, Padfoot. Everyone here is too old."
"Watch this," Sirius replied with a grin and targeted a different telly box, laughing when the game changed to a man displaying a bag of crisps. There was another outcry, this time from the muggles awarded the crisp ad. The ritual to adjust the telly box back to the grassy screen was repeated.
"Good one, Padfoot, but this ain't getting us Snivelly. Let's go."
"Awww, just one more. Pretty please," begged Sirius, batting his lashes at James.
"All right," James agreed, indicating the most raucous group of muggles present to give Sirius a promise of the most indignation.
Sirius grinned and flicked the telly box to display a few young women dressed in gowns that were fashionable when his mother was a girl.
As Sirius opened his mouth to bark out the first, "HA," a big muggle grabbed his wand.
James's wand was plucked as he stood in confusion because this group of muggles were all staring at him and Sirius, rather than letting out simian cries of outrage over their telly box. This was a most peculiar turn of events.
The big bloke who grabbed Sirius's wand also took James's from his mate. He was intimidating at over six feet and broad with a paunch overlying muscle from long years of physical labor. He addressed them, his deep, smoke-roughened voice easily audible over the surrounding din of the pub, "Ya lads tink yaselves a couple a fuckin' smartasses comin' in here and botherin' hard-workin' folk tryin' ta enjoy da match. Me an' me mates would like ta see ya try ta do ya' little magic tricks wit' these fuckin' sticks shoved sideways up ya fuckin' arses."
Both of them studied the hook-nosed, blue-eyed man with his peppered hair shaved close to his scalp. Another wizard? Somehow, they got the feeling he was not making an idle threat – some men talked big, some really meant harm, but this fellow could actually try to do it the hard way and attempt to insert things sideways and probably enjoy the effort from the cruel look in those cold, blue eyes.
Thoughts of being reasonable and explaining it was all a bit of fun died quickly, as Sirius and James realized this group of muggles were wolfishly grinning at their predicament. They also worked as a team, carrying on with the business of returning the telly box to their game, while another was chosen by their main captor and received some whispered instructions before leaving the pub.
"If ya'd take a fuckin' seat, ya still have time to enjoy da rest of da match," he suggested with a smirk, enjoying their obvious discomfort … that nose, that mouth, that smirk so familiar, yet unrecognized by the prisoners.
For their convenience, two hard-backed, armless wooden chairs were positioned with a poor viewing angle since they were almost underneath the telly box. They got a couple shoves from the crowd to help guide them.
Sirius and James quickly learned which side to cheer for, and made to understand their eyes should never veer from the telly box, no matter how uncomfortable their necks felt. Both of them silently fumed over their torture at the hands of these muggles, and thought that Peter may not be bright enough to look inside the pub to see how things were progressing.
Lily phoned Petunia at the theater. Tunie was very upset and emotional, "That freak from the train station was here and was demanding to know where we lived ..."
Worried, Lily looked out the window while trying to soothe Petunia's fears. She couldn't use magic here unless lives were in danger. There was also Severus's reminder in her head that if someone else did magic around a muggleborn's house, the Ministry punished the muggleborn. Sev was mature enough not to go casting spells around the Evans, but she doubted Black would be as considerate.
Did muggles allow this snoozefest to go on for days like Quidditch? They really weren't going to keep them here for the entire game? Hadn't they ever heard of the phrase 'cruel and unusual'? They could show these games in Azkaban.
At last, Wormtail finally showed the bollocks to get in here. Sirius and James saw him in his rat form on the floor under the telly box gesticulating wildly and pointing behind them, like they didn't know the big, bad man had their wands. Someone was going to get his pudgy arse thrown off the top deck of the Knight Bus later.
Once Peter determined that his friends had seen him, were not going to leave their seats, or even look where he was pointing, he scuttled out of sight. He was confused why Sirius and James seemed so intent on watching this muggle game that they no longer cared that Severus Snape had entered the pub.
Long ago, before Severus displayed any magical talent, he was a beloved son. One of the most important things that a father could teach his son is that the world revolved around Manchester United. Even after Severus was judged worthless, he was still tested on his knowledge of The Team. Punishment was harsh for failing to retain critical knowledge. Being a smart lad, he applied himself to acquiring all the facts necessary to pass such tests.
Today presented a different challenge. One of his father's cronies was out in Spinner's End yelling for Severus to get his arse down to the pub NOW.
Severus was still a smart lad, and knew a possible beating now at the pub was preferable to a definate, much angrier beating later in the privacy of the house. Therefore, he immediately responded to the summons with all haste.
It was unquestionably a pleasant surprise to find his father's wrath targeted at Potter and Black. Of course, it would have to wait until after Manchester's expected victory.
James and Sirius were genuinely happy that the team they cheered for won the game. Tentatively, they looked around expecting hard slaps to their heads to keep them facing the telly box. When no smack came, it appeared their ordeal was finally over.
Most patrons were quietly advised to finish their drinks and clear out.
The friends were shoved back into their seats when they tried to rise and leave with the crowd that was thinning. The place was clearing out now that the game was over. Among the small group still here, James and Sirius spotted Severus. Normally they would expect their nemesis to appear happy or at least smirk at their current predicament, but his face was blank.
The doors were locked, and the neon signs in the windows were turned off. Eight people were left.
James and Sirius grew expectant when the big guy handed their wands to Severus. He could hex the lot of them and set them free.
There was still no indication that Severus was enjoying himself as he cast Stupefy on his fellow wizards with Black's wand.
Lily was alternately looking out the front window and reading her library book, when the telephone rang.
Mrs. Evans called, "Lily," holding her hand over the receiver.
Nervous about Black harassing Tunie again, she hurried over.
Her mother's face confirmed her worry, but then she quickly hissed, "It's Severus."
Although Lily should be relieved it wasn't her sister, this was even more foreboding since Severus did not have a telephone.
"Hello?"
"Evans."
"What-?"
"Do you have that number they give the muggleborns for emergencies?"
"Yes," Lily replied shakily as she pulled out the family address book. "What happened, Sev?"
"Black and Potter trashed a pub. The muggles overpowered them and threw them in the basement."
"Uh … did they say why?" Lily asked. How did Black get from threatening her sister to smashing up a pub?
"How would I know? They're the dunderheads that pick the one pub in all of Britain that my father's watching Manchester United match, and he's interrupted by two bastards waving … sticks … around."
"You … all right?"
Severus grunted, "Yeah. They know I'm not … with them."
Lily swallowed. She hadn't thought about that. After taking his anger out on two stickwavers, Sev's father knew where to find a third.
"What's the address there? I'll call right away."
Lily called the Ministry of Magic's telephone number given to Muggleborns because they wouldn't be on the floo system till they moved to a proper wizarding house once they became adults. In real emergencies, owls were too slow.
It rang right through to Magical Law Enforcement. She gave the impatient wizard the address and tried to give an explanation, but he brusquely replied the Ministry would sort it.
Lily asked him for his name because he seemed overly rude, but he had hung up on her.
Lily clenched her fists at being treated as irrelevant. "Dirty bum rags!"
Her mother was still hovering in the kitchen doorway, knowing that Severus using a telephone must be significant.
Lily's father looked through to inquire what Lily's yell was about.
"Uh … some boys from school are causing trouble."
"I thought Severus was the only one round here," her mother mentioned.
"That's correct. These … two … traveled here special. Probably did have a gosh darned charm on that letter!" She didn't know what she hated more, Black for sending that letter, or Sev for being right. No, she did know, Lily wanted to go kick Black's and Potter's bottoms right now. Severus would never be right if they didn't do stupid ass things.
"Padfoot?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you also lying face down on a dirty floor, hurting all over?"
"No, Prongs. I'm lying on my back. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason."
They tried to flex and wriggle free, and rolled over into each other in the complete darkness.
Wormtail investigated the basement thoroughly before transforming and exposing himself by whispering, "Lumos."
All three of them blinked in the weak light. Peter whispered frantically, "We have to get out of here."
"Really, Wormtail? I thought we'd stay for tea."
"Do you think they'll have those little crispy biscuits with the pumpkin filling, Prongs?"
"I surely hope so."
"Come on, guys," Peter whispered trying to get them to treat this as serious while he untied them with his want. "They are upstairs. There's a side door down here for deliveries."
"Thanks," James said, flexing her newly released hands. "You go back up there and get our wands."
"I'm not going up there."
"Don't be a chicken, be a rat."
"No, they're taking the place apart. They saw me."
"So what? There's probably hundreds of rats running through these hovels," observed Sirius.
"Yeah, that's why I was almost exterminated. Snape got out 'Avada' before I dived through a hole."
"See!" said Sirius triumphantly. "I always said if there was one student capable of casting it, it would be Snivelly."
"Wait till I tell Evans," James looked equally jubilant. "Now she'll have to admit how evil he is," he stated as he imagined how things would turn out, and absently rubbed the nonexistent spot on his face where Snape had slashed him during their last fight in June.
"You won't be telling anybody till we escape," reminded Peter.
"Think we can go to Evans for help?" James suggested, not wanting to waste any time in ejecting Snape from her life.
"Oi. You think she'll be impressed with you getting beat up by a muggle? Frankly, I'm embarrassed to be seen with you, Prongs. If it wasn't for Moony, I'd have no need to hang with you."
Slapping his hand to his heart, James replied, "Oooh, you wound me, Padfoot. By the way, old chap, is that bruise on your face a love bite?"
"Could be. I like them feisty," Sirius replied, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
Annoyed, Peter alohamora'd the door. His friends were too busy joking when they were in danger. Here he was saving them, and they were talking about Remus, who wasn't a good enough friend to come. "Hurry up. We shouldn't try to signal the Knight Bus here. They might hear it."
"Muggles don't notice anything, Wormtail."
"What? Don't you two get it? None of these muggles are Martin Miggs! They steal wands, beat up wizards, and then hold them prisoner in the cellar."
Sirius waved off Peter's concerns, "Just a spot of bad luck that Snape's desperate enough to use muggles. We'll be ready for them next time."
James agreed by smashing his fist into his other hand, "Oh yeah. Snape's going down."
"Ha ha. Going down." Peter laughed. "Everybody knows he's a shirt lifter."
Sirius and James laughed and exchanged witty terms to describe that alternate lifestyle for their amusement as Peter led them away from Forever United.
Reaching the outskirts of town, Peter raised his wand to get them a ride back to James's house.
The three Marauders were rather hungry by the time they reached James Potter's house via the Knight Bus late that evening. Hot chocolate was nice, but they needed some of Mrs. Potter's fine cooking. She'd whip them up a feast in no time.
Sirius and James could sneak in a floo to Diagon Alley to visit Ollivander's tomorrow. No one would be the wiser but Snape, and who ever believed Snape?
Mr. and Mrs. Potter were in their sitting room, entertaining a wizard they did not know.
Seeing the boys' beaten and bedraggled appearance, Mrs. Potter rushed over, crying, "Jamie! Thank goodness you are alive. We didn't know where you were."
James escaped her grasp with an exasperated, "Mum!"
The stranger asked, "James Potter?" then "Is one of you, Sirius Black?", and then finished with "And who are you?" directed at Peter.
Great. Now he pauses for an answer. Peter panicked and a quick list of aliases went through his mind, before truthfully responding, "Peter Pettigrew."
"Excellent. Mrs. Potter had let me know you stayed over last night. I was afraid I'd have to track down a third wizard."
"Who are you?" demanded Sirius.
"Alastor Gumboil, Magical Law Enforcement."
"Mum! We were gone less than a day," James complained.
"Oh no," Gumboil said. "You don't understand. I contacted your parents. May I please see your wands, boys?"
"What for?" Sirius asked belligerently.
"I'm in the middle of an investigation, and two wands were recovered. Could one of them be yours?"
"Hell yeah! We were attacked by a pack of hostile muggles this afternoon."
"Jamie!" Mrs. Potter renewed her touching and examined her son closely. "You'll have to go to St. Mungo's. Who knows what kind of infections could have gotten into those cuts."
Mr. Potter cleared his throat. "Boys, we are willing to listen to the truth. Did you really go to a muggle town and destroy a pub for kicks?"
"No way," Sirius denied.
"The muggles used a wizard to frame us, dad. We weren't doing anything when the muggles attacked us."
The investigator suggested, "Well, why don't you start from the beginning … the three of you were visiting this town because...?"
"We're on holiday, and enjoy Martin Miggs stories."
"OK. You three arrive in a very muggle town. Then …?"
"We were thirsty and dropped into a pub. Looked like a lot of people in there so we thought it would serve good food and drinks. We had muggle money and didn't do anything wrong."
"So the three of you are in this pub, and how did things go wrong? Did you maybe insult someone while ordering – muggles are pretty strange. Or did you boys see a pretty girl and introduce yourselves?"
Knowing they were being led into a trap by all these leading questions, Sirius said, "Well, they were smoking a lot in there, so Peter wasn't feeling so good. He went outside for some air, and James and I were just finishing and planned to join him."
James and Peter caught on quickly. None of them was an unregistered animagus wink wink
Peter agreed, "Yeah. They weren't even smoking pipes – it was like foul burning weeds."
James continued, "And just after he went outside, some big guy just grabbed my wand out of my pocket."
"And me too," Sirius agreed. "I can describe him perfectly, know him anywhere. Tall, and kind of fat, blue eyes, short greying black hair, big ugly nose, bad breath, horrid body odor, and oh yeah, big greasy sweat stains under his arms."
"There is no need to get flippant, Mr. Black. Either you are purposely exaggerating, or the gentleman who turned in your wands got washed up for us before we met him. Perhaps you ought to consider it was just as easy for them to be snapped in half and thrown in the bin."
"Oh!" exclaimed James. "But if he did that, then they wouldn't be able to frame us with them, would they?"
"James," warned Mr. Potter.
Gumboil pointed at Peter suddenly, "What about your wand? You were outside getting air the whole time?"
"Well … I had gone for a bit of a stroll because I wasn't feeling well," Peter explained awkwardly. "And then when I came back I didn't see my friends, but I thought I had just missed them so walked around looking for them for a bit."
"Let me see your wand," he demanded, holding out his hand.
Peter handed it over, and Gumboil cast Prior Incantato a few times, revealing the unlocking and untying charms, and Lumos. "Underaged magic off school grounds?"
"It was a matter of life and death. The muggles had beat up my friends, tied them up and held hostage in the cellar."
"So you entered the pub, saw the destruction, went downstairs, found and freed your friends, and unlocked the basement door for all of you to get out?"
Peter knew this guy was trying to trick him. "Uh, I'm not sure. I was scared and might have not done it just like that."
"Well, I guess I can puzzle it out from the muggle eyewitness accounts, and the order you cast your spells."
Peter did not answer, and was trying to figure out where there was a problem.
"Anyway," the investigator continued pleasantly, "you save your friends from danger. So when did this approximately happen – when you freed them?"
"About five."
Gumboil looked at his notebook, "Hmmm, Magical Law Enforcement was called at 4:48pm. Pretty close call there, eh boys? Better to make a getaway, rather than wait for the proper authorities?"
"How were we supposed to know that someone would call you? We were in a muggle town," Sirius refuted.
Repeating his frame-up explanation, James suggested, "You should be looking at the person who flooed you." Warming up to this idea, James asserted, "That's the wizard who used our wands to break stuff, and was going to deliver you lackwits the whole neat little package of our wands and us tied up in the cellar. Never trust a Slytherin to tell something even close to the truth."
"Yeah," Sirius agreed and let the Noble House of Black attitude show. "You should be doing your job, instead of bothering us. We're the victims of this crime."
"So as victims, you ran away and hopped on the Knight Bus. You'd come home and …?"
"And what?"
"Let me clarify for you poor 'victims'. A crime is committed. Someone notifies Magical Law Enforcement. Usually it's the victims, unless of course, it's a 'frame-up'.
"Since in this case, the Law arrived, and the property of Muggles was destroyed, we felt it our duty to try to fix it. However, the joke was on us poor lackwits because someone awfully clever took bits of the objects to be fixed. Reparo or an awful lot of transfiguration can be used when pieces are missed, but when some of the fiddly bits of muggle electrickity things are missing, we can't fix them. That means unhappy muggles.
"Now I am allowing you lot a bit of leeway out of consideration for your families, so I will grant the last favor of following up with this uh …," he scanned to see who called them, "Lily Evans who contacted us."
All three boys looked confused, and James breathed, "No."
"What about Snape?" snarled Sirius since James deflated quickly into a miserable heap when Evans was mentioned.
"Maybe after he gave us back your wands, he went to go work on that little body odor problem, Mr. Black. Must be quite a trial to have wizards blast away the pub around you, so I can't blame a muggle for panicking and breaking out into a sweat."
"What the hell you are you talking about?" Sirius demanded. "We saw Severus Snape, and he's no muggle."
"Oh, I didn't realize you meant the son. He's already gotten a warning because he took the stunners off the muggles laying on the floor and tried to fix some things. He explained that he only cast spells because his father asked and it seemed to right thing to do."
"No! He was the one casting stunners on us."
"Really? My mistake, gentlemen, I seemed to miss the part in the beginning where the three of you enter the pub, and are find your classmate in there. He is in the same year as you in Hogwarts, so I guess you'd recognize him right off, before he cast some stunners at you.
"Course, that's the whole key to unraveling this case right there, gentlemen," the lawman sarcastically speculated. "You are saying he hangs out in this particular muggle pub waiting to cast stunners at visiting wizards. And has his father and all the other muggles in there cover him with the alibi that he stays home with his sick mother?"
"Stop being a moron," Sirius accused, pointing his finger at the investigator.
"Just cut out this griffin shit!" Mr. Potter exclaimed. "I don't want to drag this through the courts. You boys are in enough trouble at school, without adding a criminal record for attacking muggles."
While Sirius was muttering, "I don't care," as Mr. Potter asked, "Can you perhaps introduce me to the owner or owners of the damaged property so I can recompense them for the damages?"
"No way!" Sirius yelled at the injustice of it all. "You can't do that. Snape won't win. We can fight this in court."
The investigator recommended to Sirirus, "I think you should stay out of this. None of the Snapes' property was damaged so I'm liking Mr. Potter's idea much better than your story of a 'frame-up'. That's just my advice … having seen a couple cases in the courts. I may not be able to comprehend all the big words they use, but even spoiled rich boys can't buy their way out of everything."
Sirius indignantly screamed, "I'll have your job!"
Mr. Potter said, "I think you better shut your gob and let me deal with it, Black. You and Pettigrew should go home tomorrow. I'll be letting your parents know the outcome and the cost."
Peter let out a squeak. Mr. Potter never talked to them like this.
"Dad!" James protested. "You … they're my friends."
The boys were so upset they stopped arguing with the adults, and went to James's room without dinner to make their plans. No one defeated the Marauders.
Regulus Black calmly entered his bedroom and closed the door.
Now that he was alone and out of sight, he danced in place and waved his hands in the air. He was feeling so happy, his chest hurt.
He put his hands down and took a couple deep breaths, and then walked over to his bed and flopped onto it. Regulus turned onto his back, put his hands behind his head and decided to lay here just savoring the return of Sirius Black to Grimmauld Place.
If that filthy half-blood, Severus Snape, was here, Regulus would … kiss him.
He had sent him a short note less than a week ago to try to keep things hot for his brother to get the crap hexed out of him the first day of school. Instead, the half-blood exceeded all expectations! Snape struck swiftly and mercilessly. Regulus didn't know how he lured Sirius to his home turf, but the outcome was his brother was thrown out of Potter's house, Potter's parents had his parents in an uproar about the Marauders attacking muggles, and Sirius was clearly unrepentant and storming around the house talking to himself about avenging himself on Snape.
It was just too delicious!